| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 1:53:22 AM | thank you for your vote of confidence Iris, but asking, when you said you had this happen to you, was same as Tulips? someone broke up with you because they were afraid you were too good for them? IF there are those out there that are using THAT as an excuse to get out of a relationship, then it says something about their character, and you are better off without him. however, if like i was once did, he really genuinely did loose his nerve, hopefully there is someway to keep contact, no break up altogether, as i stated in my early post, i got lucky we ended up very good friends, but i will always live with the regret of the "what if i hadnt been such a chicken......".
btw Iris, tried to mail you, got a note saying you don't accept mail from anyone in my age category, SIGHS  | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 2:37:38 AM | i tend to agree (grudingly) with athletic funny3-- it was just an excuse....there has to be another reason-- i'm scared just dosen't cut it; unless you are a 45 year old batchlor...( and you know that those guys are just plain scarry--something deffinatly wrong with that)
move on girl.....and have some fun. jenn | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:43:00 AM | | well it recently happened to me i met a wonderful guy we went out a couple of times we got along great had a wonderfull time then i get a call we shouldnt see each other any more i was estatic all i could say is thats too bad i couldnt figure out what the hell just happened so i didnt hear from him in 3 weeks one day he pulls up in my driveway looking scared to death and he says im sorry i got scared your tottally perfect for me and it scares me to death we talked and went out on 2 more dates and then he asked me to move in with him i did and were totally awesome together i buried my soulmate 2 years ago we loved so deeply i never thought id love again anyone with heart and soul who loved so deeply before and knows that hurt would have to be scared not of commitment but of feeling that broken heart and never wanting to feel it again i admire people who cant get over an x they truly loved their scared and didnt throw the word love around like garbage to some that might be an excuse to others its heartfelt and sincere the best of luck to ya maybe you do scare him to death only he knows whats in his heart i give him the benefit of the doubt i hope im wrong | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:55:11 AM | Princess.
I"m not buying this scrared crap. Suddenly 3 weeks later he is not scared. BS. He was likely dating someone else and they dumped him so he came running back to the sure thing i.e. You.
I've known hundreds of men through out my life. NONE and I mean NONE were scared of commitment. Scared of commiting to someone when you aren't sure if you love them is totally different and just common sense. But you women are claiming there are men that are afraid to commit to any women. BS I say. It's just a sad, stupid line to dump someone. I think this is where the disagreement lies. | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:38:37 AM | | lol you may be right i know i loved someone so much it scared me to death theirs times thoughts run thru my head i dont wanna get so close to him what if something happens to him i know after burying my derreck i dont ever wanna feel that hurt again so myself im scared too in any case im happy right now and he seems to care about me a great deal hes always looking out for me and hes very kind and considerate thanks for your input good luck | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:03:31 AM | One of my very best friends, now, was once a lover who would run away scared. He told me this and says he truly loves me and keeps crawling back to be forgiven. We tried to be lovers a couple more times, but he kept running... for some reason he never felt like he was good enough, smart enough, able enough to be in a relationship with me, he doubted the things I would say that made him feel so special to me. He twisted and turned things I would say to be a negative connotation when I only said them feeling love for him... he just couldn't wrap his head around the thought that I could actually love and accept him as he was. I stepped back and offered friendship in whatever form that was comfortable to him.
Now he is with someone else that he really loves and I see his worthiness doubts creeping in again and he says he is afraid he can't be all she wants....but now I am able to help from the outside and keep him from running from a good loving relationship again. | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:01:52 PM | Athletic
Again, I differ. Ran away for another date, being dumped then came back to the original one.....all based on assumption, or bias. Not saying it's impossible, but you're not being objective on this subject matter IMHO.
You've known hundreds of men capable of commiting, please define what level they're ready or able to commit? Committed to be faithful as long as they're not being tempted? Committed to be loving as long as the partner stays in shape? Committed to be caring as long as the partner stands on her own feet? That's right, those men are commiting to themselves, not to the women they're pretending to commit though.
I have this girl friend tough as a rock, extremely independent, never saw her panic no matter what happened. Lately she told me this funny infernal love story. She met a guy who tried to mislead her all the way, that he's the most loving creature on earth and so ready to commit. After several incidents occured, she decided to give him the last chance for the benefit of doubts. There was an evening with big thunderstorm, she woke up in the middle of the night then text messaged him. She's fully aware, that's impossible to see him during that time. As a matter of fact, she's hoping to get a sentimental response from this most loving creature for once. But what she got was a text message back saying: Be brave, or use the blanket cover your head.......what a hilarious comfort from somebody who claimed to be loving and caring all the time. Forgive my ignorance, I've never heard such a thing related to love, not even close. A stranger could have done better than that.
