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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/21/2006 2:15:15 PM | Now you drag her through court trying to take away the only person that's probobaly kept her sane, her other son.
She will never be 'SANE' for one. and secondly she has 2 other kids. ME DRAG THROUGH HER THROUGH COURT? oh maybe your right, i should have just said 'your right, i shouldn't see my son'...and then just walk away right ? Get the eff outta here
You have the audacity to come on here & tell us your son was killed by his mother without giving the full details until much later. She wasn't arrested because she didn't do anything wrong.
Thats bull, you and ever other DUMB female who thinks its ok to have a baby in the bed with them should be lined up and executed in my opinion. She was DRUNK....and suffocated the boy, point blank. Im not even sure what your exact story is, nor do I care. I don't have a 'feel sorry for me' attitude. I do however have the attitude that expresses fukk you and 4 people that look like you though.
I am sorry for your loss but I'm also very sorry for HER loss. Thats been over 6 yrs. ago and you keep the wound fresh with your "feel sorry for me attitude". It didn't just happen to you.
Im sure you are in the same boat she is though...i haven't even looked at your profile and I would not doubt that you are a career student who has pity and hardship PAINTED on your forehead. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/21/2006 2:35:06 PM | No parent should have to bury their children...
I have lost three...
One, due to a car accident, 4 months old
Two, miscarried, ( not buried but still a loss )
Three, my son's twin brother when they were born at 26/27 weeks due to trauma from an X.
You never get over it...no time heals that wound.
You just have to go one day at a time, have faith and forgiveness.
Good Luck, my prayers are with you. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/21/2006 2:44:27 PM |
Women are some vendictive, grudge holding creatures.....
Not all women, pls dont lump us all together because of a terrible experience. There are some really awesome ladies out there, myself included, who keep getting a bum wrap for what other women do or have done. YEAIDD, great, honest, caring women exist, dont ever forget that. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/21/2006 2:54:13 PM | | Agreed, and for the record...i didnt lump from just ONE experience! I have a list that goes on. The things I witnessed working in a nightclub for 7 years surely does not help. At any rate, i blow a kiss to all of the women that are not, and do not plan on being, no matter how far and few between they are. Im still trying to swallow the post ^^^^up there though. How is it possible for that woman to say 'I can assure you'....when SHE WAS SLEEPING!!!??? and one last note on that whole subject, the reason my kids mother was not arrested is because through all the madness, and my families support...there was no autopsy/investigation. If they had pulled her blood....she would be locked up still to this day. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:05:53 PM | | I can't even imagine a mother killing one of her children....or the grief you must feel. i am a single mom and if anythign ever happened to my baby ....oh lord....i don't what i'd do....you are a strong man and i think it's an amazing thing your doing by talking about it.....i don't really know what to say but i would think talking about it would help.... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/22/2006 1:11:05 PM | | yeaidid, You stated in the beginning that she "killed" your first son, yet you apparently trusted her with another new baby because you state he's your second son. If you were so angry with her over the SIDS death of the first child why would you have another one with her?? If you believed she killed the first one weren't you scared about the second one? You also state that you have 50/50 joint legal custody of your son, why is it so important that you have full custody? You were extemely rude to me after my first comments, did I strike a nerve? I do hope your anger & frustration doesn't affect you son, i'm sure he loves you both. After all, his feelings should come first Maybe you should seek counseling or at least anger management classes. When you posted your question you left yourself wide open for anyone with an opinion on this unfolding situation you're in. You should expect some people not to agree with you. I didnt take to heart anything you said like having me executed because I know you're upset. You should ask yourself where the real anger is coming from. My sympathy for your familys loss. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/22/2006 2:19:13 PM | I have had to bury 4 children...i lost them in a house fire 19yrs ago...Stephen was 10...Samantha was 7...Holly was 3...and Billy was 23months old...
