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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/10/2006 11:10:51 PM | This is a great thread! I just recently moved here from Alabama, and have had zero luck on the internet. In person is a different story, unfortunately I don't know my way around or the hot spots yet, so I figured I'd try and shortcut by letting my fingers do the talking.
Not so great, but it is nice to know that I wasn't the only one thinking along those lines. It seems many of the women are jaded and biased, but they can be, they have tons of choices. All they are doing is missing out. Their loss. Plus as someone else stated, if internet rejection gets you down, real life is gonna sting for sure. It seems to be a numbers game, and if nothing else, good practice for getting ignored.
I put my picture up to be rated, and got a whopping 2! If that doesn't boost your ego like a lead brick, I don't know what does. It made me want to slap my parents for making me so damn ugly! LMAO!!!! Oh well, a great attitude, and personality go a long ways, because I have dated tons of attractive women. Just stay positive and realize you wouldn't want any of the women who really are that rude! Best of luck to us all.   | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/10/2006 11:34:56 PM | Girls on this thing get tons of mail from guys. I have a female friend who has a profile. She let me read her incoming e-mails. I couldn't believe the stupid mail all guys send, I mean like 90%.
"I like your profile" (How lame is that? No shit dummy. You wouldn't be e-mailing her)
"You are hot" (Oh yeah, she will meet you for a date ASAP)
"You are so pretty" (If she doesn't know it by now, you are not going to convince her and if she does know, you are one of thousands who have told her. Believe me, you are not special. Big deal!)
"How can a girl like you still be single?"(She heard the same thing from the last 5 guys that dumped her. Now you are reminding her, moron)
Be straight forward and tell them you are interested in meeting for a quick talk somewhere if she is interested. If she is, she will respond and then possibly give you her phone number so you can call her. If they don't respond, then they don't like your profile. So what, it happens.
Then you have the girls that have very low self esteem and never actually plan on meeting anyone. They just feed off the attention. For them, there is nothing you can send to get a reply whatsoever. Don't take it personal.
One more thing, unfortunately most girls on this site usually judge you by your appearance. Not there fault, they have no other way, really.
It will be hard to attract them with your great personality. So clean up, and make yourself look as good as possible. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/11/2006 5:41:33 AM | Hostile in So Cal?
Now get that finger outta my face before I BITE it off!!
(I am just kidding, and I hope you do not take anyone;s hostility personally. There may be a good reason for it, and the person is just not open enough to discuss it, so will attak the first person they come across)
Keep smiling, and enjoy the journey. The treasures we uncover make it all worthwhile!!
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/11/2006 7:03:26 AM | | its funny you say that females dont respond, half the men who say they are looking for a nice sweet careing whatever type of girl. dont seem to want that. or they never send a mesg in responce. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/11/2006 7:06:30 AM | | Not everyone is Hostile. i have found it is a bit cold also but then im not from here either. im a midwestern girl who got stuck in the middle of this so called paradise. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/11/2006 7:12:00 AM | Mominatrix,
Well I would tend to agree with you that alot of women get obscene message requesting one thing or another, from men that have nothing more than one goal in mind. However, there are like you said women, who seem to forget that men are people and doing having feelings and are also very genuine in what they say and what they want and what they are looking for.
For example my profile is very straight to the point about what I am looking for in my life, I would like to think I am very respectful and articulate and intelligent.
For example, a couple of days ago I was looking at my profile and noticed a woman had added me to her favorites, instead of being what I thought would be rude to send an unsolicited im I opted to send her an email in response to her profile after thoroughly reading it.
Side Bar >Now I came to this site intially because my ex-girlfriend of 4 1/2 years recommended it to me because she is on her.
Anyways I attached a picture with my note to this woman, a couple of days later, I figured I wanted to go back and clarify some things so I sent a short second note. I received no replies from her which is fine.
After, that I thought I would simply im her and say hello, I was quite respectful, I find no need to be rude, crass or obscene. She flat out refused my im and then 2 seconds later she deleted me from her favorites list. To tell you the truth, she wouldnt be anyone I would be attracted to or want to have anything to do with. However, the point is both men and women need to remember just because we are on-line in a dating site, we need to remain respectful and treat each other with dignity.
