| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/19/2006 11:24:05 PM | all very true.
group therapy is often too raw.
personal counselling often just lets you speak it through while they listen
after unloading your whole heart it is hard to have the energy to take in their final thoughts
forums on the other hand...
offer mutliple sessions at once...whenever, where ever
and allow you to take advice in at your own speed
i can read as slow or as fast as i wish, and am not worried the hour is up
it is truely a great experience that i would be lost without
so many real people with real stories
really touches me
deep within
my heart
thank
you
all
=)
Steven | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/20/2006 3:48:53 AM | Steven
I can relate all too well with you. I was married for 20 yrs to the same woman who battled depression and I along with her for the whole time. Well October 24th 2005 she told me she was leaving and a month later she did. Little did I know while she was going to college a teacher knew her condition and played with her head. Nothing like an ego stroking for him. Some day he will maybe go thru what he put me and my kids thru. Well now we are well on the way to divorce but it hurts alot when the one woman you love and stick by thru thick and thin does what your girl friend did.
More than once I have had to kick myself in the @ss and remind myself I did not drive her to leave. I was there for her thru alot of crap that people will never know except for our marriage counselor. His onyl words to me after she left was You did not drive her off she could not be faithfull and it was not my fault. Your girlfriend had problems and no matter how much it hurts she could not deal with them and you could not help her and she did not want your help. As much as you wanted to or would like to she couldnt see how you could or how others might help.
As hard as it may be Steven you are NOT responsible and there is no one who can say otherwise. People with depression have problems that sometimes we just can not help no matter how much we want to. The best thing you can do is move forward and stay close to your friends who will support you. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/20/2006 6:43:29 PM | Wow my heart goes out to you, and I am so sorry to hear about your loss Steven. I think what you need to do is spend time with the ones you love and those that are closest to you now. You have to understand that being depressed and suffering from depression is a sickness a chemical embalance that is out of her control. There is nothing that you could've done, said or done differently.
Everything in life happens for a reason, sometimes these things don't make sense at the time. But I strongly believe in that. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/24/2006 4:35:45 PM | Many thank yous for all the support I have received here.
There has been 3-4 times the amount of messages sent to me personally, and not on this thread.
the response has been overwhelming.
Again thank you, it has really helped me from the first day, and continues to help me daily. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/24/2006 8:01:23 PM | | Hm...well you can be with someone but it doesn't mean that they are going to want to be with you back. Hm...that's what I realized so...you're actually lucky being single. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/27/2006 1:37:34 AM | Just saw on the TV listings. The Red Tent - Sunday 2 pm EST - History Channel - in Calgary, 12 noon? Highly recommend it. Peter Finch tries to deal with his experience. Check the synopsis. http://homevideo.paramount.com/Catalog?cmd=display_product_page&release_id=1471
again, Good Luck. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 8/27/2006 4:01:59 AM | Hmmm...I suppose replying to this thread right now, might be salt on a wound. With that said, you might not want to read it.
I have had a few people in my life kill themselves. It is a very strange feeling to me. First it is anger, then complete bottomless sadness and then, absolutely nothing. Food doesn't taste like anything, pain is dulled and everything seems like it is so far away and you feel so incredibly distant. I know how it is.
The most recent time, though introspection got in the way of the normal angst.
The introspect is this: Ending one's own life requires an enormous amount of will power. I know personally, or else I would not be here right now. You are either all in or out and if you are out, you end up in a ward and are labeled demented...which is rightly so because only true ****ups try to kill themselves for attention.
When something terrible like that happens, you have to look at it from their perspective, as impossibly hard as that is because no one will take their own actions and life as seriously as they do. When someone ends their own life, they are not relieving suffering, they are ending their existance. I did not know her, nor do I have any specific idea as to what was going on with her, but I can tell you that if she worked in a crisis center and so forth, she knew exactly what she was doing and wanted it to happen.
That in and of itself, is a very, very painful thing to come to grips with, but it is the truth.
No one will take their life as seriously as they do.
I hope this in some way helps you and I am sorry for your loss. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2006 12:36:09 AM | Well i think at this point I am ready to let this thread go.
Thanks everyone for you support and insights.
Thanks to those who have trusted me with their stories and given me insight into their world.
