|
|
|
|
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/4/2007 5:52:53 PM | Well if we were to look at the cover of a woman what would we see?? as far as im concerned i will look at the eyes first when i meet somebody, as they say they're the windo to the heart and soul. I have never had a trophy of a woman I never wanted one. I have also never settled for anything that i know of. Besides I'm climbing the old age tree of life not that im going to find some young hunny around 21
Now that i rambled, im not into the glossy vineers just ya avg gal they have always worked for me. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/21/2007 9:32:02 AM | Terri,
I cant comment on your profile, I was not able to open up yours however I'll give you a general answer.
Men don't respond to your e-mail possibly for a couple of reasons:
1. They are not interested in you the same (probably the biggest reason)
2. Too busy to even reply...work other things going on...no time to.
3. Interested in someone else.
4. They are rude, inconsiderate, people.
5. They get so much mail they can only respond to a certain percentage (probably the least likely reason here on POF for a guy.....site should say "Plenty Of More Guys than Gals" LOL)
Yes, I for one do look beyond the photos. I do read the profile....but I still have to like your photo to start. . Dont need a trophy...for heavens sake...look at me...I'm not even close to being a trophy so why would I expect the same? | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/21/2007 10:20:08 AM | | ShoreBound... no offense, but if someone (male or female) is so busy they cannot send a simple response to an email, perhaps they shouldn't post a profile advertising their social availability. As for anyone being so popular that they receive too much mail to reply... shouldn't he/she be "spoken for" by now? If not, that makes him/her a "player" in my eyes. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/21/2007 12:34:10 PM |
if someone (male or female) is so busy they cannot send a simple response to an email, perhaps they shouldn't post a profile advertising their social availability. As for anyone being so popular that they receive too much mail to reply... shouldn't he/she be "spoken for" by now? If not, that makes him/her a "player" in my eyes.
Wow! You said a mouthful! You captured it all in one small paragraph!
I just really ticks me off when people don't respond to an e-mail, with at least something like, "Sorry, you're not my type. I want only great-looking losers." | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/21/2007 3:01:41 PM | ^^^Yep, Jlo got it. But really, when I come across someone who does the unread/delete, or read/delete, or read and ???, it's not the type of person I'd be interested in knowing anyway. It's rude and shows a lack of empathy for a person who actually took the time to write them. Less than a minute spent saying "Thanks but no thanks" with some honest reason as to why, shows the sort of character I would like to know.
I just think of it as another of those unspoken tests someone has to pass to move on to the next level with you. The rudeness to others is a biggy for me anyway. Have you ever been out with someone who treats the service people like crap? That's a deal breaker for me. Or someone who does nothing but bash their X all evening? Another one.
Now having said that, I always replay unless it's some email full of sexual stuff, or those that are filled with nothing but emoticons. Damned if I'm going to try and translate what they're trying to say. Probably 80% of the time, after I say "Thanks for the email. I looked at your profile and you sound like a blah, blah. But you're too far away for the type of relationship I'm looking for" or whatever...I am honest about why...I get some vicious, nasty email back calling me everything from a dirty wh*re to a stuck-up b*tch. Most of those guys are self-proclaimed "nice guys" too. So I sort of understand why some women just don't bother replying. It's sort of draining to open those up if you're not having a good day. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/21/2007 5:24:03 PM | Jlo- no offense taken. But, Please don’t take the answers I gave in the post as what I do. I was simply giving the OP some answers as to why she POSSIBLY was not getting replies to men when she sends an e-mail.
That being said, if you are responding to almost every e-mail you receive then I congratulate you on a job well done on being courteous..... or perhaps you’re simply not receiving that many incoming. Many of the women that I have corresponded with on here say they receive several unsolicited e-mails a day and they possibly can't respond to all of them or they don’t want to (some they say are just a form letter (junk mail essentialy-not much effort put into it by the man).
Hey, I've gotten the "read/deleted" thing done to me and yea I would have liked a response back, but I didn't get all bent out of shape about it. Yea it's a little rude...I would just view it as they are just not interested in me the same...not that they should post on their profile "socially unavailable", one has nothing to do with the other. Aren't we getting the "response" to our initial interest e-mail sent when they don't reply?? Granted it's not what we want to "hear"....rejection, and in a manner that we wouldn't necessarily give.
Believe me, I'm not getting no several e-mails a day that I can't respond to every single one....I'm sure there are some guys that are but I'm not one of them.
The number of e-mails received is no guarantee that there will be a match. Saying that some one should be accounted for because they receive a lot of unsolicited e-mails from people they have nothing in common with..... is like telling them to "just settle for somebody" and not be so picky.....being a player is altogether another topic...off of this thread.
