| Paying on Dates
Posted: 10/1/2006 1:16:52 AM |
- First date, guy pays. Or, if you want to be more liberal with that interpretation, the person who invited the other person out must pay but really, I still think to make a good impression, the guy should pay for the first outing.
I think that each person should pay their own way. The girl also has to make some sort of a good impression. Why should I have to pay for someone that I come to find that I'm not interested in? That makes no sense. Each person should have to do a bit of hoop-jumping to impress the other person. The first date shouldn't be a job interview for the guy.
- If it goes well, ladies, you invite the dude out the next time and pay. Tell him that when he's paying for the first date that you got next time to avoid the awkwardness of just sitting there as he pays. If you do other activities aside from the meal e.g. shooting pool, the non-paying person pay for that. C'mon, it's only fair.
This is all based on the idea that the female invites the male. The end of a successful first date is generally along the lines of "I had fun. You should give me a call and we'll hang out again sometime." Which basically translates to "I'm inviting you to invite me out on another date." The girl asking the guy out during the alpha stages of a relationship is significantly less frequent than the other way around. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 10/1/2006 5:14:20 AM | | On dates, I like switching back and forth -- however, whoever sets the date usually pays. I like to ask them how they feel about the issue, and I tell them "I don't want to seem direspectful if I offer to pay, or if I order for you or do anything else which is rather traditional." So I ask in advance if it's acceptable, most say yes, some say they'd like some aspects modified etc. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 10/1/2006 3:27:29 PM |
The first date shouldn't be a job interview for the guy.
I agree completely mhealth4, it should just be friendly back and forth conversations with no expectations or pettiness. If we click as a couple thats great, if not then it just wasn't ment to be. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 12/17/2006 4:31:34 AM | Hey Sassy ..i agree to a point about paying . But i have no problem if the woman wants to pay her share and insist on doing so .But i would prefer to do the right thing. but as far as the other things ou menton ..well i can say from experience that i am a great cook and LOVE to cook for the woman im with.. clean up included..lol..have great coversation while doing so..and i figure that if i invite you into my home for dinner ..then the food we eat and the beverage we drink are all part of it and at MY cost ..i dont see it as you (hanging around). i want you there and enjoy your company . but i do agree guys should pay the bill.. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 5/22/2007 12:27:49 AM | First off, yikes a guy tells you that you are a loonie short of your half of the bill, that's just plain unfriendly, can't imagine this person even has a friend.
Interesting post topic though, it is a classic demonstration of our current stuggle with the sensitivies of womens independence versus the love for classic male and female roles. I know that in the case of who pays for a movie or dinner or dancing and drinks, I feel compelled to pay for all of that sort of thing when dating. I actually feel uncomfortable when the woman asks to pay for some or if the grab the bill. I am generous in this manner with my friends as well, feeling most comfortable being the one to pickup a tab and uncomfortable when others do. Not exactly sure what my motivations are, but those are my behaviors :) I certainly don't think I am presuming that the woman can't pay for these things or that I am paying for these things with other "expectations" from her in mind :) It's just the role of the male in the courting ritual, kinda like the male bird bringing cool looking nesting materials or doing a fine tail fan dance to impress his want to be mate :)
Sorry if I overuse smilies, but quite frankly too many people get too serious about certain topics. A nice home cooked meal (better than anything I can make), some yummy cookies or a shirt that I have trouble picking out on my own really are all I need to feel appropriately "paid back" :)
In general here you are just going to fall into one of two camps. Either you are comfortable with the guy fulfilling that "traditional" role of paying for your dating or you aren't.
And I'm sorry, but I'm still chuckling a bit about the goof pointing out you are a dollar short on your half, he needs some serious help 
Cheers | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 5/22/2007 8:08:00 PM | | I'm old fashioned. I perfer to pay for the date. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 5/22/2007 8:16:57 PM | You're right, there are many angles to this. I will always ask "can I chip in to help?" 9 times out of 10 the guys says he will pay. I think he realizes I appreciate the drinks and/or meal and if I decide there was no real chemistry, hopefully he doesn't feel taken advantage of.
UGH! The world of dating..... | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:20:11 PM | | Ha, I have you all beat! I don't pay ON dates, I pay to GET dates!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!! | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:28:45 PM | | You know the first meeting should always be a coffee or a drink or something that isn't going to break the bank for goodness sake. Then from the drink you can arrange a "date" - if it's with someone that you are comfortable with and "want" to spend time with then it won't be hard to decide who is paying for what. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:37:58 PM | I think Cheap Skates like going dutch with women. If the man asked the woman out he should pay. If you don't want to pay, don't ask the lady out. It is called being a Gentleman. But I regress. I forget that men today weren't taught how to be gentlemen. We don't don't open doors, pull out a chair, take their coats or help them on with their coats before leaving, we don't offer our elbows as we walk.
And now we stopped paying for the dates.
