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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 8/21/2006 1:00:05 PM | And for those that state...did you both say you were exclusive! 
If you meet the right person, why are you still looking? Because you online daters are dating junkies. It is like you all have an addiction...and end up lonely. Are you all sad to be alone? Every time I try a dating site I noticed some people from other sites. They have been trying this for years and then blame the opposite sex. It is not her/his fault, but your own. I say this now while it is still summer. But soon the winter holidays will be here and you all will still be looking.
When I meet a guy in the real world he and know in a weeks time if we want to go out as you all say exclusive. If it takes longer than a couple of weeks trust me this person is too worried about missing out on potential a$$ elsewhere.
Look at it this way....say you meet someone you realy like. Give this person a moment. Get to know them. Have fun without the distractions of other potentials. What do you have to lose? What a month of not emailing back and forth with more people you are never going to meet anyway. Geez I can't believe the cattle keep following this beaten path. Go meet someone you like today...get to know them. Stop wasting your life with all this quantity that leads nowhere
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 8/24/2006 5:34:54 PM | | I think much of what I read here on this forum is correct. However, perhaps you are missing the main reason you are not connecting with the persons you seek. Maybe they are not really all that serious about you in particular, or possibly they are misrepresenting themselves as single and available. I don't agree with the notion that just because it is the internet that the rules of dating are any different, not for me anyway. If I saw a picture of someone who knocked my socks off, and her profile made me think she might be the one, I would not need 2wks to a month to ask her out. This is just plain obvious. If a guy is to busy to meet with you in person, he isn't really into you, he is just filling out his playing card, and you are not at the top of his list for certain, mostly because the others are sure things to him, you are a work in progress and an unknown. Sure, if his job requires him to travel, ok I can see this will delay things a bit, but well it tells you something about the future of your relationship right? Most guys with a 9-5P job should be able to meet you within a few days of you agreeing to meet in person. Any delays are a sign of caution unless there is one hell of a good reason. It it nearly impossible to know anyone here really well and it is no substitute for a normal meeting of the minds and eyes to see what will develop. It is just another avenue that does provide a much broader scope of choice than chance encounters or running from club to club or whereever you happen to find your men of choice. My take on most of the on-line dating sites is that they may work for some but I agree that the majority will likely be disappointed, its to easy for both men and women to make snap judgments and rule out someone that might have been a perfect match in a direct meeting. In such a meeting, there is dialogue with visual and emotional feedback, where on the net it is pretty much digits and characters, mostly alot of real characters I might add. I first came here on a lark just to see the picture of a women here, but after a while I saw that there were indeed some serious ladies that were seeking to make a connection that might lead to something lifechanging. But my last experience here (without my picture posted) was just ridiculous, everything seemed fine until we came to the phone call, then no call. Whatever she was thinking I will never know, my mind doesn't work like hers I guess. Seems to me if something happens that causes concern, and of course it is a virtual space here, then for goodness sake, talking is the best way to see if the guy is playing you or if something out of his control happened. On-line people are to quick to judge and move on, but hey maybe its for the best, or they want to be single. Oh, BTW...I learned long ago not to judge a book by its cover, something to ponder on I would think... | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 8/27/2006 4:23:52 PM | If I'm a dating junkie, then I'm in withdrawal. 
I have gotten a good amount of messages from women here, but the ones in my area are usually not women I'm attracted to. These are women that contact me first. The ones I contact first never seem to reply (again in my area).
The only women who have contacted me first that I did find attractive where all women from out of my state or even country! There's a cutie who's into most of my interests. We chat, but she lives in Ohio. There was a gorgeous redhead who liked the same music I do who contacted me first. But she lived in Seattle I think. There was another one from Florida. And I have gotten replies from women outside of my area with whom I have flirted.
LA Star seems to be writing a dissertation on this. And I can't see why it's so complicated and tricky. This is why a lot of people don't bother. It's no fun! It's like looking for a job. I know that I have said this before, but it's true.
I mean, when one woman doesn't reply, it's no big deal. The first three women I messaged here replied, but things fizzled, and I'm not broken up over it. But when ten women don't reply, you start wondering what the hell is wrong.
Then, here's the kicker! I do meet a girl that I like in person. It just happens when I'm not even thinking about it, when I don't care if I ever find anyone, when I'm content to be alone. It seems like she likes you too. But then you find out she's attached. But you still want her. And you keep getting to know her, and you keep liking her more, and she seems to feel the same way. Then when you think something's going to happen, she just disappears for whatever reason, and you never see her again. And she makes me want a g/f or wife more than anything else in the world.
