| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 3:11:59 PM | What happens when you've been dating for a while and I am still paying for most of the dates.
How do you mention this to a guy? I mean to at least offer to pay his side of the bill? He hasn't even picked me a dandelion. I really like him but he needs some help on how to treat a lady ( he says he loves) can anyone help me out???? any suggestions??? I don't want to embarrass him but...... thanks jakealooloo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 3:16:13 PM | | Jake, I hate to break this to you but he is not interested in you. Dump him as you are being used for free stuff, free food and sex. I have seen this before and you need to find a better guy that will treat you right. I am not saying this to be mean, I just felt that someone should be honest with you before you start giving this guy money. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 3:55:30 PM | JAKE
Kick him to the curb..................FAST | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 4:36:09 PM | | Well hey let me give a few thoughts on this one. My Dad has always told me that a real man never ever lets a lady pay. I agree with him. Guys.........you get treated in return. It's always the gals house you want to hang out at so she is cooking and feeding you on a regular basis. You're sitting there drinking the beer out of her refrigerator and watching her television which she lets you have total control of. When you go out you should pay....and I expect you to pay. I am no free loader and I'm not looking for a sugar daddy either. But I would bet anything that you get by pretty cheap compared to my grocery bill which would be next to nothing if you weren't hanging around. It has been my experience that there are very few gentlemen left out there so I will hold out until I find one. You buy me dinner and show me a good time and I will be more than happy to treat you to a home cooked meal. And yes.........I am a great cook. So enough of the nonsense.........take the lady out and show here a nice time. You won't be sorry that you did. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 6:32:50 PM |
What happens when you've been dating for a while and I am still paying for most of the dates.
How do you mention this to a guy? I mean to at least offer to pay his side of the bill? He hasn't even picked me a dandelion. I really like him but he needs some help on how to treat a lady (he says he loves) can anyone help me out???? any suggestions??? I don't want to embarrass him
Dump him. He's not into you. I've gone down this road before--luckily I didn't expend too much time/money. Don't worry about embarrassing him. If he's a real man he should've felt embarrassed for leeching off of you like a barnacle. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 7:09:06 PM | first date he should pay for after that either share or offer to pay for you own , I know some women are single moms so money is tight and its not a bad thing , but if not sure you should always make a point of it before the date , thus no confusion ,
I tend to treat in return , but hate showing up and expected to pay ? I just leave as I should have been informed prior to the date. ( but always keep cab fare on you ladies ) | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/23/2006 8:19:29 PM | | I usually pay, although once I've gone dutch (that was weird), and once the guy paid for dinner (which he insisted on but I said I would pay next time, and unfortunately there was no next time. It was at a cheaper place though so I didn't feel as guilty as I might have elsewhere). I haven't gone on many dates, and I'm not sure what the rules are, but I like to make sure I've covered my ass. Twice, there has been a secondary activity, pool, movies, and I let the guy get that, but none of them have objected to me paying. I wouldn't go if I couldn't afford to pay for the whole thing. JMO | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/24/2006 5:39:53 AM | | snow bunny.....................you need to find a better class of men | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/24/2006 5:56:49 AM |
snow bunny...you need to find a better class of men
I have to say, the once that the guy insisted on paying was quite nice. I would have dated him again, not because of this, but it certainly made him seem head and shoulders above the others. I wouldn't mind it happening more often that's for sure!! | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/24/2006 5:56:51 AM | | i dont mind paying or going dutch..whatever the lady prefers.. i do hate when they supersize their combo meal without askin first... | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 1:46:00 AM | Wow... I never came across this situation.  When I think back at all of the dates I've been on most of the time the girl has paid for my meal.
They would literally snatched the bill from my hands, talk to the waitress before hand, and would insist on paying! One time I put my foot down to pay the bill and she said that either I take my money back or she'll leave the full amount of the tab plus tip in addition to my full contribution on the table. 
