| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/16/2006 10:29:40 AM | | my kids havent seen or heard from there mother in almost six years . i think the deadbeat parrents should have tattos on there forheads so the general public knows who they are or what they are. i think the general publuc would have a better impact on this situation than our government . ........................................................................................jeferey | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:12:25 AM | and when did God give any of us superpowers?????? where was the line cause I know I missed that gift.
we can have all the laws in the world but if someone doesn't want to do something, they will find a way NOT to do it regardless of the law.
I have accepted this and I feel the only thing us "non-dead-beat" parents can do is be the best parents we can be and give our children the best life we are able to give them. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:18:04 AM | p.s. by the way the only way you can be free of your responsibilities to a child is BY NOT HAVING ONE in the first place!!!
AND NO abortion is not the right answer, because by then the child already exists and all you are doing is letting that child take responsibility for it's existance and then wiping it out.
if you feel that strongly about not having children then you make sure you don't have any... wear 6 condoms, 12 contraceptive devices, or have surgery to prevent it.
killing the child you made to avoid responsibility should be a direct ticket to hell... | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:48:52 AM | Lately I've seen this curious phenomenon. Instead of just meekly low their heads and submit to bashing and stereotyping, as before, many more men are answering and calling things as they really are.
If you choose an irresponsible jerk to be the father of your children, don't blame other men for your own failure, nor demand them to pay for it.
And about what to do with the deadbeat dad epidemic?
First and foremost:
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH GUYS WHO MAY BECOME DEADBEATS!!!!!
And don't lie to yourselves, girls. You KNOW the signs. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/16/2006 5:14:49 PM | What a great idea..........public humiliation always works like a scarlet letter........all deadbeat parents should wear a sign or tshirt or say a bright neon pink tattoo on their foreheads with " I'm a deadbeat parent"
That could work and it will cost them child support to have it removed a section at a time until the child reaches 18. Only problem would be defining deadbeat and how many chances does the parent get before they get their tattoo? | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/16/2006 5:33:40 PM | I can understand some mothers abandoning their babys whensuffering from post natal depression or maybe they are weak and being manipulated to or uneducated from very poor socio economical backgrounds and have been raised with different morals etc. I'm nto saying this is the case for all mothers but if they are intent on abandonign kids they should have had an abortion or maybe taken a day trip to a Marie Stopes clinic and see how clinical it can be and the truth behind late abortions. Some men are as s holes though but I do understand if right from day one they say I don't want this child I'm not ready etc etc. cos then the woman has soley made the choice to keep the baby but then again the guy has to face responsibility and be a man he should have been more careful. I do believe some men say have an abortion as casually as like what's on tv well they don't personally have to experience anything and could quite easily pretend as if it never happened.
My ex said he'd go on benefits to avoid paying child support and such like he never did though and eventually I got 15% of his wages hehe not much but better than nothing I am going back to work soon I would love to be a fly on the wall when a letter arrives on his mat saying I am going for private maintanance ...well I got a quote the other day for a childminder during the holidays and they want £225 p/w some ppl on minimum wage don't even get that after tax. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/17/2006 1:10:17 AM | there is absolutely NO excuse for any parent to negate their parental responsibilities and those responsibilities don't end when the child(ren) they have turn 18.
the only way to prevent this is to practice abstinence or extremely safe sex. and that goes for men and women. MEN... you know for a fact that women can get pregant. take responsibility for your actions and protect yourself and if you mess up, DO THE RIGHT THING. children don't ask to be brought into this world via a one night stand. if she's good enough to bone, she should be good enough to bare your children and if she's not, then you get what you deserve if she gets pregnant. WOMEN... you know for a fact that you can get pregnant and don't give me that crap about the pill failing. use more than one birth control method and stop giving it up to any man that comes along and tickles your fancy. have more respect for yourselves than to sleep with a man that isn't willing to commit... if you don't give it up, this can't happen. and for christ's sake... if you can't afford to have children... stop having unsafe sex. women who are careless also get what they deserve if the tramp of a man they've allowed to fvck 'um walks out of their life and doesn't look back.
