| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/25/2006 7:51:09 PM | I guess that being new at dating after 25 years of marriage, this shocked me the most. I was floored that people, both men and women could do this to each other. It sends the message that gee, I do not even think enough about you to give you the respect of telling you good-bye.
I had this happen recently ~ I was dating a guy and thought things were good. No commitments just enjoyed going out. he just stopped all contact. It took me about a week to figure it out. Meanwhile I am sending emails and leaving messages on his phone. I felt like a stalker! If he would have told me, I may have been hurt but I would not have sent the emails or phone calls. Now I feel like an ass | |
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ladycs
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Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 302 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/25/2006 8:10:15 PM | From a previous post:
This is what you do when you find your guy doing this... DO NOT GO AFTER HIM, DONT CALL , DONT EVEN ASK!!
They will eventually call you. When they do if you are friendly and act like nothing is wrong they will want to stay with you.
Yeah, that's the NICE thing to do. But ya know, being as I'm more of a realist, I agree with the first statement: Leave him the h*ll alone. Then when and IF he calls, tell him you're seeing someone else. LOL! Who knows, that might just light his fire and then you can put it out again when he starts being a) persistent b) an obsessed stalker. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/25/2006 8:28:49 PM |
I guess that being new at dating after 25 years of marriage, this shocked me the most. I was floored that people, both men and women could do this to each other. It sends the message that gee, I do not even think enough about you to give you the respect of telling you good-bye.
In my book we call this a coward, someone who uses others for what they can gain and eventually by finding another directly afterward feels little if any remorse. They simply don't care and although it hurts and your heart gets crushed, in the long run you're better off with someone better spirited. This action defines ones true self I believe.
Merry Christmas and God Bless
Scott | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/25/2006 9:10:10 PM | I've had this happen more than once unfortunately, And when after a few days of leaving messages, emails, etc that they just cease communication. It does make you feel foolish and like an ass. But I've learned a valuable lesson, just recently. DO NOT send that indignant email. All that does is make you look like an unhinged needy person and even though we know we're not , you were just hurt, some things are better left unsaid.
It's a learning experience for sure | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/25/2006 9:52:32 PM | | Well I couldn't agree with you more eaglescry68. It is nice to see that there are plenty of GOOD fish still in this cesspool of pondscum. Not that I am bitter or anything...YEAH RIGHT! Some men are cowards and the only way they can figure out to end something is to lie or ignore...not nice when you have loved them for a LONG TIME. Oh well...SH*T happens right? Thanks for sticking up for the ladies. You are truly a gentleman! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/25/2006 9:57:59 PM | | And not to mention...when you TRY to get answers and TRY to find out what in the hell is going on....you get called nasty names. This only ever happened to me once...I USUALLY only date very nice men...looks like I had a bad judgement call...but I did love him...did not meet him here! Learning experience...in many ways. Anyway, I will NEVER do that one again I hope. Men who lead you on, lie to you, disrespect you by calling you nasty names...they are abusive and more than likely have many underlying problems. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and always know that you are better for having loved and lost than for being a cynical coward! There are still good men out there...I know a few! Cheers ladies...keep your chin up. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/25/2006 10:16:56 PM | comanchie1969 I think you got it going on here! I couldn't agree with you more. Not quite sure of the exact reasons for me but I can probably bundle a few of them up...from the ones you listed and I am not excluding myself in the blame here either. But at least I was honest and sincere the whole way through...didn't really deserve the name calling but OH WELL...as my mother always said "consider the source"...that says it all.
Cheers | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 309 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/26/2006 6:17:48 AM | Men do it for the same reason that women do. You are not someone they want and telling you the truth would just result in an angry retort and hurt feelings. Therefore, few people are going to explain. It's better to move on; you will get the message.
The only difference between men and women is when the man disappears, the woman gets angry at being rejected and publicly complains. The man gets angry but doesn't openly complain to others. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/26/2006 6:36:55 AM | I am so glad tpo read your remarks this has just happened to me, as with you I feel like a stalker, everytime we spoke i gave him the option to say its finished, but instead he said all was fine. now he doesnt answer his phone or even text bye as i suggested. We are all (or most) of us intelligent people, why can men not have the good grace to say bye and then we can get on with our lives. Maybe we scare them as we are independant ladies who know what we want. This guy wanted a little house on the Prarie lady who would iron etc for him, that is not my idea of fun and if hed said what he wanted at the beginning i could have told him he was onto a loser. Also i think the sex was too much for him lol.
Dont feel an ass poet warrior, we are both dumb but the men were dumber, look what they have missed out on, chin up..... | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/26/2006 9:54:12 AM | People do the disappearing act, not just men.
In my opinion, the people that do that are too self-absorbed or they lack the social skills to manage conflict in a healthy way. Either way, while it might initially sting, in the final analysis, I am happier that they are not in my life.
