| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/15/2006 10:19:19 PM | we are all the same species of different needs & wants in life....Both life in general & relationships
NEEDS:
Everyone needs stability, stature, commitment & companionship on the other hand... everyone needs security, patience & greed for attention....everyone needs someone to open the door, someone to walk the dog, take out the garbage. but on the other hand needs someone to look in the eye in the morning for basic reasurance of being with someone.
to that of
WANT:
everyone wants to be loved, pampered & cared for. everyone wants to have someone with a good job, everyone wants the ideal marriage/relationship. everyone wants a house in the Hamptons. everyone wants to become rich...everyone wants solid committed relationship....
With all this been said ,,,, we are all creatures who lust for every greatness that life can offer us, whether its need for something or wanting something that bad that u can taste it.
We all live in this fantasy world of movies, shows & music that in reality we want something more out of it. There is numerous movies I have seen myself... from Gone with the wind, sound of music, Someone like u & many others that portray that Happily ever after does exist & guy always wins the girl in the end or vice versa.....
we have our own individuality, our own strengths, our own weaknesses. We cry when we are sad & laugh when we are happy. We love listening to love songs, sad songs & happy songs that uplift our spirits & relaxes our minds but at the end of it all...we just wanted complete silence to ease ourselves.
Women and Men are complete two seperate individuals with one thing in common..... finding someone to love and who loves them back in return. with no hesitation, no expectations but purely believing that I have found someone that compliments each other .... as a whole.
Wants & needs dont matter as long as u as a couple would have open communication to share what the other person is thinking that is what matters most... | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 4:08:20 AM | What I WANT...isn't going to be the best situation for me, and probably would get me into mucho trouble...
What I NEED...may be advantageous for my progression and well being...but unfortunitely, I find that type of individual/situation boring and mundane...
So...I do without long-term relationships...and I DON'T CARE!!! | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 4:17:53 AM | I dont know OP
you may have a point but I did not need or want a man...
only a good and healthy relationship was appealing to me... as in real friendship.
I found a man who gave me that...
so it was not the man I wanted or needed... I only hoped
to find a good relationship. I did not even care if it was dating
or romantic...
it just worked out that way.
I had a very close friend at one time and she passed away in 2003...
I used to wish I could find a best friend like that again... someday... no way
did I think it would turn out to be a man who I also fell in love with...
especcially not after meeting so manyjerks from online with so much immaturity
and "other" serious problems......
I guess we can want something and it maybe will come to us in another form.
do you think thats possible?
as I am really ok myself and do not need or want a man......
but I got one anyway. The right one because he gave me what
I most desired...
a good and healthy relationship.
did someone say they needed someone to walk the dog? oh my..... !!!
call a dog walking service or switch to cats !!! oh I can so "not relate" to those things
on that same post ! I never wanted to be pampered or rich or a house in the Hamptons...
just goes to show how people can be so different. | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 5:01:41 AM | | I agree with every word you said, flsoldier. I also think a relationship between two people who want to be there rather than need to be there has got to be so much more satisfying. | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 7:24:51 AM | Yes, I notice that there are those who "need" someone or they do not feel complete...and those who "want" someone as a preference...but these two categories are too strict.
I was one of those women who really needed.....and didn't know it, that is...I would not let men get close to me and was religious and was waiting for the "right man"...for so long that I was alone for much too long and forgot how to need, and yet was suffering the result.
I should have needed more....
Now, i recognize my need, it is good and healthy. It is important to recognize your needs as a human being, as an adult - emotionally and physicially.
And, I am also a person now who "wants" because I have recognized this. But I have never been a "needy" woman, by far. I'm an Aries - the most independent of all women, and I also have a Capicorn Moon (the cold moon that is ambitious). I have troubled men by my lack of need to the extent they followed me around and I seemed to need something else other than them. I ran into one previous date who was really needy and he still recalled me and was nasty after 6 years when I'd only dated him one night !!!!!!! That was weird.
