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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/14/2007 4:25:00 AM | From the Darebin Community Centre in Northcote.
• Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells?
• Are you told what to do, when to do it, what to wear?
• Do you have to account for your time?
• Are you made to feel scared?
• Are you hit, kicked or pushed around? Do you have things thrown at, or near you?
• Are you cut off from family and friends?
• Is your partner possessive or jealous?
• Does your partner control you and the money?
Oh my God, how stupid was I, yes to all the above...... | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:54:04 AM | At Msg 6:
Good point about OJ--one that turned out deadly. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/15/2007 8:10:51 PM | It can show up very early... one person on this site seemed great, but when we started IMing using Yahoo, he wanted to cam right away. I was leery, but I agreed because I thought he might just want to make sure my pictures weren't misrepresenting me. We had a nice chat, then he wanted me to show my body. I demurred, feeling like a piece of meat at that point, but he tried to pressure me, showing me his torso, even taking off his shirt. I signed off politely and made no more contact.
A few weeks later, I signed onto that account again. He contacted me, and at first I didn't remember who he was. Then I did, and said something about the last cam episode. He interpreted it very negatively and started becoming insulting. When I questioned his interpretation of my comments, he then tried to wheedle me into camming again. I refused. He insulted me again and told me I would have no luck finding someone with this attitude. I removed him from my contact list, but he persevered, to the point where I had to block him. Big red warning bells! If he's like that now, I can't and don't want to imagine the situation down the road. Benefit of the doubt can only extend so far. | |
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| controlling men!!!.......and Women!!!!
Posted: 1/15/2007 8:35:32 PM | yep I agree, I always have given my boyfriends space to breathe and do their own thing, if someone is going to cheat, then they will cheat, you have to let people have their space,
I always know when someone's cheating on me, I dont need to hunt them down or call them 50 times a day. I have a life of my own too. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/15/2007 8:55:27 PM |
I would like to know what is it that men get out of controlling women.
Hahaha...how ironic. Here's a question: I would like to know what is it that women get out of controlling men! That stuff just isn't fun!
That said, I agree with what you said - life really IS too short to be unhappy. Guess it's just a matter of catching the right fish or being caught by the right fisher-woman (in my case anyway).... | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/15/2007 10:03:09 PM | reply to snowite...
Raises his voice and he is gone?? Sign of an abuser?? Have you ever been frustrated and raised your voice, would you do that to a partner if you were having a discussion. Possibly yes. The other things I agree with, raising a hand, and the rest, is uncalled for, as is controlling every aspect of your life. Raising ones voice is natural, it occurs, but it is far from abusive, depending on the frequency and if there are comments that are derogatory. How is one to vent frustration if not raising their voice. That would be controlling on your part, by making him bottle up those emotions, and then eventually it will erupt. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/15/2007 11:28:16 PM | While BOTH genders can be equally as bad, the thread IS 'controlling men' not 'controlling people'. Just a thought...
The circumstances that makes someone that way are more individual and often come from their own upbringing, not their sex. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/16/2007 12:07:34 AM |
While BOTH genders can be equally as bad, the thread IS 'controlling men' not 'controlling people'.
That's a wee bit controlling 
Fortunately pof forum guidelines are to not create threads which are gendre biased. Just as fortunately most contributing here have ignored the thread leader and provided a fairer, gender-open response. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/16/2007 10:39:20 AM | | I was hoping someone would get the joke. lol | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/16/2007 2:29:05 PM | i agree with you girl if they were not happy with the way you were when you met them then kick them to the kerb . the men who like to control are usally men that aINT HAPPY WITH THEM SLEFS  | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/16/2007 3:12:36 PM | | lol at tallest169, wicked anser, funny as f.well not all fellas are like that are they? thats like sayin all girls are naggers. n we know thers good n bad in both. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/17/2007 6:06:49 AM | If someone has never been in a "controlling" and "abusive relationship" it is hard for them to understand fully... Men and women who abuse thier partners are very good at it, and have the ability to draw their partners into thier so called "web" of emotional brainwashing. Alot of people think that it is just easy to leave a situation like that...it isn't that easy. Usually when the abuse and controlling begin they already have some sort of a emotional hold on you and your love for them only makes it worse as you thik that there is something that you can do to help and make it better just by loving them. Wrong I know to think... but that is the process by which these people work. It is very hard to escape that whole situation, as when you try to they come back with the "I am sorry" "wont do it again" thing. Finally you have to get out as you come to see it for what it is... not love at all... I know that I have just been released from that type of relationship but have done alot of soul searching and info searching and I will never allow that type of man to be in my life again... It is a uphill battle... Need to have more love and respect for ourselves and this is less likely to happen to us... Ally  | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/17/2007 6:09:54 AM | | snowwhit...... very well said from someone who also has been there!!!! I hope that you are doing well and maybe you can give me some tips how to get there??? I applaud you and admire you for your courage and strength...isnt that what it all boiles down to???? Ally | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/17/2007 8:06:07 AM | sparticuss
NOW I HAVE HEARD IT ALL, WHAT A LOAD OF KCOC AND BULL THAT POST WAS.
