canali
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Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 76 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 12:31:11 AM | How about: he's NO longer into you...BUT is a wuss!
OR he's found someone else, read: no longer into you...BUT is a wuss
OR he's emotionally scared (you've reached his heart) BUT he is a wuss
and runs screaming for the hills...hey, wait a minute...I did that, too,
just recently (run for the hills screaming) as someone had me
smitten and it was overwhelming to me...(no that relationship crashed
and burned...sad, she was--she is--a pretty amazing woman...but I still
feel she has been hurt/is cynical)...anyway...But I did
mention that to her at the time (my screaming for the hills) and like the good heartedgal that she is, she kept her sense of humour, reassured me the quacksweren't on their way (and I recalibrated my meds....yet again!) 
OR after he's gotten his sexual share, it's time for him to move on: he's a wuss player.
It's alright for a guy to freak out and take a hiatus (happens to me whenever I get close:
don't ask, as I won't say why) and I can act strange...but nowadays I at least let the woman
involved know of my spastic behaviour so when she sees me bouncing off of the walls
or wanting my space all of a sudden, she has some understanding and thus I have respected HER feelings, too.
Guys: communicate with the gals...they're often so much stronger than us when it comes to emotions;
they know how to process 'em better in many instances...share your feelings
(even if you do have to leave to Siberia to call her up and disclose such)
...just breath deeply, try to keep some composure (a few stiff drinks do also help)  and a sense of humour.
Cheers Canali | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 9:02:42 AM | "Keep in mind, men can get sex anywhere!"
I can't help it, this just slays me...
I can see it now...
He: You. Me. Sex. Now. Lets go.
She: YOU PIG!!!! *SLAP!*
Conversely-
She: You. Me. Sex. Now. Lets go.
He: Where to?
I think this to be more accurate | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 9:43:35 AM | What about this scenario:
I run into a guy on here I knew in high school. He was one year ahead of me back then. We exchange numbers and talk for 1-1/2 hrs. and he finally suggests we meet up somewhere. At that point, I'm thinking "two old friends catching up time." We meet up at 10pm that night, by 2am the chemistry is bouncing off the walls and he ends up staying with me until 2pm the next day.
Since then, there have been emails and one phone call from him. I finally couldn't take it anymore after nearly 2 weeks and gave him a clear "out" - I told him I thought perhaps sleeping with him on our first "date" might have been a huge mistake and it was obvious he wasn't that into me, but it was okay. I told him I didn't want him to end up being "that guy"...the guy who you see now and then for great sex, but then he disappears for weeks on end. I told him I wasn't going to be the "hook up" girl and that we were both better than that. I didn't want to end up hating him, because I'd always liked him back in school (we had a class together his senior year/my junior year) and I'd thoroughly enjoyed our recent time together and perhaps we should just call it what it was and be friends and leave it at that. This was a very clear "out" for him.
His response: "You're over analyzing this. Don't count me out so quickly and stop reading so deeply into this, I've just been really busy."
WTF does that mean?
Am I being kept on a back-burner in case something else he's testing out doesn't pay off? Or was he just not capable of taking the "out" I gave him?
Admittedly, I am a big communicator and he is not, unless it's face-to-face. But PLEASE, two weeks and no attempt at seeing me again? I wasn't born yesterday and as much as the chemistry, conversation and date were entirely effortless (hard to find that), I would be willing to move on without even so much as an explanation, if he would just come right out and say it.
Sorry for the long rant, but guys...any thoughts on this? The screwy thing about all this is, it wasn't technically a date (in my head) when it started, but it sure felt like one 16 hours later. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 10:20:05 AM |
But PLEASE, two weeks and no attempt at seeing me again?...Sorry for the long rant, but guys...any thoughts on this?
When you have first date sex, just be pleasantly surprised when the scenario turns into something more than a one-night stand. Also, it sounds like you want the guy to chase you. If you are sincerely interested in this dude, why don't you ask him out? | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 10:59:53 AM | ah..i have read so many similar things b4 ( lets just say: the same-go out on a date 2 or 3 or 4 times or..date for a month or 2 or 3 and the guy dissapears) it happened to all of us and there is no exuse whatsoever!!!!!!
it has happened to me ..a few times.. and i was crying was trying to find the answer to the "WHY?" i thought we had great times togeatger and great laugh...and i didnt understand anything when they dissapeared.
But times passed by..and i had to realise after a while i didnt miss these kinda guys at al..and just when i realised this..they ALWAYS asked for a second chance...My answer was a HUGE NO- "u had ur chance mate..now c ya later!"
Believe me..u r better off being without these kinda guy(s)..they will regret it ..but it will be too late ..bcoz u will find a much better guy than them  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 11:44:47 AM | I guess for me, it didn't "feel" like first date sex, because we had a history, albeit that was 29 years ago, but still...there was "something" there and it did not feel one-sided.
I don't want him to chase me. In fact, I've given him many opportunities to join me in another "date." I have blatantly told him to let me know when he has the time and can go out. My schedule is fairly flexible and his isn't quite as much. He has a 13 year old son and has full custody and it just turned out the weekend we saw each other, his son was visiting relatives out of state...he had free time on his hands.
Why if I gave him the opportunity to bow out, did he tell me not to count him out? What does that mean in "man speak"? | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 1:07:36 PM | Why the disappearing act? Because some people are spineless and they avoid confrontation at all cost. It's happened to me too, and I used to try to figure out why....it does not matter to me *why* at this point. Yes, I think it's disrespectful and I do not handle things that way...but some people do. Next....
Why if I gave him the opportunity to bow out, did he tell me not to count him out?
