| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 10/17/2006 12:34:46 AM | | This situation is hairy. I just filed for child support on behalf of my three year old daughter. I am working fulltime and so is her father. The only time I've heard from him lately, (the last time being about 2 months ago) he only wanted to try to get me back by throwing in my face how much money he made. Now, knowing what all he spends his money on (part of being why I left him in the first place), and if he is in fact making that amount, I think our daughter should get some of that. I know I could use the help. I just don't know if it would be worth him coming in and out of her life trying to "play dad" just because he's butthurt that I left him because he refused to just grow up. I am not asking for back childsupport or medical expenses, just a resonable percentage of what he makes. This whole time I'm a little sick to my stomach that I couldn't get along alone and take care of her myself. She told me the other night "I don't want to see my dad anymore because he doesn't want to see me, he doesn't love me." Now I've never said anything like that to my girl. I don't speak negatively of him around her. When she asks where he is I try to be vague and say "At his house" or "He might be at work, honey, he just moved." Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this? It rips my heart out. Not to mention the fact that if he comes around demanding to see her because she took $100.00 a month or something and she says it to him? He'll blame me of coarse and probably not come around for another 4-6 months....help!!!! | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 10/18/2006 6:00:28 PM | | I'm glad to see that someone other than me see's that there are dead beat mom's as well. I've had my kids for 1 1/2 years and only recicved 2 months child support. She is only seeing the kids every now and then. She is self employed and truely making near 100,000. However she only claims she is making 19,000. I can't prove it but its true. Any time the kids ask her for something she tells them to see your dad, thats why I pay child support. . | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 10/18/2006 6:56:11 PM | thats why I pay child support. .
Aren't those the funniest words you've ever heard, especially from the NCP who isn't paying the child support he/she claims to be paying?! My ex just recently got all bent out of shape because his support payments were raised $4.32 a week, but they were raised because he hasn't paid anything since the first of February, and was already more than $5000 in arrears then! Why don't they see that when they don't pay, it's the kids who are really hurting? | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 10/18/2006 7:29:15 PM | | I too have one of those ex husbands' who is a deadbeat.. I have raised my 2 children who are now 17 and almost 19. I never recieved child support from him, or emotional support for his children.. HE was absent. HOwever.. whenever he did call to see the kids (once a year). I always let the kids see him. I wasnt about to deprive them of that right. On the other hand, I actually think the deadbeat parents should be held responsible. Give them jobs with the city, cleaning streets, mowing.. etc.. and the money the city would pay an employer, He would pay the deadbeat parent. after the children recieve their support. I actually proposed this to my Governor.. But i was just partonized.. But these parents definitley need to be accountable.. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 10/18/2006 8:04:20 PM | | They have programs similar to that in parts of Texas. The "deadbeat" is actually locked up except during working hours. The child support is paid out of what is earned. I'm not sure how long lock up lasts, how much of the income earned during that time goes for child support, or stuff like that, but I know it happens...just not in the county where I lived. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:14:50 PM | | Why not just pick the right guy who will stick around? Some (not all but some) have children to try to hang on to a relationship. If you married first then had kids and tried to make it work? (I know many get married before having kids but not all) Some peole walk away to easily. Others should walk away (if they are abused) and for those I say get child maintenance to track them down. To the others make the relationship work and yes the guy should do the same as well. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:26:23 PM | I'm a single Mom of 3, one is chronically ill. My ex pays only when they catch up with him, then he moves again.
I have a friend that uses his blog on yahoo for the purpose of exposing dead beat dads, so far only my ex is on it. Any one interested in using his blog go to 360.yahoo.com/deadbeatdads. He will add any one including deadbeat moms. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/3/2007 9:55:29 AM | When will this end?
Acording to the government a very small percentage of men default on their support. A much higher percent of women do not pay a dime.
I have often wondered if all you ladies knew this about men why would you think your particular case would be different? | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/3/2007 10:44:38 PM | This is true only one in 12 custodial dads recieve ANY child support
And I am not one of those, but as one person said .....In todays world we have NO BUSINESS having children if we don't think we can support them alone. The odds are just to great, and when you fight over CS your child's family support suffers .......AND THAT IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT.
The ones I dont get is the He/She ran off and doesn't see the child good riddance
THESE ARE THE ONES YOU GO AFTER. The ones that don't pay but at least spend time with........ are contributing something important. The runners don't contribute at all. Believe it or not the time they spend with the child is worth far more than the dollars.
(I got the stats for another thread )Census'00 and CS Enforcement report | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/4/2007 1:05:55 AM | Ok guys - I have read the posts in here and I agree with about 95% of you - believe me I do.