In real-time we wouldnt blatantly (for the most part) show our ass and be a complete idiot when approaching someone of the opposite sex. So take a lesson from our childhood people, treat people like you want to be treated. You treat people like guttersnipe then your going to get guttersnipes chasing your tail.
So if your on a dating site, your on here for a reason, men dont act like shits and blow it for the rest of us and women dont act like ****es and think that all men are alike as not all women are alike.
Demons Tongue | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 3:07:42 PM | Welcom to the LA Phemonena It only occurs here. Once you get out of LA the woman are better looking and available and do not play head games. I thought it was all the other shit and stuff that people mention, but in reality this city eats up nice and pretty woman and spits out ugly and mean woman. I have seen it time and time again.
Time to leave this place. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 3:56:32 PM | To Phoenix.
You might have been too honest in your emails. Many women can't handle honesty in a man.
Don't be too honest at first... do like me.. general emails that just get ignored and deleted by them...don't send emails to the Prima Donnas..really... you can spot them easily, very easily. For instance: 5 or more 'posed' pictures... pictures with their beautiful teenage daughters showing everybody how young they still look..stuff like that....they think they are too good for everyone and won't come down from their mountain top for another 15 years or so, when gravity starts taking a hold of certain body parts.
Even though their profile states that they want someone honest and they don't care too much about looks.. that's crap..unless you got money, but they won't know that unless they meet you. They want the perfect man: Smart like Einstein, preferably smarter, body like a Chippendale dancer,..... and there is nothing wrong with that... Guys like you and me are just an annoyance to them, they open up our profile to see the picture and waste another 5 seconds of their precious time. Another few seconds to delete the message... you have to understand, it is really agrivating to go throught that because the reason why they put their profile up is to get that perfect man. We should understand that and not waste their time..how dare we?
Nope.. they only want guys to email them who are perfect, perfect in bed, perfect as mate, perfect to show off to their friends. And there is nothing wrong with wanting perfection, so don't blame them.
They want the bad boy that is suddenly hit by lighting looking at her pictures and profile and from that point on will behave and kiss the ground she walks on, as she deserves.
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 34 | |
| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 7:37:05 PM | I am 4th generation southern cali native, yes the women are horrible here, I travel in my job all over the usa and other countries , saouthern cali has to have the meanest most materialist women I have ever know, it has ben a year since I had a date and 3 years since I had a girlfriend. I am not ugly , I have a very good job that makes pretty good money, I am moral and respectful but women do not like that , not the kind of guy I am until they are ugly and old , then they get it , I see it here and in real life.
I have been on this site for 2 years I never have gotten any e-mails from anyone close to my region and I have sent over 200 e-mails.
Dude at least you get any form of mail , I wish I gotten one of an interested lady in my region . In life it is just as difficult anywhere I go , the women are sooooo soooo horrible here , a little more meaner , they will spray me with mace then beat me with a club just for saying hello. I have been mocked and tripped before just for asking a girl to dance, I will never forget that. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 9:29:39 PM | To pcguyinla,
OK. So if it only happens here, _why_ does it happen here? And perhaps more to the point, why didn't anyone warn me about it before I came here? 
To just43,
Dude. If I were one of them prima-donna type females (I reserve the term "woman" for a female who is truly an adult), your pic would seem to fit the bill. You're the clean-cut all-American guy! If you're getting slammed too it can't just be me!
What is wrong with these females? Hollywood syndrome?
Speaking of adult females, here's how I rate 'em. If a woman has developed a willingness to see things from a man's point of view (which is admittedly damned hard sometimes), I consider her an adult and someone I might want for a long-term partner. If not, it doesn't matter how old or young she is, how hot she is, how _whatever_ she is, she's not an adult and not someone I'd care to rely on in any intimate way.
Of course, that goes both ways. I know lots of males who aren't willing to consider things from a woman's point of view, and that makes them unfit for any woman I care about as friends.