The old "back up girl" would be my guess... Ulimately it is up to you whether he gets "counted out"...actions speak louder than words and if someone is not treating you the way you want to be treated, say goodbye. Just my .02 | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 2:14:18 PM | she wasn/t "Men bashing". She is writing from the female perspective, and even added a disclaimer at the end apologizing for generalizing, suggesting women do it too!!!
Ok. I would suggest to all of US. Perhaps it would be productive, and wise to give more thought to your words when posting an original thread. So much useless posting could be avoided.
Make sure your spelling isn't off in the ditch too bad
stay away from generalizations all together
choose those key words very carefully.
Don't do it after you have had 4 glasses of wine and are really feeling pissed off.
In reguards to this particular thread. With just the addition of the word "some" before the word men.... it would have dissarmed all the reactionists.
as to an answer to the actual question: They wern't that interested, and simply took the path of least resistance. Don't rile yourself up too much over it.
Ohhh, what ever became of the world of 'Jane Austin', and the kind of deliciously wonderful language that those characters used. sigh. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 3:06:55 PM |
actions speak louder than words
Very true indeed. His non-action has spoken volumes.
It is unfair when people do this to one another...being human, we begin to question ourselves and wonder what we did wrong or why we weren't good enough. And while you can just say "screw it" and write them off, it's often easier said than done. Insecurities creep in at the most inopportune times. | |
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Demera
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Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 86 | |
| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 4:01:34 PM | I like this thread. I have had so many men disappear on me. Too many to mention. Even after telling me on the date that he had a wonderful time and ask would I mind if he calls me. Then nada, nothing, zilch. What is up with that? If I go on a date and I don't click with someone I at least email him instead of keeping him wonder.
Also the men that keep on playing the I am too busy to meet you in person game. They just want to play email tag. Seems like they are too scared to meet in person for some unknown reason. We are adults. Why not be honest guys? I think most men do this. I really havent heard many women doing this. I think in general most men are cowards. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 4:18:11 PM | | I got one for all of you. First let me say that Im not the "Disappearing" type. I met a girl on this site and after alot of drama(on her part which I accepted as part of the relationship) she asked me, "Why the hell dont you disappear like all the others"!! God figure. Oh well she was cheating on me so I gues its a good thing that she Disappeared!! Bill | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 4:54:47 PM | Thanks for looking that up... I was heading to find an answer if by the time I scrolled through here and nobody had answered you..... See Woman are so much more PROACTIVE! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 5:10:00 PM | | you are right when you say guys are more afraid of commitment than women. i had a close guy friend for 4 years and as soon as he thought there was a commitment starting even though i told him it was just a deep friendship he had a panic attack at the thought of a relationship, so that ended the relationship | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 5:35:09 PM |
will somebody tell me what a bunnyboiler is ??????
A bunny boiler is someone that goes psycho-stalker....all Basic Instinct...on someone. Shows up in their house and boils the pet bunny.
Hope this helps... | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 6:13:28 PM |
Hell, when I was baby I wanted to be breast fed and my mother told me she just wanted to be friends......
BWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/16/2006 7:49:59 PM |
Well without knowing the specific men I can only give you some possible reasons.
They are undercover CIA agents called away on assignment.
They were abducted by UFOs and are now being anally probed.
You're being stalked and the stalker is bumping off all your boyfriends.
They violated their parole and are dating someone new in prison.
You're insane and you're the only one that sees these men. When you're on your meds they vanish.
A crocodile ate them.
This was just too funny. I've recently had this happen on here, and I just don't get it, but oh well there are plenty more fish in the sea!  | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/17/2006 2:20:43 AM | | Foxy, try not to dwell on it too much, I know its hard not to but I think we just have to assume their idiots and move on. I'm going with the UFO story myself. I posted mine the other day, after 2 intensive weeks where the only time apart was when I insisted, he disappeared. The odd part was the last time we saw each other was 10am, he was telling me how much fun I am and how pretty and how he really likes me, etc. Talking about concerts 2 weeks out and even mini-vacations in the "future". He brought all this up, I was the one trying to slow down. We were supposed to have dinner that night, so what happens in 8 hours? I didn't call for 3 days, then trying to get back something from his place. Got voice mail, figured that was it. Surprise! He called right back. Said he was with a friend, would call the next day. Never did. So why did he return my call? There's just no logic or reason, and I had decided to chalk it up to I dated a moron. But I like the UFO story much better! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/17/2006 9:39:06 AM | I guess the person doesn't have good communication skills (not all). I would rather know the truth even if it is hurtful..it is a part of life.
It is easier to hide...then to be forward. When you are not ready...or change your mind..let your partner know. Common sense...not by email..childish. | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/17/2006 1:20:23 PM | yep, had it done to me too
everything fantastic, then the silent treatment................which SERIOUSLY winds me up, then 6 weeks down the line a phone call "ive made a mistake, I was scared, i miss you, you are the best thing to ever happen to me, have a think about starting agian"
so i think................... i think ok maybe i will..................and then what............................................................................... I TRY TO TELL HIM MY DECISION THE NEXT DAY ONLY TO GET THE SILENT TREATMENT AGAIN!!!!!!!!
Its MADNESS!!!!! | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/17/2006 7:07:39 PM | | ill give you guys answer to this question... if some will tell me why women ive went out with says "call me next week "&are always conveniently busy that week an for weeks following. its usualy a "friend" they are busy with ,donnie | |
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| Why do men do the diappearing act?
Posted: 7/17/2006 7:19:43 PM | if some will tell me why women ive went out with says "call me next week "&are always conveniently busy that week an for weeks following.
^^^ Isn't that the same thing as "i'll call you"?
The point is they are not interested...it's hard for some people to reject others.. so they disappear and pretend you will just forget about them or it never happened.
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