| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/1/2007 5:43:52 PM | Since I don't message women in S. California, I can't comment on their behaviour.
My experience up in Northern California has been one of receiving messages from women that have a problem with my assortment of interests. Usually in some form of a rant, and worded as an attempt to convince me that if I were to get serious about life and quit "playing" around I would have much more success in the online dating world. I usually interpret this as their wanting someone to suit their specific likes, dislikes, and desires.
Their profiles usually indicate they like to sit around and watch TV, have no real interests or passions, so I rather quickly dismiss them. I need someone a little adventuresome. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/1/2007 6:58:00 PM | my head hurts, my shoulders on fire. i just came here to check post but think i must reply.
"sent a few e-mails,nothing scandalous.." that sends a flag right there. define scandalous. i can't judge mail i haven't read but being a guy, and knowing martian nature, that usually means,"i wasn't that bad, just a few innocent inuendos."
i have found if ladyfish in this pond are cranky they have a reason. i wrote a lady really nice letter complimenting her on her profile, citing similar interests etc. she replied, "if you read my profile you'd know you don't fit my criteria!don't bother me again!"
shocked i went back to her profile and there it was plain as the nose on my face.
must be 38 - 48. i had turned 49 3 weeks earlier. 
post a pic! you'll get better response. talk about what you like about their profile. don't go into the first letter bragging about yourself or why you are such a perfect match for her. i have found the letters i get the most response from are, just wanted to say hi and i liked you profile.
>mak^o> | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:09:57 PM | | that;s about what happen to me. Do not know why most, not all of the women are border line hostile. can only figure they must get a lot of trash mail from guy's and see us as all the same. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/2/2007 8:22:26 PM |
Do not know why most, not all of the women are border line hostile. can only figure they must get a lot of trash mail from guy's and see us as all the same.
Could it be that is why they are all single ? ~  | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/3/2007 6:24:10 PM | I am not hostile, but then again I don't get emails from single males. The only emails I seem to get is from married man . Go figure
If I do get a email I write back , and if I am not interested I say so.
I must be doing something wrong...
Mary | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/5/2007 3:07:59 PM | How interesting that if one appears hostile, its automatically assumed its "dating related"  | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/6/2007 11:55:17 AM | It's been a year since I first posted this. I changed my screen name because the old one wasn't fun or funny enough. Anyway, it's been interesting to see the different reactions and I understand some things better. I've even had a few bouts of frustration-based hostility myself.
I've come to the conclusion that it's much better to just find ways to meet people in person. I get a much better sense of who's who, and they get a much better sense of who I am. I'm not just another snapshot and come-on line, and it's not just about what I think I want in a partner (vs. what I'm actually drawn to).
It was sort of like walking into a buzz-saw back then. Really wierd and not very welcoming. But having been here longer I realize that with so many strangers all around all the time, and so much potential for misunderstanding, and with so little skill at relating and working things through when those misunderstandings occur, it's tough!
So good luck everyone and happy fishing! I'll still be around, taking this whole business a lot less seriously than I did back then for sure! LOL!!!
All the best,
Robert | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/6/2007 12:41:55 PM | Robert, nee Mr. Phoenix, nee AceofSpace
You speak of your initial discouragement as to this on-line method of meeting, and now a year later, you clearly have a better perspective on it by lowering your expectations and thickening your skin.
Now to me, it's all natural. We are so used to being able to instantaneously access choices when we have an aquisition to make, that we are predisposed to thinking that we can simply "look at the items on the menu" and order up. "Finding someone" can take years, or even most of our adult lives, even under the best of circumstances.
I suggest everyone view the on-line method as a convenient way to "meet" many people in a short timeframe and with minimal effort. But it's inherent nature prevents it from being effective enough to count on eventual success. It's just a long-shot method that MIGHT produce the desired results, while it's only guarantee is it will resemble watching--or being in--a Keystone Kops comedy gag reel containing the laughter, chaos, absurdity, rudeness, clarity, empathy, courtesy, wisdom, self-centeredness, sarcasm, etc.; all the elements present in the dynamics of human interaction. What aggravates the inherent limitations is the anonymous cover provided to the participants. It lets the less-admirable human traits and behavior emerge, just like road rage does, as there is little behavioral accountability herein.
I am discouraged that you were discouraged for so long, as I have observed you to be one of the most consistently sensible, polite, articulate and wise posters in these forums. So what must it be like for less wise? | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2007 2:30:49 PM | ...and God bless AceofSpace, my secret crush.
Seriously, we really need to STOP all of this BS about "all of the girls in SoCal" or "all guys in NoCal" or "EVERY man that wants to wear leather and spank a ladyfish..."
We are all adults. We try- we get hurt- or we get lucky...
WE LEARN.
And one of the things we learn is hopefully that we are all different.
NOBODY deserves to have a tag put on them and be exhibited as proof of ANYTHING. And even more important, NOBODY deserves to to be labeled with somebody else's tag. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2007 5:05:04 PM | God Bless Cooky, my secret crush...
Amen to that! I'd feel really bad for Californians who had to wear the tag that I've earned for them... | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2007 5:30:56 PM | Secret my *ss.
Hey, if I am hostile, it has nothing to do with where I am from. It all comes from me, and I refuse to share credit. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2007 5:40:24 PM |
We are all adults.
Sometimes I wonder.
We try- we get hurt- or we get lucky...
Sometimes we get lucky and then get hurt.
And one of the things we learn is hopefully that we are all different.
Wouldn't it be boring if we weren't? | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/7/2007 5:45:28 PM | exACTLY!!!