 
WAKE UP AND JOIN THE REAL WORLD.
THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS men controlled by women, I would love to meet one,  | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:54:52 PM | Actually women are far more controlling than men.
I have a lot of male friends in relationships and the wives decide everything. Where their going to live, what color the carpet is going to be, when they have sex and when they don't.
They even tell you what shirt to wear.
Give your head a shake girl. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:07:32 PM | Sweetlady~I love your thread it is so true. I have met men that are very controlling and usually the reason is they are is that they are uncomfort with something in themselves. This can also be a woman not just a man. I think in any relationship, its a give and take situation. If there is one person in the relationship that is controlling it, sooner or later the relationship is going to be ruined the its going to lower the other person's self-esteem, which is not good. For a happy relationship you should be able to talk about things that bother you and work them out, this makes for a strong and lasting relationship. Which that is what all of us on here are looking for. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:19:14 PM |
what color the carpet is going to be
Ok, being realistic here Adventurousman, as a guy do you really care what color the carpet is going to be?? 
I've learned to weigh things on how much it really matters to me.
Now, when she starts wanting the addition on the house, and I'm just expected to be the 'pocketbook' for it w/o any 'discussion', then she can expect a lively debate. And if she wants a puke-colored carpet with green walls, she could expect a debate (even *I* would think thats a horrible choice)... but being realistic, barring something that I feel really strongly against, if I really don't care either way its not worth an argument. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/17/2007 10:49:15 PM | ^ Funny, I guess I've taken my time and not rushed into relationships with those kind of women, because "getting some" isn't as important to me as being compatible on the personal level. I guess I've made some decent choices, because I've only had one relationship that got anywhere near controlling, and that was her own insecurities. But I'm willing to own my *own* choice in getting into that in the first place, and I would never dream of blaming it all on her, she's not a bad person, just insecure in some ways.
I love a sexy satin outfit on a woman too, but no, demands/control dont' go over well with either sex. There's a big difference between "I think your blue shirt would look good with that", and a demand.
Reality is, demands and controlling are basically symptoms of trying to *change* someone into something they aren't (ie, what you *think* you want). If the person isn't what you want, then you probably shouldn't be with them in the first place. If they love you, there are things *they* may change, because *they* want to, but its gotta come from them, not from your demands. If you feel demanded upon and controlled all the time, all its going to do is build resentment in the relationship over time, and reality is thats not a healthy situation for *either* person. If you are in that situation, and don't *get out*, then you really need to look at *yourself* an your *own* self esteem issues that would let you put up with that in the first place. *NOT* sit there and b***h about the other person being controlling... because remember, *you* are there choosing to stay in the situation and putting up with it. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/17/2007 11:35:39 PM |
The average husband DOES feel as if he’s walking on eggshells...
The average husband is told what to do by his wife absolutely all the time.
The average husband does have to account for his time.
The average husband is hit, kicked, and pushed around.
The average husband is very much cut off from family and friends.
So, then, you are basically saying Sparticuss, that the "average husband" is a whimp, with no self-esteem to speak of, who is willing to stay in a relationship and get his own will subjegated to hers and put up with "abuse" for the sake of "getting some"
Interesting. And you claim this is *her* fault?? Sounds more to me like *his* problem for being willing to stay in a bad relationship.
Remember when you point your finger at someone else, the other 3 fingers point back to you. The "blame" goes both ways, not saying *she* is right either, but I would have to question the self-esteem/self-worth of *anyone* (male or female) that would choose to stay in a situation like that. | |
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22fuk
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Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 121 | |
| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/18/2007 2:57:23 AM | can i just say i think there are just as many women out there as men who try and control an relationship.
who has the right to do that. no one
but it is also very difficult to get out of a controling realtionship because by the time you have realised what is happen it is to late they have taken over and you pretty much dont have say or any support like family to turn to becasue they have been pushed away.
i should no thats what im experiencing at the moment. but when there are children involved it is even harder as they will always be there in the background for the rest of your life! | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/18/2007 3:24:00 AM | Hmm...sensitive subject for many people.
My own experience was with my ex husband.
When we married he was gentle, considerate, loving, a little selfish at times but arent we all... we were together 5 years when we married, when we divorced it was 7.
About 6 months into our marriage he caught meningitis, almost died, would have if I hadnt been a b!tch to the doctor on call, anyway, when he recovered (actually you never really recover) enough to be able to move about and help himself, he continued with the requests for help and eventually we had a massive argument about it.