I could not come as far as I have without all of you.
Steven
=) | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2006 3:25:28 AM | | OMG i read every post, i cant believe what u have gone through, Iam truly sorry, how are u feeling now? its sept 4th at 3:30am, I would like to chat to you, hope you are ok.... peace | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2006 5:22:12 AM | | The pain will lessen, but never goes away. You will blame yourself, maybe if you where there, with her this would not have happened. The question "why?" will always be on you mind. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Yea, your F***ed up. Things will get better though. Time will heal, but the scar is there for life. You have family that love you. Stay strong for them. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2006 7:33:42 AM | It will be four years Sept 12.
I will never forget it, we had been engaged and had broken up, he committed suicide.
He hung himself.
I could not believe it. The day I found out I went to school.
I broke down my teacher and fellow students were awesome. I don't think I could have gotten through that day without them. My heart goes out to you, please KNOW it isn't YOUR fault.
I wasn't even aware and didn't even know I had blamed myself until a wonderful woman said to ME it's not YOUR fault.
It does get better but take each day one at a time. I know that we loved one another but sometimes love just isn't enough.
I miss HIM every day but have gone on with my life albeit without HIM but I still have memories and carry those in my heart.
Ppl weren't sure if they should talk about HIM around ME but that made it worse.
We all go through this in our own way but I do understand, and you are not ALONE.
There are many wonderful ppl and my family and friends helped me.
Just take care of yourself, know that ppl love you are are most probably concerned about you right now.
Sometimes I just needed to be ALONE. Other times I needed the company of others.
You will go through many different emotions, I know I have.
It is about a week today from the anniversary and the closer it gets the harder it gets.
I cannot believe the time that has passed.
I am carrying on and I hope you do to.
Baby steps.
One day at a time.
Hugs | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2006 7:53:36 AM | Hi there,
I am very new at this POF dating service. I can honestly say I know exactly what you are going through my partner took his own life almost 5 years ago. It will be quite tough the
first 6 months and then things will get much easier.
If you need to talk , feel free.
Andy | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2006 10:22:51 AM | Steven:
Your words ring so loudly to me it is almost like I'm dreaming. I first want to share my hopes and prayers for you that you find the strength each minute to continue on. I believe in what you said it is not happens to you in life but in how in handle it. God Bless you my friend I will pray for you and all of your and her relatives.
My wife left me on May 16, 2006 to go and live with her mother and left me all alone with our two beatuful children aged 6 and 2. My wife had completely changed I have never seen her like this and we have been married for eight years and together for 12. While living at her mothers two of her brothers friends live thier and pay room and board and she startded talking with one of them and then on May 30, 2006 she slept with him. She is clincally depressed and now is being treated for bi-polar. I had to hospialize her for three weeks I have never seen such a change in a person from being depressed to hitting a mania phase where she just acted out with no thoughts of consequences. My wife was a loving mother caring wife and a true christian and she is trying to move back into that lifestyle but struggles everyday. She is currently living with me back at home and wants to make our relationship work but how can I forgive this act of betrayal as I see it. I know it is my selfish pride holding me up but how do I get past it. I have done everything I think I can to support her and help her deal with this illness. She threathed to commit sucide the night when she told me about her one night fling and has thought about it many other times. I am trying to be supportive but I am truely lost in this situation and signed onto POF to meet friends to discuss this as well as other topics I hope to recieve some feedback from others in these types of situations. Steven thank you for sharing your story and God Bless you! | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/4/2006 11:24:58 PM | 
aw thanks for sharing
i only started the thread and the help has poured in from all over the world.
thank you POF and its many wonderful good hearted friends | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/5/2006 2:05:09 AM | | It was a long time ago, but 1 week after I had broken up with a boyfriend he killed himself. I've been there. Words of "it's not your fault" ring hollow. The only way to get through the pain is to find something to live for. It's been quite a few years now, and I'm rarelly reminded of that pain. I'm not quite sure what my "something" was; I just remember deciding one day I had to keep going. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/6/2006 5:33:57 PM | | take care Steven. I hope that life is kind to you from here on out....and that love finds you again, when you are ready.....It was nice meeting you, even in such sad circumstances. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/7/2006 4:07:24 PM | Calgary has a high suicide rate...