Messages this short may not be posted
you talkin to ME?!? | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/24/2007 6:49:42 PM | This seemed like a simple thread to remark on..... So where do we begin...
in the years of the baby boomers growin up, or even now with technology surpassin even the most simple novice.... what are we living with??
It was simple back when... the phone rang and if you were home you answered it....
if not, the new invention Answering machine would answer it, now we have cell phones and most will answer it no matter where they are, like if they do not catch it, they will miss something.
Hmmmmmmmm what will we miss? No one really ponders this fact, because they are too consumed with the idea of who is callin me now? Oh but some have special rings so they know who it is, before they even answer it, but they still have the urge to answer it. (Excuse me I gotta get this!)
How much can 1 human being handle? We have computers, DVD players. blackberries, Iphones, credit cards, atm cards, charge cards, gas pass items used instead of cards, stickers for this and stickers for that..... I remember the only sticker we had were on a 13 yr olds notebook...
We have cell plans with friends, family connections, and even more and better NOW connect with the internet anywhere and anytime... Just how much can 1 human being cram in a day, with activity?
The more we create the more we are expected to handle.... yeah expected.!!! We used to have jobs that did a few things to get paid for 8 hours of work..... not anymore... we have to be able to multi task to get paid for 9 or more hours of work....and some will even go further and take more work home to get the last bit of the energy into the work related project to impress our boss..... And maybe after so many years of this we might be able to retire at 40, if we are one of the fortunate ones.
We have deleveoped so much in such a short time, the relaxin event of just driving is no longer the case, as 7 out of 10 our on the cell phone as they do not know what to do with their time, if they are not talking, singing, smokin, eatin, are checkin their Ipod, or whatever while driving....
Hostility... hmmmm how much can we take? It ain't simple anymore unless you make a conscious choice to do so. Only in CAlif? maybe, but I doubt it!
Wonder if farmers have it easier... don't think so. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:38:25 PM | I always respond to inqueries,
I do however, have standards and preferences. I don't think I'm hostile, and would love to go out with a guy some time before I leave for boot camp. I think men are intimidated by the fact that I am self sufficient, with the ambition and goal to become a cop. I think they interpret this as "I don't need you to survive", the truth is, I don't need a man to live, but I don't want to live without one. I'm a gentle, loving, down to earth woman with simple dreams that I want to see come to fruition. Just to get contacted by a guy on POF that actually met me in town for an evening out would be so appreciated, even if all we did was get a soda and talked. I'm about to dissapear from my family and my children for over a year of boot camp and training to become an MP... I doubt I'll meet the one I'm destined for in such a short amount of time remaining, but I am lonely, and I guess I just want to be a normal, desirable girl one last time before I go... Who knows, I may never come back if they send me to Iraq...
To love one last time,
- Nicole | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/6/2008 3:55:37 AM |
Search for women in rural areas? Does this mean women that have less choices and are desperate?
I say, if Greggie feels like that, he must suffer from comparison to other men. You had to leave the state to find a worthwhile female?
If you have a problem in one relationship, sure it might be the other person. The universe is full of people who are drastically different. If this problem is recurring, I suggest you look inward. Something is drastically wrong with your screening criteria.
I disagree. Suffer from comparison to other men??? Where does that come from? What does it mean?
I think the problem is recurring because of the nature of the "catch" in this millieu. I agree with the poster. This town just ain't nearly what it used to be and I've lived in L.A. all but the first 14 months of my life. It's changed drastically. People are separated. They're defensive. They're guarded and, yes, they are hostile (even when you've done absolutely nothing to prompt it). It doesn't matter because it's not you they're reacting to.
But he's right. That's the way it is. If I had any sense, I take his place in Arizona, or somewhere. Because this just ain't cuttin' it. But of course it's Hollywood and it's a weird culture. There's no question about it. But it's not just confined to Hollywood because all of the surrounding cities want to emulate it some way so the infection spreads. But you can'take any of this seriously. It's all too bizarre. (Not that that's a bad thing  ) | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/6/2008 4:06:02 AM |
How interesting that if one appears hostile, its automatically assumed its "dating related"
So you're saying you'd respond to someone you've never met or spoken to with hostility and not expect him to think you're showing HIM hostility that should be, perhaps, directed at yourself for having, oh, driven your car through the garage door? Why are you suggesting anyone is "assuming" anything? | |
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blue70
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Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 144 | |
| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:11:26 AM | well looks like the OP left the building long ago- and I can only speak for myself....here goes:
it's too damn expensive, I have to work 3 job to barely get by, all the media hype on thinness and beauty and plastic fantastic [not being able to eat makes people cranky, as well as not being able to afford all of the PROCEDURES!]
Then there's SITTING all day working, sitting on the freeway getting to/from work and now I can't even talk on my cell phone........without possibly incurring a brain tumor.
Hostile, me? Nah..... | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:21:28 AM |
I moved here from a state that judges you on not what you look like but how you enjoy life, approach each day as a new challange, smile at your neighbor and say hello. People here move over on the street when you say hello.
The state of Denial? | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:37:31 AM | | I don't think women in So Cal are any more hostile than anyplace else. Gotta love broad (pun intended) generalizations. <---rolling my eyes, but not out of hostility. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:29:54 PM | Hey now! LOL Shanks only come out when the hostility is warranted-I swear!
What some people don't seem to realize is that when it comes to online dating, and the massive amount of fukctards you're introduced to on a daily basis is overwhelming-what may come across as hostility, is really just indifference. | |
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| Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:50:53 PM | | That works both ways, dude. You also get the 40 year old video gamer guys, who live in their mother's basement & haven't ever seen a real breast. | |
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