| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 11:43:14 AM | cheating is an effect of an already failing relationship.
it could be a number of reasons. i think co-dependence could be high up there on the list.
and gambit is my hero.!!!! rock on | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 8:46:30 PM | Main reasons people cheat, I think are boredom of being with the same person, excitement of being with someone new (getting attention from someone other than their partner), or they think the grass is greener, or life is too short to be with one person, yet they don't want to lose the one they're with, hence the cheating and not breaking up and moving on to someone else. They stay in their current relationship because its safe and something to fall back on. I dunno, I'm sure there are various "Dr. Phil" reasons why, but maybe its just human nature for some?
JMHO | |
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go2grl
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Joined: 6/29/2006
Msg: 29 | |
| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 8:52:41 PM | i've never been cheated on and i have never cheated, (hopefully will never happen but it could i know) one of the reasons i believe my partners stay true is because i am confident and a straight shooter in this issue...you cheat..i leave you...no questions asked....i will not look back..game over...so u better be sure this relationship is over before you cheat.
as far as the lying bit. if you catch them in a lie..call them on it... its disrespectful and it needs to be nipped in the bud right away or the relationship will surely end....no relationship can survive without trust. | |
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tpop
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Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 31 | |
| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 9:09:56 PM | simple because they arent content with themselves. u cannot be pleased with anyone until you are pleasedwith yourself.
you cant truly love anyone until u love yourself. So if u cheat on your partner..then u dont TRULY love them | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 9:16:25 PM | | i'm not sure that it's always the case that the person doesnt love them anymore but more often it probably is...i have been cheated on quite a few times and in most of the cases it was just because the guy was too immature for the relationship...the most recent occurance i really dont know what happend but he loves me still i can still see it in his eyes sometimes ppl just make mistakes which is waht makes us human but dont get me wrong i have that people cheat and i personally have never cheated on anyone...but it's not like u can stop the whole world from cheating so if it happens to u, u just have to pick urself up dust urself off and keep on going...no need to stay trapped in the past because some ppl cant control their sexual tendencies... | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 9:35:08 PM | | I think Guys and Girls cheat 4 different reasons..most of the time anyway. I think girls cheat b/c they r sick of "asking" for the same thing and getting nothing in return..(yes Im gonna be brave and say that is from experience..no bashing)..anyway, I think guys cheat b/c they get bored..bored with the same routine, women letting themselves go, and endless conversations about the "same old problems"...it sucks, there are no winners. It is always about communication people...try 2 understand each other-not cause u HAVE to, but b/c u WANT to....PS, I always hated cheating, had been cheated on, said there was no freaking way I would "EVER DO THAT"..it pissed me off to no end, but let me tell u, those little things that u r telling yourself arent "bad"..will eventually leave you with the cheater title, and u cant ever escape it, you want to be honest in new relationships and explain your past..then u get accused of cheating even if u havent done a thing. It was a HUGE mistake. | |
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tpop
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Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 34 | |
| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 9:44:33 PM | | i have found that alot more females cheat than males. it is not neccesarily the case. but thats what i have found. recently alot of my female friends have been cheating on their boyfriends who they have been with quite some time. in most cases its because the guy is better looking that their boyfriend. he doesnt neccesarily have a better personality but then again, when most ppl cheat, that doesnt matter at all cos all the person is looking for is a hook up not someone their mentaly compatible with. i dont agree with cheating..personally i never would..but this is what i have observed | |
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NEman2
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Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 35 | |
| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 10:02:38 PM | | Cheating is purely a choice.......... If acted upon, can the conscience handle it????????? | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 10:38:22 PM | | I'd say a lack of confidence about themselves. Its almost a rush to feel wanted by someone else, to hear words they sometimes dont feel they get from their partners, as well as attention seeking. I've seen a few people do it, its nothing to do with you, usually stems from a lot of issues they have about themselves. | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 11:02:12 PM | playmate, just wondering what you would think if you find out your wife has been doing the same thing.
if your married sex life is not good is that 1/2 your fault?
did you try therapy?