To the site admins,
Perhaps these inconsiderate males and females deserve each other. Maybe we need a codeword amongst ourselves. Or maybe instead of rating just pics, there should be a system of rating behavior on the site. Instead of banning people for nudity or messages that in the old days would have been called "fresh," we should just be able to rate e-mail interactions the way they rate auctions on ebay. Then, people could set a feedback threshold to block messages from users whose behavior is rated as too rude. We could also see the rudeness/politeness rating and decide if we want to bother messaging someone who's been nasty.
All the best,
Robert | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 10:32:39 PM | ....they put their profile up is to get that perfect man.
Just43,
Are women not allowed the perfect man? Aren't you looking for the perfect woman?..Think before you answer that because if you say no, then you are willing to settle? I'm sure that will make ANY woman feel special; But if you say yes, well then you have just completely blown any point that you were trying to make about So-Cal women out of the water.
Not to mention, why should we settle for less than our perfect man? Would you really want to be with someone knowing that they don't think you are their perfect match? That you are a second choice? I know I wouldn't. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 10:46:43 PM | | The people up here in north california have their arms open for anyone who's emotionally crushed down there. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 11:05:46 PM | | Don't be down about others issues that is there proble. I have noticed profiles on here of people I know are in a relationship maybe looking to upgrade ? | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 11:10:33 PM | ktb,
Remember what I said about putting yourself in a man's shoes? Are you even aware that your reply was unresponsive?
You can win your argument, but in doing so you're alienating every man who reads it.
We're tallking about why women are hostile here. And here you jump in to stand up for a woman's right to be hostile! Yes, you have a right to be that way. And if yer gonna be that way, then yer gonna be that way. So enjoy your sense of superiority. Meanwhile, us lesser beings will just be saying, "next."
I remember back in the '70s and '80s when women's groups were big and they declared "women's spaces" in various venues and internet forums. Boy there were a lot of idiot males who tried to jump in and argue just like you did now. I was ashamed of them, but it's understandable. It's hard to face criticism of stereotypical behavior that you just might be guilty of without being fully aware of it.
To answer your question. Yes, I want a partner who is perfect for me. Yes, I'll settle for pretty darn good and willing to get better. But what I'd really like most is a partner who doesn't need to "win" an argument, but who instead prefers to get to the bottom of our differences so that we can be of the most help possible to each other in achieving our mutual and individual life goals. One of my goals, though these days not nearly the most important, is to have a mind-blowing, divinely inspired, get-down-on-my-hands-and-knees-and-thank-God-every-day sort of sex life. And I want that for my next partner as soon as she shows up.
But you know what? That sort of sex life comes at a price. You have to give up the idea that you know anything at all about what your partner ought to want from you. You have to find out what he _really_does_ want from you. And you'll never find that out unless he feels safe enough to tell you. So every time you try to justify the kind of self-centered, closed-minded, egotistical, culturally programmed, demanding and demeaning attitude that just43 was describing, you make it that much harder for any man worth his salt to take you seriously.
Clue. If you feel "vindicated," you just screwed up.
Of course I want a partner who, to me, is hot. But you'd be surpised at the variety of women who fit that part of the bill and the rarity of the ones who are even willing to make an effort to relate to men as men. That too is understandable, most men don't want to do so either, or else we've all come to the conclusion fairly early on that it's just hopeless so we settle for whatever tittilation we can get and wonder why our eyes keep roving.
Good luck to you--I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for. But mostly I hope you grow up. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 11:30:44 PM | Ugh! This and a few other threads makes me wonder why I bother with the internet. It's quite the insight into the internet dating pool. I've read posts that look like they were written by children, another whole thread dedicated to the self justification of cheating on your spouse, tales of gold diggery, topped off by the yarns of hostility. All from a site where people are supposedly trying to meet and flirt and all in lovely SoCal. Welcome to bitter king, can I take your order?
I find all this funny when you compare it to the real world, I see over and over and over women walking along with men who lack virtually every quality that women seem to ask for almost universally in their profiles. It's tragic comedy. Ladies I can almost guarantee you that you've ignored or rejected men on the internet that have more potential than anyone you've ever been with, and guys I'm sure you've Leykissed your way out of some women you'd die for.