Noone expects to outlive their children...and i can tell you it's a devastating thing to have to go through...I had five children at the time...only Michelle my eldest survived...It was a traumatic time for her as well as for myself and my husband...I also lost my marriage through i too as we both had such different ways of coping with what had happened and ther just was no compromise..
Time is indeed a great healer...not that it feels like it at the time...when a child is lost a part of you dies with it..and it leaves a big empty hole and a life of big sighs and if onlys...
My heart goes out to anyone on here and indeed anywhere who has suffered the loss of a child...
Raven..xx | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/22/2006 2:26:53 PM | | Loosing a child /children or anyone close and loved is a traumatic experience...one that you dont 'Get over' you learn to live with it...and find ways for yourself to cope... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/22/2006 6:27:08 PM | | It has been four years since ive buried my daughter and it never foes away and you never not think about them. my oldest daughter takes it the worst wants to know why god had to take her sister. I have to be strong for her though, all i can say is keep you head held high and cry when you need too. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/22/2006 9:33:51 PM | not yet....I know I will outlive my child though...he is 7, severely affected with CP (cerebral palsy)...he is past his life expectancy...I can't relate to the loss yet...but the anticipated loss haunts me every day...He is all I have and have had...I had him 2 days before my 19th bday...been a single mother since he was 9 months old....I understand your anger and what haunts you in a different way....it is not accidents that will kill my child...it is life...a cold someone doesn't contain or tell me about...or someone leaving the door open and letting in a hobo (poisonous spiders around my house) or a mosquito...yes, believe it or not...they've caused a serious infection...I get angry at the medical system....they wait a year to approve needed wheelchair parts...allowing his spine to sag, giving him scoliosis....and holding him straight all night couldn't fix it.....I get so mad sometimes I can't see straight....but know that I can't fix it...feeling helpless is the most angering...I can't fix it, I can't stop the inevitable, and I can't make others "see"....I go from moments of rage over it, to moments of grief that seem to never end...I am aware that somewhere in the middle...I still have my son so I still have the joy in the midst....I don't know how to tell you to cope....I can't even begin to cope with the fact that I will see my child die....and therapy?? yeah, right, I am one sequence away from getting my BA in psychology...I've seen em....some people just hurt deeper and longer than others
But I can tell you that not all mothers that sleep with thier children in bed with them can't hear them...when I became a mother, especially of my son....i can bolt up from across the room if his respiratory rate changes...when he sleeps in my arms...I wake up if I feel his heartbeat increase....i am tuned into him in a way that defies mortal explanation.....this said...i still completely understand your feelings on the matter, I would have them as well.... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/22/2006 10:47:46 PM |
if so, how did you cope? My first son was killed by his mother. While I was at work on 1.1.2000. Im not doing very well, my patience is extremely short and I do not smile nearly as much as I once did.
I knew a young 14 year old kid from a troubled home a few years back though one of his relatives that worked for me. Well the kid was big for his age, and looked alot like his father. I guess the divorce was not amicable between the husband and wife.
The mother of the kid was a pretty heavy drinker. A borderline alcoholic actually. The state gave her custody anyway. One night she was drunk pretty bad, saw her son, and since he looked like his father, she must have thought, in her sauced out mind, that her son was actually her husband.
She stabbed him in the neck with a kitchen knife a bunch of times when her son's back was turned.
I went to the funeral. Talked to the father some. The big thing I noticed was how he kept saying how he should have been there. How if he had done one thing different or one thing faster or slower that day, maybe his son would still be alive. I could tell that that kind of thought, that burden, would haunt him forever. I could really tell that if he had a gun in his hand that day, he would have eaten his gun gladly.
So yeah, if your son was killed by his mother, I can totally see how you would replay that entire day in your head. Minute for minute. Thinking about each thing you did that day, and thinking about how each moment could have been a chance to make a different decision or a different action, that might have changed the course of the days events. I mean that must an incredible amount of guilt to carry day after day after day.
