| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/18/2006 4:31:14 PM | Nothing I can say that hasn't been said here. But I can add my heartfelt sypathies to OP and all who have been affected by suicide. It touches me too. Double wow for what I have seen shared here.
Time will ease the pain. May you have the determination to learn to live and love again. God Bless all. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/18/2006 4:42:57 PM | My word. Listen, my friend. I have never met you, nor have you met me, but I can tell you that your pain touches my heart in a huge way. I am sure you are wondering what you could have done to ease HER pain. Why you couldn't have stopped her from doing what she did. And, you feel that a part of you was taken away without your permission.
My advice to you is to go through every single emotion. Every single ounce of pain, hurt, anger, resentment, everything. Give yourself the permission to do this. Journal your thoughts, your emotions and everything you feel about this person.
Because it's ok. It's ok to feel everything you feel. And even though it won't bring her back, your job now is to heal your own soul. I PROMISE you, it will get easier and time will be your friend. Like me!
I pray for your heart and for your spirit. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/18/2006 5:56:30 PM | I know there is nothing any of us can say to ease your pain and agony. However, I did want to leave this verse from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran. This was read at my late husband's funeral, and it helped me to realize that my husband's suffering was now over...thus easing mine..I hope it helps you to realize she is free at last of her suffering and pain, brought on by the horrible affliction of depression...My thoughts are with you...
"..........For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth claims your limbs, then shall you truly dance." | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/18/2006 6:20:16 PM | OP my dear sweet thing..........survuvor grief.....yikes........hun right back at ya.
The beginning of 2000 the new milineium.......I am in a position with a man I love and lived with for five years.
During that time he was diagnosed with bipolar and our lives began a dark path.
In the beginning he was a kind,sharing,giving person but that changed
His disease opened the door to/ alcoholic and verbally abusive and finally I realized I was in danger.
So I placed my eleven year old child in the care of another strong parent and left.
I went to the judge and said he is a loaded gun and is a danger to himself and others especially me.
I was denied......6 days later I got a visit in shelter and ya......he killed himself 400 meters from a clinic. He was an articulate, strong, intensly kind human I loved those aspect's but its bin on hell of a fight to get here.
To get over the violent end of the relationship and the death was difficult for sure.
To get past the giult you must surrender the anger, you must learn that some things are not your pick. you are not responsible for her choise.....was hers.
You know I never thought I would tell this in open forum but your thread opened a door that I knew had to be kicked open. My fishy you can do this as god is my witness.
Do not give way to faulse notion...stay in reality.
Fire up an intrest.....I picked funeral service........you can not choose for another human and your responsible for your choises......your not her keeper that is not a accurate preception.
Hun, I found myself a mentor......I picked funeral service cuz I like science and the human body interested me.....you go with what is a challenge and toss yourself into learning.
When a human faces a suicide it is never good.......the fall out can steal many
of tomorrows if you don't open and thank god your open.....keep talkin who cares if someone is unhappy with your words.
When we go into this part so soon to open is good. AAAAAwww proud of you!
Expect your preceptions will be unsolid for a while untill the shock subsides. First is anger then is acceptance. Do not get caught in the "what" look at the "why".
I lost 30 pounds and all of the people associated with the relationship. My own family was out of reach. Everyone is in shock and they are struggeling, they don't know
the ground and yes you will feel isolation from people who are sure you must be falked ....is ok........there perceptions are not your responsibility........yours are.
And then you look at the cards again with your perceptions and not allow others to reflect there negative crap onto you and then you turn around and say alright then here we go.
I choose to live damn it and I will never be silenced in this type of situation because I have first hand experience and know the general publics dysfunctional response to a common very common occurance in society,.
Many deaths are the result of mental issues and that is beyond your choise.......
YOU are not to blame..........you did not choose to make the decision to DIE........she did. Her choise was bad but not anyones fault.
If you ever need me you email me........do not let anyone intercept your right as a human to participate in an entertainment site and I don't care if your not lookin to hook up. Frankly half the dang pond is attached and screwin around anyway so falk that.
You keep swimmin fishy others have been there and you wana play here you betcha........ Goodluck and hope you find the boundry of where your choise ends
and know Bad things happen to nice people sorry your friend died. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/19/2006 8:05:34 PM | | Tremendous show of support today for Carlas funeral. Not a dry eye in the place. Thought I forgot how to cry...guess not. You were great too Stephen. Always the pillar buddy. This is a day I will never forget. I've not felt such a unique combination of love and sadness ever before. I was truly moved. God bless you Carla. We will miss you! | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/19/2006 8:24:52 PM | Steven: Please know that even though the Celebration of Carla's life was today, I and many others will not soon forget you or her. I will continue to uphold you in thoughts and prayer. Please keep in touch and let everyone know how you are doing, what you are feeling, and going through emotionally. It does help to vent.
