| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:57:23 PM | Thanks for all of the input. I still don't get it. You spend countless hrs chatiing, IM, e-,phoning, dating, HAVE SEX and then one does not have the balls to speak his/her mind. Honsty people, all I'm looking for is hinoesty.
You can see that I've lready been hurt from my screen name. No one can ever come clsoe tho hurting me that much again, so just be honest with me. I may learn something from it...... | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 6:41:29 AM | | I can honestly tell you that it is because they are scared.Men don't seem to need to be in a relationship as much as women do.That's just the way it is.Have u had the opportunity to just ask him what's up??? | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 5:26:10 PM | KyleW - I knew aliens were involved!!
dru - Telling her this isn't working in an email may be uncomfortable, but it will get it out there and end your agony.
As for myself, if I am interested in a man he is the one I focus on. Just say "this isn't working" and goodbye. Because I know I cannot make another person want me I do let go. Plus you have opened the door for me to respond to that other guy showing interst. | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 55 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 5:47:40 PM | | She doesn't have email, but I figure if I don't here from her by next weekend it's obvious it's done, and if I do hear from her before then, we'll I'll be able to end it normally. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 6:07:06 PM | Maybe a man or woman does not have the time to tell every person they date, they are not into them.
I think everyone gives out clues...
If he or she stops calling you or avoids your phone calls its pretty much over, get a clue.
If she or he doesn't give you all their contact information from the start, that should be a clue too. They are just trying to figure you out.
If they did the disappearing act- AWOL- missing in action kind of thing.
That pretty much means it is pretty much over. The person really was not into you and something you did made the person run for the hills.
a. you called them to much
b. you were to clingy
c.you were just to available
Another thing is they could of got back with an ex girlfriend or boyfriend or they are in a hospital...
Now, the person could be taking a breather from you to really think things over. In this time it is crucial to avoid contact with the person. Wait for them to contact you first.
Or maybe the person went on vacation.
a. don't call them
Whatever the reason, if you really like a person you need to give them some space.
People like to date people who even if your calender is free, you give them the impression it is full as it gives them the impression that you have a life outside of them.
When dating, I think it is always better to govern yourself in the Rule of 3.
Date 3 guys or 3 girls, figure out what you like and what you are looking for.
Competition is good for a relationship.
So, if one does a dissapearing act, it is not so life shattering or emotionally scarring to you. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 6:37:02 PM | Yes, women do this all the time, too.
I've had it happen several times. I meet some girl and everything is going good, then, POOF! Haha, I don't know why, they just do it. Sometimes, when I have had a chance to ask or at least hear from them again, I get some knd of lame exuse: "I been sick; this happened, that happened; I'm going through a bad time," etc. It's all b.s., they have found somebody else.
Think about it, if you are going with someone or chatting it up and all is going well, what would it take for you to just "disappear?" Yep, you guessed it, someone you like better, or at least someone who talks a better talk. I've seen too many cases where the girl told me she "just wasn't ready yet" or something along those lines. You all have heard the excuses before. But then a few days or a week later I see or hear of the girl dating some new guy. When this happens, we have just been dumped, that's all. We are just deluding ourselves by making excuses. By the way all, the "too clingy,"etc., nonsense excuses are just an extension of rejection excuses. Ladies, if you had a chance to date, say Brad Pitt or Mel Gibson and he turned out to be "clingy" or "touchy-feely," would you dump him? I think not. Guys, if you had a chance to date, say Jessica Simpson and she turned out to be "clingy" or whatever, would you dump her? I think not. A person dumps you because they find another more attractive, usually physically so, period!
The reason the person doesn't give a reason is because (a), they have no class, or (b), they have no guts. The persons who behave like this are divided up roughly 50/50 into these two catagories.
To the "let's not generalize" crowd I say, when this happens frequently, as is in evidence, we are not "generalizing." If eight out of ten men/women do this, it is reasonable to generalize. If this has never happened to you, well and good. But before you speak on a subject you are not knowledgable about, do a google search using the word "solipsism" and study the word's meaning, i.e., figure out and understand that "the world is not just like me."
To all the nay-sayers out there, yes, one time out of a hundred when this happens the guy/girl really was/is in the hospital or having a personal crisis, whatever. But the other 99 times it is simply what I stated above. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 6:52:25 PM | If I chat a couple of times with someone either through IM or email I feel no obligation to continue the conversation. Most of the time it is because they were boring to me and didn't seem like somoene I would connect with.
