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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/12/2007 8:33:03 AM | | I'm a single mother of a newborn. My son's father wants nothing to do with me or my son...after finding out he uses drugs on a regualr basis, and has 5 kids with 5 different woman....I decided that I wasn't going to pursue him for financial help...He's not the type of person I want influencing my son!! | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/12/2007 9:36:28 PM |  My heart goes out to you and I have faced and am still facing problems with my son's father. He uses drugs, pot, pills, ect. He only has two children as of right now and can't hold a job for more than a couple of weeks, if that. I have decided to go after the support, though and I believe that the custodial parent should go after support. If you help bring a child into this world, whether you wanted that child or not is not a deciding factor on whether they should support the child or not. Fact of the matter is that they are equally responsible for the upbringing of that child. If some one does not want to have kids, get an operation, get protection or just plain keep your pants on.
The influence part can be handled in different ways, such as supervised visitations or speaking to the court system about his activities and letting them decide if he/she should not have visitation rights and so forth. I believe too many dead beat parents are out there today.
I have a three year old son who is disabled, I am disabled and trying to get away from this sort of life and to do that, I am taking the necessary steps but those steps would be much easier if the father paid the child support so that I can get everything my son needs while trying to get my needs met at the same time.
It is a hard situation but I do not believe that any single parent should handle the full financial burden alone, especially the amount of money it takes to raise a child in this day and age. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/13/2007 2:15:52 PM | | i am a single mother of two boys myself. i have gotten no help whats so ever from my babys daddy in 6 years, no money and no help. he is around once in a while but he comes in and out of their lives so fast its hard to know where to start to tell them 2 what his problem is. then they start to think that they are the reason that he only comes around once in a while. and of course being the mom i have to reassure them that it isn't them that has the problem. so i understand where you are coming from. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/13/2007 2:39:58 PM | | I am a divorced mother who receives no help. It is very hard. He walked out on me and my two children in October. Now I am in an argument with him over support for the kids. He finally got a job at walmart yesterday. The judge ordered him to pay 38% which I have not received. I have only received 3 checks from him before court. Now he is taking me back to cour to get the child support lowered. I am happy to not be with him anymore, but at the same time I need the money. His family is harrassing me and following me so I am tired of that. I think single parents need support from people who are going through the same thing. If anyone wants to chat or vent please feel free to send me an email at abrewer28@yahoo.com and that is also my IM user name. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/13/2007 3:42:55 PM | Hi Realdealiowa, Copperskins here,
Well, I have been a single parent for over 13 years now!  Yes, it has had it's challenges now that my son is sixteen but I have also had a good loving family to provide support when the times became alittle on the rocky side.
I can suggest to you, that you use your energy, the energy you have wishing the other parent was in your precious children's life, and focus that energy in them. Love them totally and unconditionally. Her negative energy would bring about bad karma in their lives anyway. If she chooses to not be involved in their lives, that's her loss. Kids are so precious, and I commend you for doing it on your own. There's so many single parents out there today. I personally have more than 10 close friends, male and female, that are single parents. It does have it's rewards.
Good luck to you my friend,
Copperskins | |
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bos69
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Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 357 | |
| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/21/2007 3:45:24 AM | | i still don`t understand how some men can just give up the chance to bond with their kids i have 2 childrenn by 1 previous relationship who i adore i have them every other weekend and pay a weekly amount to their mother for bits they need and would pay for anythin else if she needs me to however i have recently split from a girl who i have a 1 yr old to she firstly moved to south wales now she tells me she`s havin a baby to some1 else and they movin to suffolk to raise my son as his and i`m not gonna exist to him so its not always some1 leavin u with kids and no help theres a few that are the opposite won`t let u see them when u want to | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/21/2007 7:02:31 AM | So let's try it this way:
At those times when you feel discouraged and lonely and you think you'll never be able to raise your child properly on your own and see them become a responsible, productive member of society....have faith. We do what we do single handed and our kids live it everyday. I am certain that my child will be a little more independent and resourceful when she's older because of how we've struggled through these years. To have stayed with her father in a dysfunctional relationship would have been infinately worse than struggling financially.
For me, I can honestly say that being a single parent has made me much stronger. I work with people who fuss if their spouse has to be gone for a few months at a time, and I just shake my head. We know that we're capable of being by ourselves and we breathe in, out and go on. There is something there beyond pity parties that we should be very proud of. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:01:28 AM | I dont see why any of us, single parents, need help from our ex. I am bringing up my son my own and doing really well. He has many friends whose fathers are living with them and do nothing else apart from drinking, shouting and watching TV, and that is not how he wants to be when he is older. His own words are "Thanks God I dont have a father living with me".
At the end of the day, my son gets all my attention and my free time, and that is what makes him happy.
I think we should all focus on our kids and forget about everybody else.
