| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 2/12/2007 4:23:02 AM | I worked for a woman like this- who was incidentally married to a short-tempered guy who owned the company. These two people were pretty much sent from below and they richly deserved each other.
I could tell that she was messed up when we first talked over the phone. The very first thing she told me about, was how her mother committed suicide. She described the whole thing to me in graphic detail- as well as how she found out about it.
For the next four months, this woman would lash out at me and the other low-level employees, but would act passive when she took a verbal brow-beating from her husband, who, again was just as overbearing and ferocious. She would do weird things like refuse to co-ordinate with me on projects, and then go to her husband and complain about me. Her husband had a drinking problem and whenever he had a drink, she would accuse me of being a bad influence on him- even though I never drank, never encouraged him to drink, and would never ask him to have drinks after work. It was always forced upon me.
I left that horrorshow of a job after four months- the shortest time I've been at any job that I wound up leaving on my own choice. I have never contacted this woman- or husband- since then. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 2/12/2007 4:28:27 AM | | Thank you for this posting. I belonged to a group of battered women and one of the participants was a man. His life had been hell and he got out quickly with his daughter. A lot of women think that men can't really be abused like women can, but that is simply not the case. As far as the police go I think the ignorance runs both ways, but the 'abused woman' theory seems more believable to them. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 2/12/2007 6:50:04 AM | THe OP's post was a 95% match to my ex husband. He tried to "turn the tables" and lie and point fingers at me for what HE actually did . Sometimes a woman has to do some of those things just to protect herself and maintain self defense for her own good. Granted its not a good relationsihp situation but sometimes these things are necessary.
i.e. I *had* to maintain control of the finances because he was blowing all the family's money on another woman and not getting bills paid. I even made a fool out of myself at Bank of America trying to close our joint account. I dont care how "difficult" they say I was or my situation was, I did the right thing and wont ever care what else anyone thought about it. I was doing it for the greater good for the kids and family, but he saw it as a controlling maniac trying to tell him what to do and how to spend "his own" money. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 10/9/2007 11:17:47 PM | well give manx a break.....I too was a victim of abuse. Told my family doctor, SHE didn't report it, the second time I was threatened with having my food poisoned, I had it on tape and the cops wouldn't arrest her. Third time she threw a pile magazines at my face, had it on video tape, cops wouldn't look at the evidence so I filed a complaint, but still no arrest charges.
So why is Manx negative? I dont think he is.....depsite his physical strength, her believes no one should be hit. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 12/12/2007 3:35:28 AM | Thank you for this posting. I belonged to a group of battered women and one of the participants was a man. His life had been hell and he got out quickly with his daughter. A lot of women think that men can't really be abused like women can, but that is simply not the case. As far as the police go I think the ignorance runs both ways, but the 'abused woman' theory seems more believable to them.
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This message is from one of the other posters but I'm using it becasue it's so important.]
" If you think that a woman cant be abusive or violent take a good look at any police footage. When a woman is going beserk it takes a good two or even three big cops to restrain even the smallest white trash woman." | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 12/12/2007 4:35:12 AM | HEY GIZBALL,
Woman who were abused were abused by their fathers or mothers who were abused by their fathers. To correct the injustice (which a hard prick knows none) it takes a real man to set them all straight. Go pump iron girly man. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 12/12/2007 5:57:00 AM | Good post-
I have a very good friend who was married to a horrible woman who verbally and mentally abused this man. When he finally had the guts to leave her - she claimed that she was blind sided and shocked that he left her and their good marriage. Odly enough- she paints herself as "the victim"- now the poor guy is torn because his 9 year old daughter is taking on the verbal abuse- These people should recognize that they are mentally disturbed and seek help. No one should endure this abuse- I always said please hit me because that will heal but the remarks remain forever. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 12/12/2007 9:52:01 AM | Guys, here is something to look at:
http://www.bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/indicators.shtml
It isn't uncommon and you are not alone. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/13/2008 5:29:59 PM | How about undermines your efforts to get your -and her-kid out of a dangerous liflestyle, and buys Gothic Clothes for him behind your back, as well as hides report cards from you? How about being called Preaching A$$hole, and faggot? How about being told to walk 13 miles to work, when your car is in the shop, and you just brought her a new car, which she screams about you needing to borrow, when she doesn't work outside the home, and is triflent to the point of not doing very much work around the home either?
How about being ****ed at when you need new clothes, and she get 's them with impunity, and nothing is said? How about you and your son being held to a double standard, while she says very little when her daughter is being mean spirited like her? How about your wife calling your/her son Preaching A$$hole j?. How about being told I hate Sex and you? How about being told that you are hated repaeatedly? How about hearing from your son that mom tells him that she hates him?
