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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 176
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.Page 8 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
today i go camping without her... tonight in the tent will be ALOT like the emptiness I felt the first night with her not in our bed at home... it will be tough. She really lived for camping...i will be thinking of her alot i am sure.
Nature has a beautiful way of teaching us lessons.
=)
 Aussie Wanderer
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 177
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/4/2006 8:15:12 AM
I am a mother whose one and only son died by accident or suicide at age 7.5 years. When someone chooses to die they are in a place none of us who have value on life can understand. Suicide is the most selfish act of all. Why? Because it leaves so many questions unanswered, so many feeling guilty. And if the person left behind has vowed to love until death, they feel guilty for being alive. Most of all it can not be undone.
All I can offer is, contact me if you want, definitely do not feel guilty as they made the decision not you and please be kind to you. Miffy
 lira
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 178
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/4/2006 1:30:41 PM
I think guilt is a natural part of grieving, on any type of death. I felt guilty when my father died of a heart attack. I know a heart attack is different from suicide. Just remember, its not your fault. You will realize that with time. You may experience all of the stages of grief before you finally except it. Exceptence is the final stage but a person can move on then go backwards to a previous stage. Just remember its not your fault. If someone blames you, its broberly because they are going through the "anger" stage and is just striking out at someone.Another thing, talk to her family and friends. I bet some will tell you they blame themselves.We all may argue on the forums, but we are brothers and sisters here. Keep us posted on how you are doing. Im praying for you.
 Traderx
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 179
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/4/2006 4:31:02 PM
The lesson here folks is that life is a precious GIFT... that can be taken away at anytime!

If your reading this thread and you have a loved one that your having troubles with try and remeber that all you have is NOW and all of this argueing and fighting does is steal your life from you and it's pure evil.

God Bless all the people that took the time and effort to share on this thread.

I know it helped me grow just a little more.
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 180
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/4/2006 6:56:52 PM
yes indeed traderx, you have had good insight in all your posts here.
thank you and thankeveryone who has helped in my mental, emotional and spiritual health here. Thank you with all of my heart.
God bless you.
 blueeyes4u59
Joined: 6/13/2005
Msg: 181
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/4/2006 7:54:00 PM
Dear Stephen:
I've just spent the last two hours reading 180 posts and I'm sitting here crying. I can't even imagine what you have gone through. You seem like a sincere and grounded individual and I sincerely hope you are doing somewhat better. Good for you for getting out there this weekend to go camping. You life must go on and facing this challenge headone will help you.

I'm also very touched by the outpouring of support and friendship shown by the POF population. It's wonderful to realize that in our darkest hours, we can find love and understanding from friends and total strangers - what a wonderful website that allows so many people to rally around someone who is hurting and in pain.
It is truly much more than just a dating site.