I am a single mum of a 1 yr old and her father is just completely hopeless - you know what he did for Father's Day or his excuse thereof? I was sick, I had a migraine, I was asleep in bed - boohoo - it's supposed to be spending the day with the kids and playing and saying to yourself I am glad I have got the most beautiful children in the world - yet he whinges the minute I ask him for help with HIS daughter - I keep every receipt that I have when I spend on our daughter - and we go halves in it - which is fair enough.
Every time I bring up Child Support Maintenance - he quits his job or changes it to a company I don't know about and he still can't be stuffed in paying for his daughter - major arguments there when she keeps saying Da da da da all the time.
It breaks my heart knowing that she never gets to see him - only when I have to beg for him to pull his finger out and get a move on - he spends more time on his damn car than he ever did with his Daughter.
It just sickens me that there are Father's out there who just don't give a damn about their families that they have created and the kids who walk around completely lost and not knowing who or what a Father is - then again - Mother's are the same.
I get home from work and the smile on my daughter's face when she see's me is priceless and I worship her - she is the only thing in my life that keeps me grounded and sane and not drunk not on drugs or even suicidal - she is worth every in this world and the Father's/Mother's who don't bother miss out.
Their problem - not ours a single parents
Kylie | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/4/2007 8:38:04 AM | Hi like to introduce myself
I am a dead beat dad by legal definition. First let me say I was a single parent blessed with a son going into his late teens when I met a woman whom I believed would be my partner in life. When we met she had a young daughter after we married we had two children one of each. Total so far is four.
Five years into our marriage my employer of ten years restructured and I was downsized to unemployed. After examining my options it was decided that self employment was a viable options. Also interpreted as no offers of employment for a long time. Our marriage did not last a year after the separation from employment.
Citing the hardships enclosed in the separation notice I received, it included an instance during the marriage when I raised my voice to her. I did I opened the mail and found our bank was taking a service fee because someone had bounced a cheque. The woman worked in a bank, balance the book. And an instance when I had abandoned her daughter. She left for a weekend away leaving me in charge of a seven year old, 2 year old and 1 year old child. Friday night we had half a jug of milk in the fridge for breakfast I asked the eldest to look after the fort while I went to corner store to pickup milk. She is only seven young yes, other two were still more into sleep than awake. Hey Dad was in charge we had a late night everyone in by around ten. At first she agreed no problem. I went out the door and felt she was uncomfortable so only went past neighbors and looked back. Daughter was on front step crying. Well might have been simpler but would not work. Got kids up and dressed went to store then home for breakfast.
Anyway separation was granted. Ex wanted eighteen hundred a month. Could not afford got sawed off at six. Ex not pleased but life went on. During the ensuing period. We ( Myself and Ex ) in addition to support I paid for birthdays, Xmas, easter, Halloween, school supplies, activities and summer camp. Did I mention one year I sent money for summer camp to Ex, in July took kids to pickup point only to be advised registration had not been paid, paid and then in later years paid direct, just let me know where please.
For first decade of breakup, having access to children was an issue. Missed good part of their first years in school. Have driven three hours to watch them in a pageant only to drive three hours back home.
How did I become a Deadbeat Dad? Simple I picked up the phone one afternoon and was advised by an Officer of he Maintenance Enforcement Program (MEP) that they had reviewed my file and decided that I was two months in arrears and that if I did not pay thy would take me to court and have me thrown in jail.
Being somewhat full of myself, I told them. No not that just that they were wrong and if they cared to show me what the hell they were looking at I would be happy to enlighten them. Anyway we were separated March 94 they wanted maintenance for February 94 and they felt I should have paid more in June 94.
Hey this sounded simple and i could deal with it. Gather up my goodies and tell it to the Judge. Guess what Judge did not want to know if I owed the money just had it been paid and if not why not, I was now a deadbeat dad. Over the ensuing decade there were numerous instances of disagreement with MEP all basically resulting in me being beaten over the head until it became apparent even to me that being right just did not matter.
MEP has had me thrown in jail, I have been severely scolded by their Judge, I had been ridiculed by there Representatives, I have been without driving privileges.
Yes I am the poster boy of deadbeat dad's. Yet my life is good. How can that be? Well for one thing I enjoy a strong relationship with the eldest son, daughter and their families, in fact right now the greatest grandsons one could want are busy trashing the front room while papa is distracted. The two youngest children are living with me. Did I say children are their own worst enemy, these two would test the patience of a saint. I am not a saint. I am patient with them because I know what they had to go through over the years and how they came to live with me four and two years ago.
