EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 376 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 6/16/2007 12:30:39 PM | | Both men are women can disappear or not be upfront when they are no longer interested in you. Some people don't have the guts to be upfront or are afraid the other person will become rude. If person A is no longer interested in Person B and Person B reacts poorly to that, then that is a personality flaw for person B. Yet I don't think that people should use the disappearing act and assume all people will react badly to rejection because of a few bad experiences. I would rather have someone be honest and upfront so that I can move on quicker. If that person keeps bothering you after the rejection, then ignore him/her. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 377 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/12/2007 11:29:33 AM |
Why is is that you can have a dating relationship tha tseems to be going really well then all of a sudden Pfft the guy disappears. I mean why can't they just be honest and tell you they no longer want to continue?
Because there is no benefit. First the gal will get upset and ask why. Then you have to lie (a lie they will not believe) because if you tell the truth the gal will become extremely angry and call you names. What guy needs that?
The same goes for women, if a women tell a guy why she is not interested, he will reply, "You are ugly and I wouldn't f*** you anyway." | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/12/2007 11:42:51 AM | Hey smjle - have you been a POF member long? Going to be tough 'cause you are way too direct for the womenfolk, too logical and worst of all WAY TOO CORRECT.
Watch out for the slings and arrows . . .
Joe | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/12/2007 1:55:39 PM | | This has happened to me more times than I can count. Recently on here even. Emailing a bunch.. let's meet.. then poof. Or a few dates then the "I met someone else" email.. not even adult enough to call and say "bye" ? oh well.. I guess both men and women have trouble saying "no thanks" without making it sound like a slap? NEXT? | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 380 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/12/2007 9:06:13 PM |
Hey smjle - have you been a POF member long? Going to be tough 'cause you are way too direct for the womenfolk, too logical and worst of all WAY TOO CORRECT.
Joe, you are probably right. It seems that most women and even men too prefer nice sounding politically and socially correct statement to the truth. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/12/2007 9:50:48 PM | because the person a flake or FOS (full of sheeeeit) to begin with. they invitte you to dinner at a restuant then the day of the date their car brakes down suddenly or you no longer get emails from them. because you live too far away, in an area where they work, or they're just scared!!! i got emailed by a couple of guys who work in the area where i live and it's not he best area of town it's ghetto but it doesn't mean that i am. i live where i live because the rent is affordable for me because of where i work. this where i come off to brash for most people, if you rate me for where i live or where i work there are "PLENTY OF FISH in the sea"!!!!!! and one day i will find a guy that is a gentlemen and will not be bothered by where i live or work or care whether or not i have a vehicle. that's how you know a person(guy) is sincere.
here is a real experience: i recently have been talking to a guy on here. and i looked a his profile a month before he messaged me. i didn't message him first because he's one of those hot guys that usually gets the cheerleader. so i was shocked when he messaged me. so i have this total hottie messaging me and i told him right off i don't have car, and i live in tampa (about 45mins to hr. from him) and he emailed back saying okay next... next as in anything else you might think is a problem but isn't. and so that's how you tell a gentlemen from the usual "trash" thats on here. and so we have been exchanging email for awhile. and i can talk about anything and he hasn't run off yet. like many of the others on here!!!! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/13/2007 9:02:54 AM | My 2 cents. And women do it as well.
Sometimes no matter how hard a person tries to be decent, the other person doesn't like, can't accept or just gets plain p/o'ed.
In some cases "no more contact" can be better . Not very kind, to those that would graciously accept the "not interested". BUT a heck of a lot better then the nasty emails and comments from someone that isn't gracious about it.
Regards,
01 | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/13/2007 11:51:17 AM | | The thing is that they are like it in general, even with there own mates. Where as woman will be honest and up front and just tell to disappear. It their weakness. Got no balls .. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/13/2007 11:53:45 AM | | actually thats not quite true . If someone had the bollox to say it to me then i would say then fair play . You can always block them before the stalker ones start getting nasty surely . | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/17/2007 2:53:44 PM | Ok, Ladies, CHEMISTRY, and if it's not there, this is one guy who doesn't want to lead you down a road to nowhere. Some men are intimidated by a lady, maybe someone who they may feel like they have a lot more going on for them than the guy does. Don't think they are being ChickenS__t...Don't give up gals, there's gotta be someone out there for all of us. Good luck and keep your chin up.
MountainMan56 | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/17/2007 5:45:33 PM | I think there are multiple reasons they do it.
1. It is easier for them. They are wimps.
2. If they don't have a confrontation with you, they think it leaves the door of opportunity open for later. Ever notice, these are the ones who call you 6mths down the road and act like nothing happened?
I close all doors. Just the other day I told a guy who I met a few weeks ago, out with friends, who told me... "I wanted to see you this weekend but it just didn't work out" He didn't even call. So I told him........"This isn't working for me, so I am going to back out now. If you were really interested like you say, you would take the time to call a little more often and see me."
He said, "So you don't want me to call you anymore?" I said, "Right, that would be a good idea, take care." Now, I don't have to worry about him calling me 6mths down the road. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/20/2007 9:58:46 PM | This is what you do when you find your guy doing this... DO NOT GO AFTER HIM, DONT CALL , DONT EVEN ASK!!
