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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 10/10/2006 6:11:39 PM | I lost my partner to something just as senseless 10 years ago. I'm sorry that you are suffering. It must be hard.
I think it is good that you talk about it. I know that a lot of people are very uncomfortable with death, and don't want to talk about loss and that because they don't know what to say.
It is bad to bottle everything up and healthy to be able to work through the experience.
I wish more people had been willing to talk about what happened when I lost my partner. It can be an isolating experience. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 10/19/2006 10:44:52 PM | Everytime I think,
"Finally... i have told everyone who knew Carla
about her passing... I find someone who still hasn't heard."
Its amazing how many people we touch throughout our lifetime...
I wonder what the exact figure is....!?!?
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 10/19/2006 11:22:06 PM | | I Have Never Posted On Here But I Read Your Story And I Felt Absolutely Compelled To Write You And If Nothing Else Let You Know Im Hear To Talk Or Listen If You Need Me I Tried To Send You A Message But I Was To Young To Leave You A Message So If You Wanna Talk Message Me | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 10/23/2006 8:08:52 AM | Steven,
I know what you are going through! I had a love someone I cared so deeply for. One day out of nowhere he ended everything with me. Told me he felt I deserved better than someone that was so depressed by everything in life. I tried to help him through all his pain tried convincing him that life was better if he would just move to the other side. He just couldnt do it. One day I got a call from his sister that he has taken a gun and stuck it in his mouth and that he was gone. I was hurt and angry and wanted to just beat the hell out of something or someone but instead I sought counseling. They helped me through a lot. They helped me realize I did what i could and that it wasnt my fault. Even though I felt I should have done something more. There was nothing I could do to help him.
It took me a while to figure it all out and I am fine now it still pains me to see that he is gone but its been 3 yrs now and life has gone on. I have met an awesome man that is more possitive and more into life than anyone i have ever known. I see in him some of the things that I loved about the other guy and that makes me breath better.
The point here is keep your chin up this will take time to recoup from but in the end there is someone out there that will make your life shine.
Best of luck!
Teusweet  | |
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| sorry mate
Posted: 10/23/2006 8:54:06 AM | | sorry mate i know the pain of split up let alone the pain of wots happened to you must confess i cried as i read yr letter donec a bit of that myself anyway life goes on will the pain go away in time she might have been going through the change but it sounded as though she went through or took on board to much without sorting out her own problems | |
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| sorry mate
Posted: 11/25/2006 1:21:16 PM | somewhere around 100 days later... i felt a massive load lift off my shoulders...
I realized i was capable of loving again...
...to take a chance and reach out... to give freely and throw caution away...
Felt like shouting my message from a building top...
"I am ALIVE and here I AM WORLD... I CAN LOVE!!!"
 
Well that only scared girls away, as I, perhaps too eager to share this new discovery, still meeded to pace my delivery.lol
well at least i can laugh at myself. =) 
And now that the message rings true to core...
i have to realign my volume, and
Slowly I will find the balance again
After all, theres no need to shout...
"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding,
except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone. "
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 11/25/2006 8:40:52 PM | You are already doing something about dealing with your shock and grief. You are reaching out to people. From the appearances of all the responses many super people are reaching right back to you.
[I have always been a firm believer that, it is not WHAT happens to you in life, but HOW you deal with it, thats important.] Hold to this belief.
You have grief to get through as you know from the bereavement flyers they gave you. And you're not afraid to talk to people. You will get through this and don't think for a moment you are a downer on anyone because of this.
Blessings to you. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:32:16 PM | | I know it is hard to believe, but it will get better. It just takes time. IF you can't do it on your own. Get help, even if it means taking anti-depressants for a while. I have been so depressed. But never took any kinds of drugs, I just said to myself. I gave him the best that I had, I am not going to let him win. He has no power over me anymore. ANd pick myself up and got myself busy with life. Got involved as a volunteer. IT keeps you busy, so you don't think of the loneliness so much. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:45:49 PM | | YES I HAVE NOT TO THE EXTREME OFF HER DIEING BUT TRING SHE LIVED I GOT DIVORCED FROM HER.BUT SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP SOMEONE TO TALK TO A PASTOR OR A SHRINK DEPRESSION IS NOT A GOOD THING ITS A CHEMICAL EMBALANCE IN HER BODY AND YOURSMEDS HELP BUT THEY TAKE TIME TO WORK ABOUT 2 WEEKS THE SOONER THE BETTER IT IS TIME I KNOW THE PAINS ARE TOUGH BUT GET HELP | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:22:01 PM | You do need to heal before you are in a new realitonship. And you might need more professional help than from us on here. You know in your heart others feel you pain and wish you well. But please seek help with a professional. Give it time and then move forward.
God be with your friend and you. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:25:46 PM | | Doesn't this story make you wonder why people can't get it together when they really love each other?..Why is it so difficult to say,I'm sorry,I forgive you,I forgive myself,can we try to work it out?..and agree to do so?..Why do people just not try,why do they act so hurtfully to each other?..Why can't they act maturely and realize that what they had/have is still the best?..I find that people are very quick to hate...it's ok for this man to write on here and be here,but his woman is dead...he is the one whining but she is in the ground,her life has ended,so obviously she was a hurting unit,and worse than OP...and nobody realized this????...what she needed to survive,OP obviously wasn't going to give her...so,what is he really doing?...asking forgiveness?...advertising?...wanting to find people to empathize with him?...sorry,I feel for the lady who is dead now....only OP knows who was to blame for her death... | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:26:01 PM | People should read "The Myth of Male Power"
The high incidence of Male Suicide in the aftermath of breakups and divorce
is almost some sort of a secret it seems! | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:54:53 PM | I sincerely offer my deepest condolences to you and the loss that has been bestowed on you and your circle of friends and family. Words can not express the grief you are feeling. I also endured two very heart wrenching, senseless deaths in my family. I think of them everyday but really attempt to focus on the good things they brought into our family's life. I learned this prayer as a small child and use it almost everyday - it seems to ground me when I most need that help:
GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
This relates to all things in life, try it, it may bring you a little solace at this difficult time.
