| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:08:21 AM |
it appears that he was the "clingy" one if what the poster says is true. "He" seemed to have "clung" on very tightly after a mere 2 weeks of getting to know this woman. If it were me in the poster's position I would have been the one disappearing...(but first I would have set the record straight with the fella..."YOU'RE TOO CLINGY")
OOPPS my bad...this was supposed to be posted on another "like" thread
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:08:22 AM | I was spending a great deal of time several months ago talking in depth to a really great man, who felt I was the one God intended for him to be with. I started to really feel that could be a possibility. Then, nothing. He said he was in the hospital, then the sister, sister's boyfriend, then the father, and asked me to bear with it and wait. So, I tried. I had developed some feelings and wanted to let them go, but he kept saying to wait. Turns out, he found a woman "just like me" closer to him and wanted to see if that would work out first. So, he was keeping me in the rafters.
There is a man on here who I talked with for a month. When I started to warm up to him like he seemed to be with me, he dissappeared too. Said he was in another country and trapped there due to airline problems, but would be back in two days. In two days, he removed his profile and stopped talking to me.
I have had this happen a few times.
And, I did it twice. I don't generally do it. I can say I am sorry that I did it. I did it because the gentlemen were just too old for me, and I was afraid of hurting their feelings by giving them my reasons. So I sort of let them go and get on with their life. I felt bad about that, and still do. Perhaps the "truth" would hurt more to be told then to just go away? | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:25:29 AM | First of all, this just doesn't happen to men. Women do this just as often.
If this happens to you repeatedly, quit your whining. What's the common denominator? YOU. You are repeatedly making bad choices with your partners, or your behavior dictates the disappearances.
Lack of character is one reason why someone would disappear from their partner. However I don't think this is the most prevalent reason.
More likely the individual has been burned in the past and is carrying around baggage.
Most likely is the disappearing is NECESSARY. We usually get involved in a relationship with the best of intentions. Ever notice how somebody suddenly changes and acts unlike they did when you first met them? My guess is there is lots of disappearing going on because one party is overbearing and/or cannot accept kind criticisms. If you share your thoughts, you get lambasted, so you just avoid the conflict and confrontation. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:33:58 AM | Some men believe it is easier for everyone involved to just walk away and never look back. I must admit, when I was in high school and even college, I did the same thing, thinking it would be better because, I hate goodbye's, no crying to witness, might change mind etc etc. As I have grown older, I realize that you hurt the one you are trying not to hurt, it is a coward who does not face the one you shared intimate feelings with, but run away. Plus I have had it done to me a few times since I have stopped doing it. "What goes round comes round".      | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:44:01 AM | bunny-boiler (n) a partner in a relationship that acts irrationally and with impulsive, extreme, behavior. This term has it's origins in... what else... the Glen Close character in the movie Fatal Attraction. Those responsible for coining this term existed in North Carolina at a little dive bar known as Elizabeth's Billiards. Of course one of the patrons was seeing a women who did violent and bizarre things such as keying her partner's car etc. Another patron uttered the words 'bunny boiler' and there it was.
Never mind people, I did a search and found out for myself....  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:44:11 AM | Men & WOMEN do this because its EASY. After all that's what today's lifestyle is all about.. It's easy to get a divorce, it's easy to just walk away from a marriage (even with kids), it's easy to blame everyone else for our shortcomings, it's just easy..........and with no conscience anymore from years of being indoctrinated by TV that such behavior is okay....well then.....It's okay......
MMM....something not quite right....???
"just walk away ... not my problem anymore...."
The "throw-away society" we live in.....
Explains alot about dating too........ | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:44:23 AM | | I think that the men that do this are playing a game. They have no invested feelings and think or dont care if you do or not. They do this n move on to the next thing that catches their eye. They dont say anything because they are afraid of confrontation and couldnt be bothered to just be upfront and honest. To them its all sex and making them feel like they have control. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 9:18:46 AM | you know what I think?....they either have wives or old girlfriends that come back into the picture, so they try to fill the space with these sites!..in hopes that they get lucky, and if and when they do diapearring time comes
This is what they should do...man up and say  hey I have someone! BUT I thought you looked hot and I just wanted to get into your pants  you know you can meet guys like that anywhere, I thought the sites where for helping couples get to know each other first and start up a relationship.....Hey I'm pretty sure there are some guys and girls out there looking for that, so I check the site to see how many stand up guys are out there....hey my opinion  life goes on | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 10:06:57 AM | I think guys are more afraid of commitment than women
Huh? Would you rather be dumped by a guy or just not hear from him again?