Theres a saying, that a man dying before his child is just the natural order of life. But that a child would die before his father, and that the father would have to live with it, was the greatest tragedy a human could endure.
All I can say is, you've probably had some dark days in your life the past half decade, and maybe the pain became too overwhelming. I'm sure the desire to eat a gun was there with you too. Maybe if its too much to bear, you might consider admitting yourself to a psychiatric facility. Sometimes the pain is greater than our ability to cope.
Like I said, sorry for your loss, the guilt you must carry everyday, about the things you could have done differently that day, must be quite a load to shoulder alone. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/22/2006 10:56:34 PM | My g/f lost her only daughter (3rd baby) to SIDS....she was about 2-3 months old, my g/f got up, fed her daughter, put her in her CRIB and went to have a shower, got ready adn left for her one shift a week that she worked....Her husband got up not long after, checked on McKenna and she was already gone.... not to mention she was pregnant when this happened so she had alot of grief to deal with....they went to counselling...they are still together and they just had a healthy baby boy July 2nd (5 weeks older)
their daughter would not even be a year old right now....their only daughter...it was hard on her older boys and devastating to her and her husband....in time things have gotten better, not great yet, but hte counselling has worked wonders for them!!
I suggest therapy to anyone who has gone through this...Im' a single mom of one child...if I lost him I'd lose it, I can't imagine what you're going through....
keep your chin up, if anything for the sake of your kids that are alive... | |
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*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 40 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/23/2006 12:06:29 AM | my parents lost their 17yr old daughter to cancer in 1985. she was also my elder sisters identical twin.
my father coped by working more hours and never being there-his gambling addiction dramatically increased which thus caused fights between him and my mother. my mother threw all her energys into me (i was 11) and more my younger brother who was just 4 at the time. she was terrified of losing him and would never leave him and smothered him. since my sisters death, my mother has become incredibly over protective of us all. she had counselling which helped but even after all these years, she still gets upset when we get to 'that time' of the year and not a day goes by when she doesnt think of her.
my sister had brief conselling and threw herself into nursing children. we can only imagine what she went threw as she never talks about her twin and has distanced herself from the family over the years.
altho i was only 11 at the time, it also had a dramatic effect on me. i spent over a year crying every night when i went to bed and i was terrified that others would die in my family. i also had counselling in my early adult years.
death has a rollercoaster effect on everyone surrounding the deceased. time doesnt heal but it lessons the pain and counselling is important in helping you to come to terms with your loss. if not dealt with properly, the effects can show up in years to come and those emotions can once again knock you off your feet.
they say there is nothing worse than losing a child and altho i havnt directly been where you are now-i have seen the effects and witnessed the pain of a few that have.
my heart sincerely goes out to you and i hope you can find some inner strength to see you through this terrible time. what doesnt break us can only make us stronger but we all need a little help from time to time.
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/23/2006 4:43:38 AM | God; not sure what to tell you, but I'm certainly sorry for you...
