| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/9/2006 10:05:27 PM | | A kid telling a grown woman how life is supposed to be is funny as hell. I also remember telling my father when I was this childs age how I knew everything already. It didn't take many years to realize how wrong I was. But I was never as clueless as this kid so it may take longer. | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/9/2006 11:32:18 PM | some women dont deserve to keep their children... but it doesnt mean they shouldve never been born. theres lots of people out there willing to adopt. So if a woman is unfit for motherhood (and yes im sure we've all met someone) then it gets moved onto adoption hopefully.
But still. you dont have a clue what your talking about... Your too concerned about your social life to want kids.. its selfish and wrong. Now if you were to say " im just not mature or responsible enough, or at a time in my life where i would feel comfortable raising a child" i could understand that. but your anti-kids reasoning is your "party life" .. its Throughly disgusting. | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/9/2006 11:57:10 PM | | No one will argue that point (at least I certainly hope they don't), but it has nothing to do with either the original post or the subsequent discussion. My response was directly referencing your immature comments. Being a single parent, and having a life outside of "Mom" does in no way equate to being unfit in any way. Read the thread. | |
|
3a
|
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 104 | |
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/10/2006 1:00:04 AM | Hello,
I didnt have time to read all of the responses on this topic, so if what I am about to say ahs already been said, please excuse the redundancy.
I cant address why many men dont wish to date women who have children. The few I have asked have stated that they did not want rear other mens children should it get to that stage of a relationship (aka marriage/moving in together..what have you). If that helps at all, which I am sure it didnt help much.
I can however, speak for myself on why I choose NOT to date men who already have children. Should I have children I would like to experience that first pregnancy with someone who hadnt experienced it either. When I have strange cravings or false labor pains, I dont want to hear "its ok dont worry thats totally normal, my exwife exg/f had those...its common". I want someone who gets just as worried as I am or just as excited as I do. Nothing is as unknown the first time around and rarely does something the second time around elicit the same strength of emotions as the first time did.
I am sure there are many wondeful single fathers out there. And I am sure it will be both our losses that I have this preference. But in the end, they also win by not having me take up there time, should they have been interested, so that they can find someone who appreciates and wants those treasures that are his children.
That is the main reason although there are about 6 subsidary reasons on why that is a preference for me.
Just my 2 cents.
 | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/10/2006 8:51:30 AM | if y'all don't mind......i'm going to put my 2 cents in again.............
1st off......the cow example........let me tell you, not all mother cows refuse to nurse or nurture an orphan calf. hell, i've seen it done where a cow adopted a baby pig. it was the most beautiful thing i've evern seen. it's the motherly instincts that picked up on saving the babe. i'm not saying that men or women has to pick up the slack on raising someone else's kids, it's just great knowing that someone (or something regarding the cow and pig) really cares and shows an interest.
2ndly......once a mommy, never a party girl (or something like that)? who has any right saying that mothers can't go out and party once in a while. yes, a mother has a child or children at home but she may also have the common sense not to bring it home where the children are subjected to it. when my ex husband and i were still together, we allowed "my time" without each other, without the children. that never made me a bad mom. that pretty much made me an admired mom. i never neglected my sons. "my time" was just that, my time to go out 1 day and hang out with my friends. i also had my own curfew. midnite, just like cinderella. once 12 midnite came around i had to be in my own home since "my time" had ended and the next calendar day began. just because you don't go out and party like you used to when you were single, wild, and free doesn't mean that you can't be a party girl when you have children. you just upgraded to a party girl with responsibility. being single again, being a mother, you can still go out partying with your friends. trust me, most men admire that in a woman and most men admire that in a man. like i said, "my time with responsibility"!
