| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/4/2006 11:58:24 PM | i for one love women who have kids..there more stable..and are more loveing..and tend to want a stable relationship...my sons are mostly all grown up...but i have always loved kids..mark  | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 6:52:30 AM | Ajjuddtx..
For one thing my dear I have raised two great boys who have grown into men, own their own business, own thier own homes, gone to college, I havwe two wonderful grandaughters.
The question was why do men get tured off by women with childeren..I say again baggage baggage baggage..I didnt write the rules thats just the way it is..And it is statistically proven that young single women parents are far less educated. I merely state the facts....Google it go ahead prove me wrong..
I also say there are exceptoins to the rule..Rare, but rare exist in any state of being..As for the guys..Well go ahead then take a chance..thats the only way your going to find out...trust me on this guys..If its not a good situation..that includes not statring out in the human resource dept. that means you both have a secure life..You better think twice..I dont care what a women tells you..
Judd is right girls there is some one for you..Too late now you are there..I can only say be very carful and dont put your self in a place where you have been before.....
The psychology is so complex and unique to individuals..Its not easy and there is no easy answers..Do I love Kids absoulutely...Do I love women, no question, Im 49, Im at a point in my life where Im trying to do things and settle down with one girl with no worries..That in-it-self is a delima..Everyone has kids..Its just easier for me when they are grown..I have more fun that way..
Please girls use protection you cant make anyone love you by having kids and its hard as hell by yourself. Wait untill your life is more secure.. | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 7:14:18 AM | First, let me say how refreshing it is for someone to really put what they feel down into words. This issue is one of significant complexity, with no one single answer apparent.
However the root lies in values, that is family values. For the most part, the family system over the past several generations has deteriorated. Those of us who are from an earlier generation can remember the cohesiveness of the family, especially extended family. No, “everyone” did not practice or endorse family values, however those mainstream values were considered important. Today, or so it seems, its every person for themselves. For many men the paternal instinct of protector has been driven out of them by their “Independent Mothers” who swear by the stars that their sons will not turn out like their fathers and grandfathers. Often from the time a female child pops out of the womb, their “Independent Mothers” swear by the stars that they will be Independent successful woman at all costs. Well the price is being exacted! Did I hear … What a radical point of view? I strongly suggest everyone step back and take a look at things. Responsible men, take the responsibility of raising children seriously, perhaps ever more so, if they are adopting a ready made family. When the slap and tickle wears off the responsibility of raising children becomes so very apparent. Think About It ... | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 7:40:09 AM | Here - Here, Thank you..This is not a one sided issue....You said it well my friend. Guys and girls..This aint no joke..dont just step back...step WAAAAAY back and think about this..
Thanx to the original postess, Ok so some things have been neg. Some guys have said WELL I LIKE KIDS...Think about this one.... As a person Im sure your great...My suggestion to you is quit focusing on the man thing..He only wants one thing, trust me on this girls...thats just the way it is. Get yourself in a position to asspire to be more than needing a man..and you will find a good one..One you can both offer something to a relationship. Get educated find a good job and you will find like minded mates. If you just want to date make that clear in your profile..Then there is no expectations..if you find someone..Be like the rest of us fish..Good luck | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 7:50:22 AM | | Goes the same way with single dads too. I raise my 2 girls by myself, so dont feel bad. The ones who cant accept my babies are not worht my time. I am a father first and will always be theat way. One lady told me she didnt wnat to date because she wouldnt have all my attention | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 11:18:31 AM | In my case I am seeing a woman that has an adult son living with her in a very cramped apartment. There is limited privacy for the two os us, even though he is the nicest guy in the world.
My daughter divorced her first husband and remarried. She had a daughter by her first husband, but he won't even exercise his joint custody right. My grand daughter is a teen now and can't even remember her real dad. She is constantly asking me about him. My daughter doesn't want me to tell my grand daughter anything about her natural father, as she claims he is a pedophile.
My daughter's second marraige ended is a divorce, as the guy was continually intoxicated. All my grand daughter see's is he is the only dd she remembers, and it hurts her when her mom divorced him.