However much it may take, time does make things better, but there's no changing the past; only your self... Past that, I'd dig into anything and everything that keeps you busy. Don't sit and dwell on things you can't change; it'll make you nuts. I hope this isn't taken poorly, but you were once somebody's little kid, too. You matter. Live, and live well... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/23/2006 6:51:32 PM | Hi - saying I am sorry will not help you but you are a Christian man, have you looked to the bible truths to see the assurance we have of seeing our loved ones again? It is a small comfort if we do not have a full understanding of Gods promises, as many church leaders say things like "God need another angel in heaven".. which is crap cause God isn't cruel. But instead he has given us a promise, - many infact which can help get you through. There's not enough space for me to write them all out, but I will meantion a few, and you may like to look them up... As we know when Jesus was on earth and his friend Lazarus died he shed tears - even knowing he was about to ressurect him. This shows his feelings of compassion and loss - which are a reflection of his heavenly father Jehovah. Also, it shows that he has the power to resurrect the dead. (John 11:39-44) The promise has been made that "all those in the memorial tombs will hear his (Jesus) voice and come out." (John 5:28,29) Similarly, Revelation 20:13 says "The sea gave up those dead in it, and death and Hades gave up those dead in them." "Hades" refers to the common grave of mankind. This collective grave will be emptied. All those billions who rest there will live again. The apostle Paul said: "There is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous." (Acts 24:15). Because of the resurrection hope, we can be freed from the dread of death. Gods original purpose for the earth and mankind will be restored once the question of sovereignty is answered. The following promises: "The lame one will climb up just as a stag does." Isaiah 35:6. "The eyes of the blind ones will be opened" Isaiah 35:5," No resident will say: 'I am sick.'" Isaiah 33:24. "There will come to be plenty of grain on the earth" Psalm 72:16 and finally: "He will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away." - Revelation 21:4. I hope this has given you some comfort for the future, and in the meanime God's holy spirit, or active force, can equip you with "power beyond what is normal" to go from one day to the next. (2 Corinthians 4:7) Pray for "the peace of God to excel all thought, and guard your heart and mental powers." -Phillippians 4:6,7 ; Romans 12:12.
If goin to church helps you two days p/wk, maybe you need to make an effort to pray every day and read your bible and meditate on it? Then you will surely find some peace.
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/23/2006 8:38:33 PM | Hi, I am very sorry to hear about your son, I hope his mother is in jail and is suffering as much as that poor little boy.
When I was 18 I met a man and we were going to spend our lives together, I got pregant by suprise, it was twins. We were so happy, then on one of my check ups the doctor said one of the babies was very small we need to get an ultrasound, 24 hours later I was in labor, 4 months early, I needed to have an emergency c-section, when I awaken from the surgery, my boyfriend informed me that one of our babies had already passed, I was so hurt, a few hours later I was able to go see our son who was alive, I got to hold him, kiss him, feel him squeeze my finger, even named him, then he just stopped breathing he died in my arms. I buried my sons 7 days later. It took me many years to be able to talk about it without crying, I am no longer with that boyfriend, the death of our sons Johnny, and Jacob killed our relationship. The doctors realized that after wards that I was diabetic and that if I would of been medicated I would still have my boys. I still don't forgive myself for knowing I was ill. I married 9 years later and have 4 young children, my ex boyfriend has never married and doesn't have children. He said he doesn't want to loose someone so wonderful again. I think of my boys all the time but I also think that if I wouldn't of gotten on with life, I would of never met my husband and have my 4 children. I did almost loose my daughter who was born 3 years after my boys, she was born 2.5 months early, I faught to keep her alive and she faught to stay alive. Now she's breaking boys hearts all over town :)
I think you need to start by dealing with your son's mom, why did she do something so cruel? Make sure she will live the pain of her actions.....children just little people no matter what they do they do NOT deserve death.
Always remember your son has a spirit, contact him from within and you will find he will speak to you and help you heal and move on, don't let yourself no feel the love of family, friends and future children that you could have. This will make you stronger and more understanding and more loving towards your future loves.
Take Care | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/24/2006 12:57:53 AM | Yes ... just lost the baby of my four ... Oct 2005. He was 22 years old. The pain is indescribable. It seems it can be crippling at times. You find yourself suddenly sad and you know you have to cry. You look for a discreet place to engulf your sadness, grab a cold washcloth or paper towel and wipe the sadness from your face and go out and continue.
For those of us who have to be there for many ... it can be a distraction ... but often it's not a distraction that one wishes for. Sometimes we just have to have time to ourselves to deal with our feelings. When that time overtakes you it's not always convenient.
The one thing I want to emphasize here is that although we have lost a loved one, we should not be considered "damaged goods" or "mental cases" ... we have lost our child, not our minds. I have actually encounted gentlemen who question my ability to become involved in a relationship once they hear I have lost my son so recently. I don't understand why they would do that ... I'm still a human being, a viable woman and I still want companionship in my life.
