| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/25/2006 10:04:19 AM | YEAIDD I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine that kind of pain. I don't have any advice for you because it's something I have never experienced and hope I never do. Same goes for all of you with these heartbreaking stories. 
Side note to those that keep refering to this death as SIDS...it is not SIDS if someone rolls over on them while drunk and suffocates them. SIDS, like YEAIDD said, it when a baby stops breathing on their own and it is completely inexplicable. So there is a huge difference. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/25/2006 11:51:24 AM | Yeaidd, you are quite rude. All I asked you was why they didn't do any autopsy..I didn't bother to paste your name because I didn't feel like it. So it doesn't have anything to do with respecting you...(your highness). Anyhoos, that's all I wanted to know. You are a dumb **ck if you didn't ask for an autopsy. If you cared so much about your son it should have been something you would have wanted to know. At least i want to know why my daughter died. You can't just blame his mom because he died. That's a bunch of crap. What if your son had died in the care of your parents or something like that? Would you blame them if he died?
i don't care if you reply or not, you are just an idiot. and rude to me. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/26/2006 12:45:03 PM | | i know its not the same but i had 3 miscarriages and still hurts as much! just remember God hanpicked ur child for a reason and maybe u wont know what that reason is right now-but u will oneday! I think u need to consider breavement counselling-it does help! | |
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svstar
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Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 54 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/26/2006 3:04:46 PM | In 1993 I lost my son Zachary to SIDS. He was eleven weeks old and in perfect health at the time of his death. My father drank himself to death over it and I became wrapped up in the drug world to try and escape the pain of it all. But regardless nothing could make it go away for more than a little while. your anger is going to eat you alive unless you get the counceling that you desperatley need. Yes, having to bury a child is the worst thing that can happen, no doubt BUT you need to get yourself together for the child you still have. Luckily God blessed me in 1997 with another son and I was able to completely turn my life around for the better. I am now a college graduate, live a clean life and my son Jed is physically and emotionally happy and healthy.  | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:51:20 AM | svstar
Wonderful ending!!! Im with cotter, very nice to hear! 
Cotter
This explains why I Am asked for ID when buying pretty much anything Aerosol. I remember 'whip its' as a kid, but they kids today seem to have taken it to a whole new level.
Guinesstrick....or whatever your name is (didnt feel like pasting it)
Im actually not a rude person at all but have no problem 'taking it there' when provoked.
The reason there I was not insistant on an autopsy is because I stood beside my sons mother. She was not just some female that got knocked up, we lived, ate and slept together. I considered her a friend more than anything. I stick by the side of the people in my life that are considered friends no matter what. I had my mother on my left side crying and acting crazy, and then my sons mother on my right doing the same thing. The last thing on my mind was 'Ok, lets get down the facts and prove he was suffocated'. This happened on a holiday weekend....NEW YEARS day...so they were not able to do anything with the body until tuesday morning (it was saturday). So that whole long weekend I held my kids mother without sleep, or food because she knew in her heart that she had killed him. There was a brief phone conversation on wednesday morning between the doctor and I and that was that. 2 days after that (friday), I had to prepare to carry a baby casket for a 1/4 mile with approximately 150 people behind me from the mortuary to the grave. So if you think about it, there was little to no time to go into the logistics/forensics of the whole thing. The woman was still a HUGE part of my life and I didnt even consider not being by her side through it ALL. Let the story resurface and reoccur now and please believe that I would go through any lengths to make sure that she, you or any other hard headed female be punished within every extent of the law. Im a little bit older and a whole lot wiser...this is certainly not the worst of my experiences in this lifetime but it is the one that caught me the most offguard. From that day forth I stand ready to put on GASOLINE boots and WALK THROUGH HELL.  | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/27/2006 7:57:10 PM | | I know all about the pain of losing a child YEAIDD, was not sure i wanted to post it on here, guess i never really got help for my loss cause i had so much anger inside me for the tragic circumstances that took my sons life. I don;t think these boards are therapy but i guess if we can talk about it in public to strangers then it likely is a good thing. You have lived through a nightmare that never ends basically, is always with you and always will be. What took my sons life was a damn grape, all of us in the car and was in public with help from a fireman and nurse but it would not come out. It was not bad enough to just lose him liek that but to actually watch his life slipping away and not a damn thing could be done about it. I had cut the grapes in half when my kids were younger, he was 4 and a half, makes you wonder if there is a god and why he takes children who have not had a chance to live and grow up. Our stories are different but have the same end result and i just want to say i am so sorry for what you have had to endure, life is fragile and those people who get upset over the stupid little things that mean nothing really bug me. I hope you have found happiness in other aspects of your life, all of you who have had this happen. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/2/2006 12:15:48 PM | Im so sorry to hear of your loss yeaidd. I know it is extremely hard to deal with.