JUST STOP IT AND THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO YOU. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/19/2006 9:55:11 PM | | hi. this is a very good topic. i perspnaly have a 4 year old daughter. i didn't leave her, my ex after 9 years kicked me out of MY house for crack head that has been to preson a couple of times. is this my fault? i don't think so. i worked and still do a full time job. i would come home on payday and hand her my check (after i made sure i had enough gas money to get to work the rest of the week) just to make sure all the bills were payed and make sure my daughter had what she needed. well any way i tried to get my daughter. oh yeah did i say that she smokes pot im the same house as my daughter? so she has custody well we have joint custody. what dose that make me? or for that matter her? when i left, i left everything but my clothes. i payed for everything. no there is no cout order for child surpot but i give her a $100.00 a week and don't have to. i see my daughter on my days off and try to see her more. i would love to take my daughter everyday well she is at work( she works 8 to 4 and i work 2 to 10:30) so she wouldn't have to pay a baby sitter. she told me no. i think there is alot more women out there that are ****ed up in the head then men. thats my point of veiw. don't take it personal. my biggest thing right now is that yes i live with my mother right now. i am only 22. it would be really hard for me to afford my own place right now because of all the money and stuff i do and give my ex. but my point is why shuold i be giving her money to pay a babysitter when she dose not need one. i love my daughter to death and would do anything for her or her mother. am i a bad father for this. i have been told i am a bad parent and this is all my fault that she left me and this and that. but how is that. i think if there was more fathers out there like me than the courts would realize that all fathers are not bad or dead beat like u guys say. i know my father was a dead beat and i promised i would not be anything like him and i am not. so hats of to all u proud fathers out there and i just wish there were more of us out there. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/20/2006 5:36:43 PM | Herself,
The laws aren't much better here in the states. My ex, who lives in Texas, is on probation for non-payment of child support after whining and lying to the judge so that it was lowered. He quit his job back in February to follow his new bride (less than half his age) to Missouri. When I notified the proper authorities, they told me there was nothing that could be done as long as he was across state line, and that I would have to spend money I didn't have to hire a lawyer to take him to court once he came back. As it stands now, he is actually on the verge of being arrested for violating his probation, but not for the non-payment....for failing to report! When he is arrested, he faces six months in jail where there is no work release program, so that will be even more time without child support. Meanwhile, I'm here trying to take on a second job so that my son can concentrate more on his school work instead of having to work to help make ends meet! | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/20/2006 5:46:44 PM | I agree with this post!
''DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH GUYS WHO MAY BECOME DEADBEATS!!!!!
And don't lie to yourselves, girls. You KNOW the signs.''
and that is TRUE! we as women/girls DO know the signs so why have kids w/some1 when we KNOW how the person is and what the person will end up doing i mean were NOT dumb men/women can both be deadbeats moms/dads, its not only the dads.
bye!
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:08:53 AM | I don't think that is always the case. I was married for almost sixteen years to my husband, and was married for two before my son was born. It wasn't until he chose the wrong ways to deal with depression, refused to get REAL help, and tried to take my son and me down the path of destruction with him that I got us out of there. It never occurred to me that he would neglect his son, given the way he was raised and the fact that he was always bad-mouthing his ex brother-in-law for doing the same to his two kids.
As for the jmc, you need to see if you can find a legal aid department in your area. It seems to me that you are making all the sacrifices for your daughter, have her interests truly at heart, and have every right to at least joint custody. Don't give up the fight!
Best wishes to the rest of the single parents who are trying to do it all! At least we can be sure that our children know we are doing our best! | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:15:18 AM | | Well. I don't know if you would consider my ex hubby a dead beat. I do. I've had to go through my local da's office to even get child support from him. I left my ex in march of 05. He has only seen his son a total of six months from then till now. I know my son doesn't realize whats going on. All he knows is he lives with his greatgrandmother and greatgrandfather and his mommy. The state i live in is sending me a check everyweek. Well was until his unemployment went out. I think hes living in the same town as he was when i was with him. If that is the case then it would not supirse me for him to go back to pot and crank or meth or whatever the heck it was. So yeah. I think the courts should be tougher on dads who aren't around. I mean it takes two to make a baby and as the saying goes. "Anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy." | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:13:32 AM | Honestly...I am one of those single moms...where my daughters father...who i was married to, left me when I was 4 months pregnant for his mistress...he owes over $17,000 in child support...and he signed a VOLUNTARY support agreement..but yet NEVER has paid on it.