I can't understand why. Anyone who has ever been to Calgary knows that this city is beautiful. The people are freindly. The unemployment rate is low. The city is booming. There is more jobs then there are hands to do the work. Theres hustle and bustle everywhere.
Money is flowing here. There are more lottery winners living in Alberta than any other provence. The list goes on....Calgary is the place to be in Canada...
I just heard on the News, that over 400 Calgarians commit suicide every year.
Thats higher than Calgary's annual murder rate, or number of people who die in car crashes.
The Mental Health board aims to lower the suicide rate in calgary by 20% over the next ten years. I cant wait to see how.
=)
Steven | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/7/2006 4:17:28 PM | If the murder rate rises there will be fewer people left to commit suicide. Black humor.
I was thinking about suicide as an option for sexual frustration, and by sexual frustration I mean the entirety of love not just the physical act of intercourse. The thing is, I choose to ignore sex and women and all of it, to keep unto my own little self, happy in my pursuits, yet despite my intentions when I go out among people and see women walking free, damn, the yearning starts up again, and with it the sorrow of living only half what could be. As I see it, suicide is a handy catch-all solution to any annoying and relentless source of pain. It is never a good idea, well, unless if one suffers a painful, terminal illness or is being held captive and tortured endlessly. But for life's normal problems suicide is the wrong choice, no question about it. Why then does it come to mind? because it works perfectly to express despair! It says to the world "ow". If only the would come running to fix the boo-boo. In the tender and vulnerable state following separation, suicide can become an obsessive thought. That's irrational suffering for you. It's tragic, to be sure, but then again, so is living in a world where love means nothing to one person and everything to the other. I think someone once said about life that it's not fair, or, not always fair, and I must agree. Suicide is over-reacting, and you miss out on the good stuff that was waiting to happen past the immediate problem. Then again, more parking spots for the rest of us. It's a tough call. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/7/2006 4:22:35 PM | | Wow Steven - That was a real mind blower--whew. I've had four people threaten/attempt suicide, and feel it was NEVER about me--it was, in my mother's case, about her control issues, in my ex-husband's case, once again, control issues, in my son's case--leaves me confused. Anyway, since you are/were both good people, you will probably see her again someday (my mom, dad, brother and sister all died 1995-2000), and if you just look for all the good she left behind, and use this for moving forward and forgiving yourself and her, then your life will be strengthened. Just think, nothing in the world could possibly hurt worse, so the rest of your life will be possibly easier? Being a crisis counselor for a year, whew, there still is a God that loves you and is in charge--and having an ex-husband who left me with four kids to raise--miracles will happen. I also believe that whenever something awful happens, something good comes out of it--and hope you don't have to wait very long. your fan, a semi-magnificent woman. | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/8/2006 9:48:51 AM | HI SWEETIE,