The irony is my Ex still changes hair color with the seasons, has rapier long nails and enjoys her like boating excursions on the great lakes and trips down to Texas. When the kids want to visit she tactlessly suggest that it is bad time, will be busy, away, does not like their friends or get Dad to give you something to do around the house to earn bus fare and we will see.
I can speak with authority when I say MEP is not the solution. They look after the interest of various ministers not the children. I have been in their court's on numerous occasions. Once knowing the matter would be adjourned and we would be out of there just before lunch, I took my children and was given supreme (you know) by the Master, seems children are not welcome. Apologies just could not get sitter during the day. Additionally a large portion of those chosen to appear seemed to have greater distress in their lives, few accumulating arrears while in jail, some seasonal workers, most marginally employable.
I can quote several instances where MEP has impacted negatively on our lives. Classic being while I am arranging to get youngest daughter some medical help for her behavior my wage was garnisheed. Left with $250 a month for us to live on. Under the separation order I paying twenty five dollars a month, eye glasses two youngest, son has not worn glasses for ten years, when daughter needs glasses, lost broken etc. Call Dad he will get you new ones.
Once you are packaged as a deadbeat dad you are cold meat. This seems long. It is only the briefest of synopsis and I would hazard slightly skewed to the advantage of the writer. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad epidemic!
Posted: 9/4/2007 1:01:07 PM | when men and women are treated equal in this country and with equal responsibility and equal custody you will have my ear ,i don't feel sorry for you ladies at all ..you have more support then working double parent families in this country ,, ..it takes two to have a child ,,stop with the dead beat crap pointing fingers ,,and stop looking for a free ride after you ask for and are awarded sole custody ..and a lot of the complainers did ask for custody for the money and control end of it ...
.if you ask me they should track down the fathers who are obviously supporting themselves somehow and not costing tax payers a cent and give them there children back to support and look after ..give them amnesty and a licence back ,,i would bet money the same women calling dead beat would then look for another reason or person to blame for her short comings in life and lack of cash ..and still be on welfare or some sort of assistance ..scrap the family maintenance program ,,its a cancer and is a family killer
the only epidemic we have is women dis honouring fathers ..there is an epidemic of women who are unable to look after themselves after asking for sole custody for the money not the children...the easy solution is let the responsible working parent have the children ..lets start taking into account the ability to support a child before sole custody can be awarded..
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/4/2007 1:16:28 PM | Wow I wish my children lived 5 minutes away, There would be a open door policy to come down all they wanted. I fell guilty if I dont call them at least once or twice a week. And I dont miss my visitation with my 15 year old unless he has plans. My 18 year old has become an alien...LOL
My boys live 40 miles away but I make the trip often.
Sorry for all the children who have to bare the burden of parents who dont give a darn.
My support comes directly out of my paycheck. And has for the past eight years. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/6/2007 12:01:17 PM | Hi. I totally agree that is should be made a criminal offense when they HIDE from they responsiblities they made. My ex has decided after spending most of last summer with his son and again that was 5 years since he had contact with his son.He decides that he needs to find himself. Well how do you tell a 12 yr that the so called father is finding himself. We have not heard or recieved any monies from him in over a year. ..or i should say his son hasn't heard from him.I am with FMEP and they cannot find him either. So if they made it a criminal offense they could put him in jail...we are not getting money from him being out of jail so what would the difference be with him in jail...not going to get money either way or phones calls to my son....
Let's all get together and get this to a c riminal offense | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/6/2007 12:03:32 PM | | NO i dont think any gender should make a difference. Either parent that has custody the other should be paying according ....so no gender does not make a difference to me | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/6/2007 12:06:24 PM | women should just move on with their lives and stop creating so much drama for their children...screw 'em (the men)...if they don't want to be around who needs them.
why would you purposely cause yourself and your children so much stress.
MOVE ON, and support them by yourself------it's really not a big deal. i would rather do it alone with a smile on my face then have to deal with court, drama, stress, heartache for the children etc etc...why does this topic never end????!!!!
get over it | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad epidemic!