He hasn't spent more than countable hours with her since she was born..the majority of that time was while she was in the NICU and his parents were around, and it looked good for him!
Honestly to tell you...he hasn't seen her in a year and a half, and quite honestly in my case, it's the best thing for both my daughter and myself. Her father was abusive mentally, emotionally and verbally..and currently has a warrent for his arrest on a sex crime...as well as a sexual case against him with social services...
Some deadbeat dads should remain just that! I'm currently going for sole custody and no visitation rights at all for him...and all of his "neglect" and abandonment...well that's just better for us in the long run!
I do agree that in some cases fathers should be held just as responsible as mothers in cases of abandonment...but in other cases, it's just better to have them out of the picture completely! | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/22/2006 4:40:43 PM | | One thing we can ALL agree on is there are deadbeat dads AND MOMS its not just men who shirk there responsibility women ARE just as bad , a parent whether male or female should be responsible for there children .... | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/22/2006 7:00:43 PM |
Hi all,
As i am sure you are all aware, deadbeat dad's is one of the single most largest crisis' facing todays children.
I have an idea that i would like everyones feed back on.
I believe that men who abandon their children should face criminal charges. Now i am refering to men who have no contact with there children, who do not pay childsupport, and in alot of cases avoid the court system so they will go through there entire life not being held responsible for their children.
Women who abandon there children at birth are held criminally negligent and are charged with a variety of offences, yet men are not.
Now i am refering to true cases of abandonment and not neglectful fathers.
I believe there should be a law that will hold both men and women equally repsonsibe.
What do you think?
Fathers who do not pay their child support in the US do go to jail. Now they don't go to jail right away, there is a process and attempts made to get the money without sending someone to prison. Now some people might not like the process as it exists now, but I think you have to consider the overrall big picture from the governments perspective.
If you just start tossing people in jail indiscriminately, you are costing the state three times. Once for the child that isn't being supported, who is probably being helped by social welfare programs funded by tax dollars. Then twice, because of the cost associated with housing and feeding and health care for another inmate. Then third, you reduce that fathers ability to earn after incarceration and increase the social cost of the probability that someone incarcerated will return to prison or turn to crime because they cannot get legitimate work.
Child support is based on "inputed income", which means in the US, a man is liable for child support based on his "potential" earnings, not his "actual" earnings. The reason this happens is so Bob the Doctor doesn't decide to become Bob the Gas Station Clerk for five years to avoid massive child support payments. However this becomes a burden for men who become injured or downsized or outsourced or their skills become obsolete. There are plenty of men who would pay, but feasibly can't pay under certain circumstances. There is a classic case of a US soldier who was held prisoner in Iraq, then once released and back home, he was thrown in jail for failure to pay child support. He couldn't write checks because he was a prisoner of war. Thats how the system works. It doesn't care about you, or your kids, it just wants to get as many people off of the systems paid by taxes food cupboard as possible.
I believe there is a "deadbeat" epidemic of catastrophic proportions facing America today, but I do not believe it is solely isolated to just "dads" The disparity between fathers who do not pay child support and mothers who do not pay child support is rapidly shrinking. But the disparity of men who go to jail for not paying child support and women who do not pay child support is growing.
As for women being held criminally negligent, I think statistics do not bear out that claim either. Women, unlike men, can fall back on biological reasons for their criminal defense. A woman can say she was pregnant and had hormones going wild and she did not know what to do. A man however, has no such fall back excuse to give to the court. And consider that a recent study showed that up to 20-25 percent of all paternity tests in America come back false. Meaning one out of every four or five fathers who do a paternity test will find out that their child is not theirs. However they are still legally liable in almost all cases of paying child support, even if it can be shown intent to defraud was present. The women who lie about paternity don't go to jail. These women fill out government documents, many knowing full well that the man they state is the father of their child is not and sign their name to said documents, many of which related to financial matters. But these women do not go to jail, in fact, they are rewarded for their deception because the deceived "father" has to often pay child support anyway. And there is yet no legal precedent set for a child to compel their mother to reveal their true biological father. Can you imagine the financial/moral/social implications of a child who may not know his/her true medical history?
Statistically speaking, women are not held equally responsible legally in the same way as men in regards to child custody and child support. The numbers just do not bear it out. Look at the disparity of "Safe Haven" laws. A mother can physically abandon her child with no criminal penalties, but what do you think will happen if a father dumped his kid in front of a hospital and got caught?