I've been on other dates where the chick would sneak off to the restroom and pay the tab even before I got half way through my meal! Same goes with dates at bars.... girl would ask what I wanted.. run off to the bar and came back with 3 gin & tonics plus her drinks and put everything on her card. I personally think she was trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me!  I tipped the bartender good though!
I have so many stories like this its not even funny! 
This doesn't include expensive @ss gifts from girls that I've only been on 2 dates with or ex-gfs! Those types of gifts make me feel VERY uncomfortable. One time the girl decided to go help me find some jeans and wanted me to try on a bunch of designer jeans and asked which one I liked. I personally didn't like them because they were ranged from $175-$400!!!  So just for her sake I picked out some random pair and when I took them off to get redressed she went to the register and paid for them!!! I felt very awkward because you can't return them, its something I don't value... and that money could have been spent on food or more importantly car parts!!!
So anyhow for most of you folks out there I don't do traditional dates. Especially if I don't know the girl very well then I keep it simple.
I usually ask when the girl usually eats dinner and most folks say... 6 or 7ish.... and I say:
"Perfect! I don't get off of work till about 7 so why don't we meet up for dessert, coffee, or drinks."
That way you just avoided dinner altogether.
Why do you ask that I do this?
1) Its VERY hard to spend more than $10-15 on coffee and desserts... even at nice places.
2) Doesn't break the bank
3) Coffee and dessert can be consumed pretty quickly so you can make an escape if she turns out to be a complete freak....or stay if thats your thing.
4) You don't have to stare at her or talk for a long period of time ie: over dinner... that gets weird if you don't have chemistry
5) If the date goes well you can continue it by walking around etc...
I make it a rule NEVER to buy women things, pay for expensive dinners/gifts/favors to seek her approval. Its a lose-lose situation and women lose respect for you when you try to buy their approval. It basically says "You believe that I you are not worthy for me to like you for who you are...so you're trying to bribe me with food and gifts in a pathetic attempt to win me over. " Women resent that.
First few dates I keep simple.... if the girl is cool and meets my expectations then we can do the whole dinner/whole day date thing. Then it costs should be shared.... its the 21st century and women want to be independent, make a contribution, feel powerful, and be equals.... so I give them the opportunity to express those rights by allowing them to pay their share. But in my experiences they've paid the whole bill 
YMMV,
-B | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 2:37:50 AM | | So Rico Suave, why are YOU on POF.com? I didn't read your entire post but I mean from what I can tell, how do you find the time to pimp it AND recount it all here? | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 7:31:26 AM | How about--"You get this one,as I got the last one" Of course in your situation "As I got the last 10 ones" might be more fitting.
And let me say--if this is how he is now--this isnt the only thing he will expect you to continue paying--personal experience!
I usually pay the first time--I was brought up with the notion that I can take care of myself BY myself,unfourtunatly,I end up feeling like I need to take care of everyone else also--whole different issue--whole different thread! lol. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 9:00:43 AM | Some of my female friends say that I could've found out sooner whether the guy is a loser by the fact his willingness to financially invest in paying for the date meant his seriousness/willingness to invest emotionally into the date.
I think you are correct in what you said. I don't know if this makes him 'a loser' or not. That might be a bit harsh. We all have different financial circumstances, and they fluctuate depending on that month's unexpected car repair or whatever. Dates do not have to cost a lot of money.
I don't understand why it is tied together (I used to be so egalitarian about things), but it seems to be a strong marker. If he is not interested in investing in me financially it turns out he is not interested in investing himself emotionally in me. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 9:17:00 AM | That might be a bit harsh. We all have different financial circumstances, and they fluctuate depending on that month's unexpected car repair or whatever. Dates do not have to cost a lot of money.
Nah, this dude was a loser. And I'll tell you why by pasting the story from the bad dates thread. I don't hold it against the guy for not paying; I hold it against him for making my friend who came with us go through what she did. Pretty embarrassing, really. I've left out a lot of stuff but this was over a year ago so this is all I'm willing to recount. It was pretty bad. Borrowing money from your date--not cool. Borrowing money from you date and not paying her back--totally not cool.
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Dates from Hell!
