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Posted: 7/20/2006 10:56:11 AM | so i guess you were politely discussing how you would rather have your eggs over easy than scrambled, and he blew his lid and told you that if you dont like your eggs scrambled why did you get with him in the first place, and he told you to leave?
only time i remember walking away from my ex, was because she was going irate over something retarded, and i didnt wanna deal with it anymore.
so yah, im safely assuming you have a temper. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:00:54 AM | Leave for good, block his email, block his calls, never see his ass again. Treating you like that is the prelude for far more priceless(tm) moments to come later.
Why are so many women so prone to justify any ***hole that comes their way and mistreats them? This is the question... | |
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#1
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Joined: 9/29/2005
Msg: 28 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:01:12 AM | NEWGUYINVENTURA....
You are assuming wrong......never yelled, cussed or anything inapropiate. Sorry to burst your bubble...just wanted to discuss something. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:02:06 AM | | If he acts like this now.. wait till you're married...and with kids. The red flag signs are up now. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:02:34 AM | Sounds pretty passive/aggressive to me. Can't even talk about it for days, and then sends charming apologies. Isn't that a profile of a classic abuser? This is someone you want to marry? I mean spend your life with, wake up every day to?
Someone asks me to leave, and I would,,,,I would just never come back! Childish behavior at the very least! Give this some good hard thought. | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 31 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:02:51 AM |
she was going irate over something retarded
Well if she was going irate over something, it wasn't retarded to her, it was important. Dismissing something that is important to her as retarded is probably why she is your ex. | |
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vivid
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 32 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:03:02 AM | Don't be shocked. The guy simply doesn't want to argue with you....he wants
to avoid confrontation and if you stayed and continued he might say something
a lot worse than "you're about done."
Don't hound him into staying for another round in the ring. Better to just
go out for a walk. Don't become militant. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:05:48 AM | ok, give us all the information, wtf were you discussing that caused the blowup? how are we supposed to decide whose crazy by your one sided obviously biased post here?
1. What was the arguement about?
2. How long did the arguement last before he kicked your ass out?
3. Are you hot?
4. What kind of underwear were you wearing?
5. How far do you go on the first date?
k, guess only the first two really matter, but if you wanna answer the others, its up to you. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:07:02 AM |
rose said: Men do not enjoy arguing what's not to get?
and your point is women do like to argue?????
YOU trying to argue with me??? men hate confrontation ...What????
I didn't mention women and don't think I will either | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:10:09 AM | | I've noticed that people have different styles of coping,perhaps his is one you cannot live with,or try a oh no that deadly word"compromise". talk about how it makes you feel when he is not angry and come up with an acceptable plan that takes into consideration both of your styles, love is easy, living life with someone you love means taking a risk, put it on the table. see if it helps ,good luck! | |
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#1
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Joined: 9/29/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:13:46 AM | NEWGUYINVENTURA...
You keep assuming there was a blowup. No onesided biased post here. It doesn't matter what it was about....my point was I tried to discuss something with him...he was defensive and I left for a bit and came back and tried to talk some more...he ignored me and finally told me he wanted me to go. It is not the first time he has dismissed me. The fact that it was NOT heated or that I was not irrational IS MY VERY POINT AND WHY I POSTED. I get asking someone to leave that's yelling, or getting dissrespectful. I GET THAT...