*Em*
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Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 76 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/6/2006 12:24:27 AM | | compassionate friends is a wonderful support group and when my mum lost her daughter it was with their help that she got to where she is now. they work world wide and are wonderful. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/6/2006 1:06:06 AM | | ^^^Yes ... compassionate friends ... worked with them briefly in Hawaii and have now contacted them. They have groups here in Arizona but the web site does not offer telephone numbers and addresses! Still doing the research to find one close by. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 8:35:31 AM | | alwaysdreaming-i have not said you were a 'bad mother' nor would i ever because i do not know you. It is also not my place to judge you and say whether you are or not. If you follow the rules though and think with your head...then there is alot less chance of tradgedy. PERIOD. it really is not rocket science. IF you experienced something when you were not doing something that heightened the chanecs...there was nothing you could do and are considered a victim of circumstance. But say for example that you continually play around beehives KNOWING that you are allergic to bees...then yea, don't be surprised when your killed by one. Right? | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 11:50:47 AM | I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my last daughter at the age of 4 months on 4-9-04. The doctors call it SIDS but I beleive it was neglect on her fathers part. I woke up that morning like i had done for the past 3 months with her. Changed her, fed her, played with her and then put her back to sleep so that I could go to work. Her father was there with her half asleep due to the hours that he worked. While at work, I called the house and at this point she was still alive, she was being a little fussy for him (nothing new there), so I got on the phone with here and she began to talk and coo with me. about 2 hours later I got the phone call I will never forget. My heart sank and I rushed to the hospital where the ambulance had taken them. By the time I had gotten there she had already passed. It was and still remains to be the most devastating day of my life.
My heart goes out to any and all of you who had a loss so tragic in you lives. It hurts when someone close to you dies of natural causes or you are expecting it..but it is a completely different pain when it is one of your own children that passes away so suddenly. I still cry often, and I still question God why this had to happen to me. Her bday and the anniversary are the hardeset days to cope with. In certain situations I imagine what she would be doing or how she would look. She will be 3 this year. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 1:03:31 PM | | i dont usually talk about it but my son died whan he was two weeks old i was only 18 it was the worst time of my life i couldnt say i have ever got over it i just get on with it, i am now 28 with two beautiful children, i think about my son all the time little things that happen during the day remind me of him, nobody in my family talks about it they act as if it never happened i was very angry for a long time but i am happy now the memories never go away they just fade and every now and thenthy come flooding back but you will find a way to deal with them to other people i now come across slightly emotionless but its all ther in my head i just dont want to get hurt again i am constantly worried about my kids but they have to live there lives. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 3:49:44 PM | Compassionate Friends is a great resource.
I went to a bereavement class at a local hospital, and one of the ladies I met there, told me about a website called "A Place To Remember". (Aplacetoremember.com) There is a message board on there, and its a great outlet to speak to others who have gone thru what others have. I met one lady on the site that lives in another state, and to this day, we are still close and talk on the phone almost every day. (Going on almost 6 yrs. now)
But I think the site is mainly for pregnancy and infant loss. Im not sure, I havent been back there in a while. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 8/7/2006 8:33:54 PM | | I had to bury my son over 5 years ago, he was 3 weeks old. It is hard to deal with in the beginning, I personally felt that Art Therapy helped me out. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2006 4:54:45 AM | Things that don't kill us make us stronger.... or so the cliche goes. Been over 13 yrs since the death of my almost 17 yr old daughter from her own DUI and I still struggle with the "wisdom" of that phrase. Who comes up with this shit anyway??? There are parts of me that are still angry occasionally.... you learn to live with the loss but you NEVER get over it. If I may..... I'll give the longer, sadder version sometime, today is not the day! I don't relate any of this seeking sympathy, the only place you truly find that is between "shit" and "syphillis" in the dictionary..... but a lot of people need to step back and take a long hard look at what they are teaching their kids, see the road they are leading them down.
Ok, off my soapbox..... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2006 8:33:29 AM | In just a few weeks its been 28 years that I returned my gift back to God. I lost my daughter in a car accident at 4 months old. It will be 10 years in spring that an other gift from heaven was let go to God. My son was a twin and I was blessed to cherish one in heaven and one on earth. It is the hardest part of life I have ever had to endure. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2006 9:29:18 AM | My heart goes out to all of us who have lost a child, whether it be in life, or prematurely.
