| | Are people these days 'too picky'...Page 3 of 22 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22) | a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
of course if you can catch two birds at once... -(kidding)
(no i'm not) | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:51:24 AM | | When I see a post about people complaining about others being "picky" I see a person who is aiming to high. Everyone wants the beauties on here. So if she is getting 20 emails from handsome successful men it is likely your average pic/profile is not going to be replied to. | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/22/2006 10:39:26 AM | I think quite often that online dating can produce unrealistic expectations. You post a profile and a pic and some semblance of what you're looking for. But if that tends to be a cafeteria list of must have this or that, you're going to have a tough time finding people that meet all of your criteria.
In the online dating world too, you find a lot of people (not all) that will look at your pic(s) and reject you on that basis alone, without even reading your profile, even if you do possess some of the qualities they claim to be looking for. I think thats awfully silly and shallow, to pass on someone just because of a picture or two, but to each his own. Attraction is certainly very important, but I feel I make a much better impression in person if/when we get to that point.
Its OK to be selective or picky, especially online, but its more important to keep an open mind. I prefer not to date a smoker, but if I were intrigued by the way she presented herself I would agree to at least meet someone for a drink or a cup of coffee. I've had women pass on me because I'm an atheist, which makes sense if they're of a religious bent, probably no future in that (although for the record, I've never sacrificed a goat in my living room). There's a line on the Matthew Perry/Selma Hayek movie "Fools Rush In", where after getting to know someone so completely different than what he is used to, he says to her, "You're everything I never knew I always wanted." Exactly! So if you're going to date online, develop a thick skin, keep your tongue firmly planted in your cheek, keep an open mind, and try to be realistic about your expectations, and the women you come in contact with. Boy, that sounds simple enough, huh?  | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/22/2006 10:43:10 AM | Nothing wrong with being "picky", "selective" or having standards...
Do you want a relationship with someone for the sake of having a relationship?
I don't. I know what I want and what I don't, what's acceptable and what isn't. I am happy by myself and won't settle for less than what I deserve.
Picky? You bet.
Colin | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/22/2006 10:48:49 AM | too many issues going on...too much baggage to carry and I don't want to share their burdens..too much drama..
If only you can meet guys that can walk into a meeting without spewing their troubles..I don't want to here about it..just want to create good times and positive attitudes...what's wrong with that??? | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/22/2006 10:53:15 AM | You know...since I started this online dating thing...I have become less picky. I have profiles posted on several different websites. When it came to deciding to date this guy or that guy, I had very specific criteria...must be no younger than two years younger than me and no more than three years older...must be college educated...preferably not work in a blue collar job...must not have ever been married...must absolutely not want children...and then the requisite funny, smart, ambitious, hard-working, like to go out and have a good time....so and so forth.
However, once I started to look through profiles of guys and talk to them, I realized that I needed to broaden my criteria. There are still things that I prefer. I tend to prefer that guys not be younger than two years younger than I but only because my brother is three years younger and I don't see myself dating anyone his age...but I have expanded my older age range to about 33 or 34...maybe even 35.
I don't care if they are college educated or not...I still prefer it, but I won't disregard a guy who isn't.
I now see guys who work blue collar jobs as sexy....
I don't mind if they have been married or if they might want children one day....after all this is just dating, it isn't a definite long-term thing and either of us could change our minds one day.
However, I still want the other stuff: funny, smart, ambitious, hard-working, like to go out and have a good time.
I have met someone (not through this profile but a different one on another site) who is some of the things that I had previously listed...he is a year and a half younger than me, he is partially college-educated, never married (but he was engaged at one point and lived with her). But he is also some things on my newly expanded "list" he works in a blue collar job (although he aspires to finish college and do something else) and there are some other things that he is that I never thought that I would be attracted to.
The online dating thing has allowed me to expand my horizons (which may have been why it had been so long since I had had a date...I was being too picky!!)
But the morale of the story is...if you open your self up a bit...you never know who you might meet! :) | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/22/2006 11:31:47 AM | There is nothing wrong with being picky. I "settled" the first time and it was the biggest mistake of my life!!!
Now, I want it all or I would rather be alone. | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/22/2006 11:50:37 AM | Honestly..
Not picky enough. Both men and women put up with so much $hit from eachother it's not even funny.
Don't get me wrong.. I'm all fine with being accepting of quirks and many faults... but not faults & quirks that scream "abusive", land people in jail or knowingly & repeatedly hurt those around you.
Him or her snapping their chewing gum loudly as a habit... OK (for example).
Him or her routinely getting drunk and breaking the law or cheating... NOT OK (for example) | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/22/2006 12:09:38 PM | I don't think people are too "picky"
I think most people don't know
1) What they want
2) How to articulate what they want
3) How to screen out non candidates so they can focus on getting to know the people with what they want
I think people don't do a good enough job discussing what they absolutely cannot live with and what they expect as a minimum standard.
