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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:06:30 PM | Hmmmmm.....that's funnier than you may realize.....cuz he died very suddenly, a year after the divorce.
Hmmm...... you're alive. You seem to really STILL dislike a dead guy. He died suddenly. And, if I'm not mistaken, you Texans are allowed to carry guns as long as they aren't concealed....
... ok, work with me here.... SunnyTexas.... Yosemite Samantha...
( I won't tell anyone what I'm thinkin'. Honest. I live in a small town called Toronto.)
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:32:12 PM | I hear you capitano on the "You seem to really STILL dislike a dead guy" ... I was wondering that myself, if he's dead what's with the Madhatter attitude ... other than maybe you wanted more out of the settlement than you got ... count your blessings -- it could have happened before anything was settled, then what would you have done ...
Why men don't date strong women? ... because some women, from what I see, can get pretty greedy ... why is that? ... probably too many friends, family & lawyers involved ... gee go figure -- where has all the money gone ..... have a good one | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:33:45 PM | (DJChickie401) If you're dating a "strong" woman (the kind to avoid, not the kind to seek out) then you can only be accused of exposing yourself. She can only get what you hand over to her...
With respect, I think that's an extremely disingenuous statement and POV. As has been observed, people DO change. That sweet-as-pecan-pie girl with the twinkle in her eye can turn into a vindictive b!tch in divorce court; as can Prince Charming turn into an abysmal pr!ck in a divorce. Short of being Nostrodamus, you can't foresee that sort of thing.
Also, some people DO lie; and, it's neither a crime, nor a character flaw, to be susceptible to being deceived (within reason, of course! I'm of the "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." school of thought...) Just take a look at how many threads there are about "playahs" (a term I hate with a passion, BTW).
Arlo | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:58:00 PM | No Capitano....ever'thang is....how ya say..."CAPICHE" !
No, I won't waste emotions on a dead man. But I was just laughin' at the irony of your "swearin' on his life" comment.
Yep, I carry a pistole.
I'm always packin' !
Just gotta remember to get bullets.
And HGSS, I have no idea what a madhatter attitude is. I think you really should know my situation and keep snippity stupidity at bay. I was awarded alot more than I wanted. I also got a divorce granted on grounds of adultery.
Greedy?....oh that's too funny.
I'm really not a bitter sort. Never have been. I have many joys in my life. Lots about my life to celebrate. I don't look back, because there's nothing to be sad about....anymore. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:10:41 PM | Sorry, off topic but....
Just thought I'd pipe in and say that asshattery is making me crack up (the word that is)
Maybe I'm tired, but it reminds me of Terrance and Philip. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:34:51 PM |
If you don't marry or move in with women like this, they can't get ya unless you let em. In your case, you DID marry, so it's moot. That's why she got ya.
Well, at the risk of repeating myself, she wasn't like this when we married. The woman I married was adorable and full of life. The woman I divorced was tired, scared, and beaten. Her parents and boss sucked the life right out of her and I was powerless to do anything about it.
Unless of course you're advocating not marrying at all, no matter what kind of woman you're with?
Yea, sure... if you marry an abusive biznitchle you deserve everything you get. That, I do agree with. But to never marry anyone on the off-chance life turns them sour... nah. I can't roll with that. Just not wired that way, I suppose. Marriage is the best thing in the world... when it works. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:47:56 PM | wonkabar, I really wish you could understand a strong woman is not always a greedy woman. A strong woman endures, she grieves, she recovers and does NOT make every man pay for what another man did. It's not always that way. A strong woman makes her own way in this world. I was married for 22 years, for Christ's sake. I'm truly blessed the way things turned out, because I'd be a basket case as a widow. A strong woman knows her worth and never ever has to explain it to a man.
Her action speak loudest and her touch is very tender. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:12:55 AM | wonkabar, I really wish you could understand a strong woman is not always a greedy woman.
And I really wish you could understand... well, English, because I never said anything of the sort.
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 4:34:24 AM |
The woman I divorced was tired, scared, and beaten. Her parents and boss sucked the life right out of her
Interesting you bring that up.....this is one of the issues about equality that drives me crazy. I see so many women working horrible hours until they are tired and stressed out beyond belief; dreaming about work, not sleeping etc. What kind of life is that? While I am grateful to be able to work, why would I want to do that to myself?! I want work out of my brain as soon as I leave the parking lot.