I imagine I stepped on a lot of feet. But its true and you know it. Many of you have this new view point. One that is more up to date and not so 60's like. A view that has removed the men out of the row of being Gentlemen. Now we are too busy getting into their panties. You know Gentlemen had the same cravings only back then they also had the ability to control themselves a lot more.
There is a flip side. I did inform my lady friends if they ever ask me out on a date and "If" I said yes, I'd let them pay for the dinner. Mind you that was for my lady friends, I didn't ever allow a g/f to do that. And in 44 years I only missed up once and said yes to a friend. She didn't listen to any of my arguements, since she had me dead to rights I gave in.
But it makes me feel like a user to let the woman pay. I am also the type that don't like male friends to pay for anything either. So it has nothing to do with them being a woman, just me keeping my image of not sponging off of others.
And it is curiously also a Gentlemanship trait. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/17/2007 11:40:15 PM | | I think that whoever asked for the date should pay for the first one, the other person should always offer with the asker declining. Then susequent dates should be back and forth. | |
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9 to 9
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Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 137 | |
| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/18/2007 12:59:32 AM | msg. 1
50/50 is the best way to go, especialy on a date. But as for emotional involvement, try chatting a bit and getting to know the person fairly well, before the first date. the operating reality behind that is simple, if the sparks are there before you meet, they'll be even better and stronger when you actually do. Unless, of course the person is less then advertised. ;)
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/18/2007 2:35:08 AM |
They say that there are not many gentlemen left in this world, I disagree. Its always been the gentlemans perogative to pay the bill.
If I ask a lady out, wether its for a coffee, a lunch date, or whatever, I will insist on picking up the bill, that is not a ticket to another date, that is how I am.
You are a lady, dont feel obliged to pay half, a true gent will not expect it, and if you would genuinely like to return the compliment sometime, like me, he would feel honoured.
perfect reply.... good to see a few gentlemen still left in this world.... completely agree with your statement Tony1965 | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/18/2007 3:45:52 AM | I want to treat a woman to a good time, so I want to pay. Doesn't mean that I expect sex for it.
But most women who are interested in me, don't want me to pay, and fight me on it.
Unfortunately, if the woman lets me pay, nine times out of ten, she is NOT interested.
I'm glad to see that some women want the guy to pay. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/18/2007 4:11:06 AM | Well, I am a traditional type of gal as well. I believe in opening doors, paying for the first date.... , it is all about courtship and romance... some gentleman are offended if we ask to pay....we are talking gentleman --- very few and far betweeen!!!
Then as the relationship goes forward....yes take them out, treat them....
I generally stick with the gentlemen.....they know how to conduct themselves and have manners.... | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/18/2007 7:48:32 AM | | Hey girls always say stuff like I want a gentleman, then shack up with blokes who call them ****es. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/18/2007 8:14:54 AM | Hey I love girls to pay every other meal it's more respectful in my oppinion, its like girls who walk up to me in clubs and say buy us a drink, then they clear off straight away, thats, not respectful is it so to end my waffling your great lol!! | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/21/2007 3:33:28 AM | | true story.....but then again, you are generalizing "Some" girls....I myself have always chose gentlemen.....and one can see someone who is not a "gentleman" online by their profiles and comments on such forums as these. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/21/2007 4:18:52 AM | I think Cheap Skates like going dutch with women. If the man asked the woman out he should pay. If you don't want to pay, don't ask the lady out. It is called being a Gentleman. But I regress. I forget that men today weren't taught how to be gentlemen. We don't don't open doors, pull out a chair, take their coats or help them on with their coats before leaving, we don't offer our elbows as we walk.
And now we stopped paying for the dates.
I haven't had a problem paying when I've done the asking, but mostly because that's just polite. My "new" viewpoint is that the traits exhibited by "gentlemen" are really just courtesies that both men and woman should show eachother, so I think calling those who are alright with going dutch cheap skates is a bit much, unless they ask their date out and then just flat out insist that she pays her own way. If a woman wants to be nice and treat her man, open a door for people here and there, or just give a helping hand, that's fine with me. I've never felt like much of a mooch for accepting such gifts or acts of kindness because I'm usually just as ready to hold a door open and just as generous when I can afford to be.
I think the only thing that I really find offensive about some women (or men) saying things like "Women should never do the asking, and the man should always pay because that's the man's job" is that it's basically saying that because women were born women that somehow means they should be getting special priveledges. If a man is looked down on for being ok with the woman paying, that should go both ways, and if that goes both ways, well, we're all screwed... | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 6/21/2007 4:56:58 AM | I'm with Emeraldeyes on this one. When I ask a woman out I am prepared and expect to pay for the dinner/entertainment. I like to pay for the first two or three dates and after that I think it's great when she offers to pay.