My first was born prematurely. It will be 6 yrs. on sat. It still hurts.
R.I.P "S" 9-23-00 | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2006 10:33:11 AM | I still am hurting daily...My only child, a son, died in November 2001 of Pancreatic Cancer. It is an older persons disease and he died of it in his 20's.
He was diagnosed in March and died 8 months later. The doctors said it would happen between 6-12 months.
How do you cope ? What do you say to your son when you know his time is limited ? How can you be strong when you know hope is useless ?
I live each day as if it were my last ...I tend to appreciate the smaller things that I used to ignore...I, on the other hand, do have more patience and understanding, but I do understand what YEAIDD is saying...It is so frustrating to realize how helpless I was....
Little things, now make me cry, a smell, a sight, a sound...Sitting at home, seeing his pictures....
I know it will never get any easier, the pain has somewhat eased, but I never stop missing my son......It a terrible and never ending.....
If you know someone who has lost a child, NEVER tell them "I know how you feel", because if you haven't lost a child, you have no idea of what they are going through....
I love you Brandon and miss you more than you will ever know................... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2006 10:52:08 AM | Wow this whole thread is depressing.
Im sorry for those who have lost children, I dont think I would be able to cope with that.
( River, your posts were the saddest. Mostly because I know you. Its bad enough to have to go through that once, but twice? Geeze. You're a strong woman.  ) | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2006 1:31:33 PM | i will tell u it dose take a long time to get over a loss off a child
i loss a baby 13 years ago i was only 17
he dyed of cot death he was 4 months old
it is hard i think about my son every day
what would he look like now
how tall he would be
yes i have 3 more boys
i am so scared that somthing will happen 2 them
i take every day as it comes
thats all i can do
it dose get easyer but u will never forget about your little boy
a big | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2006 1:48:34 PM |
( River, your posts were the saddest. Mostly because I know you. Its bad enough to have to go through that once, but twice? Geeze. You're a strong woman. )
Thank you so much fiesty.
It took alot of work on myself, and relying on the bereavement groups to help mend the broken heart. I know having my daughter (my miracle baby), that helped big time. I do something special for ea. anniversary date. Their memory is alive in me, and its a way for me to pay my respects and to honor their life, though short lived.
Ill tell you, one night, when I was grieving, I took a walk, and prayed by the pond of my home. Asking God, if he blessed me with a healthy baby girl, I would always make sure she knew who He was. Sure enough, about a month or so later, I found out I was pregnant. I was very high risk and went thru hell with that pregnancy, but, so far, I have kept up with that promise to God. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2006 6:26:29 PM | | I can relate to all who have lost a child. Lost my girl almost 2 years ago, farm accident, age seven. Carried her across the field in my arms, till I got to a vehicle and then left to meet the ambulance. The best people I found to talk with, were the ones who have gone through this loss. I had a family contact me, out of the blue, from the other end of the prov, they knew how I felt, they had just lost their second, in a farm accident, age 8, their first was 16 in a car accident. I found a poem called this child of mine, can email it to anyone who wants it. Have found it very comforting at times. I have an ear open to anyone who needs to talk about their loss, I know that it does help to talk..to anyone and after awhile your close friends show they can only listen so much | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/22/2006 9:20:09 AM | I'm with the last poster here. I was feeling for you until I saw how he died. SIDS is very real and it could have happened whether he was in bed with her or not. All of my kids slept with me in my bed until they were at least 4 months old and now that I'm divorced, 3 of the 4 usually end up in bed with me still at some point during the night.
I don't know exactly what happened and there's no real way for any of us on here to know, but from what you've told us, this was nothing more than a tragic case of SIDS. No wonder you haven't been able to win full custody, there's no evidence to support your claims.
I feel for your loss. I had to bury my son, who was very premature, two years ago and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. The tiny casket that he didn't even fill an 1/8th of, the tears of his siblings and the dreams they had of him as a toddler with blonde hair (they all had the same description and none of us have blonde hair so it was really moving), the bears each of them made for him to keep him company in the casket, the cross I bought that was cut to size, but still too big, the blanket made by grandma and the outfit that dwarfed him.
It was hard, but you move on. You go through the phases of grief and you put the anger behind you. You're still fighting and it's tearing you up inside. You have to let it go and be there for the child you still have. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/22/2006 10:23:47 AM | I don't know exactly what happened and there's no real way for any of us on here to know, but from what you've told us, this was nothing more than a tragic case of SIDS. No wonder you haven't been able to win full custody, there's no evidence to support your claims.