Life sure get's complicated real fast, doesn't it? | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 3:27:18 PM | I am a 31 year old woman married one time currently separated I have 3 children ages 13, 7, and 5 all belong to the same father, their dad and I are in the process of divorce yet, I have no real baggage, my kids father and I have equal joint custody, I consider myself lucky that he was the one to have my kids with, I personally dont want/cant have anymore of my own, but have always welcomed others, I love kids and they are to be the center of the parents world to expect anything else is just stupid.
its sad but true but SOME men think woman with kids are easier to get in the pants of then others.. that whole M.I.L.F fetish seems to be out there in most minds. there are a few that dont want kids because it stops from the fun things IE traveling and picking up and going when they want.
I dont have that problem i can pretty much pick up and go when i want, my kids live with me for one year.... their dad gets them on the weekends.... then its reveresed.. I like probably most woman, state to the person contacting us, that we have children and they arent going anywhere.
I have dated since my break up and more often then not I have dated Fatherless children not by choice but thats who made the cut then, i dont even bring my kids into the said dating picture until i know its going somewhere, not because i dont want them to meet them, but because i dont want the kids to get used to said suitor or vise versa, mainly because when i was younger and my mom dated she had a few that was actually nice and than something happened of what not i was young so cant really say for sure what and then he was gone.. I stand by the fact i dont need a father for them they have one: a excellent father, i dont spend hrs bringing him up unless i am asked questions about him.. because i know that most men hate when the girl they are seeing talks about the ex..
after its serious and i know its going some place introductions are made, because well its that time to meet the kids and the ex, the only reason for the man to meet my ex to be is because well maybe that puts his mind at ease to see what kind of man will be around his kids on occassion.
so all i can say i mean this is my situation
As of yet in the 3 yrs I have been separated i have never been unlucky enough to have a man be like "umm you have kids, ok cool wanna be friends" actually i met someone from plenty and he and i have been dating for 3 months now. things are going good for the most part, he has teenage boy(s) a 14 and 12 yr old. the site is only still active because i like reading the forums and i came across this one today. He is very accepting of my children and thats all that matters and last month my kids met him the only one that says anything is my oldest and its not negative in the since "your not my father" its the sense that hes shorter than i am and he hasnt said it in front of him he told it to a family member.
so ladies dont give up there is a man out there that will want to date you even with your kids being a total package.... and if not its their loss.
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 5:08:43 PM | Lucky- You hit the nail on the head! Everyone has an idea of what they are looking for and shouldn't feel the need to settle for something else!
I have a list of what I would like and things I know I don't want... I raised four girls alone (not illigitimate either!) and had many a date decide to run (and run fast) - Not because they were terrors or they feared raising my kids for me - They were just not looking for ready made family...
I paid my dues - Now the girls are grown and I can say - I DON'T want to date someone with small children because I am past that - Now I look for gentlemen in the same period of life as me- Kids that are grown but very much a part of his life.
Keep you chin up girls - just know that you have to find a special guy who will treat your kids the way you would want them to. | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:43:44 AM | First of all I want to address those who have done the name calling of the children. You do not know whether the children were born in or out of wedlock so to call a child anything, you should be ashamed of yourself. I have thre children. Been single for five years. They all have the same father and were born after we got married.
Secondly someone spoke about being educated or needing to get educated. Most women worked while their spouce went to get their education and when it came time for tje women to go to college, the men left. This was not my case however. I am getting a degree and have one year left. I was suppose to start college after the children started school.
And finally, being divorced is hard enough. Some women their are many different reasons why we are all divorced. It could have been the other spouce was cheating, abuse or drugs. People even grow apart from each other. If a man is not wanting to date a women with kids, that is his choice. He may not be ready for kids or is the kind of person who wants to be able to get up and go when ever he wants to. I do find it funny how some of the men who do not want to date a women with kids have kids of their own. They just do not have the kids 24/7.
