| Single moms...
Posted: 7/19/2006 8:54:23 PM | | can i have the xtra ? so i can be a better parent to my girls ? | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/19/2006 8:58:29 PM | Lawrd you say a few things and all of sudden it turns into a hate thread and i never was downing ANYONE on this thread about how they parent their kids i just think some fathers do NOT get enough credit for what they do, but us moms always seem to want EVERYTHING feeded to us a silver plater! | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/19/2006 9:14:30 PM | | i dont hate any one. i just believe that all kids raised in a good loving home with 1 parent or two have the same chance at life and the ones from unhappy uncaring homes dont have as good of a chance . and yes i can be mom and dad myself and i can concer any challeng that may appear . i want to know what i cant give my kids that a mother could ? | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/19/2006 9:23:45 PM | i was talking about mainly how moms are better at understanding a girls heartaches and how a dad is better at understanding what they little boy is going through because you as a BOY once has already been through the same thing in the same way, and a woman has not been effected by it the same way as a little boy has.
i will just drop it now im sorry i made so many upset and hit a nerve srry!! | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/19/2006 9:41:23 PM | | its ok broken wings. sometimes i get a little hot headed when it comes to raising kids and being a single parent . i work my butt off to provide and give my kids every thing they need . yes i even wash dishes lol . i know i will be able to concer any thing that comes my way . have a great evening broken wings . | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/20/2006 6:35:25 AM | Can someone tell me WHY I can't teach my sons what they need to know?
honesty? Compassion? Loyalty? Responsibility? Dammit! I am so sick of this holier than though nonsense.
I am raising boys and girls, by my self as are alot of other parenst on this site. Everyone does the best they can with what they have. I may not have a penis but I can assure you my boys are boys and my daughter is a girl!
Something I can teach my sons that alot of other people never seem to have been taught is understanding and compassion. | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/20/2006 10:23:09 AM | Something I can teach my sons that alot of other people never seem to have been taught is understanding and compassion.
That will make them better husbands and humans for this next generation. My daughters and I thank you.
Children can learn from a loving mother and father in the home how to treat others.
Children can learn from a mother and father who fight(in/out of the home and hurt each other how to hurt others.
A two parent household who are not good with each other but stay together for the sake of the kids, bills, whatever are not doing anyone any favors.
You do the best you can where your at. Teach your children well for the future of our kids. | |
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*KD*
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 83 | |
| Single moms...
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:20:42 AM | Kids do need both parents. They need them to be strong, compassionate, understanding, and most importantly to love that child unconditionally. Sometimes it is impossible to have that and one of the parents leave or are forced out in some cases. I personally think that no matter the circumstances that made the parents not be able to both be there, as long as no harm or pain could come to that child, then both parents should be there.
I've seen parents with pure hatred for each other still manage to both be there. Whatever the negative emotions between the parents were, it never was shown to the child. It never should be. The hardest thing I've had to endure was watching my daughters hurt and not be able to relinquish that pain. No matter what, I couldnt make their mom be all the things they wanted and needed in their life.
Sometimes I tried to overcompensate for it and held animosity that it had to be like this. So that makes me a firm believer that both parents, if possible, should be there.
I have the utmost respect for teachers and people who volunteer their time for kids. They do have a unique perspective. I say this because sometimes you cant see things until your in their shoes. Last fall was a real eye opener for me when I coached my daughters soccer team. I am a firm believer in communication and empowerment, so I wanted the girls to not just be part of the team but make the team theirs. we would sit in our circle and I would ask them what they think and i would explain why we practice and so forth.
It was great how they opened up and even though I've known alot of these girls for years, it was amazing watching them smile and feel confident about themselves. I should also say they were all 11 going on 12 so the emotions of course were especially high.
We ended up losing more then we won, but to see them still be happy and hugging each other when they got goals or made great plays was great. Then to look at their parents beaming with joy at watching their daughters so happy and watch the girls run into their parents arms afterwards was the best memories i had of it all.
It actually makes you realize what it's all about and what children really want. Their trying to be heard and all their saying is they want to be happy and not have to deal with fighting and wondering why one parent isnt there or not. Most importantly, they want their parents to be happy and they sometimes dont know how to do that.
I see what they mean and why it's so frustrating. I guess if i was always trying to heard and everone around me was too busy fighting, I'd be a little pissed too.
So I am a firm believer in both parents being there, there for their kids first and foremost. Unfortunately i cant make that happen in my case but I do hope it works out that way for yourself. It seems you want to be there and I commend you for that. | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/23/2006 12:22:33 AM | My sincerely apologies for not replying earlier and thereby giving the bashers amongst you the impression that your posts were so true and strong, that you had all the right to bash me and that I had no other choice than to tuck my tail between my legs to avoid any verbal reprisals from the all mighty and righteous…
Grin…don’t flatter yourself…
A few points.:
1) It seems that the actual statistics prove my underlying point. Some of the bashers, who were hotheaded and righteous before, were smart enough to back down. There is hope for you yet. Some of you didn’t get the point at all and just continued bashing anybody who didn’t agree with you, even though the argument was over…. Sad.
