| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 9/21/2007 7:03:50 AM | YEAIDD - Let me first say that my sympathy goes out to you .. And " YES" I had to bury one of my kids ... But it has been over an decade now and I know exactly how you feel .. Now let me tell you how I dealt with i t from then to now .. I look at shows that I know he use to be crazy about and laugh as if he's in the room with me , I remember all the good and fun things we use to do .. I even have days marked on my calendera for me to celerbrate him in remembrance of him , I even do things with his siblings that I know he would enjoy doing with all of us he was here ..
Now due to him been born 2 days before Christmas I leave my lights on a week before til his birthdate then four days after christmas .... To say to "GOD " Thank you heavenly farther for my gift of life you gave to me two days before Christmas .. And for this day of remembrance of his love ... | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 11/5/2007 6:36:33 PM | | Well hello my name is john i read ur post an i really feel for i could never think bout haveing to do something like that . i am a single father my self an i would would never want to have to face that i no its hard on you an my heart goes out to you if u ever need some one to talk to u can email me at any time . thanks john an god bless | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 11/20/2007 7:05:09 PM | | First of all let me say how sorry I am for your loss. I had to bury my first child. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant when my fiancee and I were hit by a drunk driver. The only one injured was my son, he was going to be named Lucas. I talked to a therapist, however I just learned to hide it. You learn to move on, but I have never forgotten, and there isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't remember him. The stress of everything cost me my fiancee in the end. I know it doesn't help but you learn to keep going, it just takes some time. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 11/20/2007 8:29:08 PM | | I find it simply inconceivable to judge anyone who has lost a child, as I cannot fathom the feeling, nor my reaction. Have you tried "Compassionate friends"? A really good support group; it can't hurt. All the best! | |
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u
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Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 205 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 11/21/2007 1:34:29 AM | Some of the ways I deal with it is putting the shoe on the other foot,
I would want him to be strong and know I miss him as much as he
misses me and try to make him proud of me as he did for me.
I know he will miss the good as well as the bad in this life.
He will be spending christmas with Jesus this year.
Tears are a good thing somtimes~forgivness.
Dieing isn't going to be quite so hard.
I know what real love is about.
He passed the test.
JDG. 8-5-87~7-8-01
when they come to you in a
dream and give you a big hug you
know it will be just a matter of time before
you will be together again and there will be peace. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:32:01 AM | | OP I have buried a child also. Yesterday was her birthday. I wish I could give you some brilliant answer to make the pain go away, but I can't...and neither can anyone else. I'm sure it's been suggested that you seek counseling and I can't stress how important that is. It took me years and years to get the help I needed. I hope you get help sooner rather than later. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 11/21/2007 11:25:22 AM | Hey Guinnessgurl2003,
I dont want to bring you any more pain from your experience....but you may want to do some research on Vaccinations.....I believe they cause many SIDS. Was your child vaccinated? Probably....they give them a shot before leaving the hospital now. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 11/21/2007 9:06:06 PM | I only read through a few posts, nine pages of sad stories was just more than I wanted to take on...I feel horrible for you YEAIDID. Ive always felt that Id never survive if my daughter were taken from me. A parent should never have to bury a child, life is not meant to be that way, its not the natural order of things. I cant offer any advice on how to get over it, my mother died in 1979 and Ive never gotten over that either. Its something you think about every day, Im sure of that. For some people counseling works, support groups, antidepressants...the anger is just your way of placing blame...there has to be a reason right? it didnt just happen...so there has to be someone who is to blame for the reason right? I imagine I would be just like you are, if I survived it at all. But remember, you have other children and they need you. Your anger, if you dont figure out a way to work it out, is only going to result in you not being there for your kids now and Im sure you dont want that. I wish you all the best  | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 11/22/2007 4:08:42 AM | Let me start by saying I am very sorry for your loss.