They will eventually call you. When they do if you are friendly and act like nothing is wrong they will want to stay with you.
And why are you expected to wait and see if he ever gets around to contacting you ever again? Presumably when nothing else panned out for him? And then you have to wonder if he's back to really explore things with you, or if it will be another brief 'drop in' before he falls of that face of the earth again.
I just can't get with that type of program anymore. I've had people that I was interested in call me up "eventually" out of the blue and the moment I heard the voice on the phone, I got an immediate pang of the same anger/ sadness that I felt the first time they disappeared on me.
If that's the way he operates then clearly he is not right for me. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/20/2007 10:25:22 PM | if a man does this it is because he has met someone else. most likely he will do that to her too...when he...meets someone else.
with the internet dating that seems to be more the rule then the exception though. when a person is dating so many people at the same time, or dating one, yet still talking to other women online, its really difficult to form any sort of lasting connection. at least this is what i see as the downside of internet dating. too many opportunities... or simply the appearance of opportunities... can prevent one from making a decision to be with someone...
and who can compete with all the women some guy hasn't met yet?
lar | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:05:08 AM | | I suggest getting to know them better before getting emotionally involved. It has been said that people tell us what they're all about in the first 15 minutes after we meet them. In my experience, this is mostly true. The problem is that very often we don't listen. Romance, chemistry and hormones work their magic and before we know it we're in very deep with a virtual stranger. In my opinion, the number one thing you should be looking at is, "Can I trust them?". If not, you are almost certain to be burned later on. | |
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dsj34
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Joined: 11/1/2007
Msg: 392 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/10/2007 12:39:30 PM | Some men AND women do this. Sometimes it's easier and more convenient to ignore the other person than to say that "I'm not interested". I don't agree with it though. I think it is rude, selfish, and immature to stop contact without any type of notice.
Because there is no benefit. First the gal will get upset and ask why. Then you have to lie (a lie they will not believe) because if you tell the truth the gal will become extremely angry and call you names. What guy needs that?
The same goes for women, if a women tell a guy why she is not interested, he will reply, "You are ugly and I wouldn't f*** you anyway."
Ignoring a person doesn't always prevent rude comments. Some people can get mad because you ignored them and send you rude emails and phone messages.
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/25/2007 4:39:53 PM | it's interesting that men get all defensive when posts like this are posted lol.
True it's not just men that act like this...but why should women have to make their posts non sexist...when men don't lol
Not all women are clinging harpies like one postee sugested.
Some men do a disappearing act even when the woman is letting the guy do the all the chasing.
Honesty is the best policy as far as i am concerned...if someone don't like me then fair enough..I will be not too happy to be led on, lied to and then left after the guy has disappeared wondering what if anything was true. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 394 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:38:36 AM | I suspect that the real reason women want men to give them a call is so they can get angry and call him names. When he doesn't call, they don't get that opportunity.
Most men would love be very considerate and give the lady a call. However, our experience is that she will punish us with snide or hateful remarks or otherwise make the phone call unpleasant and we don't wish to be punished so we believe it is better that we just disappear. I would be happy to call under the following conditions:
1. I want it to a brief and pleasant conversation. I want the lady to sound neutral or happy much like when you ask a sales lady a question. And, I don't want the conversation to linger more than 60 to 120 second max.
2. I don't want her to be upset. That is, I don't want her to sound very sad, depressed or angry. And, I certainly don't want any tears. That is very unpleasant.
3. I don't want her asking any questions that may be difficult to answer or that forces me to lie.
4. I don't want any snide, cutting, or hateful remarks.
So how am I going to tell her without the phone call being unpleasant? I don't believe it is possible but tell me if you think it is.
I will start. Ring ring, she answers, "Hello." Now you complete the conversation. | |
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Ritika
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Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 396 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 1/22/2008 7:25:38 AM | I always explain it as they were kidnapped by aliens and are unable to communicate. Or in other words if a person has no sense to tell you that they are not interested any more should I be the one to chase after a spineless jerk. That is not the person I would rely on.
Have faith in yourself | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:05:46 PM | I agree this problem is not gender related.  I've had this happen a few times. I emailed asking if they could please be honest and tell me what the problem was so that I could have some closure and, of course, no response. There are jerks and jerkette's out there who are selfish and shameless. It's just the way it is so you learn to move on. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:15:24 PM | | They are children and can't commit..... They are too chicken to face you.... or they are so far up their mothers a$$ their cell phones won't ring....they can change women like they change clothes.......OMG Who knows??????? | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 1/22/2008 2:43:25 PM | You are just too funny juzlookin35. I would see your question... and wonder the same thing myself. Good for you finding the answer and posting. Very much appreciated. Looks like everyone else either was too busy with their thoughts or didn't think your question meritted an answer OR didn't know the origin and meaning of the word and didn't want to admit it. Take your pick. Anyhow, kuddos to you. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 1/24/2008 4:46:09 PM | | I told one woman weeks before we broke up : "Do you think this is working?" She was oblivious to the question (it clearly wasn't). She said her first husband left her without much explanation. I just don't understand people that have so little feel for how a relationship is developing. In this woman's case, I found her boring, didn't want to hurt her, and just stopped calling. | |
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