Now, I am a woman who wants a man in her life, and the right kind. I think that is what I always needed......the right kind of person. Otherwise, it was misery to be with the wrong kind. That is when you should not need.
Learn to turn it off. Thank God for online dating, that makes it easier, but more dangerous too because there are so many diseases out there and people don't take online dating seriously enough. One person suggested it is like a "gambling addiction". I agree. Being single and always waiting and searching for the next....thrill.......can be like an addiction. Relationships are not supposed to be there just to fufill our need for a new thrill or the possiblity of getting a new novel thrill. I THINK THAT IS WHY SOME PEOPLE STAY SINGLE SO LONG.....they fear letting go of the possiblity .......of another thrill.....
Relationships...on the other hand.......are about relating and having....a relationship that is good for you...being a "coouple"...a team . Love. Family.  | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 7:59:05 AM | Very good thread OP.
I've proven over the past 23 years that I can take care of myself and that I don't NEED a man to complete me.
HOWEVER...
Do I WANT a man to compliment my life - Yes. Do I WANT a man to share my future going forward - Yes. Do I honestly believe that I could spend the rest of my days (and be truly happy) without a loving, committed relationship - NO.
Funny...the phrase I keep coming back to is "I want a man to NEED me. And I want to NEED him." Ironic, huh? | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 8:11:23 AM | Excellent post, Colin. Excellent! You never cease to totally amaze me with your brillance! 
Awhile back, I reached a point in my life where the "want" almost always exceeds the "need" and quite frankly, that's a wonderful place to be.
There are times when I need to be out and about for my own peace of mind and mental fulfillment, but I don't need anyone to do that for me. I do want people to be a part of my life's scenery but as you pointed out, there is a huge difference between being lonely and being alone. I have never minded being alone and have enough on my plate to keep me from being lonely -- most of the time-- so yes, being honest here, I do want a special man in my life, but if he doesn't happen, you won't find me crying in my beer. Fortunately, I don't feel the need to do that.
Unfortunately, with some men I've met -- they are still confusing the two and that in turn confuses me. I'm still working on that one.
Ain't it grand, though? Still learning after all these years.  | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 8:19:05 AM | | ok ok so I WANT I WANT I WANT. LETS BE HONEST, I NEED A MAN FOR SEX BECAUSE THATS THE KIND OF SEX I PREFER, COULD I DO IT MY SELF, YES !DO I WANT TOO, NOOOOOOOOOOO. i WANT A MAN BECAUSE I ENJOY HIS COMPANY, HIS LAUGHTER, HIS TOUCH AND HIS EAR WHEN I NEED TO TALK, I WANT HIM BECAUSE I LOVE TO FEEL HIS WARM BODY LAYING NEXT TO MINE, WATCHING A MOVIE AS WE HOLD EACH OTHER, THOSE ARE THINGS THAT YOU CANT GET FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS ON A INTIMATE LEVEL. DO I need them to be a whole person , no would i enjoy them in my life most definetly . sorry for the caps but i dont have time to fix it right now . lol checking people in and talking and typing , i cant multi taskkkkkkkkkkk ( got my nails done yesterday and now i cant use my fingers very well) | |
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canali
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Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 34 | |
| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 9:00:25 AM | I think we're all BSing ourselves with saying we don't 'need' intimacy...if that were the case no one would be here...or else the 'intimacy' we get from our pets, or our friends and family would suffice, wouldn't it? but it doesn't precisely because the intimacy we get from a HEALTHY one-one relationship is unique, touches us at the deepest parts and helps us grow into our best selves (even if it painfully ends)...to me it's finding the right balance with another person, that's all, so you both 'want' the relationship to prosper.
Does this make any sense?