Arugula-
I totally agree with your thoughts on how to view this, to think that these are traits or qualities about a person that I don’t like....(not responding to an initial e-mail, being rude to wait staff, ex-bashing on first date), so then they immediately failed the test for you in your mind so this is not the type of person that I want to know even further...."deal breakers" at the dating stage. At least you found out now rather than later. "Common courtesy" is not so common even in the virtual dating world as we have all found out.
 | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/21/2007 5:54:36 PM | Arugula,
If you can honestly say that you have responded to every email you've received on PoF (except, of course, for the sexually explicit, abusive, and kooky ones), then I will tip my hat to you, for you are a rare lady.
I've tried several internet dating sites, off and on, for several years, including PoF and some pay sites (no, I'm not a player in case you might be wondering). For all of the sites I've tried, I can honestly say that I have received absolutely no reply to over 90% of my initial contact messages. Several other sites allow you to select a pre-fabricated response from a pull-down menu, but people seem incapable of adding a few extra clicks to their cyber time. Unless the lady is willing to respond to me in a positive manner, I get no response at all. I'm willing to consider the possibility that there might be something about my profile that turns women off, or that I do a poor job selecting potential matches. However, if you scan the internet dating blogs, you'll find that the "no reply" complaint is common among men and women across many dating sites. Internet dating in general just seems to be going down the tubes.
At least on PoF, you can easily draw the obvious conclusion when you see that your message has been read and deleted. Not receiving a reply in several days is usually, though not always, another good indicator of no interest. It's no different when someone stops emailing you or stops calling you after you have had some initial interaction. Is that rude? Strictly speaking, yes. But that is how people are these days, and you have to develop a thick skin about it. The days of politeness and gentility went out of style with the hand-cranked phonograph. The general state of impoliteness used to bother me, but I learned to accept that people are basically rude today (look at how they drive and behave in a checkout line), and nothing you can do can change that (at least I am at a loss).
So, I will now come clean by confessing that I no longer send "no thank you" replies. If you accuse me of being unjustifiably rude and perhaps compounding the total problem, I will accept your criticism. I guess I can't completely justify my own rude behavior, regardless of how I have been treated. I can only say that it probably reflects my continuously declining attitude toward the whole internet dating concept. Internet dating used to be fun, people were more cordial and less kooky, but things have been going downhill over the last several years. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 5:24:07 AM | Shorebound...I agree. If someone keeps emailing me after I've been clear about not being interested for whatever reason, I don't respond to their emails. But I always respond to the initial one.
Mr. Dave....I do understand how easy it is to become so disillusioned with the whole internet dating thing. And that's probably a big reason that common courtesies we'd extend in our everyday life go out the window early on for many folks.
I just can't bring myself to treat some stranger who took the time to compose an email to me as if their attempts to reach out mean nothing.
I didn't date for years and I think I had this idea in my head that when I was ready, I'd just prance out into the middle of the street and say "OK, I'll take that one." using my superior powers of selection and I'd be all done. lol I had no idea it would be so hard to find "the one". I know what I want and I'm not going to settle.
I started this internet thing last Jan. on match, but got really, really frustrated on that site and didn't renew my subscription. It hurt when people wouldn't respond and I was upset that so many people lied about everything...age, height, weight, job. I met quite a few people on that site, and all but one had a profile full of lies. I couldn't believe it. So I sort of threw my hands up in the air and said eff it. Then a friend told me about this site so I'm trying again.
Anyway, it's an ego buster for me to be treated so poorly by a stranger I'm expressing interest in. Even if I understand why others do it, I'm not going to. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 5:39:18 AM | | We marry people genetically similar to us. There is no way to validate that through words. PoF states picture profiles get 10X results. I think true personality shows through pictures. In my opinion, no photo means low self esteem or you are trying to trick someone. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:31:02 AM | I'm glad I joined in this thread. There is some intelligent discussion going on here.
ShoreBound... I understand your point of view. We have different perspectives on this issue, but I appreciate your ideas. No, I don't receive a flood of mail. I'm guessing it has something to do with my honesty that a booty call isn't good enough for me (I'd like to actually know someone and enjoy a 'courtship'). And I do respond to every note I receive with at least a polite decline if I'm not interested.
Micro... I have posted profiles on several sites, as well. I don't think that necessarily makes someone a 'player.' That is something I would determine strictly on individual merit (or dis-merit, if you will-- it that even a real word? lol) These days, the way we work and live, we could go ages without anyone really recognizing our existence if we don't 'put ourselves out there,' so to speak. I paid a pretty penny for (as of now) over 150 'matches' on another site only to end up with one person I actually went out with, and he turned out to be just looking to hookup. I believe keeping myself open while deflecting the flotsam and jetsom is the only way I'll eventually find who I'm looking for.
