| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:32:16 PM | | I know it is hard to believe, but it will get better. It just takes time. IF you can't do it on your own. Get help, even if it means taking anti-depressants for a while. I have been so depressed. But never took any kinds of drugs, I just said to myself. I gave him the best that I had, I am not going to let him win. He has no power over me anymore. ANd pick myself up and got myself busy with life. Got involved as a volunteer. IT keeps you busy, so you don't think of the loneliness so much. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:45:49 PM | | YES I HAVE NOT TO THE EXTREME OFF HER DIEING BUT TRING SHE LIVED I GOT DIVORCED FROM HER.BUT SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP SOMEONE TO TALK TO A PASTOR OR A SHRINK DEPRESSION IS NOT A GOOD THING ITS A CHEMICAL EMBALANCE IN HER BODY AND YOURSMEDS HELP BUT THEY TAKE TIME TO WORK ABOUT 2 WEEKS THE SOONER THE BETTER IT IS TIME I KNOW THE PAINS ARE TOUGH BUT GET HELP | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:22:01 PM | You do need to heal before you are in a new realitonship. And you might need more professional help than from us on here. You know in your heart others feel you pain and wish you well. But please seek help with a professional. Give it time and then move forward.
God be with your friend and you. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:25:46 PM | | Doesn't this story make you wonder why people can't get it together when they really love each other?..Why is it so difficult to say,I'm sorry,I forgive you,I forgive myself,can we try to work it out?..and agree to do so?..Why do people just not try,why do they act so hurtfully to each other?..Why can't they act maturely and realize that what they had/have is still the best?..I find that people are very quick to hate...it's ok for this man to write on here and be here,but his woman is dead...he is the one whining but she is in the ground,her life has ended,so obviously she was a hurting unit,and worse than OP...and nobody realized this????...what she needed to survive,OP obviously wasn't going to give her...so,what is he really doing?...asking forgiveness?...advertising?...wanting to find people to empathize with him?...sorry,I feel for the lady who is dead now....only OP knows who was to blame for her death... | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:26:01 PM | People should read "The Myth of Male Power"
The high incidence of Male Suicide in the aftermath of breakups and divorce
is almost some sort of a secret it seems! | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 6:54:53 PM | I sincerely offer my deepest condolences to you and the loss that has been bestowed on you and your circle of friends and family. Words can not express the grief you are feeling. I also endured two very heart wrenching, senseless deaths in my family. I think of them everyday but really attempt to focus on the good things they brought into our family's life. I learned this prayer as a small child and use it almost everyday - it seems to ground me when I most need that help:
GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
This relates to all things in life, try it, it may bring you a little solace at this difficult time.
God bless and be strong. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:08:59 PM | Steven,
I am sorry for your loss, and many on POF have been down that road. There are stages of grief and it takes hard work to get thru them....we cannot always prevent the bad things from happening, but do not let the good you had with her be forgotten...one day you will be able to think of those moments you shared without the pain...I couldn"t let one response pass by as in my opinion it was unkind.
To Hellofagal...you ask "why do people act so hurtfully to each other".."why can"t they act mature"..."why are they so quick to hate". Those questions should be addressed to your own mirror...to imply this man is advertising ?...wanting people to feel sorry for him...HE ASKED FOR HELP! I am a survivor of suicide of a loved one...I too needed and asked for help , thankd God I got back compassion and caring ....where is your heart????? | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:18:18 PM | Steven, my best friend drove to California from Virginia when he was 19. His gf wanted to come with him- it was during finals. They were very much in love and actually complimented one another really well. She had turned 19 six days before they left...
One night around 4:30 in the morning, I called him, drunk. I wanted to make sure his trip was going good and to check up on him. I also wanted to talk about life, like I always do when I get wasted. I started falling asleep on the phone...must have been around 5:30 am when I asked him if I can call him later and would he pull over and get some sleep? He replied, I will around 6am, but right now I am wired. He told me she was asleep and he was just watching her sleep out of the corner of his eye- how beautiful she was and how her soft, pale skin was glowing in the light of the rising sun. How he described her gave me goosebumps...I was so glad that he was finally happy. He had a hard, sheltered life full of alcohol and beatings that were justified by religion. I could just see him so very happy when he was with her, and I felt happy because he was happy. At 6:15am, somewhere in Tennessee, he got into a car wreck. They were hit by a big rig who was doing 85MPH and lost control of the wheel. She was killed on impact; he didn't even have a scratch.