I would like to add my thoughts and prayers for your recovery. You sound strong and I know you will gather strength from all the good wishes that are floating out there for you in cyberspace.
 Aussie Wanderer
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 182
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/4/2006 9:27:12 PM
Ditto, blueeyes with regards to POF being more than just a dating site. And it is great for us to know there are still people who will give of their time and themself to another person who is troubled and/or hurting.
May the Angels watch over all those who need a little more TLC today and every day.
 moviekat10
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 183
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:44:55 PM
You guys all seem so helpful and I could use some help. A little over two years ago in June, my boyfriend of 14 yrs killed himself on my birthday. I've done some stupid things to make myself feel better, but I finally seemed to be doing well. About 4 months ago I met a guy that I really liked alot. We had alot in common, I felt immediately comfortable with him - like I could totally be myself and I ,at least ,felt a connection although he said he did to. I made sure before we started going out to find out about his previous relationship. He told me that he had broken up with his last girlfriend 1 1/2 yrs ago because she cheated on him. They had only been together 14 months. I asked about the last time he spoke with her and he said it was over a year ago. So I opened myself up, became vulnerable and really fell hard for him. He wasn't the first guy I had gone out with since Mike died, just the first one I really thought could turn into something. A few weeks ago he tells me that his old girlfriend called and "misses him." At first he told her he didn't want to see her, but after that when he was with me, he felt uncomfortable, like he was cheating on her. To make a long story short - they are back together and I am devastated. I feel as depressed, sad, rejected, angry and hurt as I did after Mike killed himself which makes no sense. Now I question my judgement of men, my ability to recognize the truth of a situation and can't figure out what my life is about anymore. It doesn't help that I just quit my job of the last 19 yrs to go to work at a new place. I miss my old friends, feel out of place at this job and really want to pack up my things and my animals, sell my house and just take off. But I have no place to go... If anyone has anything that can help me, please let me know. I fell like I'm walking around in a fog. IF you made it all the way through this, thank you for reading it. :)
 Aussie Wanderer
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 184
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/6/2006 3:34:43 AM
moviekat10 I can only say be gentle with you and then others will be too. You have just gone through a major change in your life with changing jobs etc. I did similar 3 years ago and it was difficult until I moved out of my comfort zones and made an effort to get to know some of the people in the office of my new job. Small hint, there is always someone who loves to organize social get togethers in a workplace, find out who it is and talk with them about how they may be able to help you out with getting to know everyone in your section etc. A stranger is simply a friend you haven't met yet.
I was in a similar place to you for quite different reasons however, the pain, hurt etc., was almost unbearable and went into a severe depression for nearly 2 years. All I could do was keep moving through each day somtimes each minute until one day there was no more fog. Joining a gym helped as it gave me a sense of 'doing' something for me and it also gives us a natural lift that helps to ease the depression.
Moving will only cause disruption and distraction for a limited period of time and animals really do not like being moved. You have enough 'new' in your life with your job and remember when the fog lifts we have a beautifull sunny day to enjoy.
Take good care of you, kind thoughts and prayers to you.
 moonlight_whispers
Joined: 6/12/2006
Msg: 185
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/6/2006 6:43:26 AM
First of all, I commend you for your total honesty here. You are a brave man..My heart goes out to you..

Do not ever think it was your fault..Its a sad situation and I can tell you I have both Professional and Personal Experience with this..

Everyone has a choice..to live or not and nobody can stop someone who wants to end their suffering if they want it badly enough..they will do it eventually..You are in no way to blame..

IF you ever want to talk, drop me a line ok??

Hugs,
 chippewa3
Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 186
It goes away slowly but never completly
Posted: 8/6/2006 6:40:45 PM
I had someone in my life that was my life. He was with a group in Belfast Ireland, I was with a group here. We were together two years and had a son. He took our son to Belfast to see his parents. While he,our son and his friends from his group were walking down the street. The British came along and killed everyone including the man of my life and our son.
I went on with my life but it will always be with my life. Its only gotten easier since I've admitted to my self its real and I can't bring them back, and I couldn't have protected them even if I had went. The hard part was never being able to touch them or say good by.
 allnamesgone
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 187
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/7/2006 1:44:12 PM
i sympathize with you after i have similar experience, one thing im finding hard to believe though..you slit up from being engaged and yet it only took you a week to sign up to a dating site

my ex killed herself 5 years ago and its only been the last year or so that ive felt like i can get on with life

people will tell you the pain eases in time (utter crap) it doesnt, you just learn to block it out and not show it
personally it has made me very cynical about meeting anyone genuine and i trust nobody.

if you decide to go for therapy then group therapy worked for me.....just a couple of sessions to be able to spill your guts to strangers but also to hear other stories (it makes you realize you are actually coping fairly well when you hear the crap others come out with)


the problem with suicide is the pain and suffering they leave behind, not just partners but kids, parents, siblings etc etc
to make matters worse (if your experience is like mine) then the finger of blame is pointed firmly at you....the funeral was a nightmare, 300 people there and only about 5 who didnt blame me and actually spoke to me


i know i started this reply with an unusuall responce but my heart goes out to you as with any other victim (as thats what we are) of this selfish act
only advice i can give is do things in your own time and dont allow anyone to push you into anything, talk to strangers rather than friends and family (that way you dont burden them and they dont end up worrying about your state of mind)

and lastly dont bottle things up inside
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 188
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/9/2006 5:58:52 PM
"one thing im finding hard to believe though..you slit up from being engaged and yet it only took you a week to sign up to a dating site"

i think i have articulated myself clearly on this point.
read the third paragraph again, of message 1.

Steven
Ps- Alot of things are hard to believe. So is death.
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 189
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/16/2006 11:36:25 PM





































































































































































































































































































one month has passed today...
 luvsouth135
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 190
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/16/2006 11:51:12 PM
All my prayers are with you now. It's not your fault, say it over and over.... it's true
Hang in there the best you can.
 Miss80s
Joined: 8/14/2006
Msg: 191
Steven, I Truly Can Relate
Posted: 8/17/2006 3:03:07 PM
Well Hello There!

