| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:14:32 AM | About women's common complaint about men not dating "strong" women...
GET OVER IT.
Nobody owes you a date. If you are not what men want, you have your choice: change and become what they want, or not change and stay alone. Your choice. Your responsibility.
but in this day and age especially, men have to stop feeling insecure because of our strength and start getting on the ride with us...
That's what makes me laugh of so many "strong" women... "I am strong, I'm independent, I'm great, yadayadayada... why men can't change and be as I want?"  
If you are a really strong woman, be strong enough to accept that nobody has the duty to change for you. Not even men.
And about the other type of "strong" woman... I already have a boss at work. I don't need a boss at home. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:21:07 AM | Do men prefer to see the vunerable side of a woman then?
Miss Bott, yes, vulnerable, but not helpless.
Vulnerable has to do with poise and emotional stability.
Helpless has to do with tying your shoes... | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:22:16 AM | | Men want to feel needed. If someone makes them feel like they couldn't care less if they were around or not, they will lose interest. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:35:40 AM | About this vulnerability thing...
One of the definitions of friendship is, aptly: "to exchange vulnerabilities".
That is truer in romance. Myself, I want to be able to let my guard down when I'm with the woman I love. And I want to know that she feels safe enough with me to do the same. If she's so concentrated in being "strong" that she won't lower her shields, there is nothing for me to do there. | |
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fuzzle
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Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 81 | |
| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:51:24 AM |
Men want to feel needed. If someone makes them feel like they couldn't care less if they were around or not, they will lose interest.
There is an important distinction between being needed and wanted. If you are merely NEEDED, you will be replaced when someone else comes along who can meet those needs more adequately than you. If you are WANTED... you are wanted for yourself not for what you can provide.... and you will not be replaceable because there is no one else like you - you are unique and you will be appreciated for yourself. Which would you prefer??? | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 9:12:46 AM | I believe that men truly like an independent woman who is also comfortable sharing their life with him.
It's the B*tchy women that need an excuse because they can never get a second date that tend to 'WRONGLY PROCLAIM' themselves as 'strong' women and give the truly STRONG WOMEN a bad rap.
 Here's to all of the STRONG women and SINGLE MOM's out there who have value and belief in themselves ENOUGH not to depend on 'the kindness of strangers'. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 9:30:13 AM | Atomhead: Your one of very few. This strong women thing is all over the page.
I think what this really says about you is that your ready for a relationship and that's wonderful.
We all need to be needed and all want to be wanted but to what extreme is very individual.
Good Luck to you. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 9:53:55 AM | I have to agree with this. Just because I'm female doesn't mean I will always back up stuff some of em do. To me a strong woman means she can work, support herself, is classy, wants to learn, won't take BS from anyone male or female and who knows that there is a healthy balance of life one must maintain to grow as a person. BUT when a man does come into her life, that man becomes a part of a whole lifestyle for her as well as her family, friends, work, alone time, health, etc.
I once learned a word to replace independent. When you are amongst society it's important to understand it - "inter" dependence. Means you can do what you need to do to live if there's no one to help you, but can be receptive to someone helping you, and vice versa. Maybe us independent women should use that word instead.
There is an extreme strain of almost feminist women who go around screaming about not needing anyone (particularly men), and keeping men at arms length, basically male bashing as a mechanism to, I don't know - survive. It all sounds like Thunderdome to me. Strong means you can make your own way in the world if you need to, not that you will run over men to get there. I don't know, it's one thing to voice your opinion, it's quite another not to consider anyone else's or think you know everything.
If these women are so strong and don't need men at all, they wouldn't care if they had a date or not. Wouldn't that be consorting with the enemy? LOL | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 9:58:08 AM | Old School hits the nail on the head again. Every woman who declares herself "strong" might have a different meaning of what "strong" is. There is a difference between standing up for yourself and not taking any crap and going out STARTING the crap. Being a majorly annoying b!tch is NOT being strong.
My most recent ex boasted to anybody who would listen about what a strong woman she was (a throwback to her days as a feminist wannabe), yet when anything didn't go her way she would cry and just give up. A truly strong woman would overcome and conquer.
"Independent" does fit better. | |
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fuzzle
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Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 86 | |
| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:11:14 AM |
To me a strong woman means she can work, support herself, is classy, wants to learn, won't take BS from anyone male or female and who knows that there is a healthy balance of life one must maintain to grow as a person.
Strong means you can make your own way in the world if you need to, not that you will run over men to get there.
Exactly, very well put... the difference between wanting and needing .... since being alone I have learned that I do not NEED a man to survive, but I have also learned in that time that I WANT a man in my life to share things with....there is a big difference between the two. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:42:53 AM | AAAAHHHH Queenie! You have such a great way with words!
We should all want to be both wanted and needed!
For me, neither on it's own is enough.
I WANT the right woman in my life and want her to want me.
There are things she can add to my life, that I can live without,
but that I NEED to make my life more complete, whole, and fullfilling....
I would hope that she would feel the same.
