| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 9:39:58 AM | | One of my ex-boyfriends had a really abusive mother who attacked him and hurt him both mentally and physically. Recently, she went to jail. She is an abusive woman. My ex-boyfriend is a tall, strong-looking guy. His mother was tiny and she hurt him. It aint about size. We women can be nasty ****es when we want to be. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 11:07:06 AM | Squeak:
Fair enough. It just makes me really angry that people would ever permit themselves to be treated as such, because I know I never would. I have pity, but no respect for the people that let it happen to them, period. I'm sorry, you can ALWAYS just leave. People who love you don't abuse you, so any such excuses for one to stay don't fly with me. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 11:15:53 AM | NoName
I have not lived this experience...but I do know that leaving is not as easy as you make it sound...
If you tell someone often enough that they are worthless and will never find anyone else, they will believe you. And then being told that you cannot make it out there and you have to stay because you cannot get a job to support yourself....well, that makes someone doubt themselves enough to stay.
A man stays for many reasons as well. Everyone would have their own reasons. Starting over ain't as easy as one might think.
Do not pity these men and women, they need your understanding and acceptance more than any pity. And that dreaded word here in America...HELP.
Squeak | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 11:28:50 AM | | If you pull up to the house to pick her up for a date, and all her ex's stuff is in a pile in the driveway all broken up from being run over a few times, that's a sign to watch out for. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 12:40:21 PM | [These men are not wusses...they are men who are in a terrible situation.]
Like it or not, folks ... most times it takes one HELL of a lot of self control to fight the instinct to hit back ... thus becoming an abuser yourself. Cops always hear the lady with the split lip long before they see your wounds (experience talking) Those of us who take it ... and stay for a whole variety of reasons ... end up bruised both outside ... and inside twice.
Steve | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 12:51:25 PM | Wow i love your story Blackmanx!
Some of the thing's or should i say lots of the thing's you talk about i went throught and still go through on a day to day for me. You have strenght to talk about it.You are my hero!
I hope we here more about this on tv soon,maybe DR. PHIL! | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 1:39:07 PM | SOME REASONS WHY MEN MIGHT STAY IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:
Shame
"What will people think if they knew I let a woman beat up on me?" ."I don't want to be laughed at; no one would believe me."
Self-Worth
"I probably deserved it."
Denial
"I can handle it, it's not that bad."
"All I have to do is leave the house until she cools down.
Reluctance to Give Up the Good
"She is really a creative, or loving, or wonderful person most of the time."
"She doesn't mean to be this way it's PMS, the kids giving her a hard time etc."
Inertia
"It's too hard to do anything."
"I'm not ready for that much change in my life."
"I'll do it tomorrow, or later, when I'm not so busy."
If a number of these factors are true in your relationship, there is a problem. Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life - all cultures, all income groups, all ages, all religions. They also come in both sexes. They share feelings of helplessness, isolation, guilt, fear, and shame.
Just thought this needed posting............. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 2:41:36 PM | In my personal experience, one aspect of abuse is a general perception of men as being worthless. This shows up in remarks made about "other" men and "most men". The problem comes when she gets nagry at you. Then she decideds you are no longer one of the "good" men, but are instead just like she knows all men to be. Once she has identified you as being "bad", she is justified in treating you as badly as she wants. because then it is not her being abusive. It is her standing up against all bad men on behalf of all bad women. If you go looking for help, men laugh at you, and women assume you were the one who was causing the problem. So you think you can fix things because you know about that kind of behavior. You think you can use knowledge and communication to "help" her become less angry and violent. this is mistaken thinking, because she doesn't want help. That way she acts works for her. So then you have to decide to leave your life behind, and your children, and your house, and your dog. then when you go looking for another relationship, you find a lot of angry or suspicious women who assume you're:
a) at fault
b) a ****
c) ruined for future relationship
It's basically a one-shot deal once it happens. There is not relationship future after being in an abusive relationship.
When a woman is abused in a relationship, other women come to her side, and even men stand up for her against the abuser.
When a man is abused in a relationship, he is on his own and that's just a fact of life.
The story the abusing woman puts out as a cover story is that she was the one who was abused. People believe that no matter what. Even if a woman kills a man in his sleep, people will suspect he had it coming for some reason.