I recently came across your profile, and probably like alot of females think it is the best profile we have ever seen done by a man which is true! We all appreciate the honesty you have exhibited.

I had the honor of briefly chatting with you via IM and you were so sweet to #1 Even respond to my request to IM and then #2 Said how you had all these e-mails from people to reply to, and that you have talked to over 600 ppl now...so all that says ALOT about what a wonderful soul and man you are!

My story is similar in a way...but in my past when I was a teenager I slit my wrists and overdosed as well. Thank goodness a good friend at the time saw I needed help, and I got rushed to get my stomach pumped in time to save my life. Doctors told me I had about 5 min to live. From then on, even when times have gotten bad, I try my best to remain positive no matter what. I do things like put on my happy music, or spend time outdoors, and as well I spend as much time as I can with those I love which are right now my family. I just became an Auntie for the first time actually! I try not to watch the news as it can b so negative..
however it also reminds me that my life could always be ALOT worse.

Words are hard to comfort someone who has gone through what you did. We can all post things here and e-mail you and tell you to CHEER up...I know it is a load of HOOEY to some people but counselling has tremendously saved my life on many occurances! It does not have to be a psychiatrist or psychologist or something that costs money, but there are alot of help groups in this city now ESPECIALLY as our city grows and ppl are getting so stressed out with life!

To be truthful, I myself have just broken up with a man who I thought he was alot of things and my soul mate etc. It took me YEARS to leave him because HE kept threatening that he would kill himself if I did. I have had to quit jobs in the past because of everything he put me through..too much to mention here..but i had to reach out not just to the few family members I have but to help groups..and by gosh I feel better already. Not TOTALLY better, but it soo helps to talk!

Since this is a NOVEL now...I will sign off with saying...
Steven, we are all so glad you are here and are honest. You have touched our lives for the better and made us think about so much! Stay strong, talk until you go hoarse, see the positive and KNOW this is and never will ever be about YOU, what she did was all HER and you are not to blame! KUDO's for being so brave and courageous!

SINCERELY, MISS80s
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 192
Steven, I Truly Can Relate
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:36:34 AM
yeah i have been trying to put into words the perfect retrospective.
On July 16, 2006, One month and a day ago, she killed herself. I look back on that day and every day since and am amazed how i can see so much good in things around me.
On Aug 17, 1987, nineteen years ago, my mother died at home from cancer that had taken her most of her pride.
This time of year has indeed been tough for me.
I thought since i was 36 and its the Year of The Dog, my birth year.. that its was going to be auspicious for me... someonein chinatown told me back in february that it was my lucky year.
People have told me since the funeral i am a stronger person. So far I see that money has come really easy to me all year. I get more phone calls and mail then I ever have. I am painstaking aware of the fragility of life. I want to share my life with a good person, a perfect match. I am not alone... there is millions more out there the same.

I am not sure to how to digest these thoughts.

I feel as though I did at the funeral. I met her at poetry reading and we both had alot to say.
Now I am lost for words. I should have read some thing at her funeral but coherent thought escaped me. Felt like a missed opportunity.
Gotta be Catch and Release, time stands for no one.

I thought if I could just start typing then it would all flow out of me and yet I have no idea where to take this. Perhaps i will follow up on this in a few days when my head is clearer.

Steven
 honest~and~real
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 193
Steven, I Truly Can Relate
Posted: 8/18/2006 7:45:01 AM
I found the pink flip phone.
 Noizepug73
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 194
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/18/2006 1:42:50 PM
Steven, you're not f'd up or damaged goods. This person you cherished obviously allowed her depression to affect her preceding actions. I speak from the experience of having clinical depression as well (surviving now and rekindling many joys in my life). It can CONSUME you and create intense illusions of how life really is.

I know well enough that expected words/cliches will not easily aide your loss...but I am truly sorry. Please remember that there is nothing wrong with you. --S
 danceswithwolves1
Joined: 3/29/2005
Msg: 195
view profile
History
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:35:04 PM
Steven,

Your original post brought tears to my eyes. Oh, man! My deepest condolences and empathy over this incredibly awful experience you're enduring. Wow ... life can REALLY throw some hard-balls sometimes. But you NEED to not allow yourself the luxury of a negative thought right now -- like, "who would want to meet a guy this ****ed up?"

