| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 9/19/2008 1:55:29 PM |
what is a bunnyboiler?
I assume this is a reference to Glen Close's performance in Fatal Attraction, therefore making the woman out to be outrageouly obsessed with a guy. ;) | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 9/19/2008 1:58:19 PM | | It's probably the same men who get mad if you don't answer their email! If they disappear after a date or two, who cares- happens too often to analyze it. But after a few months? That's so retarded. Never had that happen. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 9/19/2008 2:10:47 PM | | Men and women BOTH do it. The reason? Online dating just isn't real. So many people have so many choices. The problem I've found with women I've had great contact with is that instead of meeting and getting to know JUST ONE PERSON over time (like regular dating), they actually go out of their way to LOOK FOR any possible negatives. Some of us look at the positives in people..and the WHAT CAN OR MIGHT BE. But most, search for any speck of negativity. So, in many cases, unless someone falls in love with the shallow exterior within the first 10 seconds (I've been told by many that's how it works for women), it will never withstand the test of time. So, go home, click, click, click...and there are ten more men or women to spend countless more time & energy on. I truly believe if there was no online dating, a much higher percentage of relationships would be real and legitimate. Like I always have on my profile, my mom didn't care much for my dad the first two or three times they dated. But she gave a chance to get to know him. They have been happily married now for 60 years this past June 27th! But that could NEVER happen in today's throwaway society. Seems everyone is looking for immediate perfection...or immediate gratification. You can't even go by what people write. There's too many nice words accompanied by a lack of both reality and integrity. Sometimes, I think I'm the only one on here who truly seeks a long-term partner....by my willingness to focus on the positive, and to even proceed to a second date. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:23:57 PM | You know looking back on all the boyfriends I've had in the past , there's only one of them that was honest with me when it came to breaking up. He told me he was seeing someone else. I was so hurt that I just ran out of the house and drove off. There was no why but why. I cried for 3 days and then the 4th day I stopped crying and moved on. But I think he was being a man in telling me and I'm glad he did. Instead of screwing around behind my back or Disappearing. I dont know why I told that story. Hope it helped... | |
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Iowa44
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Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 430 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:25:20 PM | | A couple of times I have broken up with women and told them bluntly the reason why.After one ran away crying and the other started screaming at me it is simply easier to let the woman decide that she wants to break up on her own timeline. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 9/22/2008 2:28:51 AM | I have to confess, I did the disappearing act on a guy whom I met here on POF. We emailed each other back and forth, then talked on the phone a few times. Some things about him bothered me, so I stopped calling. And now, after reading this thread, I decided to better myself. With that in mind, I sent him a message with the explanation as to my disappearance, was very specific, and finished it off with a "I hope you find what you're looking for" line, and then wished him good luck.
See, I was bad, but am getting better. Thanks to this thread.  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 10/20/2008 7:15:01 AM | | Ahh... we go from being overlooked and ignored at bars... to being forgotten about on the internet.. ha ha. Such is dating folks.. The only thing I use the internet for is to learn about a woman's personality. I prefer to exchange e-mails.. maybe chat a bit.. then see if the personality is right to move to face-to-face meeting. Alot of the time in my experience.. the women act one way when you chat.. another when you meet.. and a 180 degree turn around when you get into a relationship. Sucks when you start out as two easy going people.. and the women turn around and take your easy-going-ness to mean that they can walk all over you and rule the roost.. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 10/21/2008 9:55:29 PM | My guess is they went back to their ex or found someone else...why they do a reappearing act is beyond me and what's even more perplexing is that they think you'll accept them back with open arms...and some with a marriage proposal...unbelievable.  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 10/21/2008 10:57:42 PM | It's online dating. I'm sure they are chatting to other women.. and constantly seeing what's out there. If that's the case... they were not worth it.