Posted: 9/6/2007 12:08:05 PM | | Well excuse me. I am not looking for an easy solution. I am a full time working single mother of one that has custody of my son and has supported him from day one the father stood up in court and told the judge he refuses to pay child support. When we do recieve any monies from the father...it is by court or which has put in a garnishee on him...if they can find where he is working......and also...if he files his income taxes which he hasn't in 5 yrs now. He does not phone his son or send a birthday card or anything at christmas. So YES i call him a deadbeat sperm donor......cause i cant call him a dad when he isnt around and doesnt want to be around his son | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/7/2007 4:48:49 AM | | Sure I like the tattoo idea if everyone had one. I imagine you would be a big hit hit if you had to wear a tattoo that said. I call my ex's sperm doners. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/7/2007 6:55:47 AM | | Not much gets me more upset than deadbeat parents, which I know are mostly men but not always. The ideas for solutions run from serious ideas to the silly..but I know one thing some of us can do is to NEVER let someone sign their rights away to a child just to keep the peace. It sends the wrong message to people, especially guys, who get the idea that it is acceptable to make a baby and run for the hills, with no emotional or financial or emotional responsibility required. Every time I see women (mostly) say they just want to let the non-involved dad just walk because there is "too much drama"..I seethe..because nobody is speaking for the child, especially if the child is under a reasonable age to decide if he/she wants the parents involved. And the notion that you can't force a person to be a parent..it's bull! If you don't want babies..they make these things called pills and condoms. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/7/2007 7:33:57 AM | As a Single Parent that has never gotten a dime of CS
This should not be a criminal offence, itshould be a civil offense.
People that lock their childrens other parent up over money..........How do you look your child in the face? What example are you giving your child? Even worse those who try to refuse visitation because the other person is in arrears.
Those who use the arguement that your child deserves all they can get........So true
I recently apologized to my 10 year old son for not having the money for an activity. He said we're doing great Dad don't sweat it. They understand...........they appreciate the situation. AND I"LL BET IF YOU ASKED THEM ....... getting less vs parents in jail
the vast majority would choose less.
Children aren't tools .......don't use them as leverage | |
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007000
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Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 247 | |
| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:20:21 AM | What difference does it make. A lot of people are like me and never had what they thought it would be. My husband of over 12 years of marriage died. The children missed him and so did I. I married the second time, he was not supportive. We divorced and my children never had that Dad relationship.
Everything always works out someway. My kids are grown now. Nobody promised us anything.  Its good just knowing we have each other. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/7/2007 8:59:12 AM | I have said it before and I will say it again. I used to date a woman who had 3 kids with 3 differant men, each man paid support for their child and as we live in Canada the step dads were paying support for the step-children...do the math...child support from 3 men for one child and from 2 men for another child, this woman said the step father's have no rights to see the kids and even though the men wanted to see their biological children to this women told me they weredeadbeats. When I asked why she said because things did not workout with her. I will save the gold digger psrt of the conversation I had with her as it doers not apply to this thread. Why do some men get labelled deadbeats for wanting to see their children when they pay support? If the visitation schedule is not perfect you could at least work something out.
Also I dated a woman a few years aago who said she was tired of going to court because her ex wanted to see their daughter. She felt he should just pay support and stay out of the child's life until the child turned 18 as that was how she wanted it. She alo felt any man she was with was "daddy" to her child. Do you see why I ran from these 2 women?
YES there are some men who are not responsible but why when some men try to some women resist visitation and child support? It makes no sense. In Canada failure to pay spousal or child suypport means lose of driving privledges, loss of passport and bad credit. Why punish your child by not letting the ex see them or in the case of America putting the father in jail? Have you heard the when a man does time his son does time every day as well? | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/7/2007 7:45:31 PM | Being a father and a dead beat dad "actually never having not paid" the statistics show that the men paying has gone up and those not paying has gone down. At least in Canada, this may be a trend due to many different aspects. With me, i have been treated as total criminal. I have paid, more then what the law requires. Due to several mistakes one made by MEP , i lost my liscence and was treated to weekly calls to home and work. First MEP lost my payment list, i found this out when i went to renew my liscence and found out that they said i had not paid for a year, no mail no nothing until i contacted them. Then the mail then the phone calls. This took more then 6 months to correct. Get this cleaned up and i actually have an overpayment with MEP. From speaking to other men who continue to pay, we get treated like criminals no matter what we do, we get treated by the courts as if our concerns don't matter other then our wallets. In no way am i making excuses for men who do not pay or hide there income, if you have a child or children as a man it is your responsibility as a parent to provide your share. I guess what i would like to see is some fairness in the treatment of all the people involved.
Dave | |
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amyr21
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Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 250 | |
| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 9/7/2007 9:10:10 PM | | Your so right. I know someone who had a child taken away, because she was sick. They actually attempted to look for her father who hadn't seen her in seven years. Now, which parent should be considered neglectful, how disgusting. Men are never held accountable. They claim to be hitting them where it hurts in the pockets, but how many men do you actually personally know who go to jail for not paying. They strike deals with the court, get off paying minimal support, drumming up fake expenses, when we full know they live with their moms for free. It is pretty gross. But, its a man's world, isn't it, truly! | |
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