Bolink
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Joined: 10/12/2006
Msg: 101 | |
| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/2/2006 5:42:28 PM | All the girls whom I have dated have not minded my smoking, and actually even liked the smell. I think that was more to the whole smell recognition thing cause it reminded them of me. HOWEVER, If it was a breaking deal with a girl, I would understand. I know its a bad, disgusting habit, that is slowly taking away my lung capacity and killing me.
Hence why I am trying to quit whilst I am still young. But even having smoked only for 4 years...its still pretty damn hard. Im on day 3 smoke free cold turkey. (Yay for me)
And to be perfectly honest, even though I am (was, fingers crossed) I dont think I could date a girl who smoked. Even though I find it attractive, I want my partner to be in good health, hence why I am quitting because I shouldnt expect anything from a partner that I wouldnt expect myself. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/22/2007 2:45:05 PM | Holy Crap i can't beleive how blind and pigheaded you are.let me ask do you drink???how many people are killed evryday from drunk drivers??And for higher healthcare costs what about all of the problems that come with drinking have you ever stoped to look at that side of the picture? I don't drink so should i be saying why should i have to pay higher insurance premiums because of all the drunk driving????? If you also do any research on the matter it is proven that people who smoke heal 10 to 20 % faster than those who don't smoke.!!!!!!! Both of my Grandparents died of lung cancer and never smoked in their life or were around it everyday,so you tell me where else did it come from?????. This will be a debate that will go on forever,and both sides will say they are the ones who are right.So why don't we just do what we do and let other people do what they do. here is a little quote take it anyway you like. I would love to see thing's from your prospective but i can't stick my head up my a-- far enough.
GOOD DAY | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/22/2007 4:05:53 PM | First of all smoking smells bad and gets into everything...
Second reason is I buried both of my chain smoking parents at young ages due to lung cancer. I don't want to bury my best friend too if it can be prevented. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:20:53 PM | What bothers me the most in this issue is the degree of hatred that is felt towards smokers. People don't express this much hatred or revulsion against drunk drivers or child molestors or drug addicts. And I find it ironic that all the non smokers seem to say that they suffer from allergies and asthma............
I don't deny that smoking is bad. Or that people have a right to not be exposed to it in a public environment.
But the DEGREE of absolute hatred has been caused by a public relations campaign that makes me very suspicious. After all, if that much public relations and that much money was spent to stop drunk driving or child molestors, think of all the good that would be done in this world............. So why did our government pick out this ONE habit to attack?
There are children living in rat infested slums with parents who are on crack or cocaine. There are porn sites all over the internet. Why isn't that much money and time and public relations spent to stop things like that?
And to blame rising health costs on smokers? No, health costs have risen because our medical system costs include so much paperwork at this point from receptionists who make appointments to clerks who file insurance claims to malpractice problems and huge rental costs for suites for medical practices. Why does an aspirin cost $5 in a hospital? Because they use cost accounting to figure the cost of it and that is how many people handle one aspirin from the time they order it, receive it, dispense it and give it to you.
In addition, our health costs have gone up because alcoholics get liver transplants and go to rehabs six times before they get sober if they ever do it........... Our health costs have gone up because our traffic accident rates are among the highest in the world.
Our health costs have gone up because our premiums subsidize good things, too, like heart transplants and many life saving operations.
Maybe that's why our government focuses so much public hatred on smokers. They have created a scapegoat so people won't question the real reasons why our medical care costs are so out of control............? Why aren't people ENRAGED when they get charged $5 for an aspirin?
I actually know a guy who designed a computer program for doctors which came up with a list of ALL the procedures that could be done and paid for by insurance for each diagnosis even if all those procedures weren't medically necessary. In maximized the amount doctors could bill insurance companies and get paid for.
I'm old enough to know that when the government raises this much public wrath against something, it's usually because they don't want people to see something else that is the real problem? Whether that's pollution or medical costs......only time will tell but trust me, the government has manipulated this public hatred for some reason.
They could have wiped out sexual predators and porn with all the money they have spent on this campaign..........Why haven't they attacked those problems with that kind of outrage? | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/22/2007 8:54:45 PM | Friendlyldy:
This isn't meant as a personal attack, but to point out something that often happens when smokers are confronted with their habit by those who don't like it. It's great that you're considerate as much as you can be, and that you understand that smoking is bad and others who don't smoke have a right to not be exposed to it. But pointing out other issues that people aren't as passionate about, even though you feel they ought to be, is ultimately just deflection. No one's saying those other things you're talking about aren't horrible. But the issue we're talking about here is smoking, not child rape, the status of homeless children, etc.
On top of this, smoking becomes a very immediate issue for people, whereas the other issues you mentioned, while awful, often don't intersect on a daily basis the lives of other people. Such issues are often removed from a direct personal experience unless one is directly affected by them. It doesn't remove that they're horrible, but this discrepancy in daily exposure (smoking) vs. something most people only experience daily via the evening news, is important in finding out why people aren't as adamant on those issues as they are about smoking.
