| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/3/2007 8:10:08 AM | Oh my god. I can't imagine how you must feel. I have a son who is six and if anything happened to him i think i'd loose the will to live, let alone smile.
They say time is a great healer but i'm just not sure how the hell you start to heal a wound like that. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/3/2007 4:31:55 PM | Helo I live in Alaska and worked as a escort Captain and towboat Capt. I was at sea in Valdez AK gettting ready for a Oil Tanker Escort to bring to Sea it was Apiril 4th ans a sunny day here and I was getting up as we doo 6 & 6 watches as I got up a mate said hey call office you got a Emergencyphone. i CA and the dispatcher gave me a couple phone number's remember 93 we didnt have high tech Radio's and Cell's we had Marine operater's and all of america can listen in. About 4:30 I get the numbers hook up with operaters and hook up with this phone number I dont know it rang and rang and rang theoperater said sir no answar. So I begged plz I am going to sea in 24 minutes try again so she did reluctantly it rang 2 times I said I have a emergency call here and I have no Idea who to talk to she asked my name I said it she said oh oh stand by ....! minute later I get my ex wife she said Rob get to a phone and I said you know bettter I am departing and she said dont leave I need to tell you something Brittany our girl of 6 was riding her bike and was hit by a truck I said calmly what happened broken arm leg whatever get her fixxed.....Rob your girl didnt make it WHAT THE HELL YOU SAYING Rob she's dead get home.
Lucky I got last 1 hr flight out and got to hospital she was covered and she had her wednesday underpants on ,on a Sunday....
This was 93 I still cry at sunny days and moon lit night's ...Does it ever get easy thats up to you I miss my BRITTANY so no it never does she was to speacial MY BRITTER CRITTER....
IN MY LIFE SHE WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART SHE WILL ALWAYS STAY F O R E V E R YOUNG | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/3/2007 7:30:46 PM | I have not buried any of my children but I have lost 6 to miscarriage so the pain of that loss is still there. I had a friend who was also a single mom, 3 years ago dec 6 her car was hit by a semi, her only 2 children were killed instantly. At 16 I attended the funeral of the sister my b/f she was 7 when she passed from a severe disability. Just last month a friend delivered her stillborn son at 7 month pregnant. I have watched so many people go through that pain of losing a child, it's not right. No matter what the circumstances of the death no one should have to go through that.,
I can understand why you would be against cosleeping after the death of your son. I am the opposite. The dr's attribute my co-sleeping with my son, to be what kept him alive and not dieing while he was still in the hospital and once coming home. You see my eldest was born 1 month premature, with severe apneas, meaning he stopped breathing EVERY minute for 20 seconds or more. I was so smitten with him I couldn't put him down so I slept with him on my chest in the hospital bed. 3 days passed and they were getting ready to discharge him, no one knew he wasn't breathing properly. They did a test to see how well he would breathe scrunched up in his carseat like they do for all preemies out here. That's when they discovered he had been living without proper oxygen for 3 days. The dr said the fact I co-slept with him is what likely kept him alive. WHen he came home after spending 4 more days in the nicu he coslept for 2 more years as did my other children. I can hear the pain and angry in your posts about cosleeping and the circumstances of his death, but please do not condemn all mothers who cosleep for we are doing what is best for our children. Of course the difference is I don't drink so I never went to bed drunk or hung over with a baby, nor do i keep extra pillows etc. | |
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YEAIDD
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 154 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/11/2007 9:42:32 AM |
All I can say is that the best thing I did, was get a tattoo done in his memory, and as the tattoo was being done, I could feel the weight being lifted of my shoulders, my son is always there and not just in memories.
Intereseting you mention this rider tri (msg145)....