It's becoming obvious to me that internet dating is a pair of blurry beer goggle glasses that men write to as an intermission between porn sites with emails composed by the brain in the little head. Women on the other hand view it as a place to fish for the ideals that wouldn't spark the littlest interest for them if it showed up at their front door, empty wish lists devoid of a shred of chemistry. You'd think the internet with it's ability to let a person open a small window into their being would maybe offer a better chance at finding ones elusive soulmate, but instead it seems to be yet another part of our dysfunctional culture that pushes us to isolationism entertained more by electronic gadgets than the company of the opposite gender. | |
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Meface
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Joined: 6/20/2006
Msg: 41 | |
| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:12:49 AM | I'm just getting tired of people standing me up places. It's so embarressing. The waiter starts coming out and asking what you want and you have to say you're waiting for someone. They never show and you've got to slink out like a fool. Or they say they'll call back and they never do. Or they brush you off with some lame excuse. And when you investigate the whys of all this, it turns out that everyone met some fat lady once who said she looked just like Princess Diana. So everyone has become convinced you're lying and that's not your picture. I can hardly get a meeting with anyone. I'm not even able to say all that BS. I'm a little what the Jews call zoftig, and I'm ashamed I don't weigh 109 lbs and would never make it into American Ballet Theatre. When they put me through their CIA grilling, I just break down and of course it makes it sound 10 times worse than it really is.
If you do meet them, it's another CIA grilling about how many failed relationships you've had, how much money you owe, if a man ever put out 3 cents in you behalf. If not that, what kind of sex you perform and if you have any objection to any of this, you're mentally incompetant. You can start to be a little pissed off with it all pretty soon. | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 42 | |
| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/13/2006 9:40:47 AM | Me face , yuo sound kind of tortured, I am on my fith stood up this year, I usually wait two hours before I call it a bad day and leave.
I get grilled too, how much money , my plans , my job, the size of my tool, sometimes what car I drive etc...
I have never gotten dates from any dating site but in some chat systems yes.
They always seem to tell me "Oh , I thought you were taller ?"
See you are not the only one , it has happened to me ever since I was 18 .
You are not a young little thing anymore , when you were younger , the things that happen to you now never happened before ? Right ? You had power , now you know what a guy faces now .
Women who become older, all of a sudden understand how it feels to be a guy, far less attention , no mail , getting stood up , bad comments about personal characteristics to one's face. They suddenly see the positive aspects to want a a nice, decent guy . They also now seem to be the ones that for once approach guys and initially contact guys .
Before when women are younger they have sooo much power , they can choose virtually any guy and usually went for the attraction instead of what was good for them .
All women in this situation , welcome to a guys world , it sucks right ?
I never had any power , I suck to most women because I am not tall. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:29:07 PM | Welcome to Cali. The woman here all think they deserve Brad Pitt or George Cloomey! I think most woman move here to try to hook up with a movie star.
I am from Michigan and I have noticed the same thing you did. Rude, glamour, picky, wanna-be-model, woman.
Anyways, good luck with the search
-Jerm | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/13/2006 1:28:55 PM | Meface,
Thanks for being o honest about how it is for you. And to the fellow who replied to you as well about being grilled, thanks also. I'm beginning to understand why someone would just snap first and ask questions later.
Rather than having this degenerate into just another "aint it awful" and therefore pointless sort of glorification of our mutual victimhood, I wonder if there's something we can do about it.
Two things I'm going to do are:
1) Send compliments when I can--especially to women I'm not necessarily going after. Just as free gifts! Why not?
Meface, I saw your ad and thought seriously about messaging you, but didn't because you're too far away. I can tell from your picture that you aren't 109 pounds, but you look good to me! Your honesty is also a plus!
2) Realize that this isn't easy for women on here. For one thing, I suppose it must be somewhat humiliating for a woman to have to "advertize" herself. I rememeber when we
were kids and how much disdain we used to heap on girls who "advertized." So it already
starts out kind-of bad, at least for the over-thirty crowd that I'm interested in.