just wondering | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/11/2006 11:56:35 PM | | i just wanted to add that the "reasons" behind cheating are so different when it comes to age. I noticed some people said it was due to the other person being better looking, well in my experience it had nothing to do with the other person being better looking, or my lack of confidence, what attracted me to the 'person' was the fact that I was having meaningful conversations, joking, laughing, u know the things you are supposed to do with the person u r in a relationship with. When people think of a woman who is physically beaten everyday finding a way out, or someone to lean on -it is looked at very differently than someone who is mentally 'beaten" doing the same thing..It wasnt right, but never say never... | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/12/2006 12:02:08 AM | I've never cheated, but I've talked to some people who have (one of them being my father , I asked him why he cheated on my mom)
the responses have been varied but there are a few common reasons:
the feeling that the "love" is gone from the relationship
decline in sex
the excitement/thrill of the chase
a self esteem boost.
whatever the reasons (and there are no good ones for cheating in my opinion) I think it's far easier to tell someone "hey I'm just not into this anymore" and move on, sadly a lot of people want to string someone else along. | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/13/2006 9:37:05 AM | Sometimes people loose sight of reality and want to play in fantasy.
Once they do it they regret it. I think POF is full of cheaters, liars, and people who are looking for something they "think" they want.
Truth is... if you are with someone and you cheat and enjoy it. Then you don't love or care for them. If you do it and you feel like a piece of crap.... and you want them back ... listen to it. Listen to your gut. Lots of people don't see what is right infront of them.
People are human... make errors. We all need to be really careful on here. What are words are words... but actions speak much louder. If he doesn't call you back...... there is a reason. If she does call you back and seems obsessed be aware...
There is no way to really know another person. You just have to know yourself. Listen to yourself. Rely on your gut.
Cheating is something that happens but I don't think it is the end all of relationships I think it can open up communication and help you figure out the reality of life. Sometimes it is just the slap in the face you need to see what you might really want.
Just my thoughts
BG | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/13/2006 10:27:10 AM | Okay...here goes. As a previous cheater - yes, I know, this is going to sound like excuses but really they're not. I don't condone some of the actions of my past and I deeply regret having done the things I have. I learned from my mistakes the hard way and paid heavily for them, but I'm not trying to excuse them and I certainly wouldn't blame her if she never forgave me for my indescretion. I don't believe in cheating and truly feel that honesty is the best policy - but sometimes we get caught up in the situation we're in and make stupid and short sighted decisions.
Back in my relationship with my ex-wife - we'd been together about 2 of the 6 years we were together when we finally broke up. She's had a hard life and her own insecurities and bad experience have made her a tough woman to deal with - she has a very hard edge and basically acts like a bully to those around her. So many people don't understand her and just see her as an argumentative and negative b*tch - but those who stop and actually get to know her can see the endless amounts of pain and suffering she lives with underneath.
Our relationship was a tough one with many emotional ups and downs. At that point in our relationship, we were on a low and had a complete communication breakdown. I loved her deeply and in some ways still do even now. I'd tried talking to her, but was frequently just shut down and told that she didn't want to talk about it. She wasn't paying me the time of day in terms of intimacy or sex, and she hadn't in months prior to that. I didn't know what to do, how can I add to the pain and suffering of this girl any more than she's had in her lifetime already, but how can I deal with the pain and suffering of the loneliness that this is putting me through either?
I didn't go looking for an affair and would never have done so but a friend of mine offered me a shoulder to cry on and endless amounts of advice about how I should go about breaking up with her or dealing with the pain and suffering that the breakdown of my relationship was causing me - I still loved my wife and was in turmoil, the pain and confusion was unbearable. This girl offered me communication and intimacy - the two things that were lacking in my marriage. I didn't realise at the time that this girl was just offering me what I needed to get what she wanted, she was a yes man offering understanding where I had none.
Looking back I can't believe I was so naïve as to fall for it and I'm no longer even friends with this girl because of the lies and manipulation, what sort of a friend teaches you that it's okay to betray someone you love? The affair didn't last long before I realised what I had done and broke it off - the guilt ate at me every day. I didn't tell my ex until the day we broke up but I couldn't leave her letting her believe that I was the saint she thought I was, I owed her the truth and an explanation of my actions.