2) Too many people here suffer from a Selective Reading Disorder. There is a cure for that: It’s called: Elementary school. There is a minimum required IQ score, though, so not all the bashers will qualify.
I have read replies that basically said: : ‘I think you are wrong, because….’ .
Thank you for your input. I may or may not agree, but there is respect.
And then there are the other types of replies, for instance a few posts from a woman (won't mention the profile) with three kids or so who thought I just read a pamplet or a book. She not just went on a rampage in one reply, but she kept going and going and going in other posts...not even addressing the actual issue that was in the original post.....she just had to bash...... laughable.....You can guess my opinion on that (or not, again, that depends on IQ)
And of course the regular attacK: 'Duhhh.. she is not here to defend herself or state her side of the story." Answer: of course not, are any of your exes on this site to defend themselves against what you post?... I don't think so. Are any of the people you use as example to justify your opinion on this site to defend themselves? I don't think so... So that remark is just..well... let me keep it nice: EMPTY
I’m almost done with this thread (1 more reply below this reply), but for the ones who just want to continue bashing….Go ahead if you really need to feel that important.
My main post did not single out or bash anybody in particular on this site, so if someone felt offended, that is due to his or her own emotional problems, I am not going to apologize for that. I don’t have to… | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/23/2006 12:27:07 AM | To WINXS
Answer to your question:
You can teach, but will the student learn....?
Kids, boys or girls, will always look upon dad for some issues, and mom for others. When I grew up and my hormones started raging… I went to my dad. When I had my first girlfriend … I told my dad about it first. The birds and the bees speech… my dad… when I had a bully threatening me, I went to my dad to teach me how to handle that.
And that is a guy’s point of view. Girls have their subjects too.
Their first period….a girl in school going after her boyfriend…their first bra… How many girls went to dad for that? Not many…they look for a female role model for that.
If no dad or mom available… of course there are uncles, aunts, grandpa, grandma, friends, teachers, lots of potential role models…but wouldn’t it me nice if it was actually mom and dad?
But the kids will choose their rolemodels... you just might ask yourself.. even if you teach your sone about certain 'man' things, will he regard your teaching as true or will he selct (maybe behind your back) a rolemodel that he feels comes closer to the issue... and if no male rolemodel around.. which one is next... his friends? His teacher? The nice man on the corner who gives him candies or shows him 'bird and bees videos?
Same goes for girls.
Boys need both and so do girls.
Yes, we can be convinced that we can teach our kids everything, but the classroom has two parties: the teacher and the students. Depending on the issue, the students might just not listen to the teacher provided. They might not even raise their hand. | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/25/2006 8:07:07 AM | just43
Although I hear what you are saying I still will beg to differ. My boys come to me with raging hormones and questions that embarrass me at times because they are so direct. They have no qualms talking about sex, girlfriends, body changing, etc.
i think that as long as I am open, and LISTENING then they will ask. I am their teacher in life and that is a big resposibilty that I take seriously. And i might point out that I have been doing the single mom thing for a long time and My kids are 15, 14 and 13. So yes you have made some good points but I still think I am doing the right thing. to each their own! | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/25/2006 4:13:38 PM | | To intentionally go out and get pregnant without having a father for the child is the most disgusting thing a female can do. A child needs a father and a mother. Its the balance of the affection and babying from mom and the maculinity and bravery etc from the dad. I will not budge on this one....true, many kids do well with being raised by moms or dads alone but to intentionally go out and rob a child of one or the other is pathetic. Take a look around the prisons these days and take a poll how many dads were out of the picture. That goes for all the teen mothers too who are looking for "a daddy" its just really sad. | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/29/2006 8:37:27 AM | I agree with you a bit but "not budging"....it is how a child is raised, not who raises them that can land them in prison. I have seen a lot of kids raised by a single mom,and a lot of who are raised in a traditional disfunctional home.
I think a baby has a better chance being brought into the world by the "choice" of a resposible mother then by accident of two people too immature to handle it,or raised in a home where the couple stays together for the kids............
there are a lot of screwed up kids out there due to a mishandled divorce.....and lets face it with statisics that is likely going to happen.
I guess in saying all that I don't agree with you at all.....sorry | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/29/2006 10:19:40 AM | livlykuwrdyn:
The problem is that many don't intentionally get pregnant, it just happens through irresponsible behavior. I hate to sound like dad here(no pun), but the equation IS fairly simple.
