| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/10/2006 4:47:19 PM | I have to admit, I'm of two minds on this:
On one hand, I think that you should take it as it was intended; a gift. Not something you should feel obliged to repay in any way. Basically, when a guy pays for your meal, he's making the date worth YOUR time as well. You've already made it work HIS time, because you consented to go on the date.
However, on the other hand, it IS the 21st century. You should NOT be expecting him to pay for dinner, and honestly, I have no problem with someone offering to go dutch. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/10/2006 5:05:54 PM | | I recently paid for a first date with a guy. I was going to pay my share of the meal and was using Interac. I decided, what the hell, and paid for the whole thing. He was very surprised and said that this was an absolute first for him. I thought it was cool - now I will always be remembered for my good deed - even if I ended up buying dinner for an ***hole! | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/10/2006 9:20:42 PM | I know how you feel. I am also one of those females that don't like a guy taking the whole tab on the first day. Though my reason is from where I am from some of the men around here believe that if they pay for the date they should get some time in the shack at the end of the date.. (Sad enough I actually had a guy tell me that since he paid for dinner I should give him sex or at least head) Of course I told him to go away and never talked to him again. But never do I ever want to feel so degrated like that again. So I am learned that yeah fine let him pay for the dinner but after dinner suggest going somewhere that cost some money or even just a coffee or something where you can grab the tab before he can. That way it kind of evens the field a bit.
My last boyfriend I had I gave in and let him pay for everything. Later on I found out there was another woman on the side that when they went out she paid for everything. So gee I felt once again like I was being paid for services. So guys when you buy a woman dinner think about the whole sex thing afterwards unless you are in a fully commited relationship. Guys have their egos but women do not like feeling like they are being paid for a service. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/10/2006 9:29:00 PM | I always pay for dates, especially when first getting to know someone. After you're with someone for a while I can see letting them pick up an occassional tab if they insist on doing so, but have no problems keeping the tab either. I usually get the ticket when they try with something along the lines of "you can get me lunch next time." They usually get tired of hearing it every time and just let me pay without conflict :)
I'd feel awkward going dutch or allowing the woman the tab; but have been on a few dates where a woman insists on doing so. If it looks like it makes em uncomfortable to not pay something, I try not to press the matter to offense, but still feel odd about it :) | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/10/2006 11:30:22 PM | | I have never had a girl pay for a date, very few have offered. Now I won't take the same girl out too many times if she doesn't do something in return. Yes I suppose it could be sex but I was thinking, ask me out, cook me dinner or something. So I would say if you want to pay ask him out the second time, or when he ask you out say well you paid last time so its my treat. That would be cool with me!! But if I ask a girl out, even one of my female friends, I plan on paying. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/11/2006 6:02:40 AM | Well, i would pay for the whole date, but i hate it when the women EXPECT you to pay.
I like it when they offer to pay 50/50, but i refuse and pay for it all. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/11/2006 9:02:22 AM | | I don't mind paying, or splitting the bill. Not at all. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/11/2006 9:23:55 AM | Always pay on first date, expect reciprocation afterwards. 50/50 is not important, I'll pay the whole check and next time is yours, it's the gesture that matters to me...
This is the 21st century, I perceive chivalry as an insult to a modern woman's independence... | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/12/2006 6:19:32 PM | Really? I guess that's why I'm not a woman; I'd see it as perpetual freebies   | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/17/2006 2:31:06 PM | Troller, what I wanna know is--DID you buy dinner for an ***hole? I am trying to gauge whether the ratio of jerks vastly outweigh those who are cool when it comes to allowing for you to pay the whole tab. First dates--I doubt I'd flip the entire bill. Dutch, I have done, with disappointing results, but I would still go dutch again because he may have been an anomaly--but flipping an entire bill on a first date, prolly not. Just my 2 cents.
Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/10/2006 5:05:54 PM
I recently paid for a first date with a guy. I was going to pay my share of the meal and was using Interac. I decided, what the hell, and paid for the whole thing. He was very surprised and said that this was an absolute first for him. I thought it was cool - now I will always be remembered for my good deed - even if I ended up buying dinner for an ***hole! | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/17/2006 2:37:50 PM | Monofoar:
Paying on Dates Posted: 7/10/2006 4  19 PM I have to admit, I'm of two minds on this: On one hand, I think that you should take it as it was intended; a gift. Not something you should feel obliged to repay in any way. Basically, when a guy pays for your meal, he's making the date worth YOUR time as well. You've already made it work HIS time, because you consented to go on the date. However, on the other hand, it IS the 21st century. You should NOT be expecting him to pay for dinner, and honestly, I have no problem with someone offering to go dutch.
Agreed. I feel bad about it; just don't want to offend anyone. Apparently it was a fluke that the first guy I tried to go dutch with called me a "fem." I thought perhaps my gesture indicates I'm a wack person or something. But then again I'd rather get that reaction than the prospect of shelling out even money to go dutch on someone who turns out to be wack... which has also happened =) Guess this is a trial and error kind of thing  | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/17/2006 6:52:06 PM | You pay for it and she gets mad. You let her pay for it and she gets mad. You let her pay for half of it and she still gets mad. Damned if you do, damned if you don't!