The missing element here, is that we all want to be appreciated
for filling those wants and needs. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:49:40 AM | Call it what you will but after all is said and done...I would rather want you in my life (choice) that need you in my life (required).  | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:57:32 AM | Ok, then I will seek for somebody who needs me. 
Seriously, if a man needs to be needed -call it whatever you like-, and a woman won't fulfil such need, why should this man pursue a relationship with this particular woman?
And if this woman is clearly and unambiguously refusing to fulfill a need this guy is clearly and unambiguously stating he wants fulfilled, why should she complain if he chooses to find somebody else? | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:57:37 AM | The battle of the 'strong' woman as viewed by moi seems to be the defensive issue. I'll give a steroetypical eg. here to 'splain it better Lucy. (Ricky's words)
I need a ceiling fan installed. Not because I don't know how to do it but because it's too heavy for me to do by myself. My man offers. While doing it he asks me to get the screwdriver with the four sides that looks like a square.
I'm not saying all strong women know what a Robertson is, I'm just saying he could have asked for the Robertson and if I didn't know what that was I would say "huh?"
I wouldn't dream of asking him, in the kitchen, to get me the metal thing with a wide flat end while making pancakes. I would assume if he didn't know what a spatula was he would say so.
My point being that many women who have been doing things on their own for a long time feel belittled and put down when spoken to in this manner. Some would get very defensive and feel the need to get '****y' or extremely opinionated on another issue later.
Strong people don't need a partner. They often want a partner. And when the right partner comes along...then they NEED them like they need the air to breathe. And it's a good thing. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 10:59:28 AM | I dunno, I give up, tell me.... why? they are afraid of being 'strong-armed?" I have not familiar with this behavior in men in general, but it could be all be about my good taste in men~;*)"
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:01:26 AM | My point being that many women who have been doing things on their own for a long time feel belittled and put down when spoken to in this manner. Some would get very defensive and feel the need to get '****y' or extremely opinionated on another issue later.
Then it's another hit against "strong" women. No man likes to walk on eggshells just to avoid "getting her defensive". BTW, I didn't know what a Robertson is.
Anyway, if she feels oh-so-hurt because he said "screwdriver with four sides" instead of "Robertson", she's not as strong as she thinks. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:02:24 AM | But knowing a Robertson from a Torx from a Phillips from a Flatblade has little to do with what makes a woman strong or not. That just means she knows tools.
Strong has to do with emotional issues. Whether she folds under pressure or rises to the occasion. Whether she overcomes adversity or crumbles under it. Whether she spits in the face of a challenge or runs from it.
I personally hate the "I'm just a girl" mentality. There's no place for "She's a good driver for a woman" kind of comment. She's either a good driver or she isn't.
Give me the strong one every time. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:10:05 AM | If they get a roving eye they know they'll REALLY get their a*s*s* kicked? They feel inferior if their muscle isn't the strongest one between the sheets? They're afraid they're an oreck instead of a hoover and might accidentaly put the setting on for bare floors?
What makes a woman strong is of course the subject of debate. That said people on both sides of the gender aisle are often deluded that they are an Alpha when in fact they are just a b*i*t*c*h or the son of one. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:14:13 AM | I did say stereotypical eg. I'm not excusing behaviour...just explaining what I've viewed.
What I'm reading from men here is that they want to feel needed. What I'm saying is that some 'strong' women won't ever show they 'need' because their real need is to be strong. They don't want to be 'needy'. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:25:24 AM | What I'm reading from men here is that they want to feel needed. What I'm saying is that some 'strong' women won't ever show they 'need' because their real need is to be strong. They don't want to be 'needy'.
Then these strong women already have all the information they need. From the horse's mouth. Loud and clear. Whatever they choose to do with it, it's their business. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:25:45 AM | What are we getting away with? Men who don't like strong women are basically misogynists who believe that a woman's place is barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. Well dream on. The Playboy club was invented for men like you. Dippy women in satin and bunny tails who smile sweetly whenever a man deigns to look their way.
Strong women are not abusive women. Where did anyone get that idea? My thoughts and ideas are just as important as yours, maybe I'm cleverer than you or more creative - so what!
Just because I have opinions and state them proudly doesn't make me a ball-breaker. When the chips are down a strong woman is a great person to have by your side. We don't crumble - whatever's going on. A better question would be - where are all the strong MEN??? | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:28:28 AM |
Men who don't like strong women are basically misogynists who believe that a woman's place is barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.
No words needed.
where are all the strong MEN???
They're out there, seeking for the kind of women THEY want, not for the kind of women "strong" women are telling them they should want. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:29:42 AM | I think what's being missed here is that there are different types of NEED!
A strong woman or man can NEED their SO......it doesn't make them weak!
I'd say that if I want something bad enough.....I need it. It may be
neccessary for me to have it, for my life to be the way I WANT it to be.
Do you want or need love? I want love, I can live without it, but in order
for my life to be the way I want it to be.....I need it!
Saying that you NEED your man isn't saying that you couldn't live without him,
and, to me at least, doesn't keep you from being a strong woman.
And it just feels GREAT to be needed! | |
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