Given the choice between not seeing someone again and them saying "I think you are disgusting pile of shit", I think I know which I'D prefer....
Man, how does "commitment" enter into every conversation about dating? Going to dinner and a movie has little to do with sharing a house and raising kids... THAT is commitment. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 10:11:17 AM | Keep in mind, men can get sex anywhere!
Oh that is SO not true!!!
WOMEN can get sex any day, any time, in any city in the world (and pay attention to the IF) IF they are willing to lower their standards to the level of the barfly guys who are just looking for a quick roll in the sack.
Women are 100% in control of who gets laid and when (Outside of the crime of forceful sex, and that isn't sex. It's violence.) and DO NOT try to convince a man otherwise. Men go MONTHS without sex and a girl can walk into a bar any night and get laid. Any night. Anywhere. By one of the men who has gone months.....
If men could get sex anywhere, I'd be getting more of it. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 10:27:15 AM | ^^^ That's so true. Women ARE in control (with the exception of being forced) of where and when sex happens.
I think people (men and women) dissapear because they don't want the conversation - i.e., they have no interest in the confrontation or reaction they expect to get. I find that two major things might bring this type of behavior on:
1. They find something out about you or experience something about you that turns them off to getting to know you further, and don't have the guts to tell you OR they think they will get a bad reaction to telling you that. Sometimes it's cause they actually have gotten to like you as a person but realize they can't be more than a friend, and they don't want to hurt you, so it actually makes sense to them to stop it cold, you are hurt anyway but they don't deal with it on their end.
2. They REALLY do like you, get too attached too quickly (the old f**k it I like this person a lot I am going to spend all my time with them even though I barely know them) and then freak and realize they are in too deep with someone they don't know very well. A rebound, loneliness, and that type of stuff can bring it on. They either still like you and think it's going too fast and don't know how to tell you, or they realize they aren't as into you as they thought, you just kept their mind off of whatever it is they just went through (and in some instances they go back to that ex).
I think in either situation, all you can do of course is recognize they have issues and move on. I have noticed that in most cases like that those people usually do resurface too...usually again, for selfish reasons. To clear up their own conscience or find out what would have happened had they not bailed. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 10:44:32 AM | When just meeting someone online and realizing it is not going to work I usually try to let them lose interest in me by corresponding less frequently and less personally. If that don't give them a clue I point out our differences and tell them where I stand on things. Some still don't get it and I just have to cut correspondance with them. If it has advanced to a face to face dating type relationship than for me it deserves a little more explanation and an effort to part on good terms. Rarely but occasionally there is just that big red flag that says run like the wind and don't look back. 
I think for some they just don't know what to do next so do nothing. I just had a case where someone I am quite interested in did this to me. I just sent her a very open email stating appearently I have put you on the run and I only wish I knew how. She responded with a very surprising response that she is interested but afraid to start something for fear I will not accept the reality of her life. When she shared some it with me she was shocked that I did not duck and run and was ok with it and in fact have more respect for her as a person that she has overcome such difficulty.
I think there are many reasons people disappear but mostly fear and confusion. People get hurt and become very guarded and not all have the personallity type to shake it off and move on. Internet dating is a safer way for these people to try to get back into the swing of things and if they get scared they can disappear easier than in real life. It does not make them bad or inconsiderate people just people on a different level who may be fighting their fear or pain demons so to say. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 11:07:56 AM | | ...because they can figure it out without words better with less confrontation and pain. I would rather not tell a woman, because I feel partly responsible for dating her in the first place. Oops not my type (sorry). | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 11:20:10 AM | Dogsmooch -- If I were you I would not move in so fast and would actually look at people and notice most of these things before getting involved but to each their own I guess. Sounds more to me like maybe they were good enough for a short term fling but not for a real relationship and if that is your intention you should be up front with them.