You will feel anger, sadness - overwhelming at times, depression, guilt and many other feelings along the road to healing. Let us all help you in anyway we can by chatting with you. We need to feel that we are helping you, too. Many of the kind folks who've written to you have also experienced a similar loss and can tell you, more clearly than me, how to cope and heal. Listen to them and continue to write and express yourself.
One day - no one knows when - but one day - the sun will shine - you will laugh with a happy heart - it will startle you - and you will realize that inside - once again - you feel happiness and a lightness of spirit. It will come to you, Steven. You just have to ride out this storm and these dark days. Hang on, my friend, and lean on everyone you can. God will provide you with grace to rise above this. Remember that God does not let you walk alone but that He is carrying you right now until you are strong enough to walk on your own again.
Faithful | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/20/2006 8:59:38 AM | So sorry to hear of your loss.
I wrote this once, when a friend of mine killed himself in the Netherlands after his divorce. I had tried to get his back on his feet emotionally, and lord knows I put some serious effort into that struggle.
He hung himself, on Easter Monday, 2005.
I wrote (afterwards) that "Suicide is ending the pain you feel, by giving it to everyone that ever loved you. "
It was his choice, and he is totally responsible for his action. He never saw the hundreds of people that loved him in life, the one's that filled the church to overflowing with all the friends and people he never truly saw as who they were - as he never saw himself as who he was in their life, as well.
There is no blame to feel here. The responsibility lies totally with her, and her view on herself and her life. She had a choice to move on, or to sink deeper.
I trust her spirit know finds the peace, and love, it missed out on on this planet. It was all around her the entire time she was here - like it is for all of us. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/20/2006 2:56:32 PM | Unlike the cheesy parody in the 70's flick "Mash" ... suicide is not always "painless".
Not to mention your own probable suffering from a self-indulgent moment of inept stupidity, you also inflict untold amounts of grief, suffering and expense on the friends and loved ones who once surrounded you. It's a selfish and cruel thing to do to yourself and the others who once cared about you. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/20/2006 3:05:34 PM | We started off, sad.... About 30 close family members gathered 1.5 hrs north of calgary, and sprinkled Carlas ashes in the vast garden on her grandparents property. Birds were singing, the sun shone down on us...
We ate heartily and drank homemade lemonade. We were there for each other, and for Carla.
We told stories and celebrated her life, we laughed, cried, and laughed again. People read poetry aloud. Goodbye letters. Sympathy cards. One of Carla's cousins sang Amazing Grace. Everyone left happy and deeply moved.
It was an awesome goodbye.
Steven
:)
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/20/2006 3:36:20 PM | op My deepest condolences for your loss, for Carla. There are no words, but know that my thoughts and prayers are with you through this difficult time.
Try your hardest to ignore ignorant comments from those who have no clue what it is like to survive a suicide. It is hard enough to deal with the death, but how the death occured is even harder.
It took me a long time to try and understand what happened when my husband chose to die by suicide. I strongly suggest *suicide grief counselling* it helps give some understanding. But remember, that doesnt mean that you ever have to 'accept' it. Allow yourself to feel the pain that is so evident right now. I truly hated hearing 'time is a healer'...but really it holds true!!!
God bless you through this difficult time.  | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/20/2006 3:56:11 PM | Steven, I can only offer you my heartfelt thought's and prayer's...No one knows exactly what goes thru someone's mind when they want to do what Carla did...only what they tell us...sometimes they don't tell us all the real reasons...but it isn't your fault that she is gone now...she dealt with it the way she felt she had to...I'm really sorry she felt like she did, but you wouldn't have had any control over it if she made sure she didn't want you to know...it sounds like the memorial service all of you held for Carla was beautiful...sounds like she was there in spirit with all of you, with the sun shining,birds singing, everyone celebrating her life...she is well loved!! I'm glad you could all celebrate her like that...You can always come on here for some of the support you might need, I know all will be more than happy to help, or just listen when you need...
Hugs and prayer's Steven...
~Micheline~ | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/21/2006 3:16:07 AM | Honest... Take the advice of Obsesson and some of the others here. You need a good doc and not one who will drug you up, but rather take the time to teach you what you need to do to regain your sense of self. Personally, I would get a good accupuncturist who knows chinese herbs and learn from him/her. I'm not going to sit here and spill my story... It would do no good to ease your pain... nothing like yours I can assure you, however I feel for you... really. You've got a long row to hoe before you get back to self sufficiency... get a plan and work it... when you feel angry and frustrated go out in the yard and dig a hole, then fill it in and dig another and fill that in until you are tired of digging holes and filling them in. Then go out and do what you have to do to continue on your path. Message me if you'd like and I'll help you however I can, but you have to do the work. Nothing will replace what you've lost, but time, purpose and a good plan will heal your wound and you will be stronger in character.
Peace and bright blessings to you,
Jack
"Success is learning to deal with plan B"--author unknown | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:08:40 AM | Steven
You have a lot of people offering you support, there are time you will want to crawl into a hole - follow that instinct sometimes, and other times join your friends even though it may be the last thing you want to do.