This leads me to believe that some women are still trying to "prove" themselves; which I feel is nutso. I believe that "people" should do the best of their ability without killing themselves. I know I'm good at my job, why do I have to work endless hours and not ask for help if I need it? I don't believe that makes anyone weak.
But then there is the other side of the coin where a woman doesn't work. Certain women are unhappy with that life. I think that we all struggle to keep our lives happy and in balance and sometimes it's hard to do that without making some sacrifices.
Making sacrifices is also about being a strong person. And grown-up ;)
In a way I'm grateful for the new generation who when looking at work/life balance seem to value the life more (mind you, sometimes they need to be just a tad less lazy!). Myself, I lean more toward the life balance too. Work will never be as important as my nephew's first play!
In order to create quality work, you need to be in quality working order. An unhappy person won't be as productive as one who is happy. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 4:43:48 AM | Well, at the risk of repeating myself, she wasn't like this when we married. The woman I married was adorable and full of life. The woman I divorced was tired, scared, and beaten. Her parents and boss sucked the life right out of her and I was powerless to do anything about it.
Yes, but how was she with money? What was her mindset about finances while you were dating? Sometimes that's a good way to tell where the marriage will be and (if it should happen) how the divorce will go. If she took you for everything you had, there had to be SOME kind of red flag early on...
Unless of course you're advocating not marrying at all, no matter what kind of woman you're with?
Well...kinda. Since bait and switch happens so much (to men AND women) a good way to avoid this would be either marrying with legal separation of assets and finances OR just not doing it in the first place.
Yea, sure... if you marry an abusive biznitchle you deserve everything you get. That, I do agree with. But to never marry anyone on the off-chance life turns them sour... nah. I can't roll with that. Just not wired that way, I suppose. Marriage is the best thing in the world... when it works.
I'm wired the opposite...no matter how much I think I know someone, I'd be afraid to put myself in a place where they can change on me; I've been there a few times..don't plan on being there again. I'd need to be able to disengage at any time so that I can protect myself in the event that it's an issue. Then again, I am the only one who's ever gonna look out for me, so I gotta do it right straight out of the box. Don't get me wrong, I don't think people look to hurt others purposely...but I do think that in trying to live their own lives they might decide to run over others to get what they want.
How about you get married, and when you post stuff, I'll read about it. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 4:57:01 AM |
Hmmm...... you're alive. You seem to really STILL dislike a dead guy.
That is pretty sad. My premonitions tell me the poor guys probably better off dead if he put up with........
uh...yeah ! Because she has every right to.....After all it was his idea to leave the wife for sperm burpin' trailer trash !
(snap ! snap !) oh pooooool boy ! I need my mojito freshened up a bit !
Given the venomous hostility and calloused, reckless treatment some tout, some people are better putting some distance between themselves and others, even if it requires being 6 feet under. I know I'd rather be dead than to live miserably. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:47:16 AM |
I'm wired the opposite...no matter how much I think I know someone, I'd be afraid to put myself in a place where they can change on me; I've been there a few times..don't plan on being there again. I'd need to be able to disengage at any time so that I can protect myself in the event that it's an issue. Then again, I am the only one who's ever gonna look out for me, so I gotta do it right straight out of the box. Don't get me wrong, I don't think people look to hurt others purposely...but I do think that in trying to live their own lives they might decide to run over others to get what they want.
DJ, I hate to respond to this in some ways, because I know you have your life working for you just fine... You are NOT "wired this way"; the circumstances in your life have had you respond to protect yourself, that's your coping strategy. You are afraid, as you say, so you will only allow yourself "limited engagement".
How about you get married, and when you post stuff, I'll read about it.
Huh? | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 6:52:07 AM | DJ, I hate to respond to this in some ways, because I know you have your life working for you just fine... You are NOT "wired this way"; the circumstances in your life have had you respond to protect yourself, that's your coping strategy. You are afraid, as you say, so you will only allow yourself "limited engagement".
Ok true...I'm not permanently wired that way, but it runs so far back into early childhood that it feels like wiring...maybe I should say "re-wiring".
"How about you get married, and when you post stuff, I'll read about it."
Huh?
