| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 1:57:07 AM | They say that there are not many gentlemen left in this world, I disagree. Its always been the gentlemans perogative to pay the bill.
If I ask a lady out, wether its for a coffee, a lunch date, or whatever, I will insist on picking up the bill, that is not a ticket to another date, that is how I am.
You are a lady, dont feel obliged to pay half, a true gent will not expect it, and if you would genuinely like to return the compliment sometime, like me, he would feel honoured. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 2:38:37 AM | | That sounds like a good compromise. I think a lot of men resent still having to pay for meals etc on dates. However, I feel that if someone wants to pay, then you should let them. Its embarrassing enough on first dates without having to haggle over who pays. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 6:45:50 AM |
They say that there are not many gentlemen left in this world, I disagree. Its always been the gentlemans perogative to pay the bill.
If I ask a lady out, wether its for a coffee, a lunch date, or whatever, I will insist on picking up the bill, that is not a ticket to another date, that is how I am.
You are a lady, dont feel obliged to pay half, a true gent will not expect it, and if you would genuinely like to return the compliment sometime, like me, he would feel honoured.
Your reasoning is flawed, my friend. Just because you're a gentleman doesn't mean that there are "not many gentlemen left in the world"--it just shows that there is at least one left. And at least one stil does not disprove what "they" say about there not being "many" gentlemen left. Wow, I wish I had that kind of good analysis on my exams.  | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 6:47:09 AM | Its embarrassing enough on first dates without having to haggle over who pays.
The trick is not to make a scene out of it. I don't think it should be a death match over who pays; it should be something you both laugh about, rather than the woman sitting there with the "you better pay" look on her face.
I like how my post has lasted this long. =) | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 7:19:28 AM | | Well women do say they want equal rights, and if they want to be equal I have no problem with them paying there share, and what has she done to deserve a guy, who she barely even knows, to pay for her? Alot of men do it because of there LOOKS, that's it, and alot of uncomfortable things go through her mind when a guy pays. Better wait until she's deserved the reward by being nice. She may be the ice queen **** from hell who steps on butterfly's, yet you spent $15.00 on her! I'm all for paying for a whole date so long as she's proven herself to earn it. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:14:34 AM | | Maybe your reasoning is different because we are from different continents lachic, I do respect your opinion, but mine remains the same, if I ever come to LA, I will gladly buy you lunch! | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:23:44 AM | | Your post as lasted this long because its not offensive, its your honest opinion. just looked at your profile, I like it. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:43:04 AM | As a girl in the dating world, if he asks I do expect him to pay.
That being said, if it's a first date and there really isn't any chemistry, I don't mind contributing. A guy I went out with once handled it very well. At the end of the evening we both knew there was no connection and he said, "well shall we settle up (the bill)?" Yes of course. I would never go out without the means to pay.
Maybe I'm old fashioned but I think it's just common courtesy to have men open doors, wait until you've proceeded them out said doors, elevators, etc. I am not offended if they don't but certainly appreciate if they do. They also get bonus points.
When you first start dating someone it's hard to know when to pay and when not to though. I don't want him to think I always expect him to pay, or just dating him for his money. Is there a magic number of dates when he would think this? | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 9:23:13 AM |
Being the year 2006, it is more common to see females pay for their half of the date. Personally, I think I guy who expects the girl to pay for "her half" is a dead beat. A lady should be treated out, thats what a date is. And what ever happened to men opening doors and such? If a guy is really interested in you, he would want to do these types of things, especially if he wants a second date. If I have to open my own doors and pay for my half, I might as well be out with my friends :P
I think it's a great idea to see females pay there half of the date (especially the first when you two barely know eachother), however I have no problem paying for a first date if I've known the person long enough to determine if they've earned it.
And what about this whole "equal" rights thing? Women have fought for equal rights, to be given the same level respect and the same pay and oppertunities as men, and have a major advantage in the courtroom, yet in spite of this there are still many girls who expect a man to pay for everything, if we are still obligated to pay for absolutely everything I think we should frankly throw "equal" rights out the window completely as if were paying for everything we should make all the rules and have the power! If you let a guy pay for everything your making an unwritten agreement that he'll have all the power, afterall he would be making all the financial investments in the relationship. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 9:26:17 AM | | I mean lets say you leave most of your money at home and bring $20.00 for the date, and you take her to coffee, you spent $4.50-6.50 depending on where you go (for a venti), and she arrives, you know next to nothing about her, how do you determine if she's worth the reward? You can spend some on her, but its no guaruntee of a second date, and if she has a problem paying for herself that's a red flag and should seek a girl who will carry her weight in the relationship, and by so doing reward her by paying for everything at a good resturaunt for a special occasion. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 9:55:56 AM | I totally have to agree w/ Wishash and the OP. :)
Wishash hits the spot right there!
I do feel that if I let the guy pay, then he's expecting something in return. Therefore, (I dunno if I do this subconsciously or not..) if I do not feel any attachment towards the guy, I pay. If we go out for movie and dinner, then I pay for movie or dinner and he pays for the other. That way I don't feel like I've just used his money so I won't be guilt-tripped into seeing him again.
However, if I like the guy, I'll let him pay the whole thing. I can always make it up on the 2nd date, haha.
