| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/4/2007 9:48:14 PM | I lost my boy (24) nearly 3 years ago. He commited suicide. I am angry because I never had a chance to say goodbye to him. The day before he left us he rang everyone up he loved. That was his way of saying goodbye. But we never realised this. Its bloody horrible when the police come to your door at 11pm. You know steraight away something has happened. I have had 3 years to refelect on his life. Not nice for him at all. Time doesnt heal. And we cry. It breaks my heart that because of life circumstances this happens. It should never happen.
For people who have kids who are depressed or feeling down, or sad, or being bullied, or feel that they are ugly....watch them like a hawk. Listen to them. Drop everything and be there for them. You have to be vigilant, even if it means that you tell them that you want them to keep their bedroom door ajar just a bit. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/5/2007 1:41:00 PM | I haven't buried a child. However, I did loose my wife. Not that it is the same.
If you are having problems coping I STRONGLY suggest seeking help. Yes - a shrink. They can be EXTREMELY helpful. Look in the yellow pages - call around - find one that will take a minute to talk to you - and see if they specialize in 'grief counseling'. If they won't take the time to talk to you on the phone - or they say "yeah - I do greif coulseling too" - find someone else. There are many good shrinks to help you.
I read - talked to friends - had a shrink. They all helped. However, the shrink helped me to take a different perspective on things which was vital for me.
I remember reading that a parent loosing a child is the most difficult greiving situation of all. My heart goes out to you. I can not imagine. Please help yourself and seek some help. There is no shame or stigma that you should feel. If someone does make you feel such - then get away from them or tell them to shut the heck up.
Best to you and others like you. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/5/2007 2:55:37 PM | | What helped me cope and get thru my dark days of loosing 2 daughters prematurely at birth, was bereavement support groups for parents who lost during pregnancy. Most hospitals have bereavement groups set up for all kinds of losses. It was a wonderful healing tool for me, and I met some great people. I also had joined an online message board for losses 6 yrs. ago, and one of my best friends to this day is from that site. Despite our distance, we remain in contact by phone and email. | |
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Coma66
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Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 181 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/7/2007 6:25:32 AM | | I lost my first son to meningitis at 1yr and 2months old, he also had downs and open heart surgery when he was 4months old I also had to take his mother to court to prove he was my son so I could have my rights. So there was a lot to deal with already. I was holding his little hand and he was looking up at me for help, watched the life go from his eyes wishing I could trade places with him it still rips my heart out even ten years later just thinking about it. For about a year after he pasted I was drunk and very depressed and sank into myself shutting out everything and everyone. But in time I started to think he wouldn't want me to be like this and try to think of all the love I got from him and how much better I was for having known him even for the short time he was here. And even though I don't do the God thing I have to think he's in a better place and watching over me. But you can't ponder on it you've got to find a place to put it, not forget it because that won't happen but try not to think of it all the time and when you do think of the good the smiles laughing playing and what not. We all grieve in different ways but at some point we have to go on with the rest of our life. It may not be much help but I hope you get something out of it. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/7/2007 9:01:44 AM | Sadly, yes I had to bury my son who passed away at the age of six months old health wise was born with a serious heart defect. It has been almost five years, Its hard but you have to be patient with yourself and allow your self to cry. Its alright and no it isnt something you will get over in a weeks, months, years time either. I still remember everything about him from the first time I held him in my arms till the last. I run a support group online for other parents who lost children as well. It does takes time, baby steps and patients. You will see the light at the end of the tunnel, its okay if you have three good days and then end up taking two steps back too. We dont know or will understand why things like this happens but it happens.
May God bring peace and comforting to you,
redneckgirl31 | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/7/2007 9:08:38 AM | No I haven't, I have a friend in ohio that lost her 9 year old daughter, due too a family suv accident, The really messed up deal was, that she had too stand there helplessly and watch the suv run over her daughter.