Smoking causes an offensive odor, and even for considerate smokers, the odor follow the smoker around. Their breath is going to smell like smoke to a non-smoker who kisses them, no matter what they do to mask it. It isn't just smoking, it happens with habitual coffee or alcohol consumption as well, but again, all we're talking about here is smoking. Those other issues can have their own threads.
Their clothes smell, their homes smell, etc., no matter how much they try to mask it. I've only experienced one instance of a regular smoker whose clothes didn't smell. I bought a leather jacket from a former coworker to sell on Ebay since she was cleaning out her closets. She wore this jacket fairly regularly, including when she'd go outside to smoke on her breaks. I had concerns once I got the jacket that it would smell like smoke (leather holds the smell of smoke really, really well; the only material I've found that holds it better is the material they make windbreakers and jogging jackets out of), but it surprisingly didn't, and this is after smelling it myself and having several friends smell it. But that's one instance in several years of dealing with smokers.
Non-smokers don't like that odor, so they don't want to be around it. They're also well aware of the effects secondhand smoke has on them, and don't want to be around that either. Finally, some are concerned for the long-term health of their potential partners. They're looking for a lasting relationship, and many people have been so badly burned from past bad dating/relationship experiences that they're going to try to remove as many red flags as they can from potentials before finally settling on someone to see if the person will work out long-term. This means if they see someone who smokes, they're often going to overlook that person, because smoking drastically reduces such a person's life expectancy. It also has a higher chance of having greater medical costs from the potential development of cancer, emphysema, or heart disease.
I know it sucks as a smoker to be such a pariah, but this is the way things are. The thing about it is this: it's controllable. Smokers have the ability to cease being pariahs. You have guys who are upset because they don't meet an arbitrary height requirement a woman will set for potential suitors, but there's nothing they can do about that; as such, it isn't something that should even be a make-or-break deal for a man or a woman. But being overweight is controllable, for example, except in a statistically small number of cases where the weight is a genetic issue, and the person will just never, even with the healthiest diet and exercise regimen, be thin.
Smoking isn't even that bad, that there's a small number of genetic cases where you have to smoke! You can simply stop smoking. It isn't easy, because there's a physical and psychological addiction to be overcome. But it can be overcome. There are groups to help, there are doctors, there are over-the-counter treatments (the patch), there are prescription treatments, there are any number of things in place to help a smoker quit if they find they're just unable to do so on the strength of their will alone. Stop smoking, wash the clothes, buy a few new ones, and you're going to find that the smell goes away, and once you're no longer used to it, you're going to understand what it's like for other non-smokers once you do smell it from another smoker.
So I don't personally get why smokers don't understand why people are so against them and their habit. It's a habit they can break and no longer indulge in, and it removes the one objection people have about them. If you can do something that's going to increase your chances of finding another person in life, particularly if that one thing seems to be all that's keeping you from finding them (or at least limiting your chances more than they otherwise would be), I don't understand why you wouldn't do that thing. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/25/2007 3:39:21 PM | | I feel that way too. I would be disappointed at anyone who starts to smoke. I think that cigarettes should be illegal since marijauna is. Cigarettes don't alter the brain but make people selfish. Not all smokers are selfish. There are smokers even wanting to quit who make selfish choices by smoking in the house living with children and non smoking adults like their spouses and the same thing in cars. Only we can ban smoking in our own homes. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/25/2007 4:45:36 PM | There are many different reasons why a lady prefers a guy who does Not smoke. I agree with most of the ladies in the fact that no matter how much you shower, use mints, use sprays, stand out on the porch on a windy day, open the window, etc, you still can't hide that smell. Even an Occasional smoker...
There's always exceptions to the rule, however recently, I decided Not to make exceptions to that rule. I never smoked, but used smokeless tobacco. (yes, gross, icky, ewww, but it went with my job.) I have since quit, and it's been a long up hill battle. My theory on smokers, would be that if they happened to smoke around me, it would feed that old need for the nicotine and I would either end up smoking myself, or going back to the smokeless tabacco.
As far as justifying your need to smoke as needing a crutch, I wouldn't date a man who depends on chemicals for crutches. I know I can quit, I've seen my friends and family quit, I know it IS possible, if one truly wants to. And as far as getting into a relationship with a smoker? I don't want anyone to go out of their way to try and Change me, nor do I want to change anyone else. If they have traits, I don't find flattering or acceptable in the beginning, I don't waste my time, or theirs.
CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/25/2007 5:22:01 PM | As a swinger and a non smoker, I do sometimes have sex with someone who is a smoker, and it is a turn off. Not to say that I "won't" be with someone who smokes, but it is something that in the back of my head says "aw, dammit". This is because of the smell and "taste" of someone who smokes. It envelops their whole being, and I have to consciously ignore it...and it isn't easy. And that's just sex!