Can people be too "picky", I'd say no. Its their preferences. I can say though that people can have unrealistic expectations of what they want versus what they have to offer. I think people spend far too much time getting offended by rejection than working on things that will help them have more to offer a potential relationship. | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 9:57:53 AM | Beyondenchanting,
I "settled" the first time and it was the biggest mistake of my life.I was "picky" the second time and it was even more the biggest mistake of my life.
Cheers! | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 9:59:39 AM | Depends on what you call picky. I will not lower my standards or give up my morals or values.
That being said I don't care about hair color or superficial things like that. | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 10:05:10 AM | msg:9
Some are picky. Some just can't find what they are looking for. Some single people remain single because they enjoy their single lives. Some would not settle for people who don't have the qualities they are looking for. Everybody is different.
"EXACTLY" | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 10:14:35 AM | | If I were to end up with you, (whomever YOU might happen to be) wouldn't you take greater comfort in the fact that I could never find anyone before you because I was so picky? | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 10:29:59 AM | The woman on here are low quality and most are ****es
seenread, i beg your pardon, but its not our fault u only find the hoes, or is it that only the hoes would date someone with that kind of opinion | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 11:29:05 AM | Bravo to jdtallfem and joepamn…  I agree 100%--“pickiness” and/or shallowness is endemic to these online sites. IMHO gabbynic is the wisest amongst us, balancing the deal-breakers against the need to remain open-minded to a world that has greater depth and possibility than a profile will ever capture. Would that there were more of us like her!
I’ve been given to wonder if my late wife and I would’ve ever met had we been online daters. There probably would’ve been a thing or two I wouldn’t’ve liked in her profile; I’m certain there’d’ve been things in my profile that would’ve caused her to dismiss me. Fortunately, we met through work and spent the necessary “face-time” to learn about each other. Lo and behold, we found enough common ground for attraction and love to grow, with just enough difference to keep life spicy.
Unfortunately, in the year since she died (being a telecommuter now with few work contacts, not interested in the bar scene and with a small social circle to draw upon), I’ve turned to this online world to try and make some new friends, only to experience this superficiality firsthand. I’ve been turned down because of my physical age (no one bothers to consider that I may be mentally ten years younger ), the fact that I’m a widower (and must, therefore, have a fixation on what was and an inability to move beyond it), the fact that I have (or had) a moustache (I guess because those women thought they didn’t sell razors in my neck of the woods) or that I am a full-time father. Several instances, even, saying that I was a “high quality guy—just not for me?” [What exactly does THAT mean???]
Somehow, despite all that, I’ve managed to remain secure in the knowledge that it’s their loss more than it’s mine. Doesn’t make me any less lonely, though. But whatever. My answer to the OP, at least in terms of the online scene, is that, “yes, we’ve grown too picky.” We’re given the tools that allow us to be narrow-minded and overly restrictive in our focus, and we use them quite well. And inevitably, I suspect, we miss out on some very good things. | |
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kmhstx
| | Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 70 | |
| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 12:30:21 PM | I think standards are good I think some people are not realistic. I have dated under my standards with very very very VERY bad results. I will not do it again. But I am also realistic in who I think I can attract. I mean if I thought I could attract someone tall dark/handsome/athletic...rich, intelligent, loyal, mentally stable, and emotionally available with no criminal record/drug abuse ect.. lol who has never been married with no children(but who wants to be a father), within the age range of 30-35......
Well lmao I think most people here would say I live in a complete fantacy land!!!
I mean I think I'm a great person but well I'm not that amazing hehe. | |
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| Are people these days 'too confused and self absorbed'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 2:05:13 PM |
We’re given the tools that allow us to be narrow-minded and overly restrictive in our focus, and we use them quite well. And inevitably, I suspect, we miss out on some very good things.
Humans.
We should laugh more. | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 4:48:08 PM |
People just shouldn't settle......too many do!
Isn't there a difference, though, between "settling" and "expecting perfection"?
That is my question.
Or should that be a topic for a different thread? | |
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| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 5:00:51 PM | | Perfection isn't what most are expecting to find. Most are more than realistic about "who" they are wanting to meet. At my age, I've lived enough life to know that my relationships in the past need to be a map of what NOT to do again. That includes (but not limited to) intelligence, sense of humor, professional drive, interests, passions, values, morals, etc. Physically ~ I am open. The other traits ~ definitely NOT. Nor will I compromise what I want ~ because it's what I can offer in return. It's not perfection I seek ~ it's compatibility. | |
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Danimo
| | Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 75 | |
| Are people these days 'too picky'...
Posted: 7/24/2006 5:15:28 PM | I don't believe there's any such thing as "too picky"
I'd rather be picky and single than in a dead-end relationship.
if you know what you want, don't settle for any less!
obviously so long as your standards are Reasonable ;) | |
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