I have had a couple of first dates who wanted to go dutch. I accepted because I thought it was generous of them. But now I'm wondering do any of you ladies offer to pay (even if you'd rather the man pay) only because you think you should? Or do you offer because you want to be fair and not burden him with the whole bill? Is your offer ever a test to see whether he's generous or cheap? | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:15:04 PM | What a load of crap ladies, you have equal rights, pay and work its 2008. Only a woman who is a gold-digger will make you or expect you to pay. I mean if she wants to meet and get to know you as much as you do her, then WHY CANNOT SHE PAY 1/2??? We are equals I hope???
MPT | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:42:01 PM | This is why I normally get something I can pay for if I have to lol Actually, I normally get cheap stuff to eat whether I am alone or out with a guy. Heck my boyfriend wont even let me do his laundry or whatever.....and if I even THINK to reach for my wallet he is pushing the thought away lol
I guess just go with what your instinct is...be joking and be like.. "wow...so much to choose from but I am not sure how much I wish to pay..." or something more joking and see what his response is...  | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 8/25/2008 6:12:46 PM | Only a woman who is a gold-digger will make you or expect you to pay.
Make you pay? I am picturing a women standing at a dinner table holding a guy in a head lock right now lol..how in the world does someone MAKE another person pay?
I haven't had a man pay for a drink, dinner or an entire date in very very long time. I usually always pay for my own way. I do it for two reasons. One yes, I believe fair is fair. I pay one time.....you pay another.
But the bigger reason is this....
I am sick of men thinking every women is only interested in a free ride. I refuse to argue about a bar tab or dinner check if that is the only concern my date has (who is going to pay vs. getting to know me and have a nice time) then I will just pay and be done with it. No big deal.
No, I am not a gold-digger just like a lot of women are on here are not. But when people continue to make blanket statements, group all women into the same category and show up on dates with the attitude that they will NOT pay for a drink or dinner in order to prove they will not tolerate a potential gold digger it's easier just to pay my own way and not worry about it.
I went out on a date awhile ago. The other person suggested meeting for a drink and picked the place. I got there first and ordered a $12 martini. I gave the bartendar my credit card and told him when the person I was meeting got there to put his drink on my tap. The guy showed up, ordered a beer and continued to talk about how expensive my drink was for the next hour. When the check came with MY credit card already in the holder I thanked him for his time and said good night. Why? Because his only concern for the previous hour was how expensive my drink was (which he wasn't even paying for) and not actually getting to know me other than to assume that I was looking for a free ride.
God forbid if a women let's you buy her dinner or a drink she may be nothing more than a gold digger looking for someone to take care of her. Nice assumption of all women. That would be like me saying that when a man DOES buy me dinner or a drink he expects something in return or will hold it over my head. Yes, some men probably would do that but thank God I don't go around assumimg that every man in the world was made from the same "jerk" mold.
Dinner is dinner. If you are paying her rent, electric bill, car payment, medical bills, groceries, etc etc. all while she sits at home watching TV when you are working 16 hrs a day that's one thing. Then perhaps you should analyze your relationship with that person.
We are talking about a date. And if you are sick of paying for dates for girls try suggesting going for a walk, a picnic or something that is free if it's that big of a deal in order to get to know them. Not everything has to be expensive when getting to know someone and if you are that freaked out if THEY suggest the most expensive place suggest something else and see what happens. Or better yet just bring up the subject of getting separate checks before you even meet for the first time. Problem solved, everyone is on the same page, and everyone knows what to expect. | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 8/25/2008 10:05:00 PM | | I have always felt weird dividing up the check; so, I tend to follow the axiom: If I ask, I pay. If she asks me out, it is on her! I think it is very cool when a woman asks me out... viva liberation! | |
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| Paying on Dates
Posted: 8/27/2008 3:10:35 AM | | i believe in the lost art of chivalry. A woman is is to be treated a a lady & will always be-yes if she chooses to work a mans job then put the pom-poms down & get dirty dont whine & expect people to pick up ur slack.but in dating & relationships i believe a woman takes care of her man & a man takes care of her ...simple as it should be 50-50. as for paying on a date ...i believe who invites ---pays the toll--if i invite a guy to dinner with me its my treat ,, if he invites me then its his, very simple & rude in other notions.in any case i always ofer to pick up the tip & by no concern have i ever been considered nor will be considered a gold digger. I believe a man rules the house within respect & love i was raised from the amish with sterness & values henceforth i relay them in my life with my own twists:) yes i believe in paying the bill 50-50 with a friend on occassion but usually even with my friends its "ive got this time ,u get next time"--it feels good when u can do something for someone outside of urself. -a man that has a full heart ^& is interested will feel privaledged to hold the honnor of a lady excepting the date & will love to open the car door & treat her as a queen as she will treat him as her king. on my closeing note... yes we have been givien equal rights to vote & be able to work...to each her own to utilize as fit ...does that cancel out that a man is a man? --& chivarly is dead-canceled & void? then should a womens position of careing for her man be canceled?---morals ethics and love--to each his own | |
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