| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/9/2006 9:46:14 PM | that's exactly what i'm saying spiderham... more or less. before i got pregnant with my son, i worked so i could party. i was incredibly irresponsible with my money, had more shoes than emelda marcos (sp?), couldn't care less about paying rent on time, let alone my bills, i was never home so it didn't matter... that all changed the moment i found out i was pregnant.
choosing to be a single parent is the surest way to "poverty", i don't dispute that in the least bit... BUT... if you have it in you to suceed, you can. i know i did and i didn't with no help from my son's dead beat dad.  | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/11/2006 5:34:55 PM | | This Thread had some points that really erks me. If I knew how to quote then I would but that would take up a lot of space. I disagree (and it's mostly men that said this) the women should make alternatives to bringing kids in this world if they werent gonna stay married. (ok it's the jist of it). What do you do when you have been married for 10 years and the jerk of a dad files for divorce because you have a handicapped child that will never get better. Then to top it off signs away his rights just so he do have any responsibilities. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/13/2006 9:55:15 PM | justshy:
Well first of all... not sure where you live... But from my understanding a person cannot just simply sign off their rights, and then get off without at least contributing Child Support.
Only thing signing your rights away does is take away responsibilty from that person in terms of legal decision making. Deciding Day to Day activities... Also it would allow you not to have to consult with that person in terms of of living.. ext..
And after 10 years, the courts should reconize him as a Father Figure if he is not the Bio Dad, and still hold him legible for CS. If such a place exsists I'm sure some of the Men's Groups would love to hear about it.
Secondly. I am one of those of people who mentioned about women maybe considering alternatives then attempting to raising a child on their Own... Key words there.. On Thier Own!! And I was also speaking in terms of of knowing Dad isn't going to be there because either you don't know where he is... or has made it clear he won't be there...
I feel bad that your Ex decided to leave. But I don't see how that even falls into the realm of the comment I made. In your situation, what would be the difference if Dad died in a Car Accident? Would he still be considered a Dead Beat then?
I was specifically talking about women who know full well they will be doing this on their own. And then choose to do it... only to become bitter that Dad decided to pull himself away, rather then be there. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/13/2006 11:26:39 PM | | i think that the government should pay the child support that children are owed . then the payor can owe the government . this way the amount of singel parent collecting welfare would come down a great deal . also there would be alot less money needed in schools for things like lunch programs . as well as in mental heath . there are alot of parents who end up putting up with less than heathy relationships just to make ends meat . let alone the scars children / teens get from going though school especialy the high school stages broke . u can be as strong a roll modle as needed but that dosent effect how others will treat your child . pluss these days children despratly need extra curricular activity to stay out of troubel and just to keep up . blah blah i think ive kinda gone off the topic haha well i must say that was a touchy topic | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/13/2006 11:45:26 PM | Ally:
I don't know if I totally agree with the idea of the Gov being responsible for CS. Now I agree all children no matter Age, Race, Sex, Background.. ext.. deserve the best we can offer them as a Society, I just don't see why I as Joe Taxpayer should be responsible for paying for other people's children in the way of Direct Support.
I mean if you decide to to have a child. And dad walks out.. Why should I have to pick up his tab, on the hopes that he will pay it back to public coffers. If anything it would just simply create a whole other line of Government, more costs.. more places for the money to change hands... ext... | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 12:09:58 AM | "should be responsible for paying for other people's children in the way of Direct Support."
I agree with that aswell.....nobody man/woman should have to or be expected to pay things and support the child while their mom/dad just decides to walk out of their lives i don't think its right that people are expected to pay child, support for a child that is N.O.T their child. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 12:29:12 AM | | the way i see it all us tax payer are already paying for these dead bet parents . think of how many people would be able to come of the welfare system , how much less money would go in to things like mental heath , foster care ,ext.. i am know on my feet and am very confortable finacially but, i wasnt always . there were many times i worked and then my dauter would become sick and the stress of staying home and not getting that days wages was unheathy for both me and my child . the times when i had to figure out how 20$ would feed me and my dauter for a week . this was a place i helped put my self in , but why are the parents that raise the child left to feel hopeless. like just quting when all they do is try there hardest . these parents offten do have support orders like my self . mine is for 300$ a month that is enough to pay for subsidy for child care that tax payer shouldnt have to pay . if the courts really care about whats best for the child the government would pay child support and then the payor would owe the goverment . i bet then theyd find away to get the money . | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 12:37:43 AM | | see the word eppedemic thats what this has become in our country . these jerks need to be held responsable and in the meen time why should the kids suffer . someones gotta pay it and in the meentime theres alots more damage being done to our kids than u might think . | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 12:59:14 AM | ally:
In regards to your last 2 posts. First of all again I do lean towards the idea that all children deserve an equal shot at life. But again though, and this may sound harsh, but it's the truth. Just having a child doesn't entitle you, or your child to certain Life Style.