Ive lost 2 daughters prematurely during pregnancy. Less than a yr. of ea. other. I was 5 1/2 months preg. and 6 mo. pregnant. I had a weak cervix and they were too young to be able to survive. (I was told they were not at the viable stage). I had to physically give birth to them, knowing they werent going to make it. It was very difficult. It still is every anniversary date. Which is 9-23-00 and 4-27-01.
I went thru alot emotionally, following the losses. I can remember drinking to numb the pain, and after about a month, I went to a bereavement support group at one of the hospitals. It helped alot. I was able to find someone who wasnt tired of listening to my pain, and to someone who understood my feelings and anger, especially with God.
About almost a yr. later, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter who is on earth with me now. That was a very difficult high risk pregnancy, and very trying. Every anniversary date, I do a little something to keep their memory alive. I do it for myself, as a way of rememberance that they were real and a part of me. I release a balloon and light a candle in their honor. I have a memory book of all their things and pictures.
They were cremated, and their ashes let go in the ocean. Ive only been back there once. It pains me and I do get sad at times. I know Im fortunate that God gave me my daughter who is now on earth with me. It is something you learn to heal with in time, but your heart is never truely mended. There is always that scar.
My thoughts are with you. | |
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netab
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 59 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/2/2006 8:14:27 PM | I've seen this thread a couple of times and thought no - best left alone. I lost my four year old daughter in a car accident in 1996. I divide my life into before and after her death. Whenever, I hear of someone that has lost a child, my heart goes out to them because I know that their journey will be very difficult.
If anyone wants to have a chat - please contact. | |
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netab
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 60 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/2/2006 9:07:55 PM | G'Day YEAIDD - My circumstances are not that different than yours, my partner was driving the vehicle in which our daughter was killed. Like you I was so angry with her and there were circumstances that gave me the right to be angry. She recently died and we never were able to talk and comfort each other over our daughters death - it was a no go area. I now realize, that by not dealing with it, we continued the tragedy of our daughters death.
Don't make the same mistake as I did. If your partner is alive, make a huge effort to reconcile with her. Forget the facts of the accident and the nightmare afterwards and keep in mind that the spirit of your little son will be so much more at peace if his Mum and Dad, have made such an effort for him.
Take it easy and keep in mind that your son will never know the pain that you and your partner have endured and still are - we all make mistakes but every now and again, one of them becomes the one that you have to live with forever.
Take it easy and let go the anger for your sons sake. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/3/2006 1:20:04 PM | The past few days have really been interesting, warm, and growth inducing. I am thankful for the posts and sincerity more than you guys could ever know. I will be 30 in a few days and am actually looking forward to a happy 'rest of my life'. Like netab I have seperated my life at that point....but I have come to the conclusion that I am going to now not only move on to another segment but another 'tier' if you want to call it that. When tragedy strikes, pain consumes, and confusion sets.....Often these feelings have nowhere to go and you do not know where they should be. So what happens is, you become weakened. I have been weak on the inside (listening to the devil) ENTIRELY too much and have decided that it is OVER. I am no longer going to let my pain rule me and actually be the driving force for my thirst to succeed. It cannot work that way and I finally hae realized it. 2 mornings ago I actually smiled inside AND out......genuinely. No one was there, it was silent at my home and I actually felt the peace.....it was just like I remembered!!!!! lol
Again, thank you all for the stories, well wishes and compassion. That is as real as it gets | |
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luna69
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Joined: 2/26/2006
Msg: 62 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/3/2006 7:28:45 PM | | I am really sorry for your loss. I have not lost a child but I have lost 3 family members and the only thing that helped me cope was going on my own spiritual journey for answers.I will say a prayer for you and send you good energy. PS I also took up psychology. you may want to check out some self help stuff, books or go seek counseling. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/3/2006 9:18:44 PM | | My heart goes out to everyone! I couldn't imagine how I would cope if anything ever happened to my kids - I remember all too well when my baby sister died at a month old. I was only 6 but I remember what my parents went through - my mom could barely cope. It definately has to be the most painful experiences ever! | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/3/2006 11:32:09 PM | i have never had to bury one of my children, but i worry to the point of insanity that i will. it doesnt matter what other people think of your situation if you are feeling a certain way and you know what happend. seen? anger is a part of the process when you are grieving. i lost my great gma when i was pregnant, in my mind she was the only one who ever really cared for me, and it is the biggest loss ive ever experienced, and for myself i just dont/cant think about it. once she passed, they pried my hand from hers and i rarely look back, for my sanity i suppose, who knows, the mind is something i havent yet figured out. i do have a point but i dont even know what it is anymore, so i will just say that im very sorry for your loss, and bless up for actually giving a **** about your kids, and taking the time to go to court, be there for them and posting messages in forums....at least u care and that is more than i can say for my childrens fathers.
peace | |
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Jessee
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Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 65 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/4/2006 1:27:44 AM | Hi there, on March 15/06 one of my Best friends daughter died in a brutal car accident up in Nanaimo, she was 15 years old.