I would rather not be in any kind of relationship with someone who is self-absorbed or lacks social skills to manage conflict. I need someone who has the capacity to care for someone other than himself. I also need someone I trust will not run at the first sign of trouble...conflict is normal in any relationship, it is how you deal with it that makes the difference between success and failure. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/29/2006 6:50:54 PM | If there's no commitment, then what is the problem? Some people aren't into confrontations. Personally, i've done it myself, and I don't feel bad about it at all. It's all about looking out for one's self. Who needs the drama anyway?? I sure as hell don't.  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/30/2006 6:36:38 PM | | Well Skeptical One, it is not about confrontation or committment. It is about basic human decency. It is about respect for another individual. It is about being man enough to say what you feel. By the way, you SHOULD feel bad about it because it is JUST NOT NICE. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/30/2006 6:57:36 PM | i call that imaturity....Its like the song by Shiana Twain.... where she says you can call, fax,,, email etc
My mind can play the reasons toooo........
Very busy..ill...someone died...someone was in hospital..
Seriously some people have no respect for anyone but themselves
Now adays you can text, fax, email, instant message,phone, courier LOL | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/30/2006 9:19:51 PM | I don't know about Shania but for me
If there's no commitment, then what is the problem? Some people aren't into confrontations. Personally, i've done it myself, and I don't feel bad about it at all. It's all about looking out for one's self. Who needs the drama anyway?? I sure as hell don't
That's just damn mean!
You sound like someone who would love me for a day until you're done with me.....
Mean I say!
MEAN!!! | |
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| Why do men do the disappearing act?
Posted: 12/31/2006 7:35:41 AM | Well...not all of us do that. Some of us do try to "stick it out", but it's tough when someone lets slip out that they love you and you know that you'll NEVER feel the same way towards them. I went through that not too long ago.  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/31/2006 7:55:30 AM | 4) They are spineless, inconsiderate lizards with no concern for other people's time or feelings, with whom you are better off without anyway. Don't shed any tears over jerks like this.
Just had similar happen to me, too! Talked for several weeks, both on line & phone. Seemed to hit it off really well so we met & I haven't heard from him. Tried a few times to contact him but this morning, all my msgs. were deleted! bothered me at first cuz I honestly liked him (also had talked about getting together for new years...instead am watching my granddaughter tonight...much Better!)! Now I just think "what a child"! Revised profile this morning...hope it helps weed out the weak! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/31/2006 9:02:13 AM | Many of us has had the same experience. In a perfect world.....
I like to learn from times like this. I have to say the guy I met gave me what felt so wonderful, his time, and his attention. He came on all hot and heavy, then suddenly...poof!
In one week we had four dinner dates, he stopped by my place almost everyday during his lunch break and called several times a day. I felt a bit overwhelmed, but I loved it. I also knew we could not keep this up and it would slow down. It had to!
Had it been the real deal...wow, would have been a dream come true.
For whatever reason the one we are attracted to walks away without a word. This is rude and callous and they could certainly use a lesson in communication skills.
As for me, I enjoyed those moments so much and want to remember how it felt for a brief time. I want to experience that again, but being the real thing. We take a chance when we put our heart and who we are out there on the line.
I will do it again....but I hope I am able to discern who are the ones with a selfish agenda and reel my heart back in. 
Happy New Year!!!
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poz_4
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Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 322 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/31/2006 9:03:54 AM | well they get what they want dont they and move on to the next victim and i aint clingy iam very independant  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 12/31/2006 9:37:45 AM | | Some may do it because they've learned it from others that have done it to them. I imagine that's why some females may do it as well. | |
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rowlie
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Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 324 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 1/3/2007 12:15:18 PM | Because it is easy to forget proper standards and to act like a GENTLEMAN. In fact easy to do a lot of really antisocial things on the internet and elsewhere. To lie, cheat etc.
It isn't fashionable to be old fashioned. You have to wander around with a bluetooth gadget superglued to your lugs. (God knows why. I hate the telephone and don't wish to be answering phone calls when halfway up a mountain)
I don't want mobile music. I would sooner hear myself about to be run over,or birds singing. (Much as I like the Scissor Sisters or Mike and the Mechanics.)
I am sure there is a really good thread here. It is OK to behave like an a!"£%%&*. Fine to be a BEGASTEGARD. Is it not? Well some of us know different.
(In the UK we call Diapers "nappies". The humour of the typo doesn't escape me.) It could have been because they are a load of Sh-1-T. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 325 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 1/4/2007 9:11:30 AM | Purpleturtle1965, I stated what I believe to be the most common, but naturally there are other reasons. It may be lack of consideration; some people are just not willing to take the time to explain. Some people may disappear because they believe the other is going to reject them and they feel better by doing it first. Nevertheless, I believe the primary and basic reason is lack of interest in the other person.
Probably they should at least give some reason before disappearing. However, I believe failure to do so is related to the fact that manner showing consideration for others is no longer stressed in our society. | |
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