Posted: 7/15/2006 12 12 PM
Poor judgment on my part led me to go on a date with a guy I thought was decent. Initial impressions were very misleading, as he was very articulate and attractive, alumnus to Notre Dame, worked in finance... but was attending AA meetings when I met him because (this is his story) he crashed his car after being invited to a party by a girl he dated who had previously ditched him to get back with her ex. Upon seeing her dancing with every guy at the party except him, he sulked and was approached by another girl who told him not to worry that she "wasn't giving [him] the time of day" because the girl he liked did that to every guy. Instead of waiting for the booze to wear off he got in his car and got into an accident at the onramp, was thrown in jail for the night and had to take responsibility for his actions. He owned up to this from the beginning so I was aware of what I was getting myself into. One of my friends also said I was rebounding, which is probably true, who knows.
First date went well. He was the first person I'd ever dated who I'd gone dutch with [on a first date], in part because I was cognizant of his AA/lawyer fees from his stupidity and didn't want to burden that. In hindsight I say stupidity but at the time I tried to empathize. Second date I took him to my classmate's birthday party, where all the girls later asked me about him (they all thought he was hot--you can see what law school does to girls). haha J/k, their comments were not unfounded. Anyway, on the third date I decide to bring one of my best friends, as I was able to get tickets to a charity event at a club in LA. Had to pick him up (as he is not allowed to drive anywhere aside from the route from work to home and back). Entire time driving there all he could do was point out nice cars on the road and question where he (the driver in the car) "got his money from." He went on about himself, what car he wanted (he was a die hard Ferrari fan), how other people don't deserve their money, etc.
He needed to stop off at Rite Aid because he needed to gel up his hair (he didn't look good and blamed this on having come from work--which is no excuse because I was getting off work, too, and got ready in 10 minutes flat). Mind you we were running late, I hadn't eaten dinner yet because I was at work all day, skipped my lunch to finish my homework for summer school... So he goes to the bathroom at Rite Aid, taking with him earplugs (the club is too loud for him, apparently and he self-diagnosed himself with a hearing problem without going to the doctor), breath mints and hair gel... he's in there for well over 30 minutes. While waiting, my friend and I get ice cream for dinner because he was taking so effing long. Even the ice cream guy makes a comment on how long he'd been in there. The ice cream guy, unlike him, also complimented my friend and I on how we looked, dressed up and all. When he comes out, he takes with him to the cashier the breath mints and earplugs--but no hair gel--and his hair is geled.
I am by this time annoyed. I didn't even notice that he hadn't purchased the hair gel; my friend was the one who noticed and later told me. I still to this day wonder if I should've just left him at that Rite Aid but because I have this stupid thing called a conscience, I know I wouldn't have. We get to the club, I end up having to pay valet, he comments on feeling underdressed at this event (whine whine whine) and asks my friend what drink we want at the open bar. We tell him our drinks and he comes back with vodka cranberry for both of us, which is NOT what we asked. Turns out the only things free at the open bar were things that included vodka. He probably didn't tip the bartender, either. The tickets I got for all of us were each $50 (through work, I didn't pay for it, but still) in addition to the fact that I drove and paid for valet so it was not like I was asking for very much for him to buy us a drink.
Went to one of my favorite restaurants afterwards for dinner. While looking through the menu he stated that he was going to order the steak, which is fairly expensive. I questioned, knowing his financial state because he had so often mentioned himself being in dire straits, whether he could afford it. I forgot what his condescending tone was but it annoyed me because I'd paid for one of his meals before that. In fact, when I said I'd take care of the check, I had him calculate the tax for me on the receipt because I hate having to sit there and figure it out... and in the next paragraph you'll see that him not tipping only goes to show how double standard he is to be able to spend someone else's money--that and the requisite knowledge to say he knew he wasn't tipping. (I also left out that while he presented himself as someone in financial turmoil for the accident and legal expenses, he was able to spend frivolously on himself... pretty selfish. I don't think it would have annoyed me as much if he hadn't had such poor spending habits.)