They are not 'my claims'....they are FACTS. That is what happened and there is nothing I can ever do to change it. There is also nothing I can do to be able to 'get along' with my sons mother. So I let it lay.....only contact through text messaging. As for the Full custody thing....Im totally OVER that! My son is a DADDYS boy to the 10th power...the older he gets, almost daily he does/says/acts however he needs to so his mother will contact me for PICK UP. There will come a day (soon) when she wears tired of it all and just grants HIS wishes...to be with daddy 'all the time'.
As for babies sleeping in the beds.......I stay against it 110%....makes no sense to me | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/22/2006 5:11:16 PM | Baby's, and children in general, having been sleeping in the same bed as their parents for centuries. In the countries where it's a common practice because of values or necessity, there are actually lower incidents of SIDS than in countries where they put the baby in a crib for the night. Parents need to decide what's best for them, but before you knock co-sleeping just because you don't get it, you should do some research on it.
The fact is that you assume she suffocated the baby despite the lack of evidence. Were fibers found in the baby's throat or mouth? If the baby had suffocated on a pillow, sheet, gown, anything, there would be fibers from it in the baby's mouth. Blood coming from the nose means nothing. He could have seized and had that. I understand your pain, but you seem blinded by your anger and not willing to really look at the facts. | |
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orphis
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Joined: 8/17/2006
Msg: 95 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/22/2006 9:13:00 PM | | i've never had to burry one of my own ,,,that the lord , but i did loose a neice ...i think it was the worst feeling in my life to do that... i'm not an avid church goer but i do beleive there is a lord of sorts ... and you spend alot of time questioning why it has happened and how you could trade places with them .... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/22/2006 9:23:01 PM | Yeaidd,
She was DRUNK....and suffocated the boy, point blank.
I am sory for your loss. But she didnt suffocate him, and if she did, she wouldof been arrested. It was an accident, and its obvious that you put the blame on her, as a way for you to cope and grieve.
So for your other son...if he is such a daddys boy and whatnot..when he turns 12 and can decide who he wants to live with, he will choose you then, if he doesnt want to be with his mother...
Again, sorry for your loss. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/25/2006 10:39:17 AM | The fact is that you assume she suffocated the baby despite the lack of evidence. Were fibers found in the baby's throat or mouth? If the baby had suffocated on a pillow, sheet, gown, anything, there would be fibers from it in the baby's mouth. Blood coming from the nose means nothing. He could have seized and had that. I understand your pain, but you seem blinded by your anger and not willing to really look at the facts.
As stated previously.....There was NOT AN AUTOPSY done, to my knowledge and they pretty much labeled it SIDS from the start. After the police/hospital and fire seeing all of the emotions and reactions from our whole family....the last thing they were thinking was criminal. It did not make sense to 'go there' from the outside looking in. So angry or not...for me the FACTS remain
New years eve party-excessive liquor
My kids mother-prone to hang overs
My alcohol intake-NADA, nothing, zilch...had to work at 6am on 1.1
Babies location when I left for work-in HIS CRIB
My advice to his mother-Get some good rest, do not bring him in the bed with you
The END RESULT-A kid DEAD
So I have every right and reason to believe that if she had not done....what i said NOT TO DO, then my son would be alive. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/25/2006 10:49:30 AM | I just happened to come across this thread and im shocked to read about what the OP and others have gone through, I dont have children , i have Godchildren , nieces and nephews, which isnt the same thing but my Lord I wouldnt know what I would do if something like that happened ?
My heart goes out to you folks and I sincerily hope that someday this pain will subside, my thoughts and prayers go out to you. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/25/2006 10:57:15 AM | i am so sorry to hear about your loss. nothing makes me more angry then abusive parents my son has cancer,i learn to live for the day and am grateful for the time left i have w/him and when he leaves me i will be grateful for the time i was allowed w/him .trama therapy has helped me overcome the anger at God and myself for all the hurt i see him in..there should be local support groups in your area that deal with the loss of a child,the people may not of had it so tragic as you do but they still lost a child. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/25/2006 11:38:06 AM | | I have a close freind that went through the death of his child, he had a hard time at first, and not really a religious person went to church one day, and the preist told him to not mourn his sons death but celebrate his life and the time he was here, it help him and matbe it might you, but you pull through | |
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