How did he get through this? I have no idea- he pretends like it didn't happen- like he never met her. He pretends that this chapter in his life just...disappeared- from meeting her to the tragedy. Since I knew her too, he cut off all contact with me as well. He tried to be so strong, but he'd call me late at night or odd hours of the day, not okay. He'd call me crying, frantic. He could barely breathe have of the time let alone speak. I don't know what to tell you other than he definitely blamed himself for losing her.
Now, he is back in college two years later and doing well. He still gets sad, but he is focused on his life now. He found a passion for something, acting. He wants to pursue that and make the best of life because he knows for some reason he was meant to stay here and she was meant to go. He turned to God and this has actually brought his family and him closer. I don't know what else to say other than if you need someone to talk to, I know it feels so good to unload all of your anxiety, fears and guilt on a complete stranger. So please don't hesitate to email me.
Best,
Lindsay | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2008 8:14:05 PM | Somebody digs up a old and totally dead topic and brings it back to life and the people replying didnt look at it closely enough to notice. Ive done it before, but think i woulda checked this one for sure...  | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:36:43 PM | I have been there too. My finance committed suicide in June. He was in an ugly custody battle. The day he did it, he called me from the lawyers office and told me that he had just been through her affidavit and that she was so vicious and predatory that he thought she was trying to get him to kill himself so she would get everything. She had stopped him from seeing his kids as she said she was afraid of him.
That night she called and they had words...he left and went to her house where he hung himself.
I'm still in shock and its been 3 months and 10 days. I am only just now thinking about dipping my toe in the dating pond. Still now sure how I will do. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:03:25 PM | I too am having one hellova time, I've not dated for years, I drink too much and the thought of her in hell scares the crap out of me.
I had a dream last night that I hope to hold onto.
I've been thinking of her for years, praying for her, hoping to see her (eventually) in Heaven.
Last night, as I was thinking of "doing the deed".and thus the dream begins... I was in the church, watching all those who love me, mournig for my passing....I thought how wonderful that so many cared for me...then a voice told me, this is hell...look at all you have hurt, this is what you have for eternity...every day, looking at the hurt..the sadness...
I Do not want that, nor do you...
Peace, love, and just a hint of What the F*&6!
Hang in as will I
Charlie | |
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| On July 19th... my x, put his hand to the door
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:19:04 PM | to go over to his sisters house for the night to take a breath! The next day he has decided to extend it for another two weeks... seven weeks earlier I had packed his bags sending him to deal with his own issues without my help! Drug... alcohol... depressions... suicide attempts (3 months earlier he had driven off the road at 60 mph into the ditch and a cattle guard rail, it wasn't his time he didn't even get a bruise from it, the van did )!!! I knew this was it... and though he is still alive unlike your situation Steve... the worst part here is that you are gone... you account was closed on August 27th! I am so sorry that I was to late to meet you and talk awhile. If you ever open it up again perhaps you will find this comment on your thread and then contact me! In the meantime I can only pray that you have begun to come out the other side even if it is only a little!
Blessings... ENTICIA | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:31:32 PM | | dear steven----believe me no one understands the grief of suicide unless they have been thru it. it was my son, frankie. he was madly in love with lauren. they spent all wakening hours together except when they were working. one night he went to pick her up from her job...she wasn/t there...so he looked all over town for her and found her in a motel. he did not come home that night but the next night his shoes -wallet and drivers license was on his dresser and he left home...and comitted suicide. my life changed that night as i thoght we had a perfect family. frankie could not see beyond his hand. i only want you to know that god needed him in heaven. be patient as life does go on. happiness will again prevail. barbara | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:46:30 PM | Well this is just a sin and shame
But to the OP please seek help asap
You're still here and your life goes on
Go to grief counseling
In time if you find you really can't deal withe memories...