Actually, a lot of people, including myself, would like very much to meet you right now. I would like to invite you to hang out with my friends and me, have a beer, watch movies, go to hear some live music, maybe meet a few women. If I still lived in Calgary I would. And as for romance, women are usually more compassionate and caring than men, and the hearts of MANY women would go out to you more now than ever before in your life. Let them in ... let them show you sympathy and love .... they want to. Women are built for nurturing.

I'm SSSOOO sorry about your pain. Work through it. It will get better and better. In case you don't know it, you're lucky to live in Calgary ... what a cool place. (but maybe a little TOO cool at times ... 25 below comes to mind) I moved there when I was a little kid and back here in high school. I didn't want to leave, and I've missed it ever since.


EDITED: Steven, I just now saw your post 3 notes up, and I was really encouraged. I think you are handling this very well, and I want to congratulate you. Way to go, man.

 sunshowers
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 196
Steven, I Truly Can Relate
Posted: 8/18/2006 9:05:26 PM

I found the pink flip phone.




time, love and tenderness sweetie... you will be okay - we know that.
 verybubbley
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 197
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/18/2006 9:37:21 PM
In my early 20's.. a guy I was dating committed suicide...It was a shock to everyone because he never appeared to be depressed!.He had a son with his ex-girlfriend and she was giving him a really hard time being able to see his son.She actually dumped him for another guy,and said she wanted him to stay out of her life..and she wanted the "New guy"..to be his son Father.I knew that bothered him because he didn't want someone else fathering his son!.He mentioned it to me a few times ,but he never seem that upset to take his own life!.When a mutual friend called me...I remember feeling sick to my stomache...and than I felt quilty!..I felt I should have said something better when he talked about wanting his son!.I felt I should have read the signs better.He was so outgoing...very popular...very good -looking..always had a smile on his face,and always had a joke to tell...he wasn't sullen..depressed..quite...the signs you might expect...so thats why everyone was in "shock".It took me a long time to get over that.I think what helped me is I talked to people about him...I shared stories and heared stories from other people who had a loved one that commited suicide.It helped.Go to a berevement group...it will help.God Bless.
 Celticsoul
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 198
view profile
History
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/18/2006 9:41:12 PM
Good evening,

Sorry for your loss.

I do not even consider that I know you or your situation well. What I do know about this type of situation is that it is best handled by speaking to a good therapist. I sounds as if there were issues initially around the breakup that were just beginning to process, and you are left with feeling of sadness, loss and guilt as a result of the suicide.
I am not someone who spends much time on POF, ( I am a therapist in the real world...currently back in school) . I think it is nice people are offering support, however, you do need to resolve the issues related to the relationship, and the suicide.....this will of course take time and energy with a qualified person. I believe that everyone has been correct in their suggestions and show of empathy , one must take care. Processing loss of any kind is so important. (It is particularly important to do this before looking for another relationship....the outcome will be healthier in the long run....no one will judge you for taking time to evolve emotionally.

Take Care....and take the time you need
 angel01135
Joined: 7/28/2006
Msg: 199
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/19/2006 6:54:16 AM
i really feel for you. it cant be easy to cope with something like that. but be assured there areplenty of people out there that simpthise with you. pleople have to be responsible for their actions at the end of the day. so dont blame yourself for this. it is a sad tragedy
 Aussie Wanderer
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 200
My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/19/2006 7:01:28 AM
n so true Highland Lassie, however, before there were 'professionals' to help us through our 'troubled' times, there were the friends, family and others. POF provides the 'others' for those who need.
I too am in the 'helping' profession and have looked at the people who come into these forums to offer support etc. And most times, they are spot on.
In a therapuetic environment it is clinical and clients are seldom relaxed enough to 'let it all out', trust factors.
On these forums they can consider so many wide and diverse points of view as well as experience empathy from strangers, unconditional involvement. I is all about what the individual is asking as to what the individual will give.
Someimes we only need to hear "hey, not your fault and you are doing great". This is what I believe, everyone hereon POF has been saying and giving their heartfelt thoughts and prayers and most importantly of all, you are not alone, contact one or all of us, your choice.
Professional help is not always what we need, sometimes we just need to know we are not alone and POF can give this with anonymity.
Big Hugs n to those who need it, and know you are not alone there is always a candle light in the darkest hour. and a friend on POF for you to talk to
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