I am a 'tattoo' type person as well, 6 days after my sons birth....I got his actual 'footprints' on my left pec. Above it, his name scrolled and then his birthday below the two little footprints. About 54 weeks later I got my living sons 'hanprints' from the hospital inkpad done on my right pec....with the appropriate lettering and birthday. It took another month for me to get up the strength to go back and get my first sons 'expiration date'. That was the most painful tattoo by far.
ps-Thanks to Everyone for well wishes and sharing any stories that you have! God bless
Update: Things have gotten ALOT easier with my sons mother, I have forgiven her ....or we have forgiven each other I guess for alot of the past drama ...and are beginning to at least be 'civil' for my sons sake. No matter what I have said in the past, there must be something cool about the chick if i had 2 kids with her right? lol | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/11/2007 5:07:26 PM | I did that too rider had tatto done in his memory it acully say his name forever young blue roses yellow star and some other stuff to help keep his memory alive
it funny when look at it I hear him saying mum why you go do that you look like a biker chick lol it was my frist tatto I feel that weight being lifted too like hes always right behind me
I know they are with us
I wrote this poeme on the aniverary of his passing this year I like share it with you all I sure you all felt the same
My Rainbow
You are a rainbow
A ribbon of gold
A blue roses cover in snow
The morning dove
That coos at my window
The night train
That rushes about
The morning sun
A moon that shines
Even stairs that I count
Memories of love
Laughter you are
Smile so brilliant
A hand that I hold
And every little boy
I see on the street
Or when someone says sweettttttttt
Or seize the day
The waves at the beach
A hockey game
Or a goalie boosting
I am the king
I see you there
In the eyes of your child
And the way that he speaks
You are every were
That angels tread
Mostly in my heart
I hold
Till the day we meet again
For you are my life
My heart, my soul
My love will Never grow cold
Love you more than all the ways in the ocean
and angels flying by
mum | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/11/2007 6:45:04 PM | | Cher Bear, you are right , we as parents are not supposed to bury our children, but someone told me that in the bible it says that God has a x on one child in every family. Never did go and try to find it in the good book to see if it was true. Had put a poem on here some time ago called A child of mine, since I see a few reading this thread yet, will go and find it and put on again. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/17/2007 2:51:22 AM | 'in the bible it says that God has a x on one child in every family.'
I couldn't believe in such a god countrydad. One of the biblical kings did take all the oldest sons but that's another story. Fortunate families are passed over.
You are right BlueOcean - our children are there for us in everything we experience. It is their unchanged love keeps us going on tough days. | |
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zxczxc
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Joined: 12/6/2006
Msg: 158 | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/17/2007 6:30:59 AM | | yes i have. I have been a single parent since aug of 1997 . On dec 12 1999 while returning home from a hockey game i hit black ice and lost control and was t boned by another vehical. my 10 yr old son was in the front seat and died instanlly. my 8 yr old daughter was in the back seat behind me and survive with minor injurys. so i no only to well what you go throught . even more so because i was driving. i just thank the crestor that he left me with one child to raise and proud to say she has turn out very good so far.So if you ever need to talk or ask me any think contact me my name is Robert | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/17/2007 7:43:22 AM | | I lost my second son in september of last year and let me tell you i could never for give my slef for him dieing.. he was born in auguest and died a month later. when he died he died in my arm and i still cant get it out of my head i balme my slef everyday cuz if i could have done anything better during my prenacey i would but i did nothing worng the doctors tell me but i think diffrently.. am only 22 and i know how it feels to lose a child and i pray to god every day to watch over him and take good care of my liitle prince. i still cry at night all the time i even blame my sons dad cuz if he was there with me like he was spouse too and not getting in trouble with the law my son would have been a little stronger.. So i two feel your pain and i too just started to smile again but only thining that my son will be ok at least he not in pain and suffering with all the tubes and needles in him any more.. the last song i sang to him was hush little baby and let me tell you everytime i go to sing it to my frist son i breack out in tears and have to go away for a walk for a bit.. coping with this i turn to my friends cuz my family is no help cuz they never want to talk about it.. if you want to talk am good liseaner if you ever feel the need to rant on how you feel messange me back but i got to run writing this has made me cry.. hope your doing ok and my sencer sypmapthy go out to you mamac21(annette) | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/17/2007 9:38:57 PM | The thought goes through my head everyday and I have no idea how I can possible cope and make it through when it happens. My son is critically ill and I try not to be scared of what the future holds and to embrace every moment we do have...but it is hard to do. When you love someone so much how do you survive without them...