People break up, divorces happen....but having a baby with some random guy? Not with me | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/29/2006 8:50:08 PM | Hey diggy03 quote but no one has any say in it but her quote
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!! get a grip!!! the decisions she makes on her own, sure I believe that, and she can suffer the consequences for her own actions also... but this decision that was made INVOLVED TWO PEOPLE (i assume by mutual consent) unless you fell of the turnip truck yesterday or are really naive... it takes 2 people to make a baby.... my apologizes there are test-tube babies now... make sure that the test-tube pays childsupport.... I see that some people still have this archaic belief that just because the baby is carried by the woman that the woman is the better choice... sorry definetly not in this case... one bad decision always means more are just around the corner and it sounds like it will be the poor child that will suffer the most!!! UGGGHHHH i am trully discusted with this scenario... really I am!!! | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/29/2006 9:14:38 PM | WHOLE 9 YARD
Yeah, I agree with u wholeheartedly, but I really meant the people who intentionally go out and do that.....what original poster said.....cuz i am guilty of the irresponsible behavior you are speaking about......but i intended for the dad to be there....just didnt work out to be.....sigh. So many people set out to "have a baby with or without the father" because their bio clocks or some crap....i know about the clock...I just chose to ignore and put the needs of the innocent before...
"""""Found out that she just went out and got herself pregnant because she wanted to have a baby, with or without a father in the kid's life."""""" | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/30/2006 3:56:18 AM | seems to me that women sometimes get to a point in their lives that they want to have children and because they are more limited than men on the length of time they have in their lives, they have to take matters into their own hands by finding a donor. I imagine this woman weighing her options on who the father should be, someone she doesn't know at all or someone she does. How do you choose...
I'm a single mom but not by choice. How brave of her to take on that challenge not knowing if she'll recieve any help or support from the father. | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/30/2006 3:59:25 AM | Whole 9 yards
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i agree with your post about "the problem is......
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/30/2006 5:27:32 AM | as an obnoxious adopted child........do whatever but always remember the child | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 7/30/2006 9:59:01 AM | | it is not brave to set out and intentionally rob a child of a parent. For those who become pregnant by carelessness, in a relationship or unintentionally and don't suck the babies into sinks, yeah there is bravery there. But to the people who "I need to have a child and I don't care if i do it alone" Well that is all about selfishness and not the selflessness it requires to be a good parent. | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 8/2/2006 10:06:59 AM | i really disagree with you just 43
I'm a mother and I have been doing it alone for almost 4 years now yes I was with the man that got me pregnant until my child was 4 months old than he ran like a chicken when it got hard. But still is there a difference either having a child from a 1 night stand or having a childand being lone because 1 of the parents thought thats not the life that they want anymore. Its the same to me maybe she dont want a man in her life at this point but felt ready for a child its the same if a single person were to adopt a child do you think thats wrong? I think its her choice to make and if shes putting the child before her needs like any parent should than I say all the power to her. | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 8/4/2006 10:21:48 AM | | Single moms are great, but not if they have full custody of their kids by choice. They don't have any time and they're tied down all the time. What's attractive about that? If they have an opportunity to share custody, they should. Dads usually want it and it would go a long way to promote happiness for the separated family and the exes. The happiest divorcees I know are sharing custody. Moms with full custody are frequently miserable and resentful and in my experience (and several friends) it's all about getting $$$. | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 8/4/2006 11:29:42 AM |
Moms with full custody are frequently miserable and resentful and in my experience (and several friends) it's all about getting $$$.
I have full custody of two kids with no help from anyone really and broke and I'm NOT miserable or resentful. I'm getting by and my kids are healthy and I couldn't be happier.
So ya, that's a pathetic comment. Maybe they're miserable because they have you telling them they shouldn't have full custody of their kids. | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 8/4/2006 11:35:15 AM | Tallboy,wow can't believe what I just read,with an attitude like yours no wonder your single.Yes I am a single mum for a year now,yes My ex pay's his way,yes my Ex see's them but that does not make me any better than a single mom on her own with this support,if anything it makes her stronger than me and she is worth a lot more than someone with your attitude,not all single mums are looking for money or replacement dads,just a new life which we all deserve,kids or no kids.
also what do you mean if they have full custody of there kids by choice they are not great??? surely any loving mother would want that,if they didn't they would not be a good mom,it is called natural instinct to cherish and love your kids,I would be worried if they didn't want that responsibility
who is attracted to a women who adores her kids??? a genuine loving man with a understanding heart that's who,grow up will ya,hey wait a mo your 44 omg that is frightening to have that attitude with kids and your age | |
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| Single moms...
Posted: 8/4/2006 11:35:34 AM | | She sounds like a brainless twit. Be glad you moved on, OP. | |
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