I ordered an entree and split lobster bisque with my friend. When the check came out he and my friend split the bill. He paid his entree/drink, my entree but nothing for tip/bisque. She got the check after him and puzzled at this, was just like eff it, and paid the rest. She later remarked that it felt like she and I were BOTH on a bad date with him. He was entirely different with her around (and his interaction with people) compared to when it was just with me. My friend is convinced, however, that he was always a jerk and that I was just "on the rebound." I disagree with this statement but there is nothing I can say to substantiate this since I pretty much took a break from dating since then. He continued at the restaurant to remark on people's watches, etc., but when I pointed out that he was a people watcher, he denied it--then continued to remark on where so and so got his money, how he deserved it more then them, etc. He later apologized that he was "not in his character" for his behavior that night. I don't think anyone can be that annoying out of character.
I dropped him off because he had work the next day and was feeling sleepy (more whining). He asked for cash to get out of the parking structure in Santa Monica (where he was parked). I didn't have small change so I gave him a $20, knowing I'd probably never see it again. He tried to lean in for a hug but stopped because I was mildly annoyed by then and was in no condition to give or take any hugs. He called to apologize later... it was pretty pathetic. I disregarded all further correspondence from him afterward and he IMed one of the girls I knew, sulking that I "didn't give him the time of day." Lesson learned.
So there you have it. This dude is why I've pretty much made this post. Well, that and the date before who called me a "fem" for trying to pay. =) So my goal is to avoid guys like this. But now I know it's a trial and error situation that requires better judgment more than anything else. *sigh* I'd spent a good amount of money in my last relationship, but it was a give and take; the $60-80 in gas money/time I wasted over the short period of time I knew the dude I recounted in this post was really a poor investment on my part if we were to do a cost-benefit analysis, er, opportunity cost (I could've spent that money on my friends). It's not exactly in my nature to go around spending money on dudes I'm not friends with. Anyway, thanks for reading. =) | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 10:06:40 AM | | Correction: Whoops, I mean I spent $60-80 in general expenses, gas money and time not that amount in gas money alone... that'd be a whole lot of driving! haha Still doesn't make the story any better. Dang, I really miss that money... | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 10:31:48 AM | | If a guy asks me to dinner I don't expect to pay. If I ask him out I expect to pay. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 11:39:05 AM | my last date i payed and the girl just looked to me like " if you do it again i`ll kill you ", but it`s how i am.... i don`t feel conforteble sharing the bill.
something wrong with me? | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 12:35:42 PM | | I concure with your statement! | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 12:50:30 PM |
I recently paid for a first date with a guy. I was going to pay my share of the meal and was using Interac. I decided, what the hell, and paid for the whole thing. He was very surprised and said that this was an absolute first for him. I thought it was cool - now I will always be remembered for my good deed - even if I ended up buying dinner for an ***hole!
Stop dateing as*holes. Might be a good start. In a situation like that, you got dinner, and just did it withought asking, the rest of the night is on me. :) Id feel bad if you didnt at least let me pay for movies / popcorn, or whatever.
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/25/2006 3:39:08 PM | | i suspect this guy is gay. there's too many exclamation points and miscellaneous happy faces to conclude otherwise. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 12:41:58 AM |
i suspect this guy is gay. there's too many exclamation points and miscellaneous happy faces to conclude otherwise.
You're just saying that because you like me. btw... you're kinda cute we should get together and make out sometime. 
-B | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 1:05:40 AM |
So Rico Suave, why are YOU on POF.com? I didn't read your entire post but I mean from what I can tell, how do you find the time to pimp it AND recount it all here?
Isn't it obvious? Im in search for my suga momma that'll take care of me in my old age! Need to find more women that come from old money.
As for my time pimp'in and recounting it..... you haven't heard or seen anything yet... and Im not so sure you can handle it.
Like I said... It's the 21st century and the majority of women want to be independent, make a contribution, feel powerful, and be equals.... so I give them the opportunity to express those rights by allowing them to pay their share....and mine too!
-B | |
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