How about be publically humiliated when your wife accuses you of having Sex with a fellow parishner inside the church when there is over 100 people present? How about being accused of having sex with every female from age 09-90? | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:40:01 AM | tagone wrote:
It's scary alright. A close family member was married to a woman who berated him and them began beating him. One night she came home after a night clubbing and she broke his nose, loosened his teeth and blacked both his eyes. The neighbors called the cops and guess what. HE was arrested. And he never laid a glove on her.
It's hard for male cops to believe that a man can be abused.
The scenario described in the above post is one of the primary reasons why I’ll never again get married or live under the same roof as a woman. The above post is exactly what I mean when I say that, “In the domestic sphere, a woman nowadays has too much power.” The manner in which domestic violence laws are written and enforced make it unsafe for men to share a residence. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/22/2008 1:46:38 AM | I was in a women's shelter for 2 months. We had 1 man there and his son. The women there apparently had been physically and emotionally abused, yet they laughed at the guy because his wife had beat him up and attacked him with a knife.
Even though the guy did seem a bit wimpy, I thought he showed a lot of guts for braving it out among some very tough, raunchy women there. That shelter was hell, but sometimes there aren't any better alternatives. For many, it serves its purpose.
My ex husband was extremely abusive, emotionally and verbally during our marriage. He still is, using the kids to pit against me, and carries on as if he is the victim. There is nothing I can do to change him, but working on changing myself and situation is an everyday process. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:47:06 AM | There is one thing worse than an abusive woman and that is one who is very nice until she moves in with you then becomes abusive and controlling.
It happened to me and now I would never move anyone into my home.
I am happy to see people and maybe stay over now and then but that is as far as it goes. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:49:35 AM | This is by far the most interesting, realistic and, in some cases, unmasking thread on the whole forum.
My highest respect and gratitude goes out to blackmanx. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 5/6/2009 4:47:53 PM | I have bookmarked this thread since my experience of an abusive woman is a composite of several of the testimonials written here. Twenty five years ago I was young and struggling to get out of the punk rock scene. Being very innocent about the wiles of women I was simply trying to make a living and somehow make something of myself. One day I met a beautiful girl through a mutual acquaintance and in about 1 minute I knew full well that we were incompatible. Even so I was absolutely besotten with her and figured out right away that she was into hard drugs, worked as a call girl as well as having a boyfriend and a girlfriend. The fact that we had experienced a mutual psychic experience in which our egos seemed to become one in that moment of first encounter was something I had huge reservations about and which I couldn't make sense of until several years after the fact when I read M Scott Peck's THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED.
She had a bad temper, a foul mouth and was connected with mob types and hung around with the sleaziest women in that city. In fact, they had a name for their group, wore the name as colors on the back of their jackets and prided themselves on hurting young guys. I found that out early on and decided to be careful by not going into her neighborhood or mingling with anyone in her circle of friends, including the drug addict skateboarders who would do anything just to have a girlfriend. At one point she called me a f*****g s**c on the streets in public when I walked by her and later threatened to send some guys after me. It was stranger than strange and I took the threats seriously enough to obtain weapons and re-arrange my schedule. Did I do or say anything to bring this upon myself? Actually not and if that isn't saying something I don't know what is.
In about a month I was seeing a better girl and things were going well for another five months until one of her friends (who was apparently spying on me) told my girlfriend that I had another girlfriend. It was so far-fetched that I laughed at the accusation but these girls got my then girlfriend to so lots of drugs with them and lured her into their dykish ways. It was sickening and something I despised to the point of vomiting blood.
In less than a month I was out of a girlfriend and angry as all hell. I tried as best as I could to convince my then ex-girlfriend that I wasn't seeing anyone else and had even explained that I hadn't seen this awful person for two months. In fact, I even let her know that I wasn't all that attracted to this other girl since I knew she rarely washed. On one occassion I saw this girl on the streets wearing a dress with white hose (just like a little girls's Sunday outfit) but the hair on her legs was grown out and matted up under the hose. I even could smell her period from ten paces away. I'm not kidding. This actually happened and I was absolutely disgusted.
One would think that this would convince anybody that I just wasn't into her that much but did it? No. I avoided the area where I knew she frequented for another two months and then she cornered me on Christmas Eve and I walked away. She was busted and as far as I was concerned I had every right to not have anything to do with her. Beyond her first name I really had no other knowledge of her (how old she was, where she was from, etc). When this is all anyone knows about someone else after six months then they had better watch out. Especially if you are not even on speaking terms with them and then all of a sudden they become very "friendly". Which, in this case, was not coincidental. It was abusive , controlling behavior on her and her friend's part but being as young as I was I nearly fell for the honey trap.