My thoughts go out to everyone in this thread that has shared their stories...may time ease your pain and bring you just peace and precious memories. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/18/2007 5:37:05 AM | | yes i have, killed by a drunk driver. Its been 13yrs and i still cry at holidays and the anniversary. i think any drunk driver that takes a life should be charged with murder | |
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YEAIDD
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 164 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/19/2007 1:57:00 PM |
yes i have, killed by a drunk driver. Its been 13yrs and i still cry at holidays and the anniversary. i think any drunk driver that takes a life should be charged with murder \
I agree with you completely!!! What was the charge? | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/19/2007 2:56:19 PM | **My condolences OP to your loss**
A friend of mine lost his oldest daughter to carelessness. She was into "induced fainting". One day last June, when he phoned to talk to her, her mother found her (she was carring the phone to her) in her closet with a rope around her neck. It was later found out that she has done this many times with friends around and that time she was in the need for the "feeling" and "accidently " hung herself. My friend had and still is having a hard time dealing with this.
He has buried himself with work and his other daughter making sure he doesnt lose her.
And my mother lost her second child who was born too early. she never saw him and never got forgot him to this day (its been over 42 years and she has dementia).
These are not the same as losing a child to volience but there are places to learn to cope with all that follows. Most of all, DONT ever forget your son. Love him even though he is gone. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/23/2007 7:21:50 AM | This week it will be 26 years since my youngest child died at 15 after coming off a motorbike. Every year since I have been 'away' somewhere in the time between his anniversaries and every year I have to remind myself why I'm not functioning properly. Yes, life goes on but part of you is missing.
Reading back, there was some discussion of SIDS. I have just seen a documentary on another factor. Well understood was the under-developed breathing response. Then there was something found in SUDS (sudden unexplained deaths) of older people - the double wiring to the heart which has become operable if found soon enough. Then it was found that some deaths seemed linked to overheating and some of these are now called 'anaesthetic' deaths where the children become critically overheated after an operation. The doctor who researched this for many years was not believed until recently. But earlier he did get children turned over from sleeping face down and the SIDS rate in Australia dropped so dramatically that some of the support groups were no longer needed or were expanded to support SUDS families.
I hope 2007 is kind to everyone who has come here to talk and find some comfort. Helen | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/23/2007 9:58:16 AM | Yes, ive had two of my children die, my baby son Tony died 4 days after his birth in feb 1979 and my 8 yr old son Mark died in april 1990 from smoke inhilation when he and his friends were trapped by a fire that they stated in a school shed, the other two boys died also.
When Tony died it didnt affect me as much as when Mark died, i think it was down to that i never got to hold him after being born and he spent what little of his life he had in specialcare hooked up to breathing machine and monitors, i didnt get to bond with him and didnt get to hold him till he was actually dead.
I cant honestly say how i coped at that time i think i just blocked every thing out and tried for another baby.
When Mark died it was very trauimatic for all of us, I coped by making things as normal as possible for my other two children, began talking to anyone who would listen to me, i found talking about him and what happend helped me, if i noticed that i was being avoided in the street i would go up to the person and just say to them, i know you dont know what to say so just give me a cuddle, it helped them past feeling awkward and also helped me as they were there with support when i needed it.
You feel so helpless at times and its easy to blame yourself for not doing something when in actual fact there was nothing you could have done, you didnt know it was going to happen.
Self blame is not the answer, neither is being blamed by your partner as in my case, it ended destroying our marriage.
Talking to a qualified bereavement counsellor is the best thing you can do if you feel that you cant cope with your emotional sate, it dosen't mean you are going mental by seeing one either, they are there to help you cope and help you get back on track with your life, its not a quick fix it takes time and all of us will feel better quicker than others, some it can take years to be able to live with the loss of a child or loved one.
For me its nearly 28 years since i lost Tony, i still question if i did something wrong during my preganancy and during labour that stopped his breathing, with mark its 17 years in april i know i could have stopped him playing out with his friends that day but it still could have happend another day!