I think it should just happen naturally. You just meet someone out of the blue when you're out and about. You click, you fall in love, and bam! I think people work too hard at it. Like this online dating thing. It seems too clinical. But whenever it seems like it's finally happening for me, when I didn't have to search for someone, it doesn't work out.
Hell, I don't even know why I'm here. I'm in love with a girl I may never see again. Hopefully she'll get my letter.
I think i just wanted to see if I was dateable, and in the eyes of some, I am. They just are by and large women I'm not attracted to, and when they are women I want, they're too far away.
I think I also was hoping I'd meet someone just in case I didn't get to be with her. But that hasn't happened.
Oh well, I'm still not writing her off yet. I don't care what anyone says.
But I've given up messaging women first. I don't even have the desire to anymore. They're just pretty faces to me. I look at them and move on. | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 8/27/2006 5:34:18 PM | What I realistically expect to get out of this is some laughs from the forums, plus the occasional abuse flung my way because I'm not PC and tell it like it is.
Which is, incidentally, completely different from what I was originally hoping to get out of this........ | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 8/27/2006 6:23:22 PM | | Hey la star, best to go with a gemini man, other than another pisces, geminis are hot try for that. Hey i check the stars every once in awhile. Best of luck to you! Take care girlfriend! blizzy | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 1:46:22 PM | To justinotheractor, I agree that this can be the same as any other dating avenue. However, the anonymity of the internet, these are all almost like blind dates. Some are for real and their time is split with other tasks and priorities as well as other people that are interested. But why would one rather email me and have me as a favorite and never meet? This has become a way to pass time. The thought of "what could be" is better than actually living it out in the real world. In their mind, the constant attention they get from this is enough affection I guess. Most people I speak to offline do not understand or do not prefer online dating or blind dates. There are millions or I guess at least a billion people utilizing the internet often. Yet online dating is consider either taboo, uncertain, waste of time, flaky, and dangerous. I do not know anyone personally that have a great love from online dating except the one ex bf I have from match.com. Most people consider this desperate and embarrass to admit they even tried it.
I wish you all well with this. I do agree if they were interested enough we would have met me by now. This is why I am more suited for guys offline. They rarely snooze... | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 1:53:32 PM | To iwarrior, I think offline is more fullfilling. I think you can pass time here, but people
seem to be scared to go to the next step. And when you all do meet and you do not likke each other's appearances...what a waste of time. And if you do like each other, you both will still be emailing other people so it just fizzles out. | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 4:57:49 PM | la*star - Well, I can guarantee that if you went to the same (offline...) dance clubs I go to, I would have asked you to dance by now.....no snoozing..... | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 8:49:12 PM | la*star..
I saw a post from you that I should bring up.
Your a lovely lady. If you had a twin sister who lived in San Diego about 4-5 years younger we would definitely be dating...
Now something you wrote caught me eye..
It was about the flakiness, lack of people talking, players.. guys who date who are on this site and others ... continue to easily search..
which I can agree.
But what bothered me was your next line.
I hope I never really date anybody from online.
Lovely in this life. I'll give you a secret. We get what we truly desire and want.
Most people are just not really sure, or put up excuses for why they can't have something, they let a few setbacks get in their way..
Are you getting in your own way. You just projected that you don't want to date anybody here.. when you said/typed that.
Think about it a little bit sweety.
There are diamonds in the rough... here. I find certain women who are just gems on this site who I adore.
I find the samething in a bar though,
in a mall
... actually anywhere I go.
anyhow hope this helps you out. I'll wish ya my best.
Your favorite "jerk"...
I totally love Gemini's!!!!
Then there is one more thing for you to love about me... | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 9:59:47 PM |
la*star..
I saw a post from you that I should bring up.
Your a lovely lady. If you had a twin sister who lived in San Diego about 4-5 years younger we would definitely be dating...
Now something you wrote caught me eye..
It was about the flakiness, lack of people talking, players.. guys who date who are on this site and others ... continue to easily search..
which I can agree.
But what bothered me was your next line.
I hope I never really date anybody from online.
Lovely in this life. I'll give you a secret. We get what we truly desire and want.
Most people are just not really sure, or put up excuses for why they can't have something, they let a few setbacks get in their way..
Are you getting in your own way. You just projected that you don't want to date anybody here.. when you said/typed that.
Think about it a little bit sweety.