MY NAME IS ANNETTE IAM 49 YEARS OLD. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU. I DATED MY FIRST LOVE FOR 2 YEARS. THAN WE GOT MARRIED AND HAD A BEAUTIFULL SON. WHEN OUR SON WAS 18 MONTHS OLD I CAME HOME TO A NOTE. HE HAD LEFT ME AND MY SON AFTER 2 AND A HALF YEARS OF MARRIAGE. I WAS SHOCKED, DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO. I LOVED HIM SO MUCH.HE MOVED IN WITH HIS DAD, WHO WAS A GREAT MAN. I SAW HIM A FEW TIMES AND TALKED TO HIM A FEW TIMES, ALLWAYS TOLD HIM THAT I STILLED LOVED HIM. HE WAS A PERFECT FATHER TO OUR SON UNTILL HE LEFT. I TALKED TO HIM ONE DAY AND ASK HIM TO COME BACK HOME. THAT I LOVED HIM AND HIS SON NEEDED HIM.HE TOLD ME HE WOULD BE UP ON MONDAY. HE HAD BEEN GONE 6 MONTHS. WILL A BUNCH OF HIS FAMILY CAME AND PARKED IN FRONT OF MY MOMS HOUSE. THAN ONE CAME OUT AND TOLD ME HE WAS DEAD. I REMEBER HITTING THE GROUND. AND TWO OF MY NEIGHBORS HELPING ME TO THE HOUSE. I THINK THEY ALL CAME JUST TO WATCH ME. HIS DAD CALLED ME AND TOLD ME, AND TALKED TO ME. APART OF ME DIED THAT DAY. HIS FAMILY BLAMED ME FOR IT, ALL BUT 4 OF THEM. I TELL YOU ,YOU WILL FIND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE FOR SURE. PLEASE DONT LISTEN TO FOOLISH PEOPLE. THEY WILL BE NOSEY AND RUDE. I WAS TOLD BY A FRIEND THAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN PRISON, THAT I KILLED HIM. AND YOU NAME IT. PEOPLE WOULD COME UP TO ME AND WANT TO KNOW WHAT WAS IN THE LETTER. ONE GUY COME UP TO ME AND ASK ME WHAT KIND OF GUN. IF I HADNT HAD MY TWIN WITH ME I WOULD PROBLY KICKED HIS BUTT. PEOPLE ARE MEAN SWEETIE. HIS FAMILY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS SON AFTER HE DIED. WELL THERE WAS 3 THAT STUCK BY US. I NEVER UNSTOOD THAT. THEY SAID IT MADE THEM THINK OF HIS DAD. DUH THAT MADE ME LOVE HIM MORE, HE WAS A PART OF HIS DAD. PLEASE BE STRONG SWEETIE, YOU WILL MAKE IT. PICK YOUR FRIENDS WISELY.
YOU WILL NEVER FORGET HER, BUT IN TIME IT WILL GET BETTER. I PROMISE YOU THAT. I LOVE HIM AS MUCH NOW AS I DID THAN. I BLAMED MYSELF AT FIRST BUT I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. PEOPLE GETS THINGS IN THERE HEAD AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN. MY SON IS 26 NOW AND MARRIED WITH 2 BEAUTIFULL CHILDREN. HE GOES TO CHURCH AND IAM VERY PROUD OF HIM. BUT HE STILL CRYS ON FATHERS DAY WHEN THEY HAVE THAT SPEACIAL SERVICE FOR THE FATHERS. IT BREAKS MY HEART.
WHEN A PERSON KILLS THERE SELF THEY FEEL THEY ARE GETTING OUT OF IT. BUTT THEY ARE HURTING ALL THERE LOVED ONES. IT NEVER GOES AWAY. YOU NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND WHY. I THINK IT IS A SELFISH ACT. PLEASE GET HELP IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE. I HAD TO CAUSE I HAD TO DEAL WITH IT AND TRY TO DEAL WITH A 2 YR. OLD THAT COULDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED. DONT LISTEN TO FOOLISH PEOPLE AND RUDE PEOPLE. AND REMEBER YOU DONT OWE ANYONE A EXPLANTION. THEY JUST ARE BEING NOSEY. BE STRONG AND TURN IT OVER TO GOD, HE WILL CARRY IT FOR YOU.
I HOPE THIS LETTER WILL HELP YOU OR SOMEONE ELSE. THAT IS THE ONLY REASON I PUT IT ON HERE. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE EVER DONE THIS. REMEBER THE GOOD TIMES AND KEEP YOUR HEAD. GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU. YOU HAVE FRIENDS ON HERE, THEY ALL HAVE GOOD LETTERS. BUT I FELT YOU WANTED TO HEAR FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN THERE. ALL THIS IS IN LOVEING MEMORY OF CHUCK. HE HAS BEEN GONE 24 YEARS NOW. BUT NOT FORGOTTEN. GOD BLESS, (OVER LOOK MY BOO BOO PLEASE, THIS WAS HARD TO WRITE.) | |
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| My Ex : Five weeks from Separation to Suicide.
Posted: 9/11/2006 6:19:14 PM | Sorry for your loss. You will be racking your brain with all the usual questions; why didn't I see this comming? I shoul haves' etc. You will and are still in a state of shock. This will last as short or long as your mind permits it. I am not going to Dr. you through this. An uncle of mine (like a brother) poisoned himself infront of many other family members. I feel your pain.
See a Dr. tell him you need berievement counsilling right away. Don't procrastinate this. It is your first step to healing. You will never forget her, nor should you. But take the steps now.
You can over talk things and get information overload so to speek. Take a break from here every once and a while. You need time for your own head to sort things out. You will survive.
Best wishes. | |
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