Unbeknownst to me she had a complete nervous breakdown and I was deemed to be the fall guy. The alley way that I lived near was soon filled with graffitti written about me. The only good thing about it was that it was spelled correctly. I received lots of dirty looks from people I didn't even know and her boyfriend was angry with me but couldn't do much since it's hard to be justifiably angry with some other guy who refuses to go out with your girlfriend. I had checkmated them without even knowing it. Later on I was to find out that he was also her pimp. Just great.
I did get out of that city and started life anew but in another country. I got out of drugs due to this mess and regained my mental health. The friend I had there who were not into that scene continue to be friends but the ones I knew who were involved in the hard core punk scene? Well, most of them died young or are really in bad health now and in their late Forties and early Fifties.
About seven years after all this I met one of her ex-boyfriends who had completely gone sober and cleaned up his life too. We didn't even have to talk directly about her and instead used hockey as a conversational allegory about those ugly times. At one point he was convinced that I was the bad guy too but once he had pulled himself out of that scene and got some perspective he could see that I had made the right decision. There have only been two other people who ever gave me the real goods on this vengeful woman and they were not locals either but had known her and were shocked at seeing how such a dangerous person could be tolerated and accomodated by others. Hell, one of her friend was and still is a clinical psychologist. Talk about sickening.
Apparently this girl that I once "fell in love with" also engaged in extortion games with certain clients and was truly malicious in her later relationships with men. All of them were very passive types with a taste for heroin and a couple of them are dead now. I guess that is to be expected considering the crowd she moved in but nonetheless it set the frame of reference for a sad and futile life that could have been prevented decades before.
She had a very deceptive demeanor and while she could look trashy as all hell on one day she could clean herself up and look totally gorgeous the next. She even worked at a cosmetics counter of a high end department store that catered to extremely wealthy clientele. That's how deceptive she could be. I have known people whom I thought were good judges of character describe her as "sweet" and I can't help but roll my eyes when I think of that. At least one other girl at that time told me straight out "you made the right decision. You just haven't fully realized it yet." Those words still resonate within me when I think about those days.
For a while I was a pariah. Even to some whom I considered to be friends but as time went on I could see who my real friends were and weren't. The lessons I learned from that time period have allowed me to be able to communicate with several younger guys who were in relationships with abusive women. There is very little in the way of resources for men who wind up in these sort of situation and I am convinced that this is one of main causes for suicide in the male population.
Nonetheless, I pulled myself together because nobody else was going to do it for me and I'm that much the wiser for it. I hope someone here can relate to this and get out of a bad situation with a violent, abusive woman. And yes, make sure that the women you meet are not deliberate strangers. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 5/6/2009 5:00:44 PM |
Other Signs : Slaps. Punches. Kicks. Threats. Verbal bashing.
Emotional bashing. Pretends to be your friend, yet hurts you.
Pretends to be doing all these things for your own good.
For some men... this type of woman is highly sought after ..  | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 5/7/2009 7:01:50 AM |
Simply because a man is physically stronger and can easily overpower a female attacker unless she is holding a weapon of some sort.
And when a man does overpower the female attacker, for most feminists and police officers he becomes the abuser and is arrested. This kind of mindset is why so many men are abused. Also, just because a man may be able to defend himself, that does not mean the abuse is any less traumatic. Physical injuries often heal, but emotional scars last forever. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 5/7/2009 8:23:37 AM | I've been pretty close to at least two of these in my lifetime. One for sure. My ex-wife was a little emotionally abusive - not too keen on the manipulation end or control end. Thankfully that ended and I was through with that train wreck of a (so-called) "marriage".
Many years later - Another woman was very manipulative, controlling, showed many of those characteristics like being a great woman to everyone else / in social / public settings then a real b_tch when we were alone together. She had several past issues and psychological issues that I'm sure contributed to all of this. Everything was my fault - always trying to make me feel ashamed - guilty - low - etc., etc. Definitely a control freak - manipulative and emotionally abusive to the extreme.
We spent about as much time together as she did with her ex-husband - and that was only like 4-5 months!!! She just had a trail of bad relations and relationships. Couldn't seem to get one "right". Still blaming every man in her past for her mistakes. I thought I could bring some hope to her life and maybe help her see that her past choices in men were just bad choices and here I was to offer her someone better - sadly you don't heal someone else - they must heal themselves.
I was just so infatuated with her - it was like I was the victim of "Stockholm Syndrome" or something - where the kidnap victim falls in love with his / her kidnapper.