I, for one, intend to play nice on here. I'd love to hear from others who feel the same. | |
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sc
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Joined: 4/17/2006
Msg: 45 | |
| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/13/2006 2:17:47 PM | | having been born and bred in northern california, im well aware of distinct cultural and social differences between so-cal and well bluntly, being somewhat traveled, anywhere else in the world. There is a very distinct edge given off by so cal'ers, if you dont have money, if you dont have "the right' job, if you dont know the slang or know the right people - well you dont get the time of day, let alone a date. now i know this generalization doesnt apply to every individual south of santa barbara and north of san diego.... but wow i sure take note of the socal'ers who dont display this casual arrogance, and they are far and few between. as a matter of fact lets go ahead and create a 51st state - so cal. when travelling im always disappointed to be lumped in with LA, for instance if you get into a dark alley with some hawaiian local boys, being from nor cal and not LA can mean the differance between a hospital visit, or ending up rolling spliffs on the beach. so you are not alone in recognizing the social hypocricies of the that little smoggy basin next to the beach. sucks you had to move there with all those maggots smokin cigerettes on santa monica blvd. ;) peace out from the greens of nor-CAL | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/13/2006 3:06:36 PM | | ...and the funny thing is, I lived in Tampa, FL for a few years, after living in LA and before moving back, and Gulf Coast Florida is everything everyone is saying about LA but multiplied by an order of magnitude. I've lived all over this country and in Europe, and no place but Florida was I ever routinely cussed out for holding a door open or offering a light. In the time I've lived in LA, about 7 years total, I've only had this sort of thing happen once. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/17/2006 3:47:33 PM | I used to make a point of sending out a generic responce to all the email I got from dating sites "Thanks for your note, I wish you luck in your search". But these days, even a troll like myself can not keep up with the mail, and sometimes it gets the wrong responce. To some men, ANY response is too much stimulation.
I have been here for about a week, and I have about 95 emails.
I looked over the first 4 before changing my profile and deleting the mail - thinking the next batch will be better.
My average letter said:
I like to lick, and I would like to stick my _ _ _ _ in you over and over. E-mail me and let's get it on.
Gross people! I can get laid without coming here, I am sure you can too.  | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/17/2006 8:12:34 PM | I've lived in So Cal all my life. I honestly don't think people are bitter or hostile. Life is just a bit faster pace here. You just need to get used to it.
As far as people being hostile on e-mail, I wouldn't worry about it. That's the nature of internet dating, it is hit-n-miss. Most people, regardless of what they say on their profile, already have an idea of what they are looking for. Anyone who doesn't fit that profile would likely be slammed. It is not just you.
It is like people who says looks don't matter, personality is everything. PLEASE. How many profiles have you skipped over because there wasn't a pic? And how many profiles have you read that says, "No pics, no reply"?
So, know you own range, and don't bother with people that are way out of your league. There are a lot of nice people on here. Don't let a few skanks ruin your impression of So Cal. | |
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| My experience of living in so cal and San Diego
Posted: 7/17/2006 9:30:44 PM | I have lived in so cal- San Diego for last 2 years and notice a difference between where I used to live before and down in San Diego. It has been challenge to make friends not just meet women for dating. Very cliquish and closed circles. People have their own thing going and shut outsiders out unless you have major money or super good genetics and connections.
Have not met anyone yet for real relationship material. Most seem to have their heads stuck in the sand. Well it is good weather and jobs are plentiful and pay well so thats why I am here after I was laid off from a dot com in San Francisco 2 years ago and found work here easily.
This dating site is free so got tired of paying for internet dating when I kept getting zero responses to my profile so what the heck, got nothing to lose and might just meet Miss Right for me. | |
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efm
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Joined: 6/10/2006
Msg: 50 | |
| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/17/2006 9:40:59 PM | | Having moved here 5 yrs ago from another state I find that people in so Ca are very base. I am so blown away by what I see, and the excuse "your in California" is beyond pitiful. I know where I am, I still don't like it and cannot hardly wait till I leave. | |
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