| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 6/18/2008 4:43:00 PM | | one big fat four letter word called FEAR. Also mabye they get into them due to past experiences, but staying in them is usually fear, fear of being alone, fear of being hurt for escaping. It comes down to lack of empowerment and lack of self esteem, some times so deeply ingrained from childhood conditioning that it seems the only way of life. | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:51:00 PM |
It's an addiction to drama. Emotional programming. And co-dependency
Are you serious?? Women that are in abusive relationships don't stay in them because they are additcted to drama, emotionally programed or co-dependant...
They stay in them because they fear for their life, and quite often they fear for their childs life as well.
I stayed in an abusive relationship, because the first time I tried leaving I had been married for a year and I was 3 months pregnant, and when he promised to get counselling, I thought ok... I owe it to my marriage... I owe it to my unborn child to try again...
As soon as we got in the car to drive home, he looked at me... and with a large sly smile on his face, said, if you ever try and leave again, I'll slit your throat.
The abuse continued, although never physically again, it turned to financial, emotional, and phsyocological. Before I left I was convinced (after him telling me how incapable I was at being a parent) and that my child really didn't need me... that is the kind of thing that rocks your very being. It got to the point I would BEG him to hit me... that way I would at least have proof for the cops that yes I was being abused.
I tried going to the police a number of times, they were nice enough to say it was my word against his word... even when they could see the red marks on my neck from when he had held me up against the wall by my throat... luckily the neighbours heard my screams that time, called the cops, and threathened to break the door in if he didn't open it..
What got me out?? He threatened to take my child to another country... I remember crying trying to figure out how I could fight him (his parents are wealthy)... And I remember my daughter who was 2 at the time, taking me out of the room, leading me away from his yelling and abusive talk, she sat me down looked in my eyes, and wiped my tears... I prayed to God that night... to keep us safe...
The next morning, we left to get my daughter a hair cut... and we never looked back... we left with the clothes on our backs.
I applaude all of the other brave souls (men & women both) who have gotten out and have stayed out... to those of you in abusive relationships... it's not too late... it's never to late to get out... get out and stay out... it's not worth staying. | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 4/29/2009 5:45:13 PM | My next door neighbors called the police, because the people upstairs were going at it, and they could hear here screaming and stuff getting tossed around. He is a muscular Hispanic, and she is a rather passive Caucasian female, but my guess would be that she is no saint, either.
When the police got there, she giggled and said there was nothing wrong.
I can write pamphlets on the cycle of abuse, but there is absolutely nothing anyone can do for someone that does not want to take steps to help oneself! | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 4/29/2009 5:59:59 PM | Some women are codependent meaning they feel like they have to be with someone to survive or be happy. Others just can't "see the "light because they are "blinded" by "love".
No matter how much someone tells them they are being treated badly, they won't listen until they discover it for themselves. | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 4/29/2009 8:05:07 PM | totally agree with this post, after so long you believe their controlling bs, you had to raise your kids, you didn't make enough money to make it alone, hard as it is to believe, low-rent housing used to be really bad places to raise your kids alone. So you stay, hoping they'll change hoping it gets better. But it doesn't. Most of these abusers are self-centered, self-serving, spoiled individuals that were never told no. Or never had a good example set for them by one or both of their parents. For a lot of women it is a major self-esteem issue, like they married him cause they believed no one else would ever ask. It is sad, sad, sad. I stayed for my kids, I stayed cause until they were older I couldn't support them, I stayed because I was stubborn and wanted to prove my mom and my sister and my brother wrong, that I hadn't made a bad choice from the beginning. Thinking it would eventually work out. After 30 yrs finally gave up and moved on but not without severe hurts and wounds to me and to my kids.
Big time insecurity and not feeling good about yourself gets women in this kind of a relationship. Get counseling, get help, get out. You are better than you give yourself credit for. No one should be abused physically or mentally. Life is really too short and the damage will be with you for a long, long time. | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 4/29/2009 9:40:36 PM | | I stayed because he threatened to kill me and our children. I was in fear of my life and my children's. I was not allowed access to the phone or vehicle. I was beaten half to death in front of my 2 yr old. I finally contacted a center that assisted women in planning an escape from a abusive situation. After I finally got out he tried to burn my Dad's house and my Dad is a cop. He killed my 11 yr old cat that he left on my Dad's lawn along with my childrens and my belongings. He took my kids hamsters, put them in a plastic bags and he threw them from his moving vehicle. As simple as some may assume it's easy to leave that's not true alot of times. | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 4/29/2009 9:55:00 PM | I know someone like that at work "she needs the ex felon" she says.
But, then she goes around begging for food, clothes, asking people for phone #s and addresses. I would not give mine. Other people think I'm cruel, but I am not an enabler. I don't want him, the kids, the dog, all the drama around, sorry. I won't even have a guy like that.
He should consider himself lucky to have a gf whom he could treat any old way. | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 4/30/2009 1:51:02 PM | How do women get involved with men like this anyway, and get in so deep that they cannot get out?
It boggles my mind when I see some women jump through hoops to get their Babies' daddy out of jail for a felony, decline to prosecute after he has just beaten her to a pulp, and the reason is that she loves him. This is a very perverse form of love! | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 4/30/2009 2:18:58 PM | | They have esteem issues.... and in many instances their parents were abusive or violent. They are living in darkness and isolation.. feeling trapped ...it's like brainwashing...It's so difficult to convince some of these women to pack up and go.... and then again they fear for their lives. | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 4/30/2009 5:25:12 PM | | In my situation my ex husband was prince charming. Never did he abuse in any way until we were married. We did not live together when we dated. I have gained alot of knowledge on how to prevent falling into that same position. I do believe that alot of women that become abused is due to being abused as a child, which entails brainwashing. | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 4/30/2009 5:25:16 PM | I sure don't know the answer to this.
I was just remembering the other day about a man who, when he got mad at this wife would take off his belt and beat her with it.
I was a child and witness to this as was their 5 children.
She remained with him.
I heard the phrase one time. " They stay with or go back to the devil they know best."
Now this was years ago . Today there are to many organizations out there for anyone to have to take abuse.
I remember someone saying " your only a victim as long as you allow it." I think they might just be right. | |
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| Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?
Posted: 5/1/2009 6:56:26 AM | | yea but bye then your damaged goods.then you meet a good guy like me and you think something is wrong because i live a drama free life.hey if a women likes this leave us good guys alone. | |
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