Well, you got it...... it's a set up. Finally she convinced herself to walk away with such a relief. Without any doubts or hesitation or regret but a peaceful mind. At the end of the day, might add a few laughts to herself  | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:05:23 PM | | I'm guessing he broke up with you three weeks ago because he found out you have had a profile on here since May. Just a guess. | |
|
LadyKB
|
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 59 | |
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 9:15:06 PM | wow thats a sterotype if I have ever heard one. Just because she is out too meet new people doesnt mean he should have left her... Let alone like a coward and over the phone. Most of the men I know have commitment issues, and only because they think they arnt worthy.. Nothing like a man making up a womans mind for her.. apparently we cant think for ourselves. Had that happen no too long ago. In this case you have two choices you stick it out and wait till he gets his head out of his a*** or you run and dont look back.
In my case I have continued on with my life and left him to make his own mind up.. I love the bugger and see him all the time ( doesnt help we work together) But I refuse to be the "safety" All I can say is men r stupid so r women thats the way it is. Life isnt about worrying its about living. Carry on with ur life and the man of your dreams will be the one u least expect... Have fun | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:02:09 PM | I see men use this line a lot, so often it really means he's too insecure about his own worth and doesn't feel he can live up to what he sees in your eyes, your vision of him. No matter how wonderful you think he is he has to believe it himself, if he doesn't he feels like a fraud. So many men need to believe that they are the stronger half of the relationship, that the person they're with really needs them and not just on an emotional level. If you're independent and self sufficient it seems difficult for them to believe you really need them and if they weren't confident to start then it just gets more depressing for him.
Before you come at me, I'm not implying at all that all men are this way, there are lots of confident, secure ment out there that wouldn't run (I just haven't found where they hide yet) Maybe the ones that use the "scared" excuse aren't scared of commitment but scared that they can't be the man they see in your eyes.
It would be interesting to look at the qualities of the women that these men who say they're scared and then get into another relationship quickly end up with. I wonder if in general they're more needy and build his confidence by not being able to manage on their own. | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:08:19 PM | Oh and I forgot what someone posted about one of the things that drives me crazy - I wish guys would quit deciding how they act toward me based on the reactions others have had in their past. It's so unfair for someone to expect you to behave the way their ex did and act accordingly. I want to be evaluated based on how I act and react. It's too bad, was seeing a great guy but he would do things because it was the way he needed to with his ex. We talked about it but I guess he couldn't get over the instict, or believe that I wasn't going to have the psycho reactions that she did. Baggage, be gone! | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:10:33 PM | Unresolvable. One bitten twice shy.
Just because you had a bad experience in your past does not mean that it will happen again.
Ha ha...so easy to say. You make falling in and out of love sound like a walk in the park and a tip toe through tulips. I know its nice walking in the garden. I have walked i the garden for a lng time and know what its like. Its nice. Paradisical.
The only way for you to reduce the fear in him is to let go of the attachment you
have of yours that means his letting go of fear fulfills your need. If that sounds like a conundrum to you I have succeeded in explaining my opinion, view,advice,take etc etc etc
If you have feelings for the guy, tell him how you feel... | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/22/2006 11:47:41 AM | lol we met on a different date site he knows im on here for the forums and i have friends on here i talk to i do believe men and women too can be afraid im scared to death im thankful hes scared it wasnt to commit hell i moved in 3 weeks ago lol ive destroyed his house lol ive ripped up carpets painted rooms and got rid of most his furniture hes been wonderful he calls me 4 times a day telling me how thankful he is he changed his mind and he promises never to run again im not saying most men are not using that as an excuse but not all men or women are the same if he wasnt scared i think it would scare me more that he could just give his heart so freely and throw the word commitment around like a football you know most men have been burnt so bad by women who take them to the cleaners im not saying all women but their out there hell now a days everyone should be a little scared look at the times were living in | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/22/2006 12:03:23 PM | | message 9, as fas as im concerned not just men, women play that "we want what we can't have game"...it's human | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/22/2006 12:07:20 PM | Although I respect where Athletic is coming from (we can all tell ourselves lies to nurse our egos)...
You can't compare you and your peers to everyman....
My brother (a serial womanizer) just married a woman he freely now admits he ran scared from 5 years ago. It wasn't the right time for him then.
Perhaps Athletic you are someone clearly comfortable in your own skin without insecurities and baggage and a paralyzing fear of being hurt. We are not all created equal.
I truly believe that everything is in the "timing". I've met wonderful men when I've been still nursing a wound..and I have ran scared simply cuz I've been too raw at the time. When a person is healed and ready...they will commit...plain and simple. There are "commitphobes" out there...they can't commit to the yes..and they can't commit to the "no"..so they like to leave doors open all over the place (just in case).
But Bravo Athletic for being so strong in your own skin... | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/22/2006 5:26:57 PM | Funny, I was seeing a guy who just vanished a couple weeks ago - he called today like nothing happened. Told me he's been under the weather the last couple of weeks and hasn't done anything but work and sleep. Possibly true but no excuse not to call someone you'd spent every possible moment with until then.