That was in response to Wonka saying he could never not marry someone for fear of them becoming worse - and then he went on to say he wasn't wired that way, which brought about my description of personal "wiring". It was my way of saying that's the closest I get to his theory - i'll live thru him if/when he gets married...instead of getting married myself.
Question: Aren't people all wired neutrally for default (not to love, but not to hate), and then what they experience over time changes that? If that's true - those who are unconditional lovers and givers and all that are also retaught that (or it's written on the "slate" that they carry internally), no?
Just conversation, hate to sound like Dr. Phil, but I believe that's how it happens.
P.S. Just want to say Margo that I appreciate you talking with me and not trying to make me wrong for how I am or tell me what my consequences will be to my actions...I get SOOO sick of that approach from different people. It's refreshing to know someone gets that I like things the way they are. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:11:07 AM | | I'm a strong, intelligent woman who would love to be romanced - but it's a rare commodity. The men I've met so far are interested only in sex, not romance. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:21:21 AM | This leads me to believe that some women are still trying to "prove" themselves; which I feel is nutso. I believe that "people" should do the best of their ability without killing themselves. I know I'm good at my job, why do I have to work endless hours and not ask for help if I need it? I don't believe that makes anyone weak.
For her, it was a cultural thing... and I don't mean ours. My ex-wife was a Chinese national - you know the stereotypes about overachieving Asian kids? It's even worse when your parents are Mao-era old-schoolers and your boss is a friend of the family. The main reason she was even in this country was because her father told her she couldn't come home without a Masters degree, and her boss took terrible advantage of her because Chinese culture doesn't allow you to talk back to your superiors. She was literally incapable of telling these people 'no'.
Yes, but how was she with money? What was her mindset about finances while you were dating? Sometimes that's a good way to tell where the marriage will be and (if it should happen) how the divorce will go. If she took you for everything you had, there had to be SOME kind of red flag early on...
Hmm... she was pretty tight with the cash... and yes, money was an issue in our marriage (and divorce - one of the reasons she left me was because the bottom fell out of my career) but I never suspected it would become that big of a sticking point. That's like saying that because a person gets irritated easily that they stand a good chance of being a serial killer.
Although I do have to say that our divorce settlement was fair. While the marriage ended over money, she didn't take me for any kind of ride when it was all over. All told, the split was painless.
How about you get married, and when you post stuff, I'll read about it.
Deal.  | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:23:37 AM |
... would love to be romanced - but it's a rare commodity. The men I've met so far are interested only in sex, not romance.
Naturally! Ye gods, do you think romance is a commodity? What man wouldn't be repelled to find that you regard an emotion as a commodity - and you expect him to be your supplier? Your attitude is as "romantic" as, say, a shopper in the Safeway wanting to be supplied with a box of Wheaties and treating men as store clerks whose purpose in life is to fill your need.
Why should any man want to "romance" you? What stands in the way of YOUR "romancing" HIM? Do you imagine that his gender makes him an actor filling a role rather than a real live human being? Doesn't it occur to you that he has needs and desires no less than you do? What effort to you make to understand his desires? Have you ever taken any interest in learning who and what HE is?
If all you can do is passively sit back waiting to "be romanced," giving no evidence that you care about him as a human being, don't be surprised if he just wants to get his rocks off with you and move on to some woman who appreciates him as a whole, living, breathing, caring person, not perfect or a saint but just a REAL human being with desires of his own just as real to him as YOUR desires are to you.
If all you offer men is your ability to submit passively to "being romanced," rather than choosing to BE romantic yourself and to show people your romantic personality, why be surprised if all they see in you is a chance for sex? Why should any man be suddenly motivated to be all "romantic" with you, if you cannot be romantic within yourself let alone be romantic towards them?
"Romantic" refers to a FEELING. Who is responsible for creating your feelings? | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:41:05 AM | ^^^^that's an awful lot of projection over a simple comment that she likes being romanced? How do you know what she does or doesn't do in return?
I think it's a bit of an overreaction..and may be a reflection of personal experience?
I don't believe all women who might suggest they like romance...are necessarily evil, selfish women? Gets a bit tiring to hear the assumptions made... | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:50:56 AM |
Hmm... she was pretty tight with the cash... and yes, money was an issue in our marriage (and divorce - one of the reasons she left me was because the bottom fell out of my career) but I never suspected it would become that big of a sticking point. That's like saying that because a person gets irritated easily that they stand a good chance of being a serial killer.