There are diamonds in the rough... here. I find certain women who are just gems on this site who I adore.
I find the samething in a bar though,
in a mall
... actually anywhere I go.
anyhow hope this helps you out. I'll wish ya my best.
Your favorite "jerk"...
I totally love Gemini's!!!!
Then there is one more thing for you to love about me...
Wait afunjerk, wwwaaaaiiit!
Sweetie quote me, please do not sum up what I said. I have NOT said, I hope I never really
date someone from online. My ex in Florida, when I was in Florida we met from match.com.
He is a great guy and will always love him and be his friend. What I have stated is guys
online are flaky or content with just reading/sending emails. Or they will continue to look
on these sites after we have met and decided we like each other. I still respond to emails
but mostly I know this is the least likely way to meet a guy. In the real world I meet and just go out without all this hassle.
So you want a girl that looks like me but younger So why did you email me last week?
See! I think you all are just fishing for attention not relations.
Well sorry, Mr. Jerk. I am not going backwards. I love being me and most people love being around me. You are still cute although all of a sudden my age is an issue not your profile
and distance. Sour grapes huh Jerk? No worries | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 10:27:28 PM | First, I'd like to answer the subject line. What do I expect to get out of this?
Answer: If you'd asked me that three(ish) years ago when I'd first signed up (I've had a couple profiles, I keep deleting 'em and then signing up again - dunno why), I'd have said "I want to meet some cool folks, date the ones I liked, then maybe, if I'm lucky, find The One."
Now, my answer is "nothing" - 'cause in those three(ish) years I've had exactly... huh, I'd have to say about ten write-backs, only two of which resulted in dates. One stood me up on our second meet, the second, for lack of a better term, lost her bloody mind and started acting like a loon.
To respond to your (la*star's) comments, I think it's kind of interesting how many men you say flake out on you, because the number of women who flake out on me is probably in the high double digits by now (those I get in touch with via Craigslist, that is, but you did mention Internet dating in general).
I also think it's kind of interesting that all of the people I really like are in southern California, and I'm in the flippin' bay area. And also that many of those people, like yourself, keep talking about how hard it is to find someone willing to make the effort, who's real. I'm real, and I'd definitely make that effort for someone I was interested in. But they, like yourself, are all in so Cal - and that doesn't do me a bit o' good. If I'd lived down your way, you can be sure I'd have written by now. | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 10:30:00 PM | maybe some guys are just waiting to see how many e-mails or phone calls he can get out of you .
Might make him feel more powerful in a way .
THen he can say look at this lady wont stope emailing me.
just keep fishing around .
me myself doesnt have a way to upload a pic . i try to make my profile catchy . oh well .
so til this day nice guys do finish last or too many women are hanging out in the shallow end .
but i have seen on many womens profiles where looks dont matter .
if soul mates is what we are looking for love should be within our hearts not our outer beauty .
so yes . they dropped you a line cuz ya looked cute is all. | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 10:37:44 PM | To Wonka, I feel that is just sad. Why are people so selfish? I am not saying all the guys that email me are flakes. Some the personality is not my type. Then if the personality clicks, the looks or personality in person are not my type. Thhheeennn, if we click and like each other it usually never really goes anywhere. Either because they do not live close enough to see often, or our schedules, or they are still online
Or uh, it is just easier to meet a person offline in the first place
It is not that I am trying to discourage anyone. I am just trying to get everyone
to wake up and ask themselves what do they expect to get out of this?
I mean we should all be honest with ourselves to spare the
feelings of others
A lot of people have on their profile dating or long term, but really it should
read email/chat, or short term, or intimate encounter....I guess | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 10:40:30 PM | To TonyC, you may take a roll of film, or a disposable camera to a drug store
and they can put your film on CD ROM for a few bucks. Then upload your photos.
Some sites allow you to mail your photos and they will display them for you.
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/7/2006 11:46:22 PM |
A lot of people have on their profile dating or long term, but really it should
read email/chat, or short term, or intimate encounter....I guess
Anyone stupid enough to put intimate encounter on their profile is going to be instantly blocked and/or dismissed by 99.9% of the site. They may as well call it "ensure your mailbox stays empty forever". | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/8/2006 12:10:39 AM | Maybe so. But stating dating or LTR is deceiving and may cause unnecessary meetings
or problems. I know I am needy, so I don't bother speaking with guys just looking for friends or hang out. You said it is harder to meet people offline in the other thread? Let's work on your approach, because it is not your looks. Maybe go slowly and try befriending or asking a girl out you see around in the activities you participate in. Any girls smile your way at the gym, church, car wash, your favorite checker at the grocery store, oh come on think??? Any clubs you might like to join that have females you would have common interest? Karate, music, speaking clubs, foreign languages, dance classes, charities, equestrian, neighborhood beaches, parks, umm what are you into?