How do you deal with it being the mother that made this happen? I personally would not be able to cope with out wanting to kill her. As a single mother dealing with my 4 year old daughter telling me atleast once a week what my ex did to her and the sexual abuse is enough to make me want to rip his throat out. I don't want to preach religion here as Everyone has there own beleifs, but I beleive in the innocents of a child and I beleive that your child is in heaven being taken care of. As far as us having to cope with our loses it is the hardest thing to deal with. I think with situations like this we blame ourselves as to what has happend to our kids, I find myself say "If only I had known that there was a danger in leaving him alone with my child, I could have prevented it" , but you trust the person so much and they are the other parent that is supposed to love them as much as you do. I can't imagine losing my daughter and I really feel for you. I wish you the best. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:24:14 PM | i too have lost a child and it eats at me everyday that he is gone but i hide my tears and my fears very well. what hapened was i was working full time running heavy equipment, and was enjoying the somewhat freedom i had. I have another child that i had at age 17, anyways, i was just kinda learning to go out and have fun and the occasionall party. i celebrated my brithday as most people my age do by going to the bar and partying my face off. met the man of my dreams that night (still together)  and then found out three weeks later i was about 20 wks pregnant. i had partied off and on that whole time and had no clue. saw the doctor and was shocked to find out of course, as was my new boyfriend( new at the time). so we decided that we would keep it and start a new life. that new life ended on september 17, 2006. i had been told previously that i had a conidtion called Placenta Privia and that i would have to be on bed rest and not to move around unnessasrily. that day i got brave and walked next door to the neighbors for a coffee. when i got home i went to the washroom and saw a trail of blood and looked down at my feet and saw a huge puddle of blood. called the neighbors, and my boyfriend took me into the hospital. was told i had ruptured my placenta and a emergency c-section was nessasary. the doctor asked my boyfriend which one to save. he said to me that he chose me b/c we could always have more one day, and so in i went. i woke up three hours later to a beautiful baby boy who weighed 1 lbs. 1 oz. he was rushed to the nearest NICU and thats where we basically lived for 24 very long but short days. he eventually got sick with an infection and we decided to let him go. towards the end i had braced myself somewhat and knew that things may not turn out so good. we let him go on October 12, and he peacefully passed away in my arms as i said how much i loved him. it was hard that next few hours as i tried to think of how many times i said i love you to my son. how do you manage to fit a lifetime of "I love you"'s into so few hours??? i do not regret our decision to let him go. i just regret not doing it sooner. he suffered for about a week but i couldn't force myself to let go. 14 months have come and gone. I have laerned to take each day as it comes, and not think too much on tomorow. i had the support of my boyfriend, and my family to help me when i need them. i focus now on my baby i just had this fall. and my oldest of course. it was rough on him and it took some time for him to warm up to his other brother but we are getting by and things will get better with each day. don't dwell on what might have been. it never helps. just makes you think too much on the bad stuff and makes you forget the good. | |
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| Yes I have...
Posted: 12/18/2007 2:39:40 AM | Hi YEAIDD,
Just over 3yrs ago i thought i was in labour with my first baby. Though the pains turned out to be 'not labour pains'. I was rushed into an emergency ceasarean but my little girl didnt make it. Although you and I are in diferent circumstances, I have been through the feelings of planning your own childs funeral, seeing the lifeless little body and saying goodbye for the last time. If only I had done this deferently then she would still be here. Im sure you have similar thoughts... i can relate to.
I do think about her quite often. "Lahtesha" was her name... I am coping with it very well, I believe. No amount of tears, anger, grief will bring her back. If you ever want someone to talk to when your down, feel free to send me a message and i'll get back to you.
Have a Wonderful Christmas.