I would say a sign to watch out for is if the woman claims to have been an innocent victim of abuse. I know that many women are in fact victims of abuse. But since it is also what a woman who is abusive will say, it deserves a second look. Don't just assume that she was innocent and everything was her ex's fault. It might be that she was the abusive one and hid behind the appearance of innocence, taking advantage of the way people expect things to be. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 2:43:50 PM | | My woman just beat me, and spanked my ass. Boo Hoo !!!!!! same as applies to women , get the **** out of the abusive relationship , and either send em to jail , get em help , or walk. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 2:53:30 PM | | It sounds easy to walk away from your life. When you have children involved and you love the person it is not as easy as packing the car and dtiving off. Some people try to make things work and aren't so casual about relationships. It's not good to stay but it can take a while to get to the point where you see it is hopeless. You don't want to leave the kids with nobody to stand up for them. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 3:01:54 PM | ^ Agreed. Relationships are pretty wishy-washy anyways.
Strange that relationships break up all the time over things like:
1) partner has less ambition than other wants
2) partner isn't as good in bed as other would like
3) partner lives too far away
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But when its actually a health/survival related reason, suddenly its harder? Makes little sense. If they can convince you to stay you are clearly malleable, so why not use that to convince yourself that they smell funny, or live too far away, or aren't ambitious enough for you. Say it enough times and you can convince yourself, then leave for that reason...wow, i think i solved the whole problem right there. gold! | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 3:24:54 PM | I tell you what brother!!!!!! wooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! if she's that spanky send her to me. spank that ass, spank that ass noone likes a dead fish in bed i always say | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 3:46:20 PM | NoName,
Have you ever been arrested for having your nose broken by being hit in the face with a telephone? Then go to jail for months?
I witnessed my friend have this happen to him in his kitchen. He even had a witness, me!!! Yet the police still did not believe me or my friend!!!! When he finally got out, she made repeated phone calls to his home.
She wanted him back!!!!
She was nice on the phone at first. Then, as she realized that he wasn't going to come back willingly, she started to threaten him with jail. She would threaten to say on the phone to the police that he had come into her house and smashed everything. Luckily, he had started taping his phone calls to his home, got it on tape, and gave it to the police. Only after that did they start to believe him.
It is not as easy as you make it out to be. I am only glad it wasn't me. | |
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xchuck
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Joined: 6/11/2004
Msg: 40 | |
| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 4:19:48 PM | | I feel if you don't put your foot down the minute someone disrespects you as a human being(physical and emotional abuse) so they wont walk over in you in a relationship then you are partly at fault for letting them get away with it. The h**l with trying to be a nice person and make things work take control of your life and don't be a punching bag. Because the more you let someone get away with abusing you the worse it is going to get. That goes for men and women. | |
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xchuck
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Joined: 6/11/2004
Msg: 41 | |
| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 4:58:31 PM | | i was'nt specifically taking to you buddy and i would'nt say it if i had'nt been through it myself the women i was married to for 10 years the mother of my children cheated on me with 4 guys before i found out and blamed me because i was'nt available for her all the time and then when i was'nt willing to take full blame for that and decided we should seperate for a time she became verbally abusive and kicked me in the privs that is when i told her there was nothing to work out because we were done. And i have never looked back. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/2/2005 6:55:27 PM | I Ks (backwood eh?) Yes, If the police are called on a domestic dispute, BOTH parties must go to jail, which put an end to ANYONE calling for help!
I guess cops know it's a vicious circle that repeats itself again and again, maybe the law has been altered by now., I hope so, but I still think they are required to take at least one person away now, I am not sure, but female abusive bahavior is MUCH more common than many people believe it to be,
Very provocative post. I have always warned my male friends about this very thing. That and rape, another thread.......... | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/3/2005 7:27:32 AM | | my baby brother lived with an abusive woman who took drugs smashed his car and tried to stab him during a fight when the police came they asked her had he touched her because they would arrest him when it was realised that my brother was the one bleeding they called an ambulance and he was taken to hospital the police would not prosecute her as it was his word against hers what a funny world we live in | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/3/2005 7:33:29 AM | | good topic...i read both the abusive woman, and abusive male forum...Pretty sad that there has to be message boards on these topics....I just dont understand it....also another big problem out there is mental/verbal abuse....I know this first hand...was in a very abusive relationship when I was in college....I was raised that no man has the right to hit a woman(my father beat the crap out of my mom daily) but never was told, that a man(or a woman) does not have the right to put you down, and call you stupid day in and day out, and be verbally and emotionally abusive. | |
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| Abusive Women : Signs to watch out for
Posted: 3/3/2005 8:11:25 AM | blues---I think you have some great reply's....from what i can tell, you sound like a very smart insightful woman!...looking forward to reading more of your threads...
BMX...think thats who started this...read your profile etc...all i can say is someone whos used to being prejudged or hated for who they are, you would think you would be open to others opinions..or maybe i just read ya wrong | |
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