God bless and be strong. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:08:59 PM | Steven,
I am sorry for your loss, and many on POF have been down that road. There are stages of grief and it takes hard work to get thru them....we cannot always prevent the bad things from happening, but do not let the good you had with her be forgotten...one day you will be able to think of those moments you shared without the pain...I couldn"t let one response pass by as in my opinion it was unkind.
To Hellofagal...you ask "why do people act so hurtfully to each other".."why can"t they act mature"..."why are they so quick to hate". Those questions should be addressed to your own mirror...to imply this man is advertising ?...wanting people to feel sorry for him...HE ASKED FOR HELP! I am a survivor of suicide of a loved one...I too needed and asked for help , thankd God I got back compassion and caring ....where is your heart????? | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:18:18 PM | Steven, my best friend drove to California from Virginia when he was 19. His gf wanted to come with him- it was during finals. They were very much in love and actually complimented one another really well. She had turned 19 six days before they left...
One night around 4:30 in the morning, I called him, drunk. I wanted to make sure his trip was going good and to check up on him. I also wanted to talk about life, like I always do when I get wasted. I started falling asleep on the phone...must have been around 5:30 am when I asked him if I can call him later and would he pull over and get some sleep? He replied, I will around 6am, but right now I am wired. He told me she was asleep and he was just watching her sleep out of the corner of his eye- how beautiful she was and how her soft, pale skin was glowing in the light of the rising sun. How he described her gave me goosebumps...I was so glad that he was finally happy. He had a hard, sheltered life full of alcohol and beatings that were justified by religion. I could just see him so very happy when he was with her, and I felt happy because he was happy. At 6:15am, somewhere in Tennessee, he got into a car wreck. They were hit by a big rig who was doing 85MPH and lost control of the wheel. She was killed on impact; he didn't even have a scratch.
How did he get through this? I have no idea- he pretends like it didn't happen- like he never met her. He pretends that this chapter in his life just...disappeared- from meeting her to the tragedy. Since I knew her too, he cut off all contact with me as well. He tried to be so strong, but he'd call me late at night or odd hours of the day, not okay. He'd call me crying, frantic. He could barely breathe have of the time let alone speak. I don't know what to tell you other than he definitely blamed himself for losing her.
Now, he is back in college two years later and doing well. He still gets sad, but he is focused on his life now. He found a passion for something, acting. He wants to pursue that and make the best of life because he knows for some reason he was meant to stay here and she was meant to go. He turned to God and this has actually brought his family and him closer. I don't know what else to say other than if you need someone to talk to, I know it feels so good to unload all of your anxiety, fears and guilt on a complete stranger. So please don't hesitate to email me.
Best,
Lindsay | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:14:05 PM | Somebody digs up a old and totally dead topic and brings it back to life and the people replying didnt look at it closely enough to notice. Ive done it before, but think i woulda checked this one for sure...  | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:36:43 PM | I have been there too. My finance committed suicide in June. He was in an ugly custody battle. The day he did it, he called me from the lawyers office and told me that he had just been through her affidavit and that she was so vicious and predatory that he thought she was trying to get him to kill himself so she would get everything. She had stopped him from seeing his kids as she said she was afraid of him.
That night she called and they had words...he left and went to her house where he hung himself.
I'm still in shock and its been 3 months and 10 days. I am only just now thinking about dipping my toe in the dating pond. Still now sure how I will do. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:03:25 PM | I too am having one hellova time, I've not dated for years, I drink too much and the thought of her in hell scares the crap out of me.
I had a dream last night that I hope to hold onto.
I've been thinking of her for years, praying for her, hoping to see her (eventually) in Heaven.
Last night, as I was thinking of "doing the deed".and thus the dream begins... I was in the church, watching all those who love me, mournig for my passing....I thought how wonderful that so many cared for me...then a voice told me, this is hell...look at all you have hurt, this is what you have for eternity...every day, looking at the hurt..the sadness...
I Do not want that, nor do you...
Peace, love, and just a hint of What the F*&6!
Hang in as will I
Charlie | |
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| On July 19th... my x, put his hand to the door
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:19:04 PM | to go over to his sisters house for the night to take a breath! The next day he has decided to extend it for another two weeks... seven weeks earlier I had packed his bags sending him to deal with his own issues without my help! Drug... alcohol... depressions... suicide attempts (3 months earlier he had driven off the road at 60 mph into the ditch and a cattle guard rail, it wasn't his time he didn't even get a bruise from it, the van did )!!! I knew this was it... and though he is still alive unlike your situation Steve... the worst part here is that you are gone... you account was closed on August 27th! I am so sorry that I was to late to meet you and talk awhile. If you ever open it up again perhaps you will find this comment on your thread and then contact me! In the meantime I can only pray that you have begun to come out the other side even if it is only a little!
Blessings... ENTICIA | |
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I am trying not to laugh, but that was funny sort of ummm.