Speaking from a legal perspective, from my work experience, the biggest crisis today involving children and their health both physically and emotionally is not "dead beat dads", its divorce. Divorce in a no fault system where children are growing up in broken homes without their fathers. The issue of child support is an issue within the larger framework of the problem of divorce in America.
No offense, but many of your statements are very broad sweeping generalizations and assertions that simply do not have much basis in fact or current statistics. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:32:58 PM | scoot1962
I agree with you and your right its not always the male that abandons their child
or their baby but if you say women do the same thing alot of women from the site
will, get upset and think your talking about them when your NOT your implying that
there are some MOMS who do same thing and half of them live around here. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/22/2006 9:19:01 PM | whosyourbadkitty:
when a father does not want to take responsibility for his child (which sickens me to think of) he can go to court and relinquish his rights.
He may be able to relinquish his rights. However it does not give him the ability of walking away from his responsibitlies. If it were that simple there would be not Child Support Battles fought in the courts.
No at this point in time the only person who can legally walk away from child is the Mother.. and only either by abortion, prior to birth. Or at time of delivery or very soon after by putting up for adoption.
At that point in time, she is no longer held responsible for the child. But no suck right exsits for men in any way shape or form. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/22/2006 9:45:41 PM | Okay after reading alot of these posts... I started thinking to myself. Why is it that the Custodial Parent in alot of the cases I'm reading in here seem to want to push their Ex into support his/her children.
And it seems to be the Single Mom's out there have it harder then Single Dad's on average. Why is that? I mean I look at my situation growing up. My mom was a single mom. And she decided that she was going to have to raise her 2 children on her own, with very little support. So what did she do? She became a Pipeline Welder.
Instead of being a dreamer, and hoping the right job, or knight in armour was going to come along, and solve all her problems. She took a large dose of reality, and decided she was going to have to conform to something to ensure she could provide for her children plain and simple.
I think of the largest problems facing our children today is not the Dead Beat parents out there. To me the largest problem facing our children is the lack of insight of both parents involved in the childs life of ensuring they would be self sufficent.
And I can take this idea 1 step further. I'd hate to say this... but next time you walk into a McDonalds... Wendy's... Local Starbucks... count the ratio of women to men working behind the counter...
And then go to say your local Hydro Company and count how many women compared to men are working on the line.
One of the things we don't do enough of in our education system is teach women they are just as capable of getting the high paying jobs...
Anyone in this day and age who says they either can't work, or are stuck working for Min wage. Are either disabled... and unable to work. Or simply Lazy. There is no reason, even as a Single Parent, that you can't do a Skilled Labour job.
The amount of income you earn, is directly determined what your willing to do. Heck even unskilled labour. I can show you postings of people needed to Dig Ditches along the freeway. Paying 15/hour + to start.
I'm a Sinfle Father of an Autistic child. So if anything I should have the most reason to stay home with my son... And **** and complain I can barely make ends meet.
However I don't... I make more money then my Single Ex... Doing a job that requires little to no traning. Just a little bit of Effort. Why did I do this. To ensure my son's needs as far as Roof over head... food on the table.. and clothes on his back were met.
I'm not asking for hand out. Yes I would like to see my ex live up to responsibilites as a parent. But throw her in Jail... that makes no sense. Take this through a lengthy court battle... I was... but reconsidered that idea, and decided I'm content. I have what matters at the end of the day, my Son.
Alright I'm done ****ing for now... thanks for reading. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/23/2006 1:24:52 AM | SpiderHam77 you do raise a good point. But I have to argue with you about changing parenting from family and city over to criminal act (federally). I have to gather my thoughts, I am so tired... sorry, but I have thought about this for a few years & really want to express my ideas out clearly.
I AGREE WITH THE WOMEN, dead beat dads DO belong in jail.
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/23/2006 3:37:48 AM | | I would have to agree and say that we should not label "Dads" with "dead beat". As a former social worker I can assure you that the term dead beat can equally apply to either parent. And as a "Dad" who pays child support but still has his kids equally with his ex despite the financial hardship, I personally take offense to the term Dead Beat Dad. Thank you for recognizing this. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/23/2006 8:17:07 AM | lula777
I AGREE WITH THE WOMEN, dead beat dads DO belong in jail.