By this I mean, if you become parent. And then say the other parent Dies? Does this mean that the child is being deprived. Or simply a very sad situation that particular child will have to live with.
The Canadian Gov already gives out a Monthly Supliment to low income families called the Child Tax Benefit. And it is directly based off income of the that family. Also if you show a need, the gov will assist in the form of Welfare. And note here in Canada, the CTB and Welfare never cancel the other one out.
I'm sorry to hear that you have a support order for 300, and your ex is not paying. But say you had a support order for 800 a month... And the Ex decided not to pay... does that mean I should have to cough up that money for you?
Also the next question, say we do cough up the money... Should we put limitatons as to what you can spend it on... I mean no offence, but for instance I don't need the Child Tax Benefit. I could truely survive quite fine without it... And do.
I take the money I get from that... Non-Taxed Money... And plug it into a RESP for my son. thats about 200 a month that I plug into an account for him, for when he hits Uni. Only reason I bothered applying for it is because I found out I was eligble for it.
So if I were to collect the the CS that my Ex is not paying me, nor has been paying me.. Should I have limitations as to what I'm allowed to do with that money... Also if the Gov is responsible for CS payments... and CS is tied to the Payor's income... Well shouldn't payments be assesed in the Thousands per month... if not 100's of thousands? As the gov is the Payor now.. not the Ex?
People seem to think that this money is simply being printed? Where do you think there Gov gets this money from? Myself and other Tax Payers in the form of higher tax rates, and reduced services in other areas..
I don't feel that I as Joe Taxpayer should be left on the hook, simply because some NCP has decided they are not going to pay Child Support. Because there is no garantee we will ever see that money again.
My suggestion to this whole problem is simply have the Courts enforce a Support Order as created. There are legal avenues you can take to get him to pay. And sure they have their limitations, and I'm sure alot of people learn ways to skate around them. But to me thats the lesser of the 2 evils. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 1:23:01 AM | | i do agree with most of what u are sayin , but its just alot of the taxes that were paying now do go to pay for these dead beats anyways . just not directly . a parent is forsed to be on welfare or resive the child tax credit ext.. when really if she resived what the other parent owed these things would become almost non exsistent .there for what we payed in taxes would stay the same and parents raising kids could use there energy on there kids not going to court and not feel labeled as low income went the label should be f**ked by a dead bet . of all the things my taxes go to kids would be something i could deal with .and if not then what else do people sugest we do ? what happens now sure doesnt do anything. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 2:16:18 AM | I agree our system is not perfect. Far from it. And there are tweaks that could be made. To me a logical choice would to simply be enforce it in terms of Tax Return with holds. Leans on items the NCP owns.(Really annoys me when only men are grouped into this category)
Also enforcing garnishment orders, and even going as far as forcing bank records to be opened up by the courts... Not the CP, to truely determine if what the NCP is saying is truthful.
Not sure how for instance 300 a month would cancel out things like your Child Tax Benefit. I mean that would equate to an extra 2400 a year.. And unless that pops you over the Magic Tx Bracket, which for most people I doubt it would, your still going to recieve the CTB.
Wasting energy going to court. Again, and I am a Single Parent myself of an Ex who doesn't pay a cent towards her child. But instead of bothering myself with the time and effort of trying to force her to pay. I instead focus my time and energy in making sure I am able to support my Son.
I make sure I take the time to go swimming... Playgrounds.. All the fun stuff we get to do as parents. For the most part, as much as CS would be nice in the benefit of helping us to raise our children. I truely for the most part at the end of the day think CS Payments is going to mean the difference between a roof over head, or dumpster diving for dinner.
I'm not saying stop your persuit, as I believe all parents should be responsible for their children... Even if they choose not to be.. However I don't feel simply just because Little Cindy is brought into this world that Dad/Mom should just be handed a cheque from the Gov every month.
One other thing this could create. A whole new kind of Welfare Problem. I have heard plenty of cases of where a Woman has say 4-5 children from 4-5 different fathers. Collects CS every month in the area of 2-3K More then enough to hold a decent home, and feed the children... And mom doesn't work. But is actually able to support herself on the CS payments she recives...