My son was involved in alcohol abuse ... it's a genetic thing in his father's family. His father also has alcohol problems. My son was also ADHD and easily distracted from making good decisions about his life. I found out after his death that his father had contributed to the problem by furnishing him with alcohol long before he was old enough to buy it himself.
At one point, he got caught in a DUI. He lived out of state from me. He called me and asked me if he could come live with me ... I asked him what was going on? I knew he was buying a Condo. He told me of the DUI and I told him he had to stay there and clean up the mess he started there, but then he could come to me and we would then take the necessary steps to help him get his life back in order.
He went to detox, then started his rehab program. I wanted him to do in-house, he chose to do the rehab 3 days per week ... 4 hours per day and went to live with his sister while that was going on. He couldn't go to his father's place ... alcohol available, couldn't go to his condo ... roommate was also a "drinker". So big sister took him in and told him he could stay as long as needed.
Due to the DUI, he lost his job, so he spent his time away from rehab searching for a job. Walked in one day to find big sister on the computer looking for another place for him to stay ... I anticipate that was a real kick in the teeth. He was found dead in his bed a couple of weeks later. He died from "Huffing".
I know he did not purposely kill himself because we had been making plans to take a trip to Hawaii and he was going to move there with me. I have very limited information about what went on before his death as his sister and father will not speak to me. I know only that he had a very restless night the night before he was found dead and when they found him he was in a fetal position in his bed still cradling the can he had been huffing from in his hands.
My theory is that he craved the buzz from the alcohol and wanted to remain compliant with the program and not prove positive for alcohol at test time. So he turned to huffing ... it's a mementary high and the effects generally wear off after about 15 or 20 minutes. He must have been doing it all night.
The only other thing that I ask of anyone who has not lost a child personally is that they do not pat me on the back and mindlessly say ... "I know what you must be going through." Please do not do that. Unless you have lost a child, you cannot possibly fathom the pain ... the emptiness ... the loss. There simply are no words to describe the feeling.
For all of you who have lost your child or children ... I know what you're going through and my heart truly goes out to you. I'll never forget my son as long as I live. I'll never forget the last time he hugged me with his strong arms and told me he loved me.
I miss hearing his voice, I miss his wonderful hugs, I was not done with him yet, and I want him back.
Edit: I want to thank all my wonderful friends on here who flocked to my side when they heard of my loss ... I honestly don't know what I would have done without your support. I don't know what I would do without the support you still minister to me. You all are wonderful and I'm not sure I could have gotten through it alone. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/24/2006 10:17:15 AM | If you were so angry with her over the SIDS death of the first child why would you have another one with her??
Because I am the opposite of a 'fair weather friend'. My kids mother was not only my companion/lover, she was a friend. I would never turn my back on a loved one that is going through such trauma. At the time, EVERYONE was against her. She has not talked to HER mother since, and I stood back to the wall defending her against MY family. My alive son kade was born 11 months to the DAY after the death of Anthony. 1/1-12/1-2000
If you believed she killed the first one weren't you scared about the second one?
Of course, but with things happening so quickly...its quite easy to be blinded to realities. But soon enough, i began to see the thought process of this woman....and I did not like it. When change is suggested she shrugs and turns it around. Bringing up councelling is like spitting in the wind. You have to fight fire with fire or you will LOSE...every time
You also state that you have 50/50 joint legal custody of your son, why is it so important that you have full custody?
Because her whole way of thinking is not conducive to raising a kid with MY GENES. She thinks she can just breeze through raising him and let him figure out lifes trials alone. I know first hand that this will not work. If he is to be anything like me, then he will often make bad choices, ones that show gratification short term rather than long term. I cannot let that happen.
You were extemely rude to me after my first comments, did I strike a nerve?