But why do you feel that Dead Beat Dad's belong in jail? Should Dead Beat Mothers as well? We really need t ostart using the term Dead Beat Parent. What purpose would this serve but to simply act as a revengful punishment. Cause lets face it, in reality that's all that jail is.
We lock people up, for what reason. Because they have commited a crime. And we feel as a society that they need to put away from the population, and pain pentance for their crime.
Now I'm all for locking up criminals, and I think in Canada we need to start becoming more harsh in our terms of sentencing. But in this case.. the person who would suffer is not the parent who is locked up, but the child. I mean lets think about this.
What exactly are we locking them up for? For not being a father in the fashion that you have deemed you want them to be? For not paying child support? How would locking them in jail for a period of time increase their chance of gaining employment.
Talk to any Ex-Con and ask them how hard it is to get a decent job with a Crim Record. I'm sure some of them can give you stories. So why would you want to ensure that from now on you recieve next to no CS, or none at all.
As I have stated. If the other parent doesn't want to be involved with their child. Fine they don't have to be.. it's their choice. However I do agree that does not relinquish their responsibility of providing for their child. So methods need to be found to ensure this. Garnishment of wages seems to be the best method.
Another idea is to Garnish Tax Returns... and stuff like that. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/23/2006 6:16:09 PM | SpiderHam77.
You are passionate about your convictions, and I admire that.
Have a child = Being responsible/Taking responsibility for that child
Having a child and not taking responsibility = a consequence that is in the best interest of the child, and society. (and there are ways to get out of having your checks garnished... the smart dead beat fathers know this)
Why should tax payers pay for a raising another man's child? it's call Child Tax Benefit, or Social Assistance? I would rather see a man in jail working 8 hours a day NOT 24 necessarily, and seeing his 8$ an hour pay check go to his family AND for there to be a list of needs... like, milk, diapers, tylenol, apple sauce, toys, clothes... etc... FOR him to go out and buy each week and drop off at the "nurturing home"... Likewise this applies to both sexes. I don't care if they have to go like this for 10, 20 years in order to be responsible. Now, of course if there was severe mental health issues, I would absolutely support with the "Quality of Life" and have subsidy to the children, that's different.. when they are healthy, and capable of working - why should the dead beat parent have the right to have a nicer home, less stress, spending money??? when the mother suffers thus the kids will suffer too?
I would rather pay to see him "punished" for his in-accountability.. then to see a women go on paying the pricess of his neglect, only to find out he has another 5 kids on the way! and ususally that's the case now isn't guys??? whose seen their fair share of that one? hmm I have.
He may not be commiting an offense under the Criminal Act of Canada, and all the laws we have at present.
Is he/she commiting an offense? ethically yes, and SpiderHam77, when the ethics are there, the laws soon follow the demand. Child Support (Family Maintenance) is a good start, but they are years behind, and not covering all the areas that are usually, and unfortunately - some of the higher need cases. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/23/2006 6:20:25 PM | | If a deadbeat dad "SHOULD" be in jail than so should a "deadbeat mom" because after all they are NO different than the dad and i think some women should have go through and face what the men have to face and go through everyday, i do NOT see the reason behind haveing a "deadbeat dad/ deadbeat mom" "LABLE" in life anyway. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 7/23/2006 6:34:12 PM | As for the post done by browneyedgagirl about seeing your local legal aid, i might as well tell you come with a pot of coffee and a damn good book because you will be waiting for quite a while. I have been with the FRO for 6 yrs( for those who are canadian you will know what it is) It hasn't been one of my best experiences. In those six yrs that I have been with them they have hardly done much, the reinforcement is pathetic even though there was legislation don recently for harsher punishments for those who did not pay however they are not being implemented.
Unfortunately I continue to give in and still allow visits in hopes that one day my son will see for himself what one can become without responsibility but for the time being I can not make that judgement call instead all I can do is sit back and raise my son to the best of my ability and hope that he is able to learn the true ways of right from wrong
There are women out there who do this too to their child and I honestly can't fathome the thought of leaving your own child, but then again I may never be in their shoes to ever experience what is going through their minds.
But to all of those parents who are out there and doing the best they can whether you are male or female I say congrats to you and keep doing what you do best and one day they will thank you because they will know what unconditional and never ending love is. | |
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