last but not least.....my younger son came up and said to me last week, "mom, can i play as if i'm your dad (poppy)?" i thought that was so cool! i had to ask him why he asked me that. his response was, "i would like to see who you are dating and let you know if he's good enough for you." my son, being at the age of 12 has shown that he would also be a good judge of character with men. i also don't believe in the 10 date rule. my son is my son, i would like for the man or men that i go out and meet with to also meet my son, whether it's before we go out or when i return home. my son is a part of me.............take it or leave it! | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/15/2006 9:55:18 AM | Laws,
Not all of us made bad choices in men... and there isn't always drama associated with dating a woman with kids. My ex husband and I are friends and we do everything for the good of our daughters. We were married almost ten years and just drifted apart. No drama needed. Drama only hurts the kids in the long run anyway. I won't put my kids or a boyfriend through all that. | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/15/2006 10:21:19 AM | | I can't speak for every man out there but the reason I am usually turned off by women with children is because I was married to a woman with three boys and I felt like I had to compete for her love. I would not object to dating a woman with children as long as there was time for me. Another problem that arose from my past experience is that women say " my children are my world" which says to me: My kids can do no wrong and if you can't accept them cutting up and getting into trouble then I can't accept you. I was always fighting with my ex-wife about disciplining them. I always had to be the " bad guy" and she always wanted to be the good guy. It makes things difficult when both adults don't agree on how to handle a situation that WILL arise. It generally means that the male role model doesn't get the respect that he gives. I am a good man and was a good father but she was also so used to playing the " mother" role that she tried to treat me like a child too. I have no problems dating women with children as long as she would be willing to have a child with me and I don't end up raising another mans children. Any man can father a child...... but it takes a special man to be a dad. | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/15/2006 10:36:46 AM | | I personally like an independant woman and as far as accepting responsibilty I have to ask the question....... where is the father? I took responsibility for my 3 stepsons and when my wife and I got a divorce that responsibility I took on didn't amount to squat. She wouldn't let me see my son ( the one I raised from age 6 ) who called me dad and everything. I'm sure that I'm not the only man out there who has encountered this and I can't just turn feelings on and off like a faucet. So if the guy that you are interested in is a good dad and is taking responsibilty for your children, you shouldn't jerk him around like I have been. If anyone wants to email me on this subject you can at offshoreman71@yahoo.com | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/15/2006 1:50:18 PM | I guess it wouldn't hurt to say this. A lady I dated a few years ago had a great son about 10 years old. He was starved for a male role model and I was more than happy as I do love kids. I took him fishing for the first time and I can still hear him screaming with excitement as he caught his first fish and still have the pic of him posing with it. It was a joy to take him to see a ball game and even taught him to shoot a gun for the first time. My best friends kid was the same age and we did many things with them. There were many great moments and we bonded so much so that when his mother decided to not see me any more because I refused to come off the road and settle down. I understood her decision and respected it. I asked her if she minded that her son still go out with my brother and friends and I and their kids as we had established a great bond and she said that if her and I would not be together that he and I would not. We have mutual friends and I heard that the kid was wrecked for awhile because of this and cried a lot but I have heard now that he is ok as all kids are very adaptable. I still look at the pics now and again and get a smile still as I can hear him screaming with glee as he experienced his firsts.
Now I did not do much in the way of paying out things and never had to disclipine him except to tell him that if he did well in school and behaved and minded his mother that we would go and do things. I saw that he changed a lot while I was gone and looked forward to when I came in. Now I consider this helping to raise the kid. It took time and effort on my part and I never minded it at all. My father did the same with his kids and many other fatherless boys in the neighborhood. I am just carrying on a tradition.
I am now in my mid 40's and want to be more selfish. I have always worked hard and saved and have done ok. I want to start enjoying the fruits of my labors more. I think I deserve to choose what I want now as I chose to be with a lady with kids years ago. Now the kid can and will get over it but it is very hard for me to get over these things. I know how I am and also know I will not change my ways so I need to stay away from ladies with kids and the heartbreaks that come from the bonds that are established being rent apart. It is not fair to to me and especially the kids. | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/21/2006 7:53:16 PM | | your comments were right on. liberals will always try to console the woman. but her having a SECOND child out of wedlock?? what does she expect a trophy?? so, i'm glad you had the courage to tell it like it is. all the best. don from texas | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 8/21/2006 9:57:09 PM | | Well, it appears that you are looking for a man in all of the wrong places. I personally love children, and it appears that it a man loves children society looks at them as a pervert and assume the worst in a man. | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/3/2006 6:52:15 PM | Wow..
I guess, I had hoped for something different as I entered the dating world again. I really shouldn't be surprised, there have been people who have not liked the same thing as me for as long as I've been alive.
