| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/26/2007 5:54:12 AM | i dont have help from my ex on helping his kids out ..but i am taking his sorry ass to court for it and hes going to start putting his money for his kids and not for his drugs no more cause im sick of his shit .. he can give his hoes money to ride him and get drugs so why wouldnt i take his ass to court!!!!!
his a pig whos needs a good wake up call!!!!!!
crystal | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:07:55 AM | | I am a single mom with three daughters, ages 14, 12 and 7. I have been on my own for the last 7 years with no help from their father. In the years it has become very apparent that the girls just desperately wanted a relationship with their dad but he has always been way to "busy". As they are getting older, they realize now that it is his loss, and they now focus on the positive loving people in their lives. One piece of advice though. Do not speak to them negatively about the absent parent. If you do as my sister did the child then resents you in the long run. I just let them form their own opinions and trust me the truth does come out. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:05:12 AM | I am a single parent too.......
My son is 9 years old and his father disowned us well over 6 years now... My son is Autistic and can be very hard work at times but also very rewarding at times.. I love him very much and the like some of the other comments at least he can not pick up any bad habbits.. He does that from his other two brothers and that is bad enough...
take heart that you are difenatly not alone and that there are many of us out there who all know what it is like to be on your own bringing up your children with little or no help from the other parent.......
Take care
Mandy | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/26/2007 4:34:44 PM | I raised my kids on my own and wouldn't change a thing. They are 21, 18 and 15, I'm proud of them all...
Regarding the absent parent, his loss. Times of struggle are also fond memmories of closeness and pulling together as a family. When things were rough, and they wanted their Father, I made sure we as a family did something fun together. I've always said there is something good even when something bad happens, sometimes its just a little harder to find.
All those nights of him not showing up, making promises, were blessings in disguise. It gave us wonderful memmories of dancing in the rain, bbq's, board games, lightening storms, pizza & movie nights, slumber parties with the neighborhood kids at my house, and one of their favorite memmories is eating the fresh fruit from the bushes and trees.
The child support??? Well its still owed... but its only money... and that can't by happiness. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/26/2007 5:49:46 PM | | i'm a single parent of two wonderful little boys, even though they have a relationship with their father he still doesn't help out with them as far as paying child support. which to me i really don't care, if i was to get child support i'd just put that money away in their savings accounts for them for their future anyways. i work very hard for a living and wouldn't change it any other way, even when i was married to their dad, his money for the majority of it anyways went to his alcohol, so i've been the one financially supporting them from day one. he does take care of them when they are at his house though finacially and i guess thats one good thing. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 431 | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/26/2007 6:47:24 PM | | it seems like everywhere I look there are parents with some kind of help ..... yet I am a single mom of a four year old ....his dad has never been around and I have no family either so it is just us.....I think of us like a team ....I think it makes dating more difficult because there is no part of my life that my child is not involved in....I think it really takes someone who has experienced that amount of personal responsibility to understand how feels....like even though a friend or date may offer to help with simple things like picking up or watching kids while you run to the store....once they are gone your back to doing it all on your own anyway....to me it seems pointless....but I am getting more used to our two person family. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/26/2007 7:34:37 PM | | I've been raising my son, now 15, alone since he was 10. His father hasn't seen him in 4 years. My parents died in 2005. I do have friends who have been a great help but essentially, I am raising him alone. I am not complaining though. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I've truly enjoyed his presence in my life. I will miss him when the day comes that he wants to move on with his life. I wouldn't think of trying to stop him, my job is to help him be self-sufficient and prepared to start his own life. But I will miss him being a part of my daily life, nonethless. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/26/2007 9:02:10 PM | I'll add my name to the 18 page list of parents who are doing it alone. Isn't that a sad commentary on society these days tho?
I have a 7 yr old daughter who I've raised since conception. I live in BC now and we know very few people.. but i gotta say.. the people in BC are a heck of a lot friendlier and more willing to lend a hand than the people in Ontario were.