Or they get scared. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 10/21/2008 11:49:15 PM | oh yes... the 'ol slink away routine... yeah, i absolutely hate that. if you don't want to be with me, then don't, but have the fricken balls to look me in the eye and say so... that's what i do...
men who do the slinking away bit probably think they are being "nice," or letting the girl down easy but actually, i think just being up front about it is really much more honest and makes it a lot easier to move on...
lar | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 10/22/2008 3:36:15 PM | I had this happen once. I just figured he took up a new occupation as a magician, I thought maybe he was practicing a new trick and it worked to well. he made himself dissapear and couldnt get himself to reappear again, shucks he found the antidote about six months later and poof there he was on the other end of the phone again.  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/17/2008 6:08:14 AM | | I don't waste time analyzing the situation. Most men temporarily " pull away" when they realize...surprise surprise...they are in a "relationship". If you give the guy space and not call him...often times, he will come back after missing you. Men respond to NO CONTACT. If you don't give a guy time to think...the chances of him returning are 0.1%. I think its a normal phase they go through so I don't get too pissed off about it. The best way to avoid the dissapearing act is for YOU to disgress whether or not the guy is right for YOU and give the dating stage a nice slow pace. The more you take your time, the more likely you will see his true colors and decide in the end, if YOU want to end the relationship. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/17/2008 12:38:49 PM | If you want to know what a bunny boiler is watch the film "fatal attraction" (1987) with Glenn Close and Micheal Douglas,basically he has a one nite stand with glenn close and she then stalks him and breaks into the marital home. he comes home to find shes killed the pet rabbit and put it in a pan on the cooker and turned it on for when he comes home,
regards
markc40 | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/19/2008 6:04:52 PM | HERE'S A GREAT QUOTE THAT GOES VERY WELL WITH THIS SITUATION,
" The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/19/2008 8:00:04 PM | | because you females do the very same thing to us guys that we hate as well.... Disappear. Yeah I'm being a jerk right now but it just means that they no longer feel attraction or not interested anymore. It would be a lot more better if people just learn to CLARIFY things better. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/24/2008 2:19:45 PM | this seems so weird to me. if some guy says i dont want to see you anymore, (unless we're in a serious relationship for quite a while in which case it warrants some discussion), what would i have to say? why? ok, i guess i'd want to *know* why, and probably wonder, but i doubt he'd actually tell me the reason(s) even if i asked. so i'd really just not bother. i'd be like, ok...GTFO. bye.
I do think after a certain amount of dates and closeness that disappearing is kind of immature. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/24/2008 5:39:36 PM | I think men generally suck... reading what these guys did to you people is awful! I think they are afraid of confrontations so they avoid it,, shows a true character flaw.. Don't get me wrong ...I love men but that behavior is SO immature and hurtful...
I am now so afraid now to date anyone from an online service.. Is he dating37378939 other women than me? Is he married ? What ever happened to COMMON COURTESY? | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/24/2008 6:39:35 PM | I have had that happen to me....I don't understand if he really likes the girl,
why would he split and not call, no e-mail nothing???? | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 11/24/2008 11:41:36 PM | Wow. Interesting responses here.....
1. Disappearing into the ether is plain ol' cowardly. Make what excuses you want, it's just a chickenshit move (or non-move!). I don't care if some people say 'oh well maybe YOU did something'....it doesn't matter. Even if there was a 'reason' for the guy/girl to vanish, it's still THEIR thoughtlessness to not contact you.
2. 'Didn't want to hurt blah blah blah feelings'. Yes, because it's SOOOO much better to leave someone hanging and even wonder if you've been hurt or something bad has happened. Very responsible and mature. Thanks so much for sparing the feelings. lol.
3. I always say that if you lend someone $20, and they run and you never see them again, it was worth the $20 to not have to see them again. Some people, unfortunately, aren't worth the emotion you put into them, nor will they understand that fact. Some people.........are just plain ol' jerks.
But boy, if the same thing happened to THEM wouldn't they be the wounded victim! lol.
I think that, when crap like this happens, to a guy or a girl, it's generally just another opportunity to weed through the chaff to get to the grain. You're now one step closer to the one who won't want to let you go.
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