What should someone do write back sorry no longer interested in chatting. Now if I meet you in person then I feel obligated to say sorry not interested but just a couple of chats nope dont' feel obligated.
Think of it as in the real world...you are out and chat for few moments with somoene. Do you feel like everytime you see that person at the bar are where ever you have to chat with them? | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 7:33:26 PM | | At least when they just disappear, it's one less thing you have to deal with. One less phone call to take....one less e-mail to read. The secret is to keep so busy that it's a few days before you realize you haven't hear from him. : ) | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 7:33:48 PM | LMAO, ROTFL!!! (these posts make me laugh, whether intentional or not!!!) 
I think by nature people in general are cowards and try to avoid confrontation if at all possible.
Maybe it's bacause you're a clinging harpie who reminds them too much of thier ex ...
Thanks for the chuckles.
As for the original question ... I'm disappointed - thought we were going to discuss "diapering" ... (as opposed to "disappearing" ... wink!) | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 7:46:11 PM | Well i think it could be one of a few things
- Naturally the "Fear of Commitment" thing
- Fear of really getting to know the other person and that you may be leading them on
- They have an "Uh Oh" moment on a date
or my favorite
- They work as a spy and they are in a deep cover operation, you of course are part of the cover story once the job is over so is the relationship ;)
i think the last one sounds the most believeable. Cheers | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:06:01 PM | Dear Sparticuss...........
What the guys are afraid of is committing themselves to the kind of woman who has no sense of committment.
THAT IS BS!!!!! Most all men are afraid to commit..... Its women that long for commitment and men run when they hear that word! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:16:41 PM | The afraid of commitment aurgument is lame, too. If the guy likes you and thinks you attractive, ladies, he will at least "string" you along with excuses. Men do this all the time if they like you or want you for sex.
See my above post. You have simply been dumped for another. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:19:47 PM | Hi, Could it be something you said or did to turn them off!!! It seems today everyone on these sites sets their standards too high. We forget that we need to work on a relationship between the two parties involved. I find the same with the women I meet and they don't tell the complete story or the whole truth!!!!!! Mike | |
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foxy67
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Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 70 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:31:40 PM | | I have been looking for the answer to this question.............moreso now than ever because last night I got stood up on a second date from a guy I thought I had an amazing connection with, but I guess I misunderstood when he said "I am so into you". We had a fantastic first date and spent 5 hours together and spoke on the telephone a couple of times after and made a date for the following weekend but when the weekend came, he didn't show up and after leaving 2 telephone messages and an MSN message, he never replied to any of them and didn't call the next day to explain. I am really hurt because I thought he was genuine and sincere and I haven't felt that about anyone for a long time, and I thought that I could usually smell a player from a mile away. I've been totally blind-sided by this and can't stop going over the past week's events to see if there is a connection but everything was fine..............so I thought. If he changed his mind, why couldn't he just be honest, after all I did tell him I prefer complete honesty from the start and he agreed. Go figure............ | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:36:42 PM | We men do the dissapearing act cause you women do the crazy " what are we" act.. we just wanna pound some hole!! Then once it turns bad or they want more... then we run!!
But if it is worth it, we stay! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:37:04 PM | Tranquilsummer just gave away all ou secrets. I'd like to know who the guy was that squealed on us:
Men do this for a number of reasons...
1. Committment scares them.
2. They really like you.
3. They don't want their freedom taken away.
4. "Feelings" are confusing to them and they feel wussy.
Probably many more reasons too.
This is what you do when you find your guy doing this... DO NOT GO AFTER HIM, DONT CALL , DONT EVEN ASK!!
They will eventually call you. When they do if you are friendly and act like nothing is wrong they will want to stay with you.
Oh one other reason is they may not like you - but thats not usually why. | |
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foxy67
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Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 74 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 9:01:04 PM | I know it's totally his loss but I can't help being hurt by it because it's only the second time I have ever been stood up and the first time I didn't have these type of feelings for the guy so it didn't hurt as much.
I still can't help feeling that maybe I will get that phone call after the weekend with a lame excuse...............at least it will be an answer. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/15/2006 11:40:34 PM | Its a human thing not just a guy thing. I was on this date it went great. And then poof. She wouldn't return my messages, calls, or emails.
Its a lame thing.
harvey | |
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