Arugula... I'm with you on this. You have a good heart, and you're a decent person to have consideration, even for a stranger's feelings. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 6:33:49 AM | JustYouandMe... You have quite a scientific view on these issues... I think I've read other posts of yours reminiscent of this. I'm going to have to go back and read your profile to figure out where this insight is coming from.
Ok, I re-read it... now I get the 'genetically similar' thing... you have height and weight specifications for your mate. LOL. At least you're decisive. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 7:20:03 AM | | I've tried posting a pic and not posting a pic. I'm a 51 year young, somewhat plus sized, kind, college educated woman, and I have found that I get many, many more e-mails when I don't post a pic. They will seem very interested, we converse back and forth, and then the minute most men see my pic, I never hear from them again. I would estimate at least 95% of the men I've contacted or who have contacted me, simply are not interested in women who are overweight. They can look like they are nine months pregnant and could use a good support bra, but they still want Barbie. I never considered myself particuarly unattractive until I tried online dating. Don't get me wrong, I have met several men and had one LTR as a result of online dating, but my overall experience has been, your appearance is a deal breaker. You might as well post a pic at the very beginning instead of putting off the inevitable exchange of pictures. If the other person likes your picture, then they will probably read your profile, too. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 7:45:35 AM | Galadyforyou...I don't think it's necessarily because of being plus sized or even truly the attractive factor. (not talking about you...just generally for all of us) Some men are clear about preferring larger women. I do think it's funny how some really large men state in their profile that they are only interested in athletic or thin women. It falls into the same "car shopping" comparison theory I have.
This online thing gets people all excited about possibilities. It's like when you decide it's time for a new (could be used) car. You're paging through car magazines...but for some reason, there's no price on them. Hell, you start thinking the sky is the limit. Why settle for that used Pacer (haha) when you can bid on the Mercedes SL Class? They're not even thinking that if the prices are the same, the Mercedes deal has to be a ripoff or they couldn't afford it anyway. It's stupid, but that's the trap many men and women fall into. This kind of thing doesn't happen as much in person...except for the very stupid. But it seems to be prevalent on the internet. Look at some of the people who clearly have pics up of models rather than themselves and they have hundreds of favorites. lol The women are looking at this guy and thinking "maybe, just maybe...he means it when he says he's looking to find the "one" and that "looks or age don't matter". Same for the guys.
Edit: I just looked at your profile. I think "a few extra pounds" is off for you. The people who are putting "a few extra pounds" on here are a lot heavier than you. People may be thinking your pics aren't recent, and that you've gained 50 pounds since the pics were taken. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:05:57 AM | Thanks for the comments, Arugala. I agree with you, when there are so many to choose from, and the sky is the limit, just about everybody will head for the Mercedes, without stopping to think about how expensive the parts and upkeep can be, and how much happier they might be with a good Ford F150. The thing is, I don't want someone who just wants to be with me because they like "plus sized women." I want someone who wants to be with me because of me. As far as my profile, I'm 175... I consider that more than a "few extra pounds" hence the use of it in my profile. The pictures were taken late last fall and this January. Average for my height is 145.
"This kind of thing doesn't happen as much in person.../"
Because people see you... or the available pool of people is so much smaller... the problem is, if you don't do the bar scene, don't attend a large church or have a huge circle of friends, online seems to be the only way to meet people. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 8:28:49 AM | galady... the bar scene isn't what it's cracked up to be. Who knows how that sparkling conversationalist is going to really be the next day when he hasn't had 3 or 4 shots? Drinking makes people uninhibited and definitely alters their behavior. Also, what on Earth are you going to do at 2 or 3AM when the place closes... get a room? I don't think so. Go home and wait for him to call? Not!
As far as meeting people at church goes... my ex-husband was a "born again Christian" when I met him. He cheated on me with a neighbor, while I was pregnant with his fifth child. No guarantees there.
Online IS a good way to meet people. Just be selective and very, very careful when you meet in person. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 9:37:51 AM | | Oh, Jlokitty... I'm always amazed when I hear about other people's lives. You are now a single mom with five children? Bless your heart. I don't go to bars. I went to one a couple months after my divorce, and I cannot begin to tell you how out of place I felt. That will NEVER happen again. As far as your ex-husband... I'm so sorry. Mine didn't start cheating on me until my youngest was 13. Online is really the ONLY way for me to meet people, so I'm here, waiting, and being selective... and believe me, very, very careful. | |
|
| |
| |
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 1:24:10 PM |
They want love! Someone to listen to them, laugh with them, and someone who takes care of themselves..............
A partner, a lover, a friend.