Although I do have to say that our divorce settlement was fair. While the marriage ended over money, she didn't take me for any kind of ride when it was all over. All told, the split was painless.
Wonka...all due respect, if you didn't lose everything and your split was painless, what's the issue? Sounds like you got lucky...and no one pulled your wallet thru your nose. Sure, things didn't work out, but at least it wasn't tens of thousands of dollars lost on top of it.
No wonder you're ok with getting married again, you don't have any reason not to...not that it's a bad thing. Hopefully you'll never deal with that - learning from others should do the trick. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:35:45 AM | Its amazing when you read the beginning of a thread then the end, how much the topic changes!!!
Woman dont need men anymore, and thats just the way it is!!! So they become assertive strong and independent, if a man cant handle it, thats his issue. Its likely to go un noticed.............................................
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:57:36 AM |
I'm a strong, intelligent woman who would love to be romanced - but it's a rare commodity. The men I've met so far are interested only in sex, not romance.
Pretty much all women like to be romanced. And quite a few modern women are rather strong. This is rather typical, definitely not rare.
Also, though fra59 doesn't really know this woman, and neither do I, I have to say that my initial gut reaction was the same as his. I have seen ads like this a zillion times on internet dating sites and I have met many girls like this over the years and 99 times out of 100, they are PES to the core. The ads are wreaking with the sentiment he just expressed "I will sit back and see what you are going to do for me and then I will decide whether to give you more of my time"......all being labeled as "romance". That is not true romance. True romance is two directional.
A strtong woman is perfectly capable of giving as much as she receives, but she is also perfectly capable of taking advantage of the system. There is no correlation here as relates to the topic of the thread.
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:02:18 PM |
Wonka...all due respect, if you didn't lose everything and your split was painless, what's the issue?
There isn't one?
The only reason I mentioned it was to support my point about not always being able to predict how people will change. The fallout, or lack thereof, from my divorce was never really part of the discussion. Although in a perfect world I'd still be married, given the statistics I do consider myself lucky that, all things considered, my ex was fair. | |
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| Why men don't date strong women...
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:59:59 PM | | It is true that his death doesn't change the fact the he abandoned her for another woman ... I know first hand what it's like to have a husband leave for another woman & makes it that much worse when it's someone who's supposed to be a good friend (as it was in my case) none the less one has to learn to deal with it the best they can to live their own life without him ... she's feeling the pain from : not having what she's missing - her husband who left her for another woman; from not getting all that she could get out of him; or from the other woman who managed to get her man to look her way & turn to her instead of the wife ... certainly don't see any of her pain from the fact that he's dead -- at least that's not what comes across here ... and if he were alive I'd wonder what he would have to say about how he felt within that marriage along with his version ..... most people forget, there's 3 sides to every story -- the woman's, the man's & God's (the real truth) -- so, what's the real truth? you only hear one side ... yes, I won't denigh that she's hurting but certainly doesn't come across as hurting because he's dead ... I've said it before & I'll say it again, marriage is a two way street & both men & women should know that there are tell-tale signs in your marriage that need to be discussed between you when one or the other sees it -- there are always signs that one is not happy -- the problem for a lot of people is they dismiss it as having a bad day or something happend & he/she will get over it .... ... as for death, I also know first hand about the length of time it takes in dealing with death (& it doesn't matter whether it's a husband, ex-husband or child or anyone else) & very much aware that each person is very much different with the way they learn to deal with it ... some never learn & live out their life with that loss & without ever finding happiness again ..... As for perpetrator of abuse? I certainly don't remember her saying anything about abuse here -- & if there was abuse (& there are MANY forms of abuse) , I for one could never understand why any woman (or man for that matter) stays & put up with it especially if the abuser is not willing to do something to change ... she did have the chance to (& from what I see, did) face what you call her perpetrator & confront him when he was alive ... however I will say that some woman (and men) will go into denile as to saying they didn't know it was going to happen, but if they look back on the past of what was going on ... 9 times out of 10 they could see it coming & closed their eyes to it, they just didn't believe it could or would actually happen ... | |
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