Take Care,
Angie | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 12/22/2007 7:11:57 PM | | Hey, I feel what you are going through, I buried my daughter, she died 3 days before her due date. I didn't cope with it until i left my ex wife. but now I have learned to talk about it and it has helped alot, You should find someone you can discuss it with, trust me it helps. I went through a very dark period in my life after it happened I became withdrawn and silent. so yeah talk to someone who can help. | |
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YEAIDD
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 213 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:16:41 PM | The anniversary of his death was yesterday 1.1.....every year when others celebrate...i mourn. Im not doing better at all...not to mention my life is in shambles. Losing hope and faith by the minute. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/2/2008 10:28:15 PM | YEAIDD, you need to talk to a professional (counselor, psychiatrist, something like that). What you went through is one of the toughest things to deal with but you can't continue to let it eat the rest of your life away. You have other children to think of and family that loves you. Forget the embarassment or the worry or whatever is keeping you from getting help. Do what you need to do to start healing. It will eat you alive if you don't deal with it (constructively). Each day is a new day. Each day is a new start. My favorite quote is "I will not merely endure, I will prevail".
P.S. I haven't lost a child. My son has a severe birth defect and will eventually die (at a very young age). I deal with feelings like you everyday. Get help now before you can't. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:03:48 PM | | I pray that I never have to. But one of my part-time employers just had his son murdered right here in the neighborhood we both live in. I can't imagine the heartache. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:30:50 AM | Yeaidd, I think you are an incredibly brave person just to carry on with your life day to day, as is everyone who has lost a child and that that strength and courage alone is to be admired.
The one thing I have learnt in my life is that grief, like love, is blind. It consumes you and you become totally insular. You cannot see the wood for the trees.
You say that your ex 'killed' your baby. In your eyes, that may very well be true, but at the end of the day, is there really any blame to be laid? Your ex has to live with the guilt and pain of the decisions she made that day for the rest of her life, as do you.
I understand your frustration that you were not there and that maybe you could have prevented it happening if you had been, but what you have to ask yourself is, would it really have made a difference? SIDS is a condition that people know VERY little about, but the fact is that your son would probably have died whether he had been in bed with his mother or not.
My advice to you would be, as other people have said, to get help. You are obviously finding it very difficult to move past the anger stage of your grief and this is very destructive to you and those around you.
The stronger you become, the less people walk on you. Stop showing the wrong people (like your ex) how angry and vulnerable you are feeling, and talk to the right people about it. I'm not saying that posting on here is a bad idea, if that is how you feel comfortable expressing your feelings then that is fine, but there will always be people on here willing to hurt and upset wherever they can. I really hope the New Year brings you hope and that God carries you when you cannot walk alone.
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 1/3/2008 10:27:36 AM | First I would like to say that after reading these pages of stories I truly feel for all of the losses you all have gone through with your children. I have 4 so I couldn't imagine ever dealing with this, but yet you all have found a way to cope day to day. You all are very strong individuals and I admire your will to continue on.
Yeaidd, I hope the memory of you child never fades from your memory. I realize at this time (being the anniversary) you are likely emotionally vulnerable to depression - or maybe in a sense you have been lingering in a depression for the past 8 years.
I have found in my personal and profession experiences (social worker here) that there is no right on wrong way/timeline to grieve. We all do it in our own way - in our own time. This can vary in weeks to years.
Some common sensations and emotions experienced by grieving:
1. Physical discomfort
2. Sense of numbness
3. Feelings of detachment from others
4. Preoccupation with the image of the deceased
5. Guilt
6. Hostility
7. Disruption in daily schedule (depression)
8. Delayed grief
**The bolded ones are where I think your biggest issues lay Yeaidd.** Guilt because you were not there to stop what happened and Hostility at the mother for what she did. Both are things you had no control over and I think you need to first forgive yourself before you can move on to healing.
For those who are family or friends to someone mouring - Do not be afraid to talk about the deceased person. This lets the bereaved know that you care for the deceased. I was once told to not bring up the passing of an infant daughter to a friend of ours (who had passed away just 2 1/2 months before). At one point during the evening I was left alone with the mother in the kitchen, making dinner while the men were outside BBQ'ing. The conversation started to steer towards kids (as I had my own) and I felt really awkward not to atleast acknowledge her experience and pain....so against previous "instruction" we started talking about it....shared some tears together. But you know - she was sooo relieved to be able to talk about it because the friends/family around her avoided it like the plague. She needed validation that she wasn't crazy for feeling the way she was AND most importantly she needed acknowledgement that her daughter existed and mattered. She appreciated talking about her and the experience.....so talk it out!