I've since learned to listen to my heart and my gut much more about people. If it doesn't feel comfortable there's a reason for that and if it's a reason I cannot accept or adjust to then I must remove myself from the situation.
Neither my ex wife nor the other woman years later were physically abusive however. The one years later had some major border-line potential for becoming that way though. I still believe she has borderline personality disorder. Very scary like that chick Charleze Theron played in the movie "Monster" (even resembled / acted like that sometimes - only better looking - like Charleze Theron cleaned-up)
Mike | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 5/7/2009 8:59:16 AM | | I think this is one area where being a taller or bigger guy is a disadvantage. I've seen it happen to a neighbor I had. He was a huge guy but very polite, shy and (seemingly) easily pushed around. A woman he dated on and off was always trashing his place, hitting him or screaming when she visited. I actually saw him flee and hide with his pet one night because she went crazy. The funny thing is I never saw him utter a word back or lift a finger to defend himself. The police eventually took her away when they caught her in the act and she turned on them. I think it's a visual thing for police when they go to a domestic dispute or a fight. I think they would take someone my size a lot more seriously if it happened than a huge guy which is really the wrong way to think. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 5/7/2009 3:40:59 PM | | Yeah I have been in a few "abusive" relationships with women where I have been psychologically threatened and physically attacked. But all that stuff is in my own mind and I forgave those women. They didn't do anything wrong that deserves judgement when I did things to fire up their anger instead of forgiving them. They have to handle their own forgiveness and hopefully fix their self hate but I don't feel angry or condemn them. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 5/8/2009 12:48:10 PM | | I think that people need to learn personal responsibility when it comes to violence. It's easy to excuse a woman for doing such things by reflecting on what you might have done to provoke it but is a man given that much leeway if he beats a woman and she forgives him? If a woman calls me a jerk and riles me up does that justify any physical violence on my part? Of course not. If you ask me this sounds like Stockholm Syndrome. No offense but if you keep on with that attitude you're in for more of the same and thralldom does not equal love. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 5/9/2009 9:29:53 AM | I ended up in hospital after being treated very badly by my mother. I was three years old. That's how my life started. Somehow after a few years with foster parents I found myself back in the family folds.
I was one F***ed up kid. At the age of 14 I left and found a room in London. Totaly wretched and unprepared I drifted into drugs. Luckily The army discovered me wandering alone.
14 and a half years later having been controlled I took on the responsibility of being a human. I married and had two kids but discovered I was being controlled by my wife. I left.
I've come to the conclusion that this is my fate. I'm a walking notice board with the sign "Please be so kind as to deliver a hefty kick on my unprotected backside".
For all you people laboring under the miss apprehension that all wimps have only themselves to blame I ask you to think again.
On another note I've kept my humor because that is the last thing I will lose. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:12:22 AM | These are extreme cases and it happens all the time and egnored by the courts.basic rights.Men around the country put up it so do women,more accept if women do it was out for supper the other night listen to a husband and wife.Wife did nothing but **** at the guy made everyone around feel like sorry for him,could imagine what he had to listen to at home.Bad relationship is just not worth it.Dated a lady once saw my daughters friends mom accross the room said I would be right back said a quick hi chat told her to say hi to her husband,went back expland the rest of the night she was demanding rude and then gave me alist off rules when we hit the car. I did nt say a thing she got worse. Drop her off laughed like hell blocked her number. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 7/4/2009 4:54:04 AM | If ANYBODY is abusive...they don't start out abusive...they work up to it.
They do several "trial runs" and see if you'll accept (or at least TOLERATE) their behavior.
Once it's apparent they aren't going to meet much resistance, then things get worse.
When/if somebody is abusive,immediately call them on it.
If incidents like that continue, discontinue the relationship.
And feel free to use the police,if necessary.
That's their job.
Frankly,given the fact that there are several lids for every pot,it boggles my mind why somebody would allow abusive behavior.
You HAVE choices.
Use them. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 8/1/2009 12:04:15 AM | Dear OP,
Thank you for this post. Very good information for a problem that is very rarely addressed. I would like to add that family members with an elderly man in the family who remarries should stay tuned in to the situation in the home. My great-grandfather remarried at 80 (he was a very spry man) to a woman who appeared to be sweet and kind to everyone, but turned out to be funneling money from his accounts into her private ones, beating him, and selling antiques out of his home. It was only because of the close watch of my grandmother and her sister that the problem was discovered. The police and lawyers were brought in, and she was not only charged with spousal abuse, but his money was also recovered in the most part. The antiques were gone, but they were nothing in comparison to what he got back.
The elderly are very much at risk for abuse and cons. Beware, it happens everywhere.
Beth | |
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