Not saying this is true in all cases. But I'm sure there would be plenty of people who would figure out a way to exploit a system such as a Mandatory CS payment from the Gov no matter what happens...
but its just alot of the taxes that were paying now do go to pay for these dead beats anyways . just not directly
And I'm not sure how alot of our taxes go to paying directly for these Dead Beats... for 2 reasons. 1 They are not a Big Problem in our society. And I truely believe as I have tried to point out in previous posts to this thread, that they only represent a small portion of the entire NCP population.
2 all people benefit from the Tax Dollars we pipe into Welfare... Medical... Schools.. Daycare.. by virtue that it's not just the people who are afflicted by Dead Beats who use such programs. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 3:48:22 AM | | thats why im so scared to become a mother its so unappealing i look around and all i see is single mums and single dads it looks too hard i think i will leave that till im maybe 35 or something cos im not to keen on lugging a baby around with me and theres no father around or he cheated on me or he just did a runner fuck is there any postives for having a baby at all cmon give a young woman something to look forward to | |
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tsc470
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Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 188 | |
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tsc470
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Joined: 5/26/2006
Msg: 189 | |
| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 6:04:31 AM | | I understand your train of thought, however it seems you feel tax payers should be forced to care for every child born to dead beats, we need to find a way to stop children from being born into these situations, throwing cash at a problem will eventually increase the problem. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 11:16:24 AM | stop them form being born into this situation ? what now were supposed to be psychic? this has nothin to do with stopping these kids from being born . someone i knews huban was a firefighter and her self a teacher . they had met at church . together for 8 years befor they had children . they split and he didnt pay . im not sure now what happened now but i know for at least a couple of year she didnt get anything . this was not where anything diffrent could have happened to spy a dead bet . just because u can live with out the money doent meen that u should have to .if my kids entitled to use three ply **s wipe in stead of two ply . then who are we to take that right . oh spiderham i dont know how much u get for child tax but for each child its about 250$/month so yea 300$/month would replase it .pluss the jerks tax return is supposed to go to me and his drivers licence can no longer be renewed. well he no longer files his taxes and he takes the bus . sooooooooo.. any other bright ideas?
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 12:43:34 PM | Hi.
I have three terrific children and their "sperm donor" lives less than 2 miles away. He has not seen them in more than 5 years and before that, he only saw them when I initiated the visit. He also knows how to work the system. He pays half or less than half of his ordered support each month and basically my hands are tied. It is a tough life to be a single parent but if he does not want to see my kids, that is fine, more time for me!!!!
Becky | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 12:53:17 PM | phew!!!!!!! talk about tension ( you could cut it with a knife)
IMHO>>>> i think traditional values have gone out the way of the dodo. It seems no one beleives in marriage or family values.You live together have kids out of wedlock...if you dont want a kid the man is free to flee and if its the mom shes a paraiah...
Not too long ago it was horrible to see a single mother unless you were widowed or had one out of wedlock.How can it go from one extreme to the other??
Its gotten to the point where you now dont even have to worry about being a single parent anymore.The gov will take care of you..and then that creates another problem and another.
ahh sory im rambling... | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/14/2006 2:08:00 PM | | the goverment doesnt take care of most single parents they do it them selfes . but hey the courts cant enforce sh** so why do kids go with out , things need to change . the problems always been this bad but finaly its not look down apon the speak of it . befor the problem was just as bad but u would just deal , so that u didnt air u dirty laundry . pluss with attitides like urs trikersbaby no wonder people espacialy women stay in shitty relationships . they feel like if they dont they will be looked down on like it was there fault that there on there own . | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/15/2006 6:01:18 PM | Its gotten to the point where you now dont even have to worry about being a single parent anymore.The gov will take care of you..and then that creates another problem and another
I don't know how it is there, but here in the states, that has been a problem for way too long! I think FINALLY somebody got a clue and set a limit on the number of "welfare babies" one can have. One thing that I'll never understand about the welfare system here is that if you are getting benefits, then find a job, they don't give you time to get on your feet before they want to cut your benefits out. My father actually knew a girl once that this happened to..she had to choose between having a job that didn't pay much, or staying on welfare to have enough to support her two kids. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/16/2006 8:50:18 AM | DEADBEAT DADS
right heres the story.