S
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/21/2007 8:29:20 AM | Ofcourse it's common. What planet are you from? Even people who say they help support their kids don't usually. My 2 children's father never helped with anything even when he lived with us. He refused to help pay for anything, and never bought gifts of any kind. And not to mention house work was beneath him. The kids just cramped his style. Whatever that was. And he's been gone now for 3 yrs. In the beginning he claimed to want to see them, but never showed up when given the opportunity, and soon lost interest in it and decided to start a line of new kids with the latestest stupid female. He has 2 children from a previous marriage, two with your truely, and now he has another bouncing baby girl, and i'm sure that as soon as the newness wears off of that one they'll be cut loose too. He pays no child support to anyone, and even claims his first 2 boys are dead even though they are NOT! He is the ultimate Deadbeat Dad. My kids cried about it for a while but i think they have finally figured out what a big jerk he really is. Real Dad's actually spend some time with their kids.
Actually though i am rather happy that he does not want to see them now. I really don't need the hassle of unteaching bad things that have been taught to them. And I'm glad he's not around to turn them into accomplished liars. Who needs that crap, anyway? I have them all to myself and we are just fine. They lack male influence, but i figure no male influence is better than what they would have learned from him. If anything i look at the brighter side of the issue. Yes its a sad day to think of what should have been but thats all smoke and mirrors anyway. Live for today, Love them well, and Be Happy! I thank God everyday i have my babies, and in the end I wouldn't want things any other way now. We are a good family together and I am not perfect as a Mom, I do my best, and that's all that really matters, anyway. Just love them and things will be Okay! | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/21/2007 10:30:57 AM | Pretty common these days. I have a 22 yr old and 16 yr old and I did "it" all by myself.
The only "guilt" I ever felt and still do is rearing my son w/o his father. I can so much for him....shelter him, love him, guide him. But I can't teach him how to be a man
And it hurts me...because I feel like he's been cheated. Silly huh? | |
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kesiah
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Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 362 | |
| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/21/2007 11:47:39 AM | I have two boys and I do not have any help from their dad - it is something that we just have to do, to get on with it. I think that we must keep our chin up and try our best, not to be too hard on ourselves, because even that perfect family unit, that we may all envy - is not without flaws.
Life is not always about perfection, and doing what is right for our society, it is what we think is right for our kids.
It is hard sometimes when people on these dating sites dismiss us single parents with kids, we all should never forget that we were kids once.
As for some of the concerns about whether we do the right thing for our kids, as parents "alone", well I am sure that so long as our children know that we have time for them, that we will be there for them, smile and cry with them, then they will grow into ok people. It's not about the wealth we can impart, it is about the wonderful world we live in, and the ability to survive in it. So long as my kids can lead a life that is ok, and have the skills to cope, contentedly... well that is all that matters.
Good luck everyone, stick at it, it aint forever, but it is about making nice times for our kids now... so that when they grow up they have great memories, and experiences that will keep them in check, support them in times of trouble and make them who they are.  | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/21/2007 12:27:21 PM | | i am not a parent yet, however, i still get no support. im 20 yrs old, and thot i was in love with an awesome guy.. now that im 5 months pregnant with his (3rd) child, he wants nothing to do with me, or the baby. i should have known better, since he barely sees his first to kids to his ex, but for some reason, i thot things would be different. 8-/ but not only do i not get support from him, but my family is lacking too. will things ever get better???? | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/22/2007 9:58:49 AM | after browsing through this thread i find it amusing at the number of people whining about no help. Especially when they have thier own parents/siblings/cousins who help them when they can. Personally I thought the thread was supposed to be about people who had NO help like myself where the ex isn't involving herself and as a former CAS case i have no family of my own other then my son.
Those of you who are like me and had/have NO support base Kudo's to you all for sticking it out.. the rest of you shut up!
You have it easy! | |
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bos69
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Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 365 | |
| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:49:16 PM | | nah don`t be silly how to be a man can`t be taught it`s learnt i never had a father around growin upi had plenty ofd father figure (thanx mam lol) but i learn`t more for myself than any1 could teachme i`m guessin he does feel anythin bad towards u cos of a lackof a father because he`ll see u as the perfect mam trust me talkin from experience i learnt more from my mam than any1 else don`t worry about an ex that doesn`t want anythin to do with his child his loss at the end of the day not the childs | |
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bos69
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Joined: 6/19/2006
Msg: 366 | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/23/2007 4:01:55 AM | | HAHAHAHA your joking aint you lmao, And who gives you the right to tell complete strangers my buisness????? Why? john Why do you think i left you? why dont i want you to be a father to your son, Dont act all innocent in this uhhh what did u get your son for xmas???? Uhhh what did you get him for his first birthday???? You didnt even come to see him on his first birthday!!!!!!!!! You was to skint from spending your money on stupid computer games beer and drugs we even had to cancel his clown for his party so dont make me out to be the bad person, you are givin advice to be a parent ??? You cant even parent your kids properly when i was living with u you was in bed all day whilst i was seeing to all your kids even the ones who wasnt mine and when i wasnt there they had to see to them selfs hangin out of the window of a top story flat whilst your in bed or on the pc so how can you give advice to people??? And you learnt everything from your mum ??? you always told me she wasnt there for you that she was always in the pub, i dont know what your playing at tellin complete strangers my buisness but heh u want them to know my buisness they can know yours, Oh and if you lot think im wrong for what im doing then you go leave your kids with him for the weekend whilst hes drinking and takin over doses, now john i want the rest of my stuff or ill phone the solicitor and keep my buisness off the internet thank you ! | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/23/2007 4:14:10 AM | Hi................... It sucks i know but we just have to pick our selves up and carry on, my ex has not contributed to anything to our sons up bringing...