Try not to feel guilty when you do smile, take joy where you can get it and keep putting one foot in front of the other - with all the support you have you can get thru this. It will be tough, especially the next year.
I don't know if you believe in God or "the Big Guy" as I call him, but I firmly believe that he does not give us more than we can bear - try to remember that and take it one day at a time.
If you ever want to do something silly....jumping in puddles while walking in the rain...or need to talk...dont care what time...I will cry or talk with you...let me know and May he hold you in the palm of his hand. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:37:31 AM | My deepest sympathy's.
You don't know it now, in fact, can hardly imagine it, but you can come out the other end of all this, celebrating life. Knowing you loved her and she was in your life for a reason, for now, you can appreciate the "gifts" you've been given. What better legacy can any of us leave? | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:39:03 AM | My deepest sympathies to you and your family ....
Also for daisy66 on 7/17/2006 6 54 PM
Subject: My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Message: That's a horrifying thing to happen. I'm in Calgary and I'm just wondering why this wasn't on the local news or in the paper??
Something of this enormity would normally be on the front page.
Not all suicides are published. ,and is usually requested to not be by family. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:29:29 AM | | I know exactly how you feel and understand exactly what you are going through. I seperated from my husband last year and four months later he killed himself. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:38:28 PM | Steven,
I'm terribly sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. My thoughts are with you, and the hope that Carla is now in light....Two years ago on january 10th my sister came home to find my nephew hanging in his bed. He was 12. To say it devastated our family is an understatement. To this day we don't know if he was messing around or he meant to take his own life. And really, what is more tragic? It took a long time but my sister was actually able to camp again this year (it reminded her of him) and we could laugh without feeling guilty.....the job of the living is to live, fully....and you will again one day in the future....
There will be day when you will be able to breathe without a hitch in your chest, and sleep without a foundation block weighing on your heart...my heart goes out to you in your pain, and I pray for peace, for both of you. Take care.... | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:52:48 PM | | When I was very young, I had a boyfriend with many problems including drug abuse. I had two young children and a fairly clean life and didn't want the drugs and money probs and lying that he brought into my life. Shortly after we broke up, he shot himself in the head. I was ostrasized by the community, his friends and relatives, and actually blamed for his death by the minister giving the eulogy at his funeral. I almost lost my mind from guilt and regret. I became suicidal myself and could not forgive myself, as if it were ALL my fault he was dead. 3 years later, I called his mother to ask her how she was doing. She related a horror story of child sexual abuse, mental illness and other things I never even knew about. As horrible as her story was about her son, I finally was able to stop blaming myself for his death, as he would have done it no matter what, sooner or later, I just happened to be the straw that broke the camel's back at that time. He never received any help for any of his abuse and was a heavy drug user. If I had known half of his issues, maybe I could have got him to go for help, but I no longer feel SO guilty that he decided to die when I broke up with him, I didn't kill him. I wish people would be more honest about their pain before it's too late, but I know now it wasn't my fault, and I can sleep at night. I wish you peace, and realize she would have done it anyway, sooner or later, you just happened to be the reason of the day, or one of them. These people are in so much pain, they are blind to the pain they cause when they do this. So sad. Heal, and forgive yourself. You did not hurt her that much. Life did. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/22/2006 1:47:51 AM | Steven,
I have been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to work out what to say to you to make this all okay...
I worked out there is nothing I can say to possibly make this any less easier. I feel sick just thinking about the situation you are in.
I have unfortunatly been in the situation of being the depressed and attemped suicide many times while with my previous partner. I thank god every day i didnt succeed.
Your pain is probably going to get worse before it gets better but you know what its these struggles that indeed make us who we are. I have nothing but total sympathy and respect for you man. You are not to blame and its so true what your ex's relatives said.. if you blame yourself you you will indeed die a broken man. People living with depression live with so many things. Its not situational its emotional. Your break up was not to blame. Probably just the tip of the iceburg.
I dont know what to say just really feel i should say SOMETHING.
Please know there is someone thinking about you in this time of great loss. I hope what i have said hasnt offended you or anything, was really groping at straws trying to get my emotions out.
Much love and thoughts,
Amy | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/22/2006 2:07:01 AM | I agree with so many others.
There is nothing any of us can say to ease the pain.
Just take time for yourself, give yourself time to grieve.
Treasure the love and memories you shared. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:11:54 AM | I was sorry to hear about this last night Stephen. Thank you for telling me. I knew Carla and spent a significant amount of time with her while she worked with me for about a year and a half. She had a beautiful heart and had a calm and serene nature combined with a quiet efficiency which made it a pleasure to work with her.
I wish I had known earlier so I could pay my respects and show support to her family she left behind. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:45:32 AM | porky2006 got his post removed by admin.
i was just going to let it go, but almost a dozen people have asked me what he said.
he said i was full of sh*t, lying about carla's death
he said no ever turns to forums with a tragedy like this
and that i was looking for a sympathy f*ck | |
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