Or if you see her briefly, that once in a lifetime opportunity, maybe pass her your business
card and tell her if she is single let's talk and maybe do lunch or something...then walk away
before she says no.
So tell me, what is your approach here and offline? Maybe I can help  | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/8/2006 12:48:56 AM | sweety
I emailed you one thing..
said we never work out...before complimenting you...
but I really wanted to ENCOURAGE you..
Trust me the profile thing doesn't matter. I'm a writer and can write things in many ways.
I choose to write this way to keep this fun, test for humor.
I saw our distance and age. Call it a sixth sense we just are meant to be.
BUT you are definitely something special....
.. Now I'm also trying to do the opposite of a jerk and make sure your straight. I'm trying to take care of you and reach out a little bit.
Want some compliments ?
I'm like everybody else and loves to recieve them also.
La Star... my compliments were just that genuine. Not a trade saying here "like me!, like me! becuase I said this...
no attachment and just a general gift for you to brighten your day...
so here. I'll send you some again. This time where EVERYBODY can see it.
Your absolutely beautiful.
You have high self esteem it's obvious because you are setting the bar high and having standards.
I get this warm vibe from you even from the internet.
whoever finds you is going to be very GLAD they did and really happy.
Take care of yourself sweety. I see this sadness kinda weeping out of you and I don't want to see that.
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(2nd part of post here)
I take the online thing as just one source. The easiest thing to do is see it as a filter.
Set the bar high like you've done lovely. Don't accept things you do not want.
and then start talking to everybody who fits in that catergoy. Think of it as a funnel.
I understand the giving the phone # immeadiately and wanting to talk and meet soon.
My lovely star.
Why though get rid of anybody who gets uncomfortable with this situation...? Give them a little time also to know you. Different people take different time to warm up.
This is more of my style. I'm leading and want people off the interent FAST if I'm serious BUT if they are uncomfortable with getting off the internet that's ok. I'll talk with them a little more and let them get comfortable with me.
When you just have that connection my lovely star. You know it. It hits you right there...
Don't just give that up.. ... maybe the guy has been hurt before or something and REALLY likes you... and just needs a few days to adjust and see YOU in his life. Let him digest this....
Anyhow Lovely star. (your new nickname from me)
I wish ya my best
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/16/2006 1:02:28 PM | Well, my Nice Jerk...I could be patient with this online dating thingy...I could.
But most likely not. I am realllll busy. I haven't really the time for emailing the whole world . These are the good years for me...I have an advantage and I like living life
to the fullest. I feel I am successful as a person...meaning my characther. Now I feel the only other acheivements I will focus on are monetary and possibly love...and the great rewards that come with that. I have taken a look around and have noticed other women. I see from Hollywood standards and other high maintenance women I probably only have 2 more decades to be hot and fit. So sitting here online is not really how I became the woman I am now.
I am very active and addicted to travel. I am not that big on living in hotels by myself, so I prefer to make friends that love and care for me everywhere I go. Unfortunately, on the percentage of people that I can keep in my life that I have met online are alarmingly low. I have noticed people that I have met without internet assistance have better chemistry with me and our connections seem to be endless. It would be great if I could order my soulmate or new BFF on the internet like I do other items, but I think we know this is rarely the case. So jerk, if you are really interested in knowing me...the forums is a small dimention of my full of life personality...you should just send your number. I do wish you the best. I hope your efforts here and elsewhere you reap the best possible rewards.
As far as a shy guy or a guy with baggage to scared to meet me...or speak with me immediately...ummmm....already I know that I cannot possibly be compatible with that
person...even as friends. See, I like my life simple. Minimum drama and can't deal with too
much negativity. I get more drama from internet "ships" than would really exist in my own life selecting people at random from daily real world interaction. I don't watch daytime soap operas or stressful sports. I just like experiencing life and the other time doing absolutely nothing like veggie out on the sand looking at nothing but waves...or watching way too much tv. I have noticed more people from the internet like to argue or just dump on others. I feel they have had so much opportunity to vent on the internet that they have forgotten their manners. I could go on for days on this subject, but the weather is so nice...I must go back outside and enjoy.