Before we hung up he said "lets get together soon" and I told him to call. Yes, I'm going to see him mainly because I'm so curious what he'll say. Wonder if he'll use the scared excuse? Ought to be interesting! | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/24/2006 1:01:59 AM | Yeah, I just went through something like this a week ago. Been talking to someone for months, got really close, rushed into things I think, and then we had two wonderful encounters. And he suddenly gets cold and tells me he wants to go to his ex-fiancee. Someone I didn't know anything about either. I don't care if you change your mind about me, but to keep that kind of info from me, and leave me in the dark? I want to know why men do that! It really does make you feel like a fool! I'm going for the being friends thing, but just before this happened, he insisted there was no one else...sigh...lol
M | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/24/2006 3:10:07 AM | After having read every single word of every single post on this thread and considering my own and a bunch of other peoples' experiences -- YIKES! Now, I'M SCARED!  (Locks up heart in a vault and then runs off for the hills ...)
Sigh! ... Just when I thought I had truly come to terms with all of these "issues" and regained a sense of peace, hope and confidence about the Universe ... (Frowning, while shaking my head ...)
I've known people who got together fast and lasted. I've also known people who took it slow, as is popularly suggested, and didn't make it. (Cognitive dissonance has now set in ...)
This is one of those rare moments when I don't know what or who to believe, anymore. It's a sad shame to find out that your time and energy was WASTED on somebody who doesn't share the same ultimate goal, deserve you, supposedly has "unresolved" issues, bad timing or flames burning on the back burner. I think I just give up on understanding it!
| |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/24/2006 10:15:00 AM | Dear Ms. Sweety,
Don't let the negative parts of dating deter you. That special guy is out there, and probably just as frustrated as you are. As I am. As we all are.
People have always done the same things that are being done. It just "seems" like it's rampant, because of the internet and the amazing flow of information the world has today. What was once hushed up is now spoken, written or shouted.
Be of good cheer - just learn to control your emotions (haha! a good trick for us ladies!) and don't attach yourself to anyone unless they've proven themselves to be "good people".
Best Wishes,
Wendy | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/25/2006 6:33:37 AM | Wendy's got it down I'd say.
We've all been there.
Just be yourself and don't take any crap. A man usually gets to thinking and gets lonely for what he had at times. That's why the call back I'd say. He wants to feel that specialness again, but with no strings. Does "have your cake and eat it too" sound familiar?
Just wish people would be honest, but I guess that's too hard and some take the easy road in life. Run from their problems instead of facing them head-on. I believe in the later. Problems will follow you no matter how far you run or how many people you tell lies to.
Have to be honest and truthfull with yourself before you can be any good for anyone else. Disappointment is a part of life, so let's get over it and know that it's not always wine and roses. Men out there should fix themselves and think long-term and how they will accomplish that. Women should not think that their going to find a man and change him into a dream guy.
Let's all get real. Live , Love , Laugh.
~Stan < | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:00:46 AM | 2 really good points above. I hope you don't lock up your heart and run, we've all got to go through some of this to find the right person. Maybe it's to help us appreciate what we find when we do. Don't give up the chance to find yours.
I don't think I'll do anything different, other than now I'll understand a little better. I am who I am, and that's who I want the guys I meet to see. Any type of "act" not true to myself would get tiresome anyway, so why bother. They either like who I am or they don't, the "chemistry" is there or it isn't.
And I agree with the reason for the calls after a few weeks. When my boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up he started dated every available girl in the area whileI "mourned" for a period of time with friends. Just when I was ready to move on, he started calling and coming by, ready to explore whether we made the right decision. Several of my guy friends told me it's the norm for a guy to do this after a breakup, casual dating and if possible sex rightaway to keep his mind off the ex. Then, when it doesn't work, he figures it must really be love and he comes back to explore. Even if the girl agrees to try again it rarely works out, it wasn't really love just his lonely feelings.
Guys, true or not? Interested in your thoughts. | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:16:10 AM | It never ceases to amaze me at how people here are so quick to jump to conclusions with such minimal information!
It seems that everyone thinks everyone else is out playing games or being dishonest.
Sure, there are people like that. But the vast majority of the people I've met in my dating experiences are quite sincere and upfront about most things.
OP... please take advice you find here lightly. No one here has even the slightest bit at stake in your relationship as you do, so please consider that. In fact, IMHO, most people here seem overly bitter and suspicious.
Repeat after me... grain of salt.... grain of salt... grain of salt... | |
|
Hezron
|
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 73 | |
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/26/2006 8:22:43 AM | | Scared in the male vocabulary means scared that they may have to give up a lot of potential tail in order to be with you exclusively. Don't want to be mean but in many cases that is what it boils down to. | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/26/2006 3:40:51 PM | | yeaaaaa da hitman that aboy innocent until proven guilty i agree i gave him the benefit of the doubt we have been together for a month now no girls callin no weirdos showing up at our door he changed his profile to taken and so have i things are great heyyyy by the way spanish hows it going | |
|
| He got scared!
Posted: 7/26/2006 3:48:59 PM | Scared to fall in love?
Thats pretty sad. Its what I wish for.  | |
|
Home
login 