Still though, it sort of stings to see grown men referring to children as baggage, and discarding the potiential for different relationships because the children in the situation are not their own.
I'm gonna let you in on a little secret guys. Until the baby is up and walking and talking? Primarily it's the mom's show. Now I know there are exceptions to that rule, and I am sure about a gazillion of you are going to jump up to tell me about them, but the truth is..going through the pregnancy, the birth, the first two years? You're job is to support us. You can't get pregnant, you will never have that particular bond with a child..I went through 36 hours of labor and an emergancy c-section, my ex didn't. Newborns while miracles in tiny blankets, are a lot of hard work and most of that hard work falls on the mother. Now, of course there are those rare men out there that take on their fair share of the first year of life and get up in the middle of the night to make bottles, or change diapers, or sing lullabyes..but in my experiance, the mothers tend to do that. Not only because the man has to work or whatever, but because we -want- to do it, even if we're dead tired and complaining bitterly the first time anyone else takes our child when they need something we feel like someone kicked us in the gut.
My Ex didn't have much of a relationship with my son for the first year., he wasn't as enthralled with every little movement of his hands when he was 3 weeks old, and he didn't marvel at the mere fact that he was alive when changing a diaper.(Holy run on sentance Batman!) However, now that my son is talking, and playing and becoming a boy? He is having a blast with him. Now the fact that he puts a bandana on his head and runs around screaming 'Arrr!' like a pirate enthralls his father, and they can roll on the ground and play for hours.
The point of this huge long post is this...that sometimes, what you want when you want kids? Is whats going on right now, with a kid that someone else made. Not everyone has drama with their ex's (Even if mine and I can't be married any longer it doesn't mean that he and I can't be friendly for the sake of our son) not everyone is going to expect you to shoulder more than you should, and not everyone is going to let you build a relationship with the child and then take it away.
Look, if someone doesn't want me because I've got a kid? Great..saves me the trouble of figuring out later that this isn't going to work. There are so many superficial reasons not to like me (I'm chubby, I'm too tall, I don't have a car, I like knitting..) if you can get past all of that and then discard me for my son? Then let me go ahead and thank you for not even messing with my head. | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/3/2006 9:33:56 PM | I cannot believe some of the assinine responses I am seeing here. Not assinine because they disagree, but, the utter lack of maturity and tact!
1- NO man will speak for me.
2- I doubt many woman here or elsewhere would choose to have a baby while not knowing they'd be left alone.
3- My God it is no wonder so many men are single. It's not about banging, scoring, partying.
4- I speak for no man other than myself.
5- My ex wife had 3 kids when I met her. I had never dated a woman with kids before. I automatically told myself that if I care about this woman I need to accept and discover everything about her. You bet your ass that the kids were a huge part. Kids do NOT make a woman less worthy, less attractive or less intelligent. To this day I love those 3 kids with all my heart and soul.
6- I know very few people in their mid 20's on who have no children. Having children is somewhat like getting married. Virtually no sane human being would do it if they had any idea that they'd be alone down the line.
7- I know there are men (and/or women) out there who don't feel they are ready for children. That is much more acceptable to me than slamming someone who does have kids. Accept differences.
8- God, just to sit and watch any child be a child just melts my heart. That beautiful innocence, unintended humor...... it's endless.