See you around Jerk, maybe? Ps. Thanks for the signs of admiration and caring. Thanks for
the testimonial. Hope you know when to log off so you won't miss out on "her" while checking
your emails from potential time wasters | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/28/2006 5:45:58 PM | ps. a headache, waste of time, lied to, compliments with no real intent, and a few other things lol.
i just realized i am addicted to Monster X. Not sure how to kick a caffeine habit. I guess I will try herbal decaffeineated teas. i am soo new to caffeine i do not even know how to spell it.
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/28/2006 6:09:24 PM | I expect that someone will see and say about my profile "Hey my friend sees things the same way as he does". She will then convince her very picky, chickened out about the internet, friend to contact me and we will live happily ever after. Come on' hook me up with my match.
Thank you. | |
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| What do YOU expect to really get out of this?
Posted: 9/29/2006 4:20:40 AM |
Hi, I was wondering what the "general" online dating concensus is? I am mostly interested in knowing what exactly are people looking for when they select "long term"? Are you searching for your soul mate. How do you think you should go about meeting up with this person?
Slowly.
1. I post many photos from different days and looks. I feel it gives a guy
an idea what I REALLY LOOK LIKE.
Smart
2. My subject line is a summary of my intention or who I seek.
Good, concise and to the point.
3. I try to answer all questions a guy may want to know that is with in reason in my
profile.
Good, try not to give away too much.
4. I am very candid, I have decided what kind of guy I seek. My profile will deter many but
alluring to few.
Mine too, good idea.
5. Prefer not to search profiles, usually reply to those supposedly looking for someone
like me.
Ditto.
6. View their profile. If their profile is what I feel I am looking for (short distance, looks, age, personality...pretty much in that order) I then reply with my name and email and possible additional photos. I ask them if they want to speak on the phone if their responses are to my liking.
Ditto. I haven't gotten to that point of speaking on the phone however. I have not e-mailed with anyone who met all the criteria to get to that point.
7. If the initial email I get from someone is not really what I seek, I close it and go back to it later to see if I feel differently and not being too superficial. Some emails I just know they didn't read my profile and delete immediately.
I know immediately usually, I don't go back. My first instinct is right 99% of the time, so I don't worry about that 1%, even if that 1% could be great for me. I'm sure someone just as great could be in the other 99%.
8. Depending on our correspondence, if things seem cool, I say let's meet. Now here is wherethe majority of the problems begin. I guess this is a bit scary for most meeting for the first time. Ok gent, I have already decided I like your personality thus far, so basically if you look like your photo what is the problem? AHA! Many times guys (girls to, but I am not responding to girls) know their photos (yes plural, I won't meet a guy with less than 3 photos)are not really telling the truth. So now the stalling begins, why? Why have some guys been emailing me for years saying they are ready to meet? I am new here so I am referring to other sites. I am no longer interested if we cannot meet within a couple of weeks excluding holiday seasons...a month tops.
I look just like my latest photos, in-fact I look better in person based on most people's opinions. Dishonesty is something I won't tolerate, I can sense it long before I meet them usually. Red flags are my forte.
9. So if you are really looking for someone, what are you waiting for? You have a busy schedule, ok...any time off? No? Well, it wasn't going to work then. Yes? Well, let's do this. We don't need to go out for dinner, lunch, movie, or coffee. You and I pick a busy street that is in the middle of both our residences, meet at a 7 Eleven I don't care let's just see what each other looks like in person and see if there is chemistry, then go from there.
Sure, that works.
10. Say we both like each other A couple of weeks has passed...you are still
logging getting your ego stroked by this site and other sites...what was the point?
That is the same thing as going to a club and meeting a club hound. Even if he thinks I
am what he wants he is still skirt chasing in the streets.
This is true. However, as long as she's not exclusively involved with me, I'm quite comfortable if she chooses to see other people -- or do whatever she likes. If our bond is strong and we've discussed exclusive relationships and decided that's what we'd like, then the rules of our conduct have changed, and the level of respect has increased, as well as some various baseline expectations.
So fellas to prevent wasting my time, I have some private tell tale signs that let me
know you are not ready for what I want. Call it needy, but if I don't need you, then why
have you? Like LL said, "I need love." OR, it's ok I can be by myself that is fun too. Getting dressed up, going out with the girls, shaking our a$$es in front of the predators. NanananaYou can have your cake and eat it too, but first you must obtain your cake
Ok, I look for red flags too, but I keep it to myself while dealing with the person. | |
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