Yeaidd, because your story involves another person who was at fault I really cannot stress how important it is that you talk your story out - over and over - to a professional counsellor. As insanely impossible as this may sound, you are going to have to forgive her for this before you can move on to acceptance of this tragic event.
At the very least - your child would WANT you to continue living an emotionally holistic life.
Keeping you in my thoughts,
J. | |
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YEAIDD
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 218 | |
| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:45:43 PM | | Thanks Alot J, sorry for the late response. I still have not gotten counselling of any sort. With life still travelling at a fast pace...its really hard to prioritize my needs when I have a son and a daughter now whom I havent seen in a year. The only thing keeping me together honestly is the great girl im with and GOD. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 3/26/2008 3:45:16 AM | | yeah life does move frantically especially when so much drains ur brain after losing one of ur own,mine has not yet reached a cnr as grief is rock solid and going from responses so far from plp like urself,circumstances matter little in long run,its how we deal with it,yes?all i can offer is advice,know ur not alone,plan ahead and like me keep one foot after the other plodding along,there will be someone to come along and make u smile again,only if u don't give up.i look towards that time and in meantime i try to forgive the person who stole my child away and be at peace with my surroundings.stay at one with nature bro,u seem like a goodun | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 3/26/2008 11:22:11 AM | Im so sorry for your loss
I had to bury 1(one) of my twin babies( girls) in 1996, and after all dat happened i had to think about my other baby, and her future, I just held her so close to me at all times, and still today i think about her(deceased) wondering how it would be to have them both together, but im too strong, (in and out) to ever give up on life or family>>>>>>>>>>>> . anyways i just moved on and now years have passed, i have 2 more daughters which I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND THEY are my WORLD and LIFE, they keep me happy and everyday they tell me they LOVE meeeeeeeeeeee so much............................
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:15:29 PM | | Yes I did. I had twins, a girl and a boy. My son had a heart defect, his first operation was when he was 3 dayes old. He was on oxygen and a feeding tube his whole short little life of 360 dayes. He passed away 6 dayes before he turned a year.. I don't do anything for my daughters birthday,it pains too much.The day he passed away I put out floweres for him, on his birthday I send up balloons. I have tattoos of him, and it took me almost 2 years to take down his crib and clean out his room. You always remember, and you will never forget. I am reminded of him daily, because of his twin.I wanted to die that day also, and for dayes after, but life has to go on no matter how it pains | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:46:47 PM | | i had to bury my first born son he was kiled by my wifes boyfriend out of jealousy and rage on jan 13th 2000 the day before his 3rd birthday. i fell apart after that and i was lost until god gave me a daughter with a girlfriend in august of 2003 i never thought i would outlive one of my kids. losing my son was like losing a piece of my soul. | |
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| Have you had to BURY one of your kids?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:56:47 PM | | i have been very over protective of my daughter and dread any time she has to go to a baby sitter. i have since tried to make my self available every time my x girlfriend goes to work. now i have my little girl 3 days a week and i love every moment we have to spend together it is hard for me to date because i am over critical of single moms parenting abilities sometimes and get scared if i had a kid with them. i only hope that god hooks me up with a kind beautiful woman that wants kids and wants to be a mom and a wife. because i have all the love in the world to share with her. and the two best things i do in life is being a dad and being a husband. if i can get past being a boyfriend for the right girl i will have it made. ive always figured out a way to be a good provider and my daughter is my best friend and sometimes she doesnt want to go home back to her moms house because i give her all the love in the world and she feels comfortable and secure. the hardest expirience of my life loosing my firstborn son to a senceless pyschopathic baby killer has made me a better dad for my girl and i will be a better husband for the next wife i have. when you loose everything you love in life it makes you appriciate finding love again. | |
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| hi sweetheart
Posted: 3/27/2008 12:31:51 PM | | how are you? you are sweet | |
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