I could NEVER live with someone who smokes. If I was "dating" I would never date someone who smokes because I wouldn't want to end up falling in love with someone who smokes. Never. Stinky. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/27/2007 4:40:02 AM | If I married a selfish smoker I could be smoking cigars to save my life. Smoking could save you from being harmed to second hand smoke if smoking is worse for non smokers.
I block out smokers. Even though the bars in New Jersey and New York are smoke free I was told still I would have no luck at bars with finding a girlfriend since most girls at the bars smoke but they have to now go outside to smoke. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/27/2007 7:26:08 AM |
I think that cigarettes should be illegal since marijauna is.
**scratches her head**
**walks out on the porch to light a. . . **
You'd like to know what, wouldn't y'a? | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:03:57 AM |
I know us lepers are not in vogue but most women theoretically are embodied to be compassionate with those that need a crutch. I don't get it, why the disdain?
Just cracks my cookies because so many of you won’t give us a chance?
Sorry if this resembles a rant, maybe I am mad at myself cuz well........ I smoke.....
Leper is a strong term, but when your father dies of lung cancer and your mom has most of one lung removed because of it....
And you don't like tasting ashtrays for a habit....
Well, you get the picture.
It's a disgusting habit and I personally think it's a weak mind that continues to smoke.
Yes, I quit. I'm strong. Hear me roar..... because my lungs are clean and I can!!!  | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:30:59 AM | | You have the right to smoke. I have the right not to date you. I don't ask men why they smoke, they shouldn't ask me why I won't date a smoker. Sure lots of other stuff out there is bad for you too. I love artificial sweetners- been told they are bad for me- keep consuming them anyway. If someone refused to date me because they were worried about my health because of Splenda I would understand- raise my eyebrows but understand. My bf is allergic to Aspertame, Splenda etc- doesn't bother him that I love them. Doesn't really affect him. I wouldn't be with him if he smoked though- I have to be attracted to someone to date them. Smell is a big part of attraction to me- he smells GOOD :) Even spending 2 hours in a house where 2 people were smoking made us BOTH smell bad... | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:54:07 AM | I have no problem with someone using my porch for that unless they dont clean up after themself. No smoking in my car though.
My issue is breath, clothing smells, and related health risks of first and second hand smoke. Health insurance is more. Let's say I do get that far into a relationship with a smoker, maybe I would rather not pay the higher insurance costs and higher hotel room costs. And when I go into a house or room that has a smoker living there, I stink when I leave even if they didnt light up while I was there.
Avoiding it is a lot eaiser than getting them to quit, which is nearly impossible to expect.
Mad at yourself? Thats the first step to fixing the problem. Identification.
Work on things like what makes you do it, what else you can enjoy, and the money you can save!! Every less cigarettte you have each day helps you that % more. Multiply that exponentially for each day without. Your body begins to repair itself immediately from the time you have your last one. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/27/2007 8:57:15 AM | | See OP, you're complaining that you're being ignored by something that is completely under your control. I would understand if you're 5'1 and ladies are ignoring you, but if your biggest fault is something that is in your power to change (hell, it would be to your benefit) then change it instead of expecting others to make exceptions for you. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:20:13 AM | I'm a smoker, but I do not see why its bad for someone who doesn't smoke to not want to be with soemone who does.
It's all about personal choice, and no you really can't cover up the smell, you can brush your teeth right after to get rid of the breath but you'd have to shower to get it off your body and I do not see someone showering after each smoke.
It is possible to be a polite smoker, by not smoking while your around that person, smoking away from others, and so on.
Its all about personal choice though, and some people choose not to date smokers.
No reason to complain about it.
Oh and smoking in the car with a non smoker is just not right I don't care if you have all the windows rolled down that smoke is still coming back in. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:23:53 AM | I'm amused by the people who think smelling bad should be outlawed. Lots of people smell bad to me. The ones who are wearing the perfume counter of Marshall Fields smell bad. BO smells bad. Cooking cabbage smells bad. People who eat egg salad smell bad. Cat spray smells really, really, really bad! It is not just smokers who smell bad.
Yet, the sensible thing to do is avoid people who smell bad rather than get angry about it. The United States is a much better smelling place than it used to be. People used to heat their homes with coal and used outhouses and chamber pots. Garbage was thrown in the street. People bathed occasionally. Everyone smelled bad.
I just don't get this "I have a right to have everything smell pleasant" attitude. It's scary. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 11/27/2007 12:36:44 PM | I think that cigarettes should just be illegal since marijuana is illegal.
Since the laws can't ban smoking in private cars or private homes like in the house there could at least have the effects of second hand smoke on warning labels and could state that it would be healthier for other people to smoke away from them or go outside to smoke.