Its understandable that you should feel as you do, i deeply sympathise with you, its still very new for you all, i can say is it will hurt less as time goes by, just remeber your happy times with your child and your child lives on, talk as if he is still part of your life ,keep photos around your house, it all helps. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/23/2007 12:56:00 PM | csimonds,
Sounds like that judge is really in the pocket of your ex's family because from what you described there is no way you should have a problem getting sole legal and physical custody of your child and getting supervised visitation. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I wish you luck and perserverance to get your child back.
YEAIDID,
No wonder you are feeling so much rage, you've been hit below the belt three times in a row. I can't begin to know how you feel, but I want you to know that my thoughts are with you. Hang in there and check into therapy to help you deal with your multiple losses.
Good luck to you both. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/23/2007 2:21:30 PM | These words are written with reference to my msg. 44 on this thread.
To all of you who have had to BURY a child ...
I know your loss, I know your pain, and my heart goes out to you.
Let us embrace each other, let us give comfort to each other.
My son would have been 24 years old today.
*******
January 23, 1983
Oh what a day
Just as we had planned
You were on your way.
The labor had begun
Many days before
Nothing new to me
I knew what was in store
The pains were getting closer
Things were coming to a peak
I knew in my heart
This one too would be unique.
Illness had left me weak
But I had no fear
My only thoughts then
Were just to hold you near.
Your father on my left
The doctor on my right
The midwife said, "Push"
Oh dear, what a sight.
First there was a head
And no time to spare
Then came the whoosh
And you were there.
Yes there you were
You were just minutes new
As I held you in my arms
And gazed down upon you.
And as you grew
You took all in stride
Another small goal achieved
Then you beamed with pride.
Life is a mystery
Challenges you had
Sometimes things got awkward
But it wasn't all bad.
With so much life in you
And the love you gave
Oh what a difference
You certainly made.
Time marched on
As you made your way
And then came the call
That ominous day.
And of all the things
Through the days, months, and years
So it came to pass
Every parent's foremost fears.
As I sat there listening
Trying to comprehend
I knew my broken heart
Would just never mend.
A day doesn't go by
That I don't think of you
Some more sad than others
Happy ones are still few.
I'm crying now
And I let my mind wander
As I write these words
My thoughts just grow fonder.
To have you near me
Is just a thought away
You give me strength
When things begin to fray.
These few lines
I dedicate to you
Forever in my heart
My dearest Andrew.
My Andy died October 6, 2005.
Thank you everyone ... who has been there for me and who continues to be there for me.
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YEAIDD
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 170 | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/23/2007 4:59:44 PM | | My heart truly goes out to you and yes I have been through it my daughter has been gone for 20 years now and I had a really bad time of it at first but I depended on God to see me through and He has. Do you have other kids? I do so that also made me realise for their sakes I had to continue living never mind that for the longest time I just didnt understand why she had to go. Just remember the time you had together and treasure it. God Bless you. Sandra47ok | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/23/2007 10:20:32 PM |
You and me need to talk about SIDS. I have information for you.
Also on how to effectively deal with these acute events that serve as sources of chronic stress in your life.
I wish to do this by private communication, please | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/25/2007 8:32:14 PM | | My first son was stillborn January 10, 1990. He should have just turned 17. For those of you who have had a similar loss, listen to "Who You'd Be Today " by Kenny Chesney. I'm sure someone has mentioned this by now but I couldn't find it. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 6/3/2007 12:36:38 PM | hi there i know wat ur going tho in sum way as i lost my son at brith 6yrs ago and yea it dose get easier but its still hard at times speacilly wen it cums to brithdays and christmas
so i hope this helps in sum way ok bless u all ok xxx | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:35:24 PM | | I'm so very sorry to hear that happened to you, thats something that no parent should ever have to go through. I know over time your heart will heal and just know that your child is in a better place smiling down at you. I have lost a love one he was an adult though and I know your pain. And trust me one day your heart will heal but the hurt will always be there but not as much as your feeling now. God Bless you! | |
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