Again, I don't speak for anyone and I am not the authority on everything. Let's just try to agree or disagree wit ha shred of maturity here. Z28, I'd date you in a second if you were closer. | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/9/2006 7:04:55 PM | | well thank you apperciate it... i think another reason i am having a hard time is cause having kids to a point consumes my life..keeps me busy .. plus i have an idiot for an ex lol... anyways i don't want any more kids an that also seems to be an issue.. but i can't change who i am an what comes along with me ..my girls are wonderful an no man can change that!!! | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/9/2006 7:16:56 PM | | Some guys just want to date wemon theat they want to marry. Some men want to only date virgin wemen. Some men like me, just are not ready to settle down and raise a kid this early on. I think that sometimes, wemon portray themselves as sexual objects by how they act or dress..If you wear mini skirt and a cleavage revealing top, you should not expect to get very many quality men. Some guys will go for just a nice hair doo, or gorgeous eyes, I know what gets me is a midevil dress, but sorry to say you do not see that much, but some knee length dress can also look pretty hot, but also says that you are conservative | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/9/2006 7:35:19 PM | | I agree, that jerk comment was a bit over the top. Sounds like that guy is the one trying to get into the pants of single moms. Both my brother-in-laws married my sisters when they already had kids and raised them as their own. Personally, I would not want to raise someone else's kids. So I think you are right, it is a matter of personal choice and there are plenty of men out there that are looking for an instant family (or at least willing to tolerate it). So calling someone a jerk for not wanting to make all the sacrifices necessary to be in a relationship with a single mom is unfair and judgemental. Personally, I think kids are a lot of work, take a lot of time and energy, and can drain you financially and emotionally. I prefer to put my energy toward the special woman in my life and have her be able to give the same back in return instead of giving it all to the kids. Also there is the problem of having to get along with her ex who probably has custody rights with the kids. I mean it's like her having an ex-boyfriend that just won't go away. | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/10/2006 11:20:57 AM | i am an english girl with 2 children and men 9 times outta 10 are turned off by the fact that you have got children. i dont know if all men around the world are the same. my children are my life but i have a personal life aswell and i think that i deserve one. what do u lot think? | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/10/2006 11:29:11 AM | | I think is because they don't want to take on the responsibility of someone elses kids and they figure they will have inter act with them as well with the mother which if you want me and I have kids you are going to have except my kids as well that is what I think. | |
|
| |
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/10/2006 11:44:35 AM | I think it depends on the situation. I am not so much bothered by a woman having kids as much as questions like; How much of a pain in the neck is the father going to be? Have the kids been through several bad experiences with other potential step-dads?
I dated a lady at one time who had 3 very nice children...had no problem with the kids at all...but their father found out his ex was dating someone new and suddenly I was in an insane world of death threats, strange people offering me rides home from work (which I was smart enough not to take because it was a damn set up to be taken out on a country road and beat with a steel pipe), and all sorts of baseless accusations concerning a history of child abuse and sexual abuse of children. I finally had to confront the father, along with several relatives whom he had talked all this mess to and threatened liabel and slander unless he admitted in front of everyone that he'd simply made it all up because he didn't like the fact that his ex wife was dating again. In the end I was vindicated but the experience damaged the relationship beyond repair and it ended on a sour note to say the least. It's not the kids or the mother in a lot of cases but other people who can't mind their own business as well. I wish you the best of luck. I won't run from a woman with children but I damn sure will be cautious! | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/10/2006 11:56:01 AM | | i understand completely what you are saying nomad363. in your shoes i would have run a mile. but generally men are turned off. not all of us have ex partners that are nutters! | |
|
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/11/2006 12:21:09 PM | I think men see a side of women who are mothers, by the interraction and devotion to their kids and it can enhance their perception of the woman or completely destroy any admiration they may have. We've all seen the spoiled brats, whose mother gives in at any tantrum, buys them crap they don't need, constantly gets jealous of their mother's attention to a man she's dating. The mommy pushover syndrom shows a weakness that an outsider can never point out...much less help with. It's none of his business. So maybe it's not the woman he's turned off by, it's also not the kids...it's the mother.
Also, I've seen too many mothers push their children off on any babysitter they can find because some hard-d**ck called and wants to "hook up". Basically what man could respect a woman who'd drop ever'thing, including her kids on the neighbors doorstep, just for a booty call. That makes me sick.
So, in general...it may not be the scary part of being a male role model for the child, because I feel there are alot of men out there who would feel it an honor to be such. The scary part just might be what he sees in the woman as a mother. | |
|
| |
| |
| Why are men turned off by women with kids?
Posted: 10/16/2006 12:53:08 PM | I totally agree with this! This happens way too much and is one of many reasons I have not dated many women with kids. It is not the fact I like kids, but the fact there are some serious looney fools out there.
Sorry to sound harsh but I don't want to date a Jerry Springer show consistantly relooping everyday.
In fact all I want these days is to find the right person for me to settle down with and raise kids, the only problem anymore I am finding is that I have been single for so long and I am accustom now to such a HUGE amount of independence and being able to set my own schedule since I am an entrepenuer and my own boss, I have to get past that.
Jared | |
|
Home
login 