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/17/2006 8:39:04 PM | You pay for it and he calls you a fem or leeches off you. You let him pay for half and he thinks you're trying to be "Miss Independent." You let him pay for it and he thinks you're a gold digger. Damned if you do, damned if you don't!
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/17/2006 10:07:26 PM | | It has never occurred to me to expect the woman to pay. Now, I've been married a long time, I'm about to venture out on a first date, I intend to act as I did 35 years ago (the last date I had not with my wife, I've known her since I was 19 and she was 16). I pay for my female friends too, I just like to treat pretty ladies, makes me feel good! | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/17/2006 10:17:29 PM | First date I always pay and to avoid any conflict after the meal I excuse myself to the restroom and find my waitress and pay for the meal... This eliminates the entire argument and if she persist to give me money I just tell her next time she can pay or if we are going somewhere else I tell her she pay there.
This seems to work best for me. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/18/2006 8:31:14 AM | On a first date, I do like to pay. If it evolves, then eventually a balance should be achieved.
If I invite someone somewhere, then it's my treat.
I don't expect ANYTHING back, other than the company of the woman I am with. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/18/2006 8:45:13 AM | I do the same thing with my guy friends - but those I date I try to pay and they almost always turn me down. One guy even made sure to get the check when I was in the ladies room so I didn't try to pick up the tab or go "dutch". I don't even attempt to protest any more, I just make sure I do thoughtful things for him (cook dinner, pick up a bottle of his fave alchol for us - stuff like that seems appreciated).
I haven't heard the thought about telling how a guy is a loser OP. I think that makes a lot of sense when you think about it. | |
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Phyn
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Joined: 6/5/2006
Msg: 43 | |
| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/18/2006 8:46:08 AM | When is a date not a date?
Very often these days, people meet on a site like this, and maybe they hit it off in writing. One or the other might say, "hey, let's meet for coffee". Most likely no one will remember who said it first.
Does that qualify as asking out on a date? Hmmm...dunno.
And if it goes well, plans may be made to do something together later on. Who asked whom out? Again, it's ambiguous. Everything seems to work by consensus now, so the rule that the one who asks should pay does not apply. It's a new kind of world we are building, and we have not yet developed new rules to fit. No wonder we are all so bloody confused. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/18/2006 9:14:05 AM | | This is really a hard issue to pin down but I know that I really appreciate it when a man pays even if it is for just the first few dates. I find that I look at the man more favourably and then I am more apt to offer to pay another time. I do like to be treated like a lady but it does not have to be every time. I always try to show my appreciation by doing little things such as making a home cooked meal, baking their favorite cookies, buying them that new shirt that they want etc. For me getting treated goes a long way. I am a bit old fashioned and just dread whan a man will not even offer -I even had one guy tell me one night that I was a loonie short of my half of the bill and it was very embarassing. I remember once when I had planned an inexpensive date one evening as money was tight and I can not expect the guy to pay but then the guy called 90 minutes late so our plans were busted. I had to fess up and say that I could not change our plans due to shortage of funds that week so he offered to pay for a movie. Fine that was nice but that meant only the movie no popcorn or pop so I still had to go and buy my own pop and popcorn. No matter how you put it this can become uncomfortable. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:14:39 PM | | It's awkward no matter how you look at it. =) I guess I'll just have to wing it. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:20:21 PM | I think the views on paying for a date are as varied as the number of people asked.
I was raised with the understanding that I pay regardless. If I ask or she asks...doesn't matter, I pay. I appreciate when a woman offers and if she insists, I'm not going to argue because that would probably create a situation, but I don't mind paying all the time.
Colin | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:52:26 PM | Because of the age we live in I address this right from the jump. I offer this comprimise
You don't object when I spend money on you, I won't object when you spend money on me
And it works good, the real keepers will call and say you wanna grab dinner, my treat, from time to time. The losers will call and want to go out and If had to buy materials for a job or it rained half the month and I say I would love to see you but I can't afford it .......hang up on me.
God knows I'm not cheap.......and pay 80-90% of the time, but if both parties are working it's nice to know your girl cares enough to carry her weight.
Another thing That I do with all my Platonic female friends is Who ever pics up the bill the other puts the tip. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 2:54:50 PM | | Yeah, I'd appreciate someone putting tip down for me when I pay; I hate calculating tip. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 3:04:44 PM | | I have no problem paying for a date. The big turn off for me is when women expect it and don't appreciate it and generalize men as deadbeats or losers if they don't believe a certain way. I agree with ThecubsHater and bcdreams on their points as well. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 3:07:38 PM | | Depends on the situation. I used to think that Guys should always pay but ever since joining this site I am reconsidering. First meeting should be 50/50 in case someone feels they have been misled then no great loss. Once you know each other then the 2 of you can figure it out. | |
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