Cheers | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 11:28:22 AM | I think that the third group is the "take it or leave it group" as opposed to the "Don't care" group, because several people have been there and done that and simply are comfortable with who they are. IF something comes along that strikes their fancy ( I would venture that they are now elevated into the "want" status by the choice they make to pursue that ) then they go for the person who strikes their fancy. If not they kick back and just enjoy who they are. But the "Take it or leave it's" are a bit different from the "Want" folks in that to a degree they don't really care too much. It takes someone to flip that switch for them to click into the active choice mode. I tend to see "want" people as happy and "complete" as Colin described it in the conversation earlier, but actively wanting to find their soul mate by choice.
Interesting observation Colin. I always get a kick out of your forum postings as you are very articulate and intelligent. I would offer this one observation about the other group. The "need" folks could just be romantics though. Not so much emotionally dependent, but simply addicted to the idea of co-relationship and romance. In other words, there are layers or extremes for any group, so it is hard to say that all of the folks in one are or another are a certain way. The "need" folks sound a little weak, where that may not be entirely the case.
Good thread! - Erik -  | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 11:49:49 AM | | You can see the great difference in who wants and needs just by searching the ads on this site. Many, many of the women are looking for a long term relationship, even if they just got out of one that ended badly. That tells me they NEED a stable one woman man in their life. They just can't go through life dating a few men at the same time. I guess it's from their mothers telling them "good girls don't". On the other hand, many of the men are seeking an intimate encounter. They don't need it, but they want it. They get by fine without it, so it is a want. | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 2:15:39 PM | Hey Loco - interesting that you brought up Maslow. I used this in my class, it's obviously part of the psychology portion. We debate the theory. It's fun. Although we have a little simpler definition in all of the levels. Your's almost seem business related where what I teach is more on a personal basis.
IMO - we move through the levels back and forth. I do not think they are etched in stone.
Like don't you think Love & Belonging and Self Esteem (Respect) almost go hand in hand. Don't you need one to get the other. If you do not have self-esteem then it becomes difficult to love. And it certainly is much easier to have self-esteem when you are loved.
OMG I could debate this forever! I love it! LOL. | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 2:40:46 PM | It seems the definition of the words need and want are somewhat ambiguous. However, I noticed:
The NEED implies a DEMAND.
The WANT implies a REQUEST.
This makes a HUGE difference when others are supplying your needs and wants, as not many like to be demanded of.
If one thinks about the consequences of doing without a want or need, it becomes more apparent which is applicable.
If my NEEDS are not met, I will never be happy.
I can go wanting and still be happy in all other areas of life. | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 3:51:27 PM | Need vs Want ...............damn good thread OP
Want-to have a strong desire for ////
Need-a lack of something requisite, desirable, or useful ..
Need is a strong little word I use wisely....therefore I do not use it very often.
Want....is a word I use alot.
I have lots and lots of wants....sometimes maybe too many but my desire for my wants keeps me strong and independent.
I do not need a male partner in my life. I'm doing just fine...I'm content with who I am and I'm happy.
I need a roof over my head to shield me from the weather I don't enjoy
I need food.....I must have it to survive
I need water......without it I shall die
I need love...I recieve love from many ppl already in my life....
I do not need to recieve love from a man....I recieve love from friends and family so the need is filled.
I desire to have a man in my life " I want you to want me "....( good tune ).and I want to want him.
I want someone to want me. I want someone to be the man i'm searching for...
I"m looking for a man that wants to be this person in my life. it's pretty simple really....I want to fall in love...and be loved....I want someone to fall in love with me and I want to love them completely and unconditionally & vice versa.
Does't it sound like so much fun^^^^^^^^^
Well that's me... I wanna wanna wanna wanna.......Mang when I get a case of the " i wanna's" it drives me silly. I walk around saying I wanna I wanna I wanna.......imagine what those walmart employee's think???????? 
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 7:16:49 PM | gotta love the cheap trick song
" I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
Im beggin you to beg me."