This must be a little inside joke for you. I'll let it slide.
COTTER-What is 'huffing'? And please know that your a superstar, I have read your posts since i signed up here. Nothing about you says 'mental case'. I however was slightly 'off' before any of the tragic events in my life. Somehow people still want to be apart of my life....to each his own i guess.
My heart goes out to all of the posters with stories. Some are really crazy and I have heartfelt admiration for all of you that continue on. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/24/2006 1:07:03 PM | I know I'm replying a little late. My first child died when he was seven weeks old. He would have been seven this year. He was sick for a while and the doctors couldn't figure out wht was wrong with him. I don't know about you personally, but it's something that you just can't get over. At first it was very hard. I hated life to the fullest, and to make matters worse he died around Christmas. So I don't look at that holiday the same anymore. To me knowing that he is no longer in pain, helps a little. Plus now that I have a four month old, I like to think that he's her guardian angel.  I know that you need friends and family that are close to you, to help get you through the rough points. And I still need them from time to time. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/24/2006 3:04:52 PM | | YEaadid..(Whatever your name is) I think that's really weird that they wouldn't have an autopsy. My daughter that died in May had an autopsy done. They told me that it was SIDS. They don't have the full report finished because they say they got to take a samples from her blood and send them to Lansing and stuff so it might be a while before I get the full report. But i never asked for an autopsy they just performed it because it's procedure when someone dies to do this. So..why didn't they do this when your son died? I had a cops investigating me and they took my bedsheets to the lab to investigate the situation. So if your son's mom killed him, why the **** wouldn't they investigate further? Society just doesn't ignore death ..they have to do autopsies. It's the law. And if they didn't do this for your son, then something is wrong there. You should have demanded an autopsy instead of outright blaming the mother for his death. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/24/2006 3:48:36 PM | | GuinnessGurl2003:The fact that you do not have enough respect to minimally 'cut and paste' my name, and then take enough time to type 'whatever your name is'.....tells me that interaction with you will be filled with useless information and ultimately will have myself (and everyone reading) just a tad bit 'Dumber'. I will leave it at there was no AUTOPSY done, not a REAL one anyway. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/24/2006 6:05:16 PM | I have had to bury my second son. He died when he was only 2 days old.
He was born with a birthdefect that the doctors thought they could fix, but were not able to save his life.
It was the saddest day of my life and to this day still is.
It is the hardest thing you will ever do I think. That is to bury one of your kids.
Your kids should outlive you. Not the other way around.
My heart goes out to you in so many ways.
May god bless you and keep your faith strong.
It has been 16 years since my son died. But you never forget.
July 24th, 2006
Brenda | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/25/2006 8:46:42 AM | @YEAIDD ... related to message 44 & 45
COTTER-What is 'huffing'?
Thank you for asking ... the more people who are informed about this dreadful habit ... the more I hope it can be prevented.
Huffing
The Abuse of Inhalants
Abusers, primarily adolescents, inhale chemical vapors from a variety of substances, many of which are common household products. These young people abuse inhalants in order to obtain a euphoric effect and are often unaware of the potential risks, which include brain damage and death.
Inhalant abuse, commonly called huffing, is the purposeful inhalation of chemical vapors to achieve an altered mental or physical state, which for most abusers is a euphoric effect. Abusers inhale vapors emitted from a wide range of substances. In fact, chemical vapors used as inhalants can be found in over 1,000 common household products.
For most users, inhalant abuse results in a rapid euphoric effect that is similar to alcohol intoxication. Users experience initial excitation, then drowsiness, lightheadedness, and agitation. Inhalant abusers also report feeling a loss of inhibitions.
Death from inhalant abuse can occur after a single use or after prolonged use. Sudden sniffing death (SSD) may result within minutes of inhalant abuse from irregular heart rhythm leading to heart failure. Other causes of death include asphyxiation, aspiration, or suffocation. | |
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