They have on warning labels about people doing themselves harm and smoking during pregnancy.
There could still be people smoking during pregnancy. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:41:15 AM | Amen!
Had a great gal I was e-mailing. She had everything I was looking for. But! In her profile she had under smoking"I'll tell you later" Well ,we all know what that means.
After I had told her my views on smoking.
Grandmother died of lung cancer, ex motherinlaw the same,Mom with heart and breathing problems,sister with breast cancer. All smoked.
Not this guy!
Anyway, never did hear back from that gal.
"Life is tough and then you die" Just keep on smoking and you will get there and whole lot sooner than yours truly! | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:21:34 PM | I went looking for opinions on smoking as occasionally when I read a profile the person is a Smoker and that is one area I want to not connect up with. It is kinda discouraging as there is some great people out there but I have to be true to myself as it would affect the relationship eventually. I am a smoker - quit 5 years ago I would like to say for good - but I am one relapse away from starting again. I am/was also a tobacco counsellor and I took that role on because I was tired of the rhetoric of labelling smokers as bad people. Most smokers are NOT bad people but the tobacco companies are. Tobacco is the Only product if taken as prescribed will create addiction. That is right from the Tobacco Companies covered up memos. Car exhaust does not create addiction. Tobacco use is not a habit - thumb sucking is and the only downfall from that is high orthodontic costs:) Tobacco is addiction and is made to be addictive. 4000 chemicals that are shot directly to the reward centre on each hit and in fact the tobacco companies increased the potency and delivery to train smokers to want more. I hate the tobacco companies....I hate them for owning me when they did for so long.
I will try not to date someone that obviously has a value, trait, behaviour or addiction that doesn't share in common with me. It isn't any holier than thou attitude but more about giving it a good chance to make a good relationship. and for those who are waiting for Mr or Ms Right to quit?...uh huh....do it for you first. When my husband died the first thing my friends said to me was don't start smoking now and I said that would defeat all I have done to be a non-smoker in the second hardest battle of my life.
Less than 20% of North Americans smoke (give or take a percentage). It is easier to quit now than ever but still the hardest battle for most of us. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 12/19/2007 9:16:29 PM | | My problem is that I love smoking!!!! In fact, even though it's been months since I've had one, I jones'd for one all day today. If I dated a smoker now, I'd completely break and be right back to smoking. I don't have the willpower to have cigarettes easily available to me. | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:29:25 PM | | so i quit smoking and get killed going to work when i get hit by some idiot on a cell phone while driving and his boss or wife is yelling at him . not concentrating on driving | |
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| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 2/28/2008 3:58:19 PM | i'm very pro choice... as in if people want to smoke... go ahead and smoke.
but i still wouldn't date a smoker. the reason being my 2 year anniversary being smoke free is coming up in july and i no longer want to be with someone that smokes, even occasionally. there was something i didn't realize when i was smoking... it's much more noticeable to someone that doesn't smoke... as opposed to someone that does. yes there's windows and porches to hang out and have a smoke. but what smokers don't realize because you're used to the smell of smoke clinging to your clothes, hair and everything else... is that it takes more than a breath mint or piece of gum to get rid of that smell. non smokers can smell smoke 10 times more predominantly than a smoker can. the reason being is smokers are used to it. they might not think they smell like smoke... in fact they might be wearing clean clothes and not had a smoke all day but that lingering smell is still there.
i never realized until i quit just how noticeable it was. my nose tuned into the fact once i was smoke free for about a year. i'd have friends that would go outside, have an occasional smoke, chew gum, brush their teeth and were very considerate to non smokers. but still... you could tell they'd just been out to have a smoke.
it's a matter of preferance... some people just don't want to date smokers. it took a lot of will, determination and stubbornness for me to quit. my reasons for dating non smokers is because i'm a non smoker now myself. doesn't mean i look down at people that smoke... just means i don't want to have anything to do with it anymore. | |
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medana
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Joined: 12/8/2005
Msg: 125 | |
| Dear Ladies: I beg to raise the smoking issue?
Posted: 2/28/2008 4:06:24 PM | i dont like smokers, but i'll deal w it if it's an outstanding guy otherwise. but if i know they smoke and i kinda like him, that will help me make up my mind to pass and move on to the next.
as chris rock says, 'smoking is so dangerous that it not only kills the person, but also anyone around them too.. secondary smoke'
plus, kissing a guy that just had a cigarette is disgusting. it changes the taste of his mouth and saliva to some stale / half gone bad odor and taste and eewwwwwwwwwwwwwww, not desirable.
then u think how this person is gonna die of cancer, and if u have kids, they will influence them youngsters also to go down that road.
not a good plan.
i'd rather u smoke weed than cigarettes, at least it wont kill either of us. | |
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