I was on the phone with her when this happened, I have spent many nights right after the accident on the phone with her, listening to her scream and cry,
it has now been over a year since the accident and my friend is still not over it, she never will be | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/7/2007 10:20:57 AM | yes i did- at that was 7 months ago.- My only daughter, age 20 years old. She died of an accidental drug interaction. oxycontin and celexra . She did not know that oxycontin- morphine is time- released, and stays in your body, when she apparently took the celexra, for depression, at about a one day interval..as for as i can figure out from her boyfriend- she had been sneaking his oxycontin pills occassionally, to get a quick buzz...i am still puzzled about the boyfriends' description about how it all went down... and police and medical examiners can only investigate so much, accordingly to their budgets...CSI ON T.V., IS PRODUCED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY, with all the details, graphics etc. medial examiners and police in real life don't even come close to a real solid investigation, like they portray on these shows, unless the victim or their family is a high profile person/ family.(money)!!!!!--....I MISS MY DAUGHTER, life continues for me at a more reflective pace these days, because i am still grieving the loss of my daughter. I HAVE JOINED SEVERAL GROUPS FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT, AND ONE EXCELLANT GROUP IS ON YAHOO-Greivingparents@yahoo.com. I hope my quick story about my loss can bring meaning to any parent out there of teen-agers...please love your kids, as much as your heart can do. Your children are gifts from GOD. THANX.. Orcaanna- Jo Ann | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/7/2007 2:45:32 PM | Have faith I can to tell you God will get you through the loss. Its hard nothing is easy thats for sure. God is the only person that can get you through every day's life including a loss. I couldnt have made it through without His help thats for sure.
God bless,
Redneckgirl31 | |
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YEAIDD
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 186 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/20/2007 11:32:34 AM | Another big hug for Lynda501 and all others with these heart wrenching stories. All of you are in my heart and prayers. 
Firecracker74, Riverbabe,disneymom---love all of you! lol | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/20/2007 8:43:55 PM | "Thats bull, you and ever other DUMB female who thinks its ok to have a baby in the bed with them should be lined up and executed in my opinion."
I'm really offended by this. My daughter is almost 20 months old and has slept in my bed with me most of her life. When her father and I were still together, she slept between us; she was only four months old when he left, so we had a newborn in bed with us nearly every night because I breastfed her. There is NOTHING wrong with having an infant in bed with the parents. I have practice attachment parenting the whole time she has been on this earth. But maybe, considering your lack of open-mindedness and education in general, you don't know what attachment parenting is.
SIDS happens. Period. That's the whole reason for not putting an infant to sleep on their stomach. They become so comfortable that they forget how to breathe because they're so relaxed. But my daughter also slept on her stomach as an infant.
I'm very sorry for your loss, believe me. I can't imagine the pain. But your child's mother is suffering also. She's probably feeling guilty, but it wasn't her fault. Do yourself a favor and greive for your son, but don't blame his mother. Focus on the children who are still living. You never get over a loved one's death completely, but you have to move on and get past it. Don't keep beating your ex down; it's not helping you, her, or your other children.
And don't knock other mothers for their parenting methods just because you had an unfortunate accident happen in your life. I am a wonderful mother, and I'm sure my child would tell you the same. I'm pretty sure my midwife would also agree with my parenting methods. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/22/2007 8:30:22 PM | OP i am so sorry for your loss.
i had to bury my ittle Taylor who was stillborn. although we were never blessed with time together, i loved him for 7 months before his little heart quit beating. this weekend my children and i had a balloon launch. we got balloons for Taylor and wrote a message on them (mineread Mommy still loves Taylor) we each said i word or two (we'll be together someday) and released the balloons to heaven. it was so cleansing and symbolic, that we will do this annualy. nothing and nobody will ever replace your child, finding ways to cope and move the love to a memory is all you can do. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/23/2007 11:27:01 AM | my first son Daymien.. he died 6 months premature. his mother and I [ now seperated ] buried him in Throggsneck about a week later.
coping.. I don't even remember how I coped. I can't even compare it to a hurt.. more of a let-down if anything. when your expecting your first child your just so damn anxious to start parenting... seeing your child smile.. find all the things about that baby that "come from you"... so when we lost him it was more like damn.. so close yet so far away now. his mother took it harder than I did and I'm pretty sure I went through a mild depression... really can't remember anymore. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/23/2007 12:02:58 PM | My son Jackson passed away on Jan 6, 2004 of SIDS. It has been a long hard road these past few years. There have been alot of tears and grief. My heart goes out to you. It is constant pain that never goes away. I can just say that what worked for me may not work for you. Its a matter of learning to live with the pain. I can tell you that it does get a little easier as you get to what us angel moms and dads call our new normal. Every year on his birthday and angel date we let off balloons in the graveyard. My 5 year old always picks a special one for brother. He was 18 moths old when his little brother died. He just remembers the baby he used to help mommy with. I also have a website for my son that me and my mother did. The url is www.nanalibby.net. Please feel free to email me anytime to talk. It does help to have someone to talk to. Also Yahoo has groups for parents of children who have passed. There are also support groups depending on your area you live in. You'll be in my prayers.