I'm doing okay.. and so is she. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/27/2007 12:11:09 AM | | Kudos to you. I also have a useless X. Sometimes we are better off. Thank god for my mom or else we would probably be in a shelter. Hang in there. They do grow up and will someday show their love for their Moms. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/27/2007 12:13:50 AM | | If he is such a piece of shit, why would you want a penny from him? You will be happier in the end if you find a way to do it without him. I know becouse I did it. Only with the help of my family. Men that are useless will always be usless!! | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/27/2007 4:38:55 AM | | Very very common i'm afraid! My two babies age 5 & 9 haven't seen their dad since he left for the "bimbo" over 3 years ago, even though he lives only 1/2 a mile away, in the same town. Neither one can remeber what he looks like. He has 2 other children with his first wife in Canada, which he has been telling people that they are dead, so he doesn't have to explain why he doesn't contact them. In actuality they are very much alive, but they haven't heard from him in over 9 years. He tells all of his friends and co-workers that the reason he does not see our children is because i refuse to let him. Not true, in the beginning i beggged him to see his kids, then i gave up. He hasn't supported our children, or his first children at all, even when we were together he never contributed to their care either financially or any other way. He now has a new addition to his line of children and i am sure he will abandon this one eventually too. So, no, friend ,this dispicable" make 'em and leave 'em" attitude is not unusual at all. It is unfortunately something a lot of men and women feel is an acceptable attitude to have toward their offspring. And even though it is sad that my kids' father doesn't feel the love he should for his babies, i am rather glad he doesn't come around now, because i would hate for them to be influenced by his poisonous beliefs in how to treat others. And i am sure we are much better off in the long run. All of us. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/27/2007 6:53:51 AM | Pucks,
to answer your question i have no problem with him not paying child support i don't want it. but when we first got a divorce he didnt' even want to spend time with the kids, i'd have to force him to be a part of their lives. it wasn't until a year later that he finally started wanting to be a part of their lives and even then it was only because he was getting remarried. and i had to take him back to court because he wasn't following what it had said in our divorce that he had to pay for half of the doctor bills and so forth.
i'm perfectly happy to and very proud that i can say i support my child all on my own. i work very hard to do so. and money isn't everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!! as long as my children are being taken care of, have a roof over their heads, food on the table, and the basic essentials that's all that matters. they are very healthy children, very much full of life, and very loving.
But, i am a very firm believer that if any parent doesn't want a part of thier childrens life then they either need to sign over rights or pay child support. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 7/27/2007 8:07:04 AM | I have a little bit of help with my older son (14), but no help at all since birth from my other exh with our son (4).
My OexH left three weeks prior to our son's birth with no explanation (turns out he was having an affair). After leaving us, he (over the course of a year) abandoned his other four children as well.
He currently has no contact with any of his five children (maybe 6 from what I've heard) and is $20,000 in child support arrears.
The kids are better off, quite honestly. Now, if only a well-placed meteor would strike... | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 8/1/2007 9:34:18 PM | Wow, after reading through only the first page of these threads, I begin to see how very fortunate I am!
I've chosen to be a single parent since my son's conception. He's 10 now, and there's never been a "revolving door syndrome" father in the picture. My son has never met the other 1/2 of his gene pool, and unless he seeks him out when he's older, he probably never will.
He's also never had a "father figure", eg: mom's boyfriends stepping in to play the role of "dad" for awhile, here and there, coming and going...
No male mentors other than 2 years of in-school "big brother" time once a week or so for an hour of one-on-one fun & games.
He has uncles. He has had other male role models in his coaches and friends and fathers of friends.
As far as "help", which I translated as "financial" support, it was never offered nor was it requested of the birth father. My son's birth certificate specifically states: "Father Unknown". What this means is I am an autonomous sole & primary parent & guardian to my son, and can take him son anywhere on the planet we want to go, not having to get "written permission" from his birth father before leaving the city, province or country...
My son has never experienced & observed the tugs-of-war between parents which I've often observed or heard about or read about in "split" families. We didn't split up, his father and I. We were simply never "together"!
There are no recriminations, no ill-feelings (well, hardly any... lol!) and no mutual animosity to rub off onto my child. He has no father. He's never had one to "lose". How else can I say it? It's probably not so unique a situation, however, we're the only family like ourselves that we've ever known of... lol!
It's always been just me and the boy. That's "our family". We're solid, tight, and have done just beautifully. He and I would not have had it any other way!
Which isn't the same as saying I would not appreciate having a partner in life: I'm not the be all and end all in my son's life anymore, and mine doesn't revolve around him 24/7 either. He's growing up. He'll never need me as much in future as he has needed me in the past.
And that's why I'm here: I'm not seeking financial support or a "daddy" for my son. I'm looking for a life partner for myself! (*the man will be more than welcome to step up to the plate though, if he wishes.) | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:11:51 PM | I have two girls from a previous marriage. My ex was locked up and let's just say that I doubt the court system will grant him visitation. I recieve help from my roomate and best friend for 7 years now. She lovingly watches my children for me during the day so that I can go to work. I went to basic training for the army and was sent home with a broken pelvic bone. I am pending a discharge that will take about another 6 months to complete. I am no longer recieving any benefits from the military and can't recieve benefits from the government because I am enrolled in the Army. This makes for a catch 22. I don't have any college education or much work experience since I am so young. I am a server for now but will hopefully be getting my life on track here soon and still intend on getting my Masters degree in Microbiology. I also will not be recieving child support from my ex and haven't been for the past 16 months. It is hard to not have someone to share the responsibility with and to help love and support that child or children. YOu just have to keep your head up and keep going... do the best you can and try to show them that you are all they really need.... you can always do extra to make up for the lack of another parent.