Just my opinion! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 11:39:55 AM | I would say because a lot of women would question why, what did they do wrong, and on and on instead of just accepting they were not his type just like every man is not their type.
If someone asks me out for a second or third date and I decided I don’t think they are a good match for me I will tell them thanks, but the chemistry really wasn’t there for me. I still get replies back from then such as “did they bore me” “did I not enjoy being with them” makes them sound desperate and what does my answers to those questions matter. Obviously if I was bore I would not have gone on more then one date with them or if we just had one date and I don’t want to see them do they actually want to know the answer and what difference would my answer make. Soooooo I usually just ignore any e-mails from them after I tell them I an not interested in seeing them again. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 11:41:52 AM | this is what i meant when i say " women don't want the truth." and when told why men do what they do you (women) still argue and deny it..
"it can't be that. it is this or that but not what you're saying it is"
too funny | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 43 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:00:41 PM | I was about to post a new thread because I am thinking I should just disappear on my current g/f. Then I saw this and figured, why not just post in here.
I am planning on breaking it off the next time I see her, but at the same time, I'm thinking all the signs are their that she wants to end this too, so why not just stop calling and move on without saying the words.
Over the last 3 weeks she's been distant, doens't have time for me, but is able to make time for a lot of other people, plus some other reasons that I don't really need to get into, Bottom line is I've decided to end it, and I think we're both on the same page.
But I can't even get enough alone time with her to do it. I could do it over the phone, but that has never sat well with me. So now I'm thinking, why don't I just forget about her. Don't call her at all and just live my life. I don't even think she would realize I've stopped calling, and wouldn't call me either. Since it seems we're both on the same page, why not just do what we already know we have to do without saying the words to each other, because no matter what those words are still going to hurt. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:05:33 PM | | Tell the collective her, while backing up of course, that she is fat, smokes too much, has animals for children, is a lousy f*ck for someone who has had that much experience and that she smells and her mama dresses her funny. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:43:28 PM | Inneowithgeo -- What do you mean you can't get laid. If sex isn't all you want you can any time you want to. You can just lower your standards and get laid anytime as well, only sex may not be the only thing you get and some things you can't give back and should not pass along. If that does not appeal to you, you can always rent. Not that I would advise either but it can be done if you have no self respect.  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 12:49:18 PM | I can't get laid for reasons that would be clear if I had a photo posted...
Rented or not!!
Hell, when I was baby I wanted to be breast fed and my mother told me she just wanted to be friends. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 1:50:41 PM | Giving bad news to a person is actually quite hard to do. And lots of people are very cowardly when it comes to this kind of bad news because it comes from them, no act of god or accidental situation.
And it is true that if you tell a girl you thought you liked her but now you dont want to have anything more to do with her she will have some questions and if you are lucky show some emotion.
Try being a man, deep breath, say the sentence as kindly as possible and accept that you ill spend an hour of your life patching up the wound before you skip off to enjoy your day.
Not asking much and once you have done it and done it well you can really enjoy your day. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 6:44:02 PM | I think guys are more afraid of commitment than women....... so rather than give an honest answer, its just easier to disapear
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Judy Ann
It isn't actually the guys that have a commitment problem. It's the women.
What the guys are afraid of is committing themselves to the kind of woman who has no sense of committment. | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 50 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:01:17 PM |
Giving bad news to a person is actually quite hard to do. And lots of people are very cowardly when it comes to this kind of bad news because it comes from them, no act of god or accidental situation.
And it is true that if you tell a girl you thought you liked her but now you dont want to have anything more to do with her she will have some questions and if you are lucky show some emotion.
Try being a man, deep breath, say the sentence as kindly as possible and accept that you ill spend an hour of your life patching up the wound before you skip off to enjoy your day.
Not asking much and once you have done it and done it well you can really enjoy your day.
Very well said, and this is how I normally feel. It's just this situation I'm in. It's specifically different where I think loss of contact is what she wants. | |
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