He doesnt ring to talk to our son , or even send cards on birthdays or xmas, i used to defend his father for the sake of not seeing my son get hurt .. Now a days i just comfort him and cheer him up...... we struggled for a while but things all panned out and we are doing great ......
so dont think your the only one ,there are many like us....... i bet.
and i think that we as single parents just rock, its not an easy thing to go through but we hold our heads up high with each day that arises and do our best to bring our children up so that they are happy.............. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/23/2007 5:42:45 PM | | I have no help from the ex, she's only 3 mons and I pray every night he will never try to help, he is not the type of person I want anywhere near my My family is full of good men and women I'd love her to grow up to be like. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/24/2007 2:31:52 PM | I have been on my own with my daughter for almost 12 yrs..no child support no moral support or anything else for that matter...when its brought up to him to help he tells me that if i cant do it and take care of her..then just send her back to live with him!
not gonna happen! | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 4/24/2007 6:07:37 PM | | Single parents are many rather than few these days. The best way to deal with an absent parent is to get on with it. If they don't want to be there, don't include them, don't wish they were more involved. Just get to parenting. Enjoy that you don't have to coordinate your time with your kids, you don't have to have them every other weekend and arrange holiday's, yours and hers. They are your kids, she is telling you this by not being there. Enjoy your kids. The best part I find is I know they are ok , day and night because they are with me and not out there with my x somewhere. | |
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Kesiah
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Joined: 5/11/2007
Msg: 372 | |
| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 5/23/2007 4:09:24 AM | I have two boys... and their dad lives abroad, they have hardly any contact from any of their relatives and that makes me sad on for them... but they are happy and dont see it like that.. they are together, well balanced and enjoying life... they are loved.
It is hard, for me... but it will not be forever I reassure myself.
I sometimes wonder how it came to this... but it did... and I am alive and so are they... and we have to look to today and tomorrow ... and the rest takes care of itself ... with a little nudge in the right direction now and then.
when things are tough... I just chill... listen to some nice music... or go to the beach... and take a big breath of air.. it doesnt help sort things... but it helps me to be strong.
I am not that strong... but I find new depths.. and a better me..
So they have all done me a favour... just make sure that you feel the same... dont let the experience of being a happy and good parent be reduced by the bad behaviour of other people. Dont let them ... let you take your happiness away... hold on to it.. and let your kids see you being you... whoever you are.
That is how I cope!
Good luck to you all. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 5/23/2007 2:21:06 PM | | My Kidos are 21, 17 & 15 now almost all raised. I have for the majority of their little lives been a single parent, with no child support or help from their father. He choose this many years ago. I don't regret getting divorced, it was the best thing for us all. I've worked hard to provide a decent home, and values for my kids. This past year my Daughter was married, she called her Father, asking him for help with the cost of her wedding, he cried the blues about money. She called him again asking if he was going to come, he again cried the blues about money. My Daughter and I had the best time getting things ready, for her big day, I was so honored to be able to give her the Wedding she wanted and she gave me the honor of giving her away. That is something that will be with me forever. Her reasoning for that was "Your always there no mater how hard it gets, no mater what took place, and I have been able to always count on you for anything". This year I received a Mother's Day card, she remembered when there wasn't any money to do extra stuff, and how I still managed to make weekends at home so much fun, she mentioned the days when there was little food and remembers me telling them, go ahead and eat what you want, I've already eaten. She said I knew then, you hadn't because you always ate with us, and knowing that you would give us all and go without. I knew then what I know now. You are by far more then a Mom, you are my Hero. My Daughter has moved on and become the most delightful young Lady I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I woudn't trade one moment of anyday for anything. It has been the best moments of my life, there is nothing like it. My greatest accomplishments are not the education that I have obtained or the work that I do. Its my KIDS by far... | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 5/25/2007 5:39:52 PM | Believe it or not, you might be surprised. There are alot of us out there. I have 3 kids, receive no assistance, and probably will never see anything from their "Father". You do get used to it, and I actually prefer that they are not influenced by him. It is hard enough to get over the stuff transferred through genetics.
Now finding time for dating is another story. What time? They say that it builds character and makes us stronger. I can only hope that is true. Keep your head up. The kids know what you are doing for them. Even if they don't show it yet. Mine are 15, 13, and 5, and the older ones are a big help. I wouldn't change things if I could.  | |
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