I have not lost one of my own Born Children, but that little girl was my family, I understand your pain, and I am so sorry you are having to go through it.
Blessings to you, Jessee | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/4/2006 9:46:28 AM | One thing Ive learned, is never question someones actions, thoughts, feelings on the death of their child. Its difficult enough to have to deal with.
Regardless of the blame, Id want an autopsy done to ease my mind. With my girls being prematurely born, they did a pathology test to discover as to maybe why I couldnt carry them to term.(but my sad situation was diff.) I still didnt understand why it happend to me, and it didnt ease my mind much. I still dealt with alot of the emotions of the loss.
I do not know alot about SIDS, but what I do know is, that when its confirmed actual SIDS, there is no one to "blame". Its a sad unexplained death, all foul play would be ruled out in order to label it as SIDS. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/4/2006 12:17:23 PM | Unfortunately, I have not had to bury any of my children. But, I can kinda understand what it would feel like and what most people who have been in this position feel.
My ex had a two year daughter that he had to bury becasue the x girlfriend was jealous he was seeing another woman at the time(long before I came into the picture). The x girlfriend beat her to death with 27 punches and his daughter could not defend herself. She had just celebrated her 2nd birthday with her father about a week prior. The mother had no sense of remorse and was sentenced to only 15 yrs. She is now free to live on about her business. Which personally, I would have opted for the death penalty.
Anyway, My ex cries to this day and although we have a daughter who just turned 2 last month- the death of his daughter still haunts him. It's very tough especially when you are trying to help/cope with a small being that that did not get a chance to live further.
He has found some relief thru self help groups adn of course the medication- depression sets in
Also, the daughter we have together fills the void a LITTLE, But, she is never forgotten
Dahlia- RIP- 04-26-1996 | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/4/2006 12:20:22 PM | | OMG how horrible. That is so sad, it makes me want to cry. I get so sad when I hear these stories of abuse. To imagine this poor innocent child having to suffer with this pain. I just cant fathom it, and it makes me so mad and sad to hear it. I just want to leave work and go pick up my daughter from daycare/school and hold her all night long. I cant imagine anyone taking a child away like that. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/4/2006 12:32:54 PM | it makes wish for the olden days where the family got to drag the guilty away...get a rope and string the **stards up from the tallest tree.
Or just blow em away. i almost lost my breakfast this morn reading the paper about the 2 abducted boys in saskatchewan who were assaulted. They were rescued but abused while with thier sicko captor
I too just want to hug my kids a little tighter and tell them i love them over and over.To hell with the courts..let the family decide what to do with the one who killed/ hurt thier kids. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/4/2006 3:01:02 PM | beauty is skin deep:that post gave me the chills bad! OMG...there is no way....no way in the world that I would be able to go on if that happened. Faith would have been lost/overlooked in my mission to take her life. No two ways about it in my mind. And a LITTLE GIRL at that?!!!! That is terrible....like you said though, having a daughter now helps a little. Honestly it probably initially messed with him a bit I would think. Because the first 2 months of my llving sons life....I was basically wierded out at times. My situationi differed because being from the same mother (plus my genes are strong) these little guys came out looking so much alike...it freaked alot of people out. You can tell by the pix on my page. The baby on my chest is not the same kid as the other pix.  | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/4/2006 4:36:20 PM | | No I have never buried one of my own But I have friends who have and they just weren't the same. I believe that No parent should ever live to see their child die. We are not meant to but it happens. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/4/2006 10:15:41 PM | | I have never had to bury one of my kids, and I can't imagine the pain and heart break you're going through right now. My only suggestion is to pour all of your time and energy into your other kids, because I'm sure they are feeling the pain of the loss as well, and need you more. You may also want to find a support group so you can talk to parents who are going through the same thing. | |
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cjwc
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Joined: 12/26/2003
Msg: 73 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 1:45:00 AM | amber, you're an idiot.
She took the child to bed on a pillowtop matress knowing not to... yeah, she killed him. not on purpose but she did. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 11:08:50 PM | | YEAIDD, glad you can smile and be happy but your words killed me...I did everything to the "book" with my first child who died of SIDS...following that I had a premature baby, I made a kangaroo pouch to keep her beside me at all times (my mothers instinct knew she needed this and if you note in medical journals it is recommended NOW...not over a decade ago)...following this I had two more beautiful angels and had them sleeping with me from birth until they were all approximately two years old. I followed so called rules the first time only to have a large part of me die, so am I such a terrible mother now that I have raised three angels who are happy, healthy and well adjusted? | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/5/2006 11:34:52 PM | | Today I just read about a group that helps parents who have lost a child, called "Compassionate Friends." (Hope I got that name right.) It's supposed to be a really good resource. My friends lost their toddler in an accident this year, and it's one of the saddest things I have ever experienced. | |
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