For those ladies out there who are getting down about this subject, don't. The men who do not want to date women with kids are not the ones you want anywys. They are not being mean or selfish, they just are set in their ways and do not want to change. | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2006 5:02:39 AM | | I said most women that have Babies at an early age in there life are not very well educated..Read my lips....And seconly since you have the life you have now..Do something with it..Thats my whole point on that subject..Quit reading what you want to.I have been very specific.... | |
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sm000
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Joined: 6/22/2004
Msg: 61 | |
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2006 5:19:29 AM | | Well... If they do turn their back to you, it's their loss...right? I personally don't have a problem dating women with children. In fact, I prefer it. Responsibility is a big plus in my book. | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2006 8:15:16 AM | May I add a quick 2 cents. Why are you asking this? Makes no difference why or not. It is just something one is looking for in another as any other of the many things we are looking for like size, weight, looks, etc.
I for one when I was younger could care less if someone had kids if I liked that person. I did find it a huge turn off if they were irresponsible with them. To me if they were not very good and neglected their kids then that told me what they were like as persons themselves and I would move on. Character was always a bigger selling point to me.
I am also a kid somewhat and love scary rides like roller coasters and such and I had found it great to go with the kids and have an excuse to ride them rides. Also nothing is better than seeing a kid catch their first fish or some other things like that. I still enjoy it somewhat with my best friends kid. We took him a few months ago to shoot at a range and he did well. I still love looking at the pics I took and a vid I made of his first time he finally got to shoot a gun for the first time. The pic I have of him also of the first fish he caught shows him (and I) with the biggest smile that he will ever have. Pure joy. Made no difference that it is not my kid. Memories are made of these moments
Now that I am older now and stuff though I have worked hard and am able to enjoy some of the fruits of my labors more now and now I am looking for someone else in the same position as I to explore and enjoy life more fully now and am looking for someone without kids. Luckily I am in my mid 40's now and most ladies my age have their kids out of the house. I like kids still and all but want to be a bit more selfish now. I have that right and have earned it in spades.
Now I am wondering if maybe the ones complaining about someone passing on them because they have kids can be forthright with me. Have y'all ever passed on someone because they were not good looking enough? Maybe they have other features that you just took a pass on? Maybe they were too old or too young? Maybe their attitude was lacking in some way that turned you off? You are a good looking lady in the pic and maybe or maybe not you do the same as everyone else and delete the what you consider ugly and reply to the Hunks. Do you have any requirements of any potential suitor?
Instead of taking the time to complain maybe the best way is just be glad that someone is not wasting your time. Also I find it amusing that someone is supposed to be a jerk if they do not like the same things as others. | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2006 11:27:39 AM | | Let me tell you something, My husband died over 11 years ago and left me along with two boyz to raise and they are my heart, i would give up the so called greatest guy if he could not understand that they come first, If he had a child I too would expect to be second to ALL children. even in the best of relationships, children are our future and should be first. If have not had a problem with men wanting me, only with them being true men. I would have a relationship with a man that children, I would be fair to all children, his becomes mine. If a man has a problem, it because he does not have confidence in him self or the compassion to love all children. There are men that will love your children as his own just as we would his. | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2006 12:36:31 PM | Actually, Z28, I think that is a good thing. For those men who are turned off by women with kids, they are doing you a favor by screening themselves out. Why should you waste your time. All that is left after that are the men who do enjoy women with kids (like me) and it is with those that you can spend a bit of time getting to know.
While there are all kinds out there and you still need to screen everyone one at a time for consideration.
Best of luck girl... go get him! :-) | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/6/2006 10:08:32 PM | that's just about it.
If someone doesn't care that you have a kid then he's looking to get in your pants.
If he honestly has to consider the tribulation rising someone else’s child will bring, then you know you have someone thinking about the long-run. | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 4:47:36 PM | | thanks everyone i really apperciate all the great advise an comments..guess dating it part of weeding out the good for the bad !! just not as easy as it used to be i suppose...best of luck to all !! | |
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NANP
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Joined: 8/4/2006
Msg: 68 | |
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 5:37:42 PM | Better late to the discussion than never, I suppose . . . new here, and my posting privileges just got turned on.