Liz | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 8/1/2007 10:57:20 PM | | OK...add me to the list. Kinda waited too long to have a child to begin with and sure didn't plan to end up with her on my own. But God knew what I needed more than I did and he blessed me with the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm just afraid that I will not be able to teach my daughter near as much as she is teaching me. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:02:13 PM | Hmmm... Do you think that deadbeat sperm donor could have taught his son "how to be a man?"...
The only "guilt" I ever felt and still do is rearing my son w/o his father. I can so much for him....shelter him, love him, guide him. But I can't teach him how to be a man
Was your ex the product of a two-parent family? Many deadbeat fathers WERE raised by fathers, but that doesn't insure that male children learn how to be a mensch. Your children's father shirked his responsibilities and abandoned his offspring. But I know what you meant by that statement. | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 8/2/2007 8:43:43 PM | HI
I hear ya!
But my kids miss their dad, but he won't work and lives out of town. I have the 100% of the time. but they get A's at school, drive me crazy but are great kids! I joined Big Brothers and sisters which has been a blessing for them.
It doesn't get any easier does it?
take care
KG | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 8/3/2007 6:26:45 AM | The oldest daughter's father paid child support sometimes but would disappear for years at a time. I think the hardest thing was when he was supposed to pick her up for summer visitation and just never showed up, called or wrote. The older he got the more uptight he became. Then he called her a wh*** when she was 16 cuz she wanted to wear a swimsuit and go to the neighborhood pool with friends. I managed to collect about 1/2 the child support he owed during her 18th year and it pissed him off so bad that they didn't speak for 8 years. She doesn't have much of a relationship with him; says he has never been a father to her. SHE contacted him the past year and they've spoken a few times. I think I've talked with him and his wife more than my daughter has.
The father of my younger 2 daughters is a flake. He has been in and out of trouble with the law for everything from stupid crap like driving with expired car tags and then copping an attitude with the officer to possession of meth. He's immature and irresponsible, doesn't work most the time altho he is a licensed journeyman electrician. He's also another one who becomes more of a stick in the mud (unless HE he wants to get wasted) with every passing year. He owes in excess of $23,000 in child support. The only times I've ever denied him access to his kids were when he was doing drugs, driving without a license and insurance, and when he had an outstanding bench warrant. I can say he has never just walked away and pretended he doesn't have kids. He has always tried to maintain a relationship with our girls and be active in their lives. The girls say "I love my dad. I'm just disappointed with him sometimes." | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 8/3/2007 4:09:40 PM | I'm a member of this club!
I was with my daughter's father for 4 years, times through which he was addicted to certain substances, and often cheated on me. When I finally left I left, my daughter was just over a year old, and he had begun saying inappropriate things to her (there was a lot of verbal abuse which I tolerated when it was directed at me, but soemthing like that directed at my daughter was totally different). I finally left and was too busy with his addictions and other women to care about his own daughter (I asked for supervised visits to ensure she wouldn't be neglected while in his care) and he decided to walk away. He would rather not see his daughter at all and hasn't since at his own choosing.
I don't understand how a father, who was 'mostly' there for the entire pregnancy and a whole year of her life could just so easily give up that relationship.
Needless to say, I am not recieving any child support so I am definately in the club of single parents with no help! | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 8/3/2007 4:25:00 PM | may I ask the moms why they never went after the exes for support?? Too much trouble...better off without him>> or him in their life??
When it all boils down to it the loser men win. They can take off scott free without owing a penny..all they did was drop thier "deposit" and fled the bank. Its horribly unfair I went through this myself when my ex just up and decided he didnt want to pay anymore. I gave him 3 months to cough it up then had no chioce but to summon him to court.
Its a hassle...a headache and sad to go through but these men must realize they have to grow up and be responsible. To flee from thier responsibility is childish and immature..that is not a man...IT IS A SAD LITTLE BOY RUNNING AWAY FROM THE FIRE HE STARTED!! | |
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| How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help?
Posted: 8/3/2007 4:36:23 PM | I just have to say WOW! I have an 8 yr old, and his dad has helped me out consistently as well as financially and emotionally all these years. (without a court order!) he also takes him for visits as much as possible. I've often wondered how single parents do it with no help at all. I couldn't do it.... I would have a breakdown. I only have one
'on my own' and still find it incredibly difficult. you all are my heros, moms and dads alike.
YOU ROCK! your kids will appreciate and learn from your strength.
I think I should write my son's dad an email and thank him.... | |
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