Sincerely,
Saphire_07 | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/23/2007 12:37:54 PM | YEAIDD, re: msg 154 -- I am so glad to hear you have been able to forgive your sons' mother, or at least come to an understanding for the sake of your son. Forgiveness is sooooo very hard, and I know it must have been a tough road for you to travel, but I'm pleased to hear that it's made a difference for you.
to the others who have experienced the loss of a child, my heart goes out to you, whatever the circumstances. I lost my mother to cancer two years ago, and even though I was "prepared" I never would have believed the impact of that loss had anyone tried to explain it to me. Now that I have become a mother I can only imagine how magnified THAT grief would be should, God forbid, I have to bury her before her time. | |
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YEAIDD
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 193 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/23/2007 12:54:44 PM |
YEAIDD, re: msg 154 -- I am so glad to hear you have been able to forgive your sons' mother, or at least come to an understanding for the sake of your son. Forgiveness is sooooo very hard, and I know it must have been a tough road for you to travel, but I'm pleased to hear that it's made a difference for you.
Yea, the 'growth' was much needed, i forgave her and god began blessing me even more. She is on the other side of the table though, or shoul di say 'bars'! Her mean ways adn bridgeburning mentality has her behind bars right now and nobody to turn to AT ALL. I did go visit her and she said she is having suicidal thoughts alot. Im glad that I am at peace if she does actually go through with it. Im here for her (moral support) but not going out of my way ever again in life for that woman. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 7/30/2007 10:03:06 AM | yes i buried my first son when he was 8wks old......... he died of cot death so there was no one to blame....... i can't imagine how it must feel for a person you love or once loved to do that to another person you love....... all i can say is that in time it will get easier but don't ever expect to get over it  | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/8/2007 5:58:26 AM | | im not sure what i have to say will in anyway help because our situation is different....i was 15 and preg. everything was going well and i had made the decision to keep the baby. my boyfriend at the time was with me the whole way! eventually the family became excepting of the fact that i was so young and about to have a baby and to some point were getting excited. it wasnt until my ultrasound at 5 moths that we found out that he was really sick...he had what they told me was a really bad level of downs and 2 holes in his heart, they said they couldnt tell me if he was going to live for a week a month a year but knew he wouldnt survive very long if at all after birth. i had a choice to make. i could go full term and have him for as long as god would let me and be in and out of the hospital for his little life or i could terminate my preg. and have him not go through all the pain. i wanted to have him! after much talking with my mom and bf at the time and listining to their words i made the end desision to not go through with it. so at 5 months i went in to have my beautiful baby boy and hand him over to God. i got to hold him and kiss him and tell him that i love him and then had to let him go. i think it was the hardest day of my life!! we had a funeral for him and it was very small and quiet. i dont remember much of that day at all but i know i think about him everyday since. im 22 now and have a beautiful 2yr old little girl who i love with all my heart, i think seeing her beautiful smile has helped me let go a bit. not that i replaced the son that i lost or that i no longer care because belive me i do( not a day goes by where i dont regret my decision and want him back!) but i now now that to some point u have to go on with ur life and make each day a good one. this does not happen over night which im sure u know but i do think that it gets a bit easier to deal with everyday. i am able to shair my story now with out busting into tears and can smile at the fact that even if i only got to know him a very short time i have had the privaledg to get to know him at all! i once heard that God will not give u anymore than u can take on...so stay strong have a good support group, family,friends or other! take care and live for today! flutter. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/8/2007 11:20:47 AM | Yes, I did have to bury one of my children when he was 11 yrs old. My ex- husband kept a small handgun in our home, to threaten the family... and the oldest child
found it, and decided to play with it, and shot my son, in my bedroom. It was on
Mother's Day(92'). To this day, I don't celebrate Mother's Day. It's the hardest thing that's ever happened to me! Thank you.... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:50:53 PM | My ex went through the same problem with his ex wife, she didnt want the baby but she didnt want him to have him either. She did terrible things to keep him apart from his baby, and I saw how it crushed him. You dont give up hope either though, i will pray for you and hope everything will be alright. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/9/2007 2:00:43 PM | My heart goes out to you....
I lost one child to stillbirth...14 years ago. I still think of her often, and get teary. She will alwways be in my heart.
It would be disrespectful for me to say I understand, that is a very personal pain. But I do know for me it is one of the hardest things I have had to experience. I hope you are getting grief counselling and other support.
Many bright blessings and comfort to you.
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2007 6:47:40 AM | | I can understand showing your sympathy to one whose lost their kids but why speak on something that you yet to expereince or never expereince .. | |
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