*waves*
I think children introduce an EXTRA element that pretty much always has to be acknowledged and dealt with. At 47, her (whoever "her" is at any given moment) having kids is likely to be part of the deal; I date mostly women in their 30's, for the most part, and, well, here in South Texas . . . 
I do set ground rules: no meeting the kids until it's looking committed/serious, is the main one, because I don't want her kids growing up thinking of men as "the ones who always leave." And, while I understand that her kids will *always* come first . . . I expect solid indications that I come next. Heh.
But a bigger issue is . . . if she waits till she gets to WalMart to discipline 'em . . . or doesn't discipline 'em at all . . . or disciplines too harshly and too much . . . or hasn't taught 'em manners . . . or DOESN'T put 'em first . . . and yes, how she came by 'em in the first place . . . you get my drift, I'm sure. It's another window into a woman's soul, and I'll either like what I see there or I won't.
Will say that small female children are much cuter and easier to take that grotty little nosepicking boys.  Matter of personal preference. And frankly, if something long-term seems possible, I'd really rather not invest my time, money, and wisdom into passing along someone ELSE'S y-chromosome. It's a Darwin thang.
~NANP™ | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 7:26:43 PM | By now every reason has probably been posted, but ZZ you are a major babe!
Not that I'm trying to hook up or anything like that, but I've never had any problems with any of the kids I felt affection for from the ladies I've dated. As long as everyone knows you're not dad, but you're willing to be there for them, kids have no problems.
But I've never been a full time dad either!
I would like to be one, someday, but for now I'm, still looking for the right girl... Kids or no kids...
This is one guy who's never been turned off by women with kids! | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 9:48:36 PM | I understand your problem, but just because a guy doesn't date you because you have children, doesn't make them a bad person. Some men want families of there own, or possible don't want to take care of someone elses. This may sound cold, but taking care of two children they did not help make might hinder that.
Also, if they are just looking for a date, it is harder to date someone with children. The person with child might have many conflicts. It might be hard to get a sitter, or possibly the child could be sick, putting the person in a sad state.
I hope this made sense. | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 10:07:01 PM | You know, as a stand alone dad! I often think how nice it would be to meet a woman that has a son, or another daughter would be good.
But then when I go out, lately I hear and can even read it on POF, how women are not wanting men with kids.
Presumably this is because of Mommas baby drama. And I have had my small share in the past. Even cost me someone close... once.
But, how about you Z28speed, would you allow yourself to date a man with children? I mean it is all great that we, the few, want and have no problems with another man's children. What about you women?
Speak up honestly about it... 
-CowboyEnuff- | |
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jenc
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Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 73 | |
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 10:42:16 PM | im 23 with a 6 yr old lil boy i have found out that it matters mostley on your judgement. if you pick a guy that likes to go out and party alot having kids is a big deal cause you cant just go out any time you want.alot of people cant understand that, i have also ran into "i dont want your kid to get attatched to me just in case" and i dont like to let my child meet who i am dating until i know how its going because they do get attatched and its ok to break my heart but not a childs. if you can find a man that loves children and can understand that they come first and are willing to share you and still have something meaningful send them my way! i have yet to find that!
Jen | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:05:28 PM | Cowboy,
I dated a 38 year old with 5 kids and 2 grandkids. He was a great guy but had issues he needed to work through that I wouldn't get involved in and it all ended. | |
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| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:20:01 PM | Paladin,
I didn't say that you "Wrote the rules" and thank God you don't. You being a divorced male have baggage and don't tell anyone you don't. Anyone who has been in a bad relationship does. I have baggage but that is not my kids. I am glad your children turned out the way that they did. But I hope that you as their father still put those kids where they belong. That is first in your life because they may be grown but they are still your kids, no matter what. You say that you raised them. Was that before or after your divorce? If it was after did they live with you or their Mom? See it makes a difference. Most children are raised by single mothers after the divorce. In my case my ex has the kids 4 to 6 days a month. This does not constitute helping raise children. Just this weekend he brought the kids back to me early because they tried his patience. Minus his time that is 312 days they try my patience. That is what kids do!
Oh forget it....It doesn't matter just as long as you get to have fun right? | |
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