OP is also right about opening doors. If I like the guy, I'll let him open doors for me. Otherwise, I always beat my guy friends to the door, too! :P | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 9:56:11 AM | | Oops.. it's "Wildash", sorry. Early morning... :P hahaha | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/26/2006 10:22:34 AM | When I'm out with someone who invited me, whether on a date or with a friend, I always pull out my wallet when the bill comes. That way, if we're sharing the cost, all that have to do is eye the bill, show it to me, and reach for their own wallet. (I haven't been out with anyone who did the inviting and then expected me to pay the whole tab; I'm more frequently out with friends than with dates, though, so perhaps that makes a difference.)
If they want to pay, they'll say so (usually without any drama or getting upset that I have my wallet out). If it's a date, I don't want to insult him by saying, "Are you sure?", as if he's too poor to pay or too dumb to know whether he can pay. So then I just say, "Oh... thank you!" and put away the wallet.
If it's just friends and I don't want to take advantage or have it turn into a date, I might say, "Are you sure? I would be glad to pay for my meal." If they say a second time that they want to pay, I put the wallet away and say thank you.
Once the bill is paid and we're getting up to leave, I make sure to say, "Thanks again for the meal." I enjoy being treated, but I want to avoid giving the impression that I am ungrateful or that my offer to help pay was not sincere. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/27/2006 8:10:47 AM |
Maybe your reasoning is different because we are from different continents lachic, I do respect your opinion, but mine remains the same, if I ever come to LA, I will gladly buy you lunch!
We're of different generations altogether! That may also account for the reason why many women these days are skeptical about chivalric men; I'd say when I made that statement that I did not take into account the varied age groups. To be sure, the men in my age range are a little less refined in some ways on certain matters, no offense. I don't know how English guys are, but the accent definitely gets 2 charm points from the ladies. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/27/2006 8:25:20 AM | Ton Desert
OP is also right about opening doors. If I like the guy, I'll let him open doors for me. Otherwise, I always beat my guy friends to the door, too! :P
Really?! Wow, I thought it was just me. I mean, I know of people who either want one or the other. A lot of my friends (both guys AND girls) open doors for me, and I for them, which is nice. I think it's not so much a matter of chivalry as it is common courtesy, but for the friend who I consciously ALWAYS beat to the door, I did that because I knew he still liked me so I guess that was my way of handling it. Now that he has a girlfriend, he doesn't open doors for me anymore. haha Funny how guys are. We're still good "friends" so it's all good. I quoted "friends" because although I talk to him like any other guy friend, he expresses some degree of malcontent when I used to mention guys I thought were attractive (even though he comes to me for dating/relationship advice, places to take his gf, told me about problems with his gf--and I call him my Princess--I have my reasons).
I don't think any guy who's paid has expected anything from me [physically] simply because of my [overly] reserved demeanor. But that's a whole 'nother thread altogether. I think my thought of not paying bothers me because of self-image and who I want to portray myself as; could also be a pride thing, because I've never depended on anyone. I never took psychology so I have no personality explication about why I do the things I do--I also think analyzing my behavior from a psychology standpoint is sort of BS. =) | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:30:58 AM | the men in my age range are a little less refined in some ways on certain matters
You don't think women have changed as well? Don't you think that might have something to do with it too? | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:48:22 AM | | Pretty much, yeah. haha From both sides. Sadness. But I'm straight, so I'm not gonna try to talk about a demographic in the dating pool that is not my concern. That's where the guys on this site come in =) | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/31/2006 10:16:38 PM | | your making this difficult. if its meeting them for the first time, just pick an inexpensive place you feel comfortable about picking up the tab, (pizza, nachos, wings) then play it by ear. you want a relaxed atmosphere, where no one is pressured into financial obligation. have a drink, talk, smile, -see if there are any fireworks. -save fighting over the check for future dates. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/31/2006 11:12:36 PM | | how do you guys feel about a girl paying for a date if its really expensive? What if I want to plan something special but its going to cost a bit...is it ok for me to pay for it all(in advance)? | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/31/2006 11:15:33 PM | Never..always make the guy pay..  | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 7/31/2006 11:16:13 PM | | if someone offers to pay, then thats fine with me. I like the "i'll pay for this one, you pay for the next one" idea | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 8/1/2006 8:02:18 PM | | years ago, i was dating a co worker. we both worked the same hours, made the same wage (our paychecks every friday were nearly identical) she still damanded i pay for everything since i was the guy. she told me she could find lots of guys who would pay for her to have fun, -ok -bye bye. i dont expect everything to be devided exactly down the center, but things should even out in the long run. i would expect a fun experience, honest friendship, a bit of contribution to the ralationship. -you better be bringing more on a date than just your vagina. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 8/1/2006 10:24:31 PM | | Being that everything is equal now of days, it's kind of expected that both parties pay their half. I however, have no problem paying for the meal as long as the young lady leave's the tip. | |
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Tarra
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Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 99 | |
| Paying on Dates
Posted: 8/1/2006 11:49:59 PM | | I feel that if it is a first meeting and the guy asked me out to dinner, than he would pay. But, I would be sure to have enough cash with me in case he didn't. I would then offer to treat him the next time, or invite him over for a nice home cooked meal. I have also been on dates where the man always insisted to pay. I have been on other dates were they asked me out and I paid. I think it depends on how well you know the person, how long you have been seeing each other etc. If it is a new relationship, and you are at the "getting to know each other stage" it can get awkward. If you are exclusively dating each other and it is more of a serious relationship, I think it works out well to both treat each other, both parties sharing in the cost of a nice evening out. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 8/2/2006 12:50:51 AM | | I agree I'll pay for the first 3 dates. After that, I'll pay if I offer to take my date out, but if she wants to invite me out after the third date she'll pay. I don't do double dutch. | |
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