I wish I could turn back time and undo what I did, but all you can do is learn from your mistakes and don't relive them. It's not a mistake I will be making again - ever. | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/13/2006 10:35:40 AM | Ocean did she refuse councelling/help with-without you?
luckybushpilot====>so what if your wife is getting tag teamed while your out slangin more meat than ron jeremy! What in the world is the point of being married? I dont get it at all. PLEASE don't say 'for the children'
Dont get me wrong, its not my job to knock your hustle.....i just honestly don't get it | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/13/2006 10:41:54 AM | | ^^^^ I'd asked her to consider both couples counselling and counselling on her own, but she dismissed both out of hand. | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/13/2006 10:48:05 AM | well then you did ALL you could do. Don't waste another thought on 'i was wrong' and If i could go back. Fact is, you can't ...and if you could, the result would have been the same. The only part where you may have messed up if at all is if she asked you and you did not tell the truth. Otherwise, to sacrifice your happiness...for someone else is absurd. Im not saying you should leave at the first bad weather sign...but come on! this life is too short to be surrounded by negativity with no intend/desire/DRIVE to CHANGE. I have no tolerance for ignorance/selfishness. IF someone has a problem...like WE ALL DO...if it is one that is effecting the relationship in such a negative way...the person MUST be willing to work with you to correct it. REMEMBER:a partner is SUPPOSE to be an asset, NOT a liability.
You dont seem like the type of dude to just be completely insensitive to her feelings/pigheaded and alot of other things that trigger divorces...so don't beat yourself up over it. Whats done is done. Love her like you SHOULD have from day one until now....as a friend ONLY. | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/13/2006 11:04:35 AM | Ocean:
You did what you knew at the time. You know better now. She'll forgive you ... if she is in love with you. You can start over again. Life is hard. Marriage and relationships even harder.
good luck to you. I understand .. truly I do. | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/13/2006 11:17:10 AM | Hey - this isn't my thread. Truly, thank you both for the votes of confidence, I appreciate it.
Um...we were never meant to be together, we've discussed it and looked back over the relationship together and can see that we should only ever have been friends...great friends, but friends nevertheless, not lovers. Now that we're not together, we're great friends again - but that portion of my life is over and past, I buried my guilt the day we broke up. I thought that my previous experience would help other people understand that sometimes people don't cheat out of malace or because someone is a player and just looking to get another notch on the bedpost - sometimes people do it because they make stupid decisions - like I did at the time. I'm not looking for sympathy or understanding, I was offering insight into other reasons why guys do it.
I know that people say that "once a cheat, always a cheat", but I don't think that this is the case all the time - sure, there are people out there that are players and don't care about the pain they cause others by running with multiple partners at once - but I think that's down to the attitude and situation of the cheater, not down to the fact that he or she has done this in the past. | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/13/2006 11:24:47 AM | Its not your thread Ocean but your story is providing a drastically overlooked situation that is more common than people think. Women/Men that have inner issues unresolved before marriage is a BIG DEAL. The ones that are big enough to put a person in a situation that you spent a few years, need to be exposed and resolved. There aren't oo many things worse to me...than wasting time. I cringe at the thought. Learning is a great thing to take from it but we are talking about the fact that 'love' can blind you and make your MIND overlook small indications that things will not always be on the up and up with the person your standing in front of GOD with.
sorry for the run on sentence but its something that stirs me | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/13/2006 11:41:26 AM | | Most of the time, in my experience, I have seen people cheat because they want someone stable and they want to eat their cake too. And if you have been in a relationship OFF AND ON for ten years, there isnt really any commitment in that is there????? Either your taking back, vise versa and excepting the back treatment, or your just not commited. If you accept being cheated on once, it will happen again. They know they can get away with it. I think being cheated on is really one of the only things I WILL NOT TOLERATE. Period. | |
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| why do some feel need to cheat
Posted: 7/16/2006 10:02:11 AM | | i agree with that its a challenge or an outlet for what they are missing in current relationship | |
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