i met my ex when i was 14 and he was 22, we hit it off and we're together almost 4 yrs, well the best parts of 3yrs anyway. in this time we had 2 sons, on died of cot death at only 1week old, the other is coming up 2in October.
we've been split coming up 18months, ive been with my new fella 15months and were great everythings good, my son loves him. on the other hand my sons dad has gone from relatinship to relationship.
his new things are hes been with this new girl 3months, movered her in after 3weeks of meeting her, their now trying for a baby (and get this ive been told only for the money u get!) he apparently trys to get my son to call her mommy!
i recently moved back to the same town as him and in the whole 18months of being seperated he has never came to pick up his son. he gets my mom to pick him up from mine and take him to his dads! my mom does this to keep the peace and for my son. but he takes money from her everytime he has his son this is like once a fortnight and its never under £20!
she does this so my son doesnt go without but now buys nappies etc.
all his dad ever does is smoke weed, stay in with his new mrs, **** about me 'im sorry mommys such a slag' etc etc
basically the mans a deadbeat dad even though he does see his son!
i want suggestions on ways to get my own bak with him after all hes done. because if i stop him seeing his son it wont affect him but my son it will. so anyone with some sneeky get ur own back life sorter outers. that'll give him a real slap in the face with reality, please do so!
all is definatly welcome!!!
thanks for listerning well reading lol
hellen x | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/16/2006 9:21:42 AM | | As much as I agree that both men and women should be equally responsible for the children brought into this world, I am more concerned about giving my child the stability and consistency. While I never in my life imagined his "dad" would never be, I am glad at least, that he's not in and out of my son's life. A child deserves positive role models. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/16/2006 10:01:22 AM | solving the dead beat dad problem is easy.
CHOSE BETTER MEN TO HAVE SEX WITH.
IF HE'S NOT RESPOSABLE NOW KIDS WON'T MAKE HIM ANY BETTER.
IF HE JETS AND YOU CAN'T SUPORT THE KIDS THERES A 5 YEAR WAITING LIST FOR ADOPTION. | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/16/2006 10:32:28 AM | Waa Waa Waa!!!
ENOUGH
In all honesty... as difficult as it can be (depending on how you look at it) to raise a child/children on your own.. in the end.....
Any parent not wanting to put forth an effort of any kind to be a part of their child/children's life/lives should "dissapear." What I mean is that the one parent that wants nothing to do with their kids or to even support them in some way... they and their entire family are to have NOTHING to do with the custodial parent and the said child/children.... having no contact whatsoever. No I don't think people should be able to walk away so easily but they do. So let them.. don't give it a second thought.. heal yourself emotionally and move on with your life. For the sake of your children for their mental and emotional state as well as yours...
I only say all that as there are a lot of bitter people out there. There comes a point when it's no longer worth your energy to get upset over. Your children sense and see it. I understand that your child is entitled and the money will come in handy (believe me I know... I am there) but in the end think about all the energy and tears expended and for what? What if the non-custodial parent really could care less? They play with your emotions and the emotions of their children. Making promises they can't keep, attempts to be in their children's lives when they feel like it, and other times just not even bothering... well whatever your story is and what you are going through.
How many people state they will not date a custodial single parent so long as the "ex" is still in the picture? We all know that when a relationship breaks up it's easier to heal when you don't see or interact with the ex. Why is it so much different because the children are involved? Especially AFTER all attempts on your part to allow the other parent to be a constant in their child's life have failed? | |
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| What to do about the dead-beat dad eppidemic!
Posted: 8/16/2006 2:12:56 PM | A lot of you miss the point about deadbeats. The courts here in Michigan consider visitation and support 2 completely different things. They won't enforce the visitation, so your only option is to stop paying and force their hand. Then you are a deadbeat, and they tell you that once you pay the arrearages, visitation will be reinstated. You pay, and they laugh at you. It is completely one0-sided towards the mothers.
Many people here are also making the point that the father just up and left. That's not always the case. More times than not, the woman wants custody to hurt the father and make him pay. If I am willing to pay for my child, why shouldn't I have custody? Why should my child be taken care of by some ho that doesn't want to get up off her a$s and work? The courts use that as the reason the father's don't get custody-we have to work. Fine, let the dad's go on welfare and collect child support and make the mom's get jobs. Let's see if the shoe fits then? Why does this country assume that a mother on welfare collecting a child support check is a better parent than a working father?
Additionally, child support payments are supposed to be used for the child. If mom uses any of that money for something other than the direct care of the child, she is taking away from that child. | |
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