There are people who need to be with someone ,for a few years, I'm sure I was one of them. Having been single for awhile now I realize that it's all about the "want". I don't need the affirmations and the companionship and the intimacy - I *want* it. | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 8:24:34 PM |
I think both genders would be doing the other a favor if there was less “need” and more “want”.
Exactly Colin,
try telling that to the co-depenent freaks of this world though - and worse yet - try making them understand! lmao!
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 8:32:24 PM | | superone47, you are full of it. Just because a woman states that she is looking for a long-term relationship doesn't mean she NEEDS a man in her life. And you don't know the past of every woman on this site. I, for example, am perfectly capable of leading a very exciting, full life. I would like to share some of those adventures. I'll still have the adventures whether I'm alone or not. As for the intimate encounters, alot of people, like me, have discovered that sex within a relationship is alot hotter than sex with strangers. | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 8:41:32 PM | | Singing " I Want you, I need you, I love you" LOL..I think basically it is both for most people. If you want something but don't need it, then leave it on the shelf and don't bring it to the checkout | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 8:48:24 PM | | I don't want candy. That's just childish. I need candy. And when you need something, that's a responsibility. | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 9:26:15 PM | Funny about your post..Today, I was thinking about a line out of a movie that got the same result many years ago. It was a line out of the movie Love Story. "love means never having to say your sorry". Young people were all over that line for years,,,,and I gotta wonder how many screwed up relationships it caused.
J | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 8/17/2006 9:38:59 PM | Oh! One more... gotta wonder about Rhett Butler saying "my dear, I don't give a damn".
could this have been the start of lack of caring in relationships?
J. | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 9/3/2006 1:31:17 PM | So often I see people write they are independent, happy and do not need a partner. They want a partner. They stress the difference. After checking a few of their posts they invariably say they are disappointed/discouraged/disillusioned with dating and seeking the right person. What I question is if they do not have a need why are they disappointed/discouraged/disillusioned? If they are happy, self-sufficient and lack a need why do they require so many things from a partner?
IMO, a want does not cause such dismay in an independent, mature person. If I want something but do not need it and sincerely believe I do not need it then lacking it does not cause me to become disgruntled and unhappy. | |
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Sentio
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Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 49 | |
| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 9/3/2006 2:06:09 PM | Colin I think this is a very good thread.
I keep seeing threads about "Why does this sex do this" and "What do I need to do to get this sex to"
In my opinion.
This is more about give and take. Most of the time I see when people do not love something about themselves, they search for someone who is going to compete them.
Dating someone because it makes them feel good, distracts them from looking within.
My strong belief is that love is about giving it, not trying to receive it. The people who need are more than likely never going to get enough. The need for attention is always going to be there, because its needed to take the focus of who that person truly is.
I had to learn this the hard way. I was in my 20s and realized I was collecting woman, because I was not happy about myself. You can be very good looking, surrounded by friends and still unhappy with the person you have become. LoL, I'm not saying I'm very good looking. I'm saying that even fitting into that "Alpha Male" mold, made me realize I was truly alone, because I didn't love myself.
I see it all the time, men for example having wonderful families, but this need to get more attention sends them out to the clubs. Trying to see how many woman will give them attention to fill that need.
Its all about loving yourself, not needing someone to complete you. I would love to give my gift of love to a woman, but I'm happy I have learned to give it to myself.
“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.” ~ William Somerset Maugham | |
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| The Need vs. The Want
Posted: 9/3/2006 2:22:05 PM | To all those assended beings that no longer need,
If you are so inlightened you would have compasion for those who still need. As you don't i would suspect that you aren't as enlightened after all but triggered by peoples needs.
I find myself triggered by other peoples needs and expectations, I can own that, and see that these people are here to help me complete this part of myself. Can we as humans, just hold out our hand to give Love without worrying about red flags issues that play apon our own? what would it realy cost us? We don't have to play into the drama, but we can love, and still be free.
This I know to be true,
crazylilting | |
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