He'd got lazy and had started to play on his sickness to get me to do things for him, to make me feel guilty about wanting to go out without him, when I did go out he was constantly calling to find out where I was, what I was doing, when I was coming home.
He would argue with me about my using our only car.
I flipped my lid at him, you can only push a person's patience so far, and inevitably after many months of arguments and 'heated discussions' I walked away.
I'm not saying the whole situation was entirely his fault, there were other factors in the eventual divorce. But the initial break up was mainly down to his controlling manner.
See...when he got sick, he subconsciously realised he'd lost control of even his own body.
So he tried to control everything else around him in order to gain some control back.
The only other person around him was me.
I do realise though that not all men are the same, and that eventually I will find that someone who will compliment my personality and who's personality I'll fit in with.
There are a lot of frogs to kiss before I find my prince. | |
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22fuk
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Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 123 | |
| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/18/2007 4:15:26 AM | im sorry to hear thats such a tragedy caused the end of your marriage. i suppose life has many turns in ti.
but how do you ever find the courage to walk away.
hopefully one day i will realise myself that i can take back that control and as you say find that prince. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/18/2007 2:31:47 PM | WAKE UP AND JOIN THE REAL WORLD.
to sparticuss. MY POINT EXACTLY - Your words written back to you,.....
______________________________________________________________________________
Actually I am in the real world.
You are in Erin Pizzeys 62%
Tell ya what I mean by that.
Erin Pizzey was the founder of a women's shelter in Chiswick, England, the first modern battered women's shelter in the world. She found that of the first 100 women who came to her shelter, 62 were as or more violent than the partners they tried to escape from -- only to return to their partners time and again because of their addiction to pain and violence, violence that they persistently did their best to bring about. Over a period of ten years, Erin Pizzey became involved with about 5,000 women and their children who came through her shelter. She has written a number of books on domestic violence, one of which, Prone to Violence, addresses the issue of women's abuse and violence.
Sooo m dear. Have you returned to the "control freak" yet? And started slapping him around??
______________________________________________________________________________
Just because I dont agree with your point of reference does not give your the right to presume that I am a male abuser???
Without shelters for women AND MEN who escape abusive situations, the organisations have to rely on supportive information for funding, these reports do not always relate to ALL of the women/men who use the buildings.... because you have only quoted the amount of women who return to absive situations not the amount of men who do.... Lets be fair here.
I stand by what I said I would love to meet a woman who controls a man, never met one yet!
Now come back with an argument for that.......
THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS men controlled by women, I would love to meet one
=============================
FiaryD
I am so sorry to hear of the sad demise of your relationship and wish you every happiness in the future. It is always good to hear how strong women are when supporting men through illness. | |
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| controlling men!!!
Posted: 1/19/2007 11:05:58 PM | Reply to Faxanadu:
I guess I should explain the raising the voice thing.
When one is venting, and yes I vent too, it does not mean that venting is not allowed. yes, people raise their voice to vent. It happens. What is unacceptable is when the raised voice is RAGE..or threats, or ways to just intimidate the person. There is a HUGE difference.
A raised voice is in anger, directed at you is very different from a raised voice in venting. When people vent it is because they do need releif. At those times, most people, including myself will simply sit back and let the person go. Listen to thier rants and usually jsut let it go.
When in a rage, the voice is meant as a weapon. It is bitter, it is cold and usually follows threats or verbal abuse. My ex would vent about he didn't like this or that. Fine.
But when he would rage, he would raise his voice-threaten me with death or physical violence, his eyes would bug out of his head, and his face would be purple. That is not venting- that is verbal abuse. That is DV. That is what happens right before the fists start flying, it is when the pushing, shoving and other methods begin.
Normally, if a person can communicate well, there is no need for a loud raised voice to assert yourself, make yourself heard, or to voice your opinion. We are not children on a playground- We should as adults NOT have to scream or raise our voices at one another to communicate. A difference of opinion does not mean it has to turn into a screaming match.
A few years ago, I had a wonderful relationship with a man who in the 2 years we were together - we never argued, fought or even raised a voice to vent to each other. It was a very supportive and wonderful relationship that I was truly blessed to experience - and it changed my view of men- Having that relationship showed me that not all men were controlling and abusive - I cherish the memory of the relationship and my time with him. (True the relationship did end, it ended well (he had family issues and had to move).
So I do know, that people can co-exist together without the use of violence and without the use of screaming or venting loudly. We were not controlling of each other and we respected the space of the other person. It can happen. It does happen. I guess it boils down to the maturity level of the people involved.
Hope that answers your question about a raised voice. Thanks for letting me clairfiy that for you.
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