I think Sentimental1 states it best...
Jlo and Arugala, You both have posted some very valid points, and I think that we men should be paying closer attention...
Online dating, as I have replied so often before, seems not much different from High School, It seems we play the same games.
As far as the question in point, "What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?"
Speaking for myself the answer is yes, I do look at the profile, and I am often amazed at how brief some profiles can be, in this event they don't really tell me much about the person behind the picture, not to mention those of us here who do not even have a picture posted...
When I receive an e-mail from somebody new, the first thing I do is read their profile, before I even read their email. This gives me a better i dea of who I might be hearing from.
As far as what we want, well...
Maybe its a little more complex.
As for me, you can read my profile, I laid it all out there.
But mostly we are looking for "that one person" ...
Some people might use the term "soulmate"
Now for my question, what do women really want, and do You look at anything besides the pic?
After all, it's only fair... | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 2:43:31 PM | i've been talking to some guy from pennsauken, nj. even though he and i live 2 1/2 hours away and i'm looking for friends right now he told me in the last email that he sent me (imw) i'm pretty much not good enough for him. i went back and read his profile again........gee golly geepers!!! i know what the problem is................it's not just because i live 2 1/2 hours away from him but i'm just a dumb hick in the sticks since i'm not a penn state graduate nor am i thin or petite.......................you know what i did? i'm not even going to tell ya.... 
ok, who wants a nice cold can or bottle of bud and/or a shot of jd?
| |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 2:47:41 PM | ^^^Obi....If you'd put the white tank pic as your main pic, I wouldn't need to look at the profile. JK, sort of. You're hot. But on top of that, you have a great profile. I loved the way you brought out being a man who is sometimes still an emotionally insecure little boy. That was very appealing. It reminded me that no matter where we've been, what we've done, or who we see when we look in the mirror every morning, we're still that little kid looking up to our daddy or mommy for love and approval.
So yeh, I always look at the profile, and I look at it before I read the message. One of my few stated wants on my profile is someone my height or taller. So if that's there, and they don't seem to be misrepresenting themselves in some way, I'm agreeable to talk further. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 2:51:12 PM | LOL Pony...I keep getting tempted to send you one of those roses. But then someone will think I'm really interested in someone else. I'll do a shot of JD with you...well...if I didn't have to work tomorrow I would!
Hey, speaking of those roses, I'd love to start a thread suggesting that those roses might be making the "intimate encounter" seekers feel left out. I think they should get two condoms every month. That way, they know if the person they're looking at has already blown their supply (haha..pun intended) for the month before they contact him or her. I think the thread would be deleted though. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 2:51:57 PM | On a serious note........Men look for many of the same things that women look for when it comes to a relationship but neither gender is going to force a chemistry that is not there. Physical chemistry is going to play a role with both in the initial stages and determine whether a pursuit is going to occur. After that will come the mental chemistry and thus the dating begins. From that point everyone is different and whether a relationship develops is unique to each couple based on life circumstances, aspirations, common ground and whether it is feasible to take the relationship to a long term commitment. The problem to why people fail to find a meaningful relationship is because of generalizations as is suggested with the topic of this thread. It would be better not to take the initial rejection so hard and then spin out the foolish thinking in an attempt to overcome the rejection. It only sets up failure in the next hunt for Mr. Right. Believe it or not there is a guy out there that is physically and mentally attracted to you. Be patient and don't worry about the ones that are not.
My best advice is to stop trying to validate your feelings with stereotypes and try to accept that every brain created on this earth is unique within itself with its only unique drive to what it is looking for in LOVE!!!!!!! If that persons soul is resistant to fusing with yours save yourself the much heartache trying to force it. And if the dude is just a predator on here looking for just sex...learn to laugh and move on. Laughter is medicine to the soul. | |
|
| What do men really want, do you look at anything besides the pic?
Posted: 1/22/2007 3:21:35 PM | I agree with Black Knight here and most of the replies above are all valid. It is frustrating when someone doesn't reply to a message when you think you might click from reading their profile... problem is it is all in our heads, our own fears and assumptions of why they don't reply... I have only been on this site for a week... found several girls I would like to get in contact with but have YET to get an answer from anyone I have initiated contact with... Can I sit down and cry like a baby and ask... does my profile suck.... do I look really bad on the pic? Of course I can, but I choose not to because as the name of the site says, there are PLENTY OF FISH for all of us and it's a matter of taking your time and getting lucky...
Ps. Yes I have written a few cracker and whine posts myself asking why no one answers... but I am just impatient and a sucker for instant gratification(yea yea i know... say to be patient when I cant myself ;) )
 | |
|
| |
|
| Page 4 of 6
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
|
Home
login 