move
Start anew
Good Luck | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:07:10 PM | Steven,
I am so sorry to hear of this bad news. I wish I could give you advise but I have never lost someone to suicide. I know this much don't blame yourself, because if someone takes their life as she did, there is no way you could have stopped it, sometimes we think we know how someone is feeling, but in reality we dont know the whole thing. I have been in the medical field all my life, and have a ex husband I lived with for 24 years that on a daily basis was depressed, and on medication it was difficult I wanted to understand but I couldnt because I was never a depressed person. I will be praying for you because the lord is the only one who can walk with you through this and he will be there for you in the middle of the night, when you just cant understand why, no matter what. The greiving period is tough but it must happen and when you are ready to come out of it just hold on tight because the lord will give you a peace that no one can give you. If you need a friend, I have a good ear, and no matter what time it is day or night please feel free to contact me. You can go to my profile and send me a personal email if you feel like you need a friend. Again there is no answers to something like this life can throw us some curve balls. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:13:20 PM | Ok, this is a disaster, very horrible and unfair..no use in couching the terms...however consider this...love never ends, you loved her and it didn't work but love is never wasted in this life or for the next..she was obviously mentally ill so there are limits in her ability to bond and give you any kind of life. It would be hell on wheels and she knew it. She didn't have the courage to go and live a full life..do her a great service and her memory some honor by being the best that you can be and look at life as the supreme gift that it is. Intense pain heals and you become a wounded healer...welcome to the club...benefits: life can and does get better and you will fear nothing, you have been through shit and everything else is just minor shit now.The rest is a piece of cake.
She will be taken care of by God who is eternal love and the answers will all come then...trust that God wants you to be happy despite all the tragedy that has happened and that you can be your real self...not by denial but by the humilty of knowing that we just can't control everything that goes on.
We can feel sorry for people but that is not a good reason to marry them. Being with a mentally ill person can make you feel mentally ill by osmosis. Depression is one of the hardest demons to fight..worse than anything because it suck the soul out of everyone around and is impossible to totally cure. Don't blame her, don't blame yourself..don't blame God..there is no totally getting over things but you get through it because you have a higher purpose...giving up is not an option for the rational man. What you are experiencing after this shock is normal...don't try and shut out the feelings, ride them
and let them go, you will get stronger and clearer..just be patient and go through the stages of healing and most of all don't try and fix the void with a relationship until you have done the inner work. I know what I am talking about.Believe me I made all the mistakes so I know what not to do..be with yourself first and foremost. Ask for God's help..it will be there.
J | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:15:26 PM | | I am going to be honest with you.. I can't tell you its going to be okay because for a while its not. but I can tell you it wasnt your fault. She hada choice. I am dealing with big things in my life. Not as big of yours ofcourse but what I can tell you is you'll be okay in a while. you aren't messed up. You didnt do anything you didnt force her to do it. It will all get better in time. if you need a shoulder I am here. whether its just as a person or a friend. I know suicide. I lost my best friend to suicide . I lost a brother in law to suicide. I know... I am still not over it. and its been a while. I grew up with the best friend I have known him since preschool. it isnt easy. but Iam here | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:49:21 PM | | At the risk of being called insensitive all I can say is what a croc! Go off and blame yourself, if this really happened, and see how far it gets you. If in fact she stepped in front of a train like you said, she was beyond help and was only trying to put a bunch of people on a guilt trip. Which is a form of mental disease thats incurable. Now you paint a picture thats supposed to make me shed dragon tears for your alleged distress. Go talk to a shrink, whether this really happened or not as you need professional help either way. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/16/2008 3:26:22 PM | | hello you sorry to hear what has happened to all of the people involved , i left my ex after 20 years whose sister commited suicide and his mum tried .i had years of living with that illness and his threats of suicide and finally realised ,its not my fault ,nor yours so please live a positive and fulfiled life because she would have done it anyway xx | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/17/2008 8:44:01 PM | Even though the OP is no longer a pof er
There is something everyone can take from this Thread !
Humanity is warranted and needed always !
When it comes to matters of the Heart there is no rom for manipulation or games .
Love hurts and for Some so does living .
With out the Heart What would we have or be .. The heart is Love ''then comes the rest .
Also ''Mental health is very Serious business 'Depression is what it is .
Hopefully when Life gets to Big or problems get to big Or the Storms in
your Life are too big and too painful for you
'There is always your Faith to count on and Believe in .
Right ?
Preparation for the trials and storms that Life hands us Sometimes 'is only found
in a Supernatural Power .
Dont wait til you are in trouble and suffering to know Jesus Loves you 'to know the word !
The Biblical writings and teachings is the best medicine in any Heartache ' or crisis .
And yes even times of Gratitude . His Grace and his Love is ours for the taking .
God Bless Everyone with his Love and Grace !
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/22/2008 8:27:15 AM | Amen Sister,
All we can ask is how to move on, I've found my real family through this. On;y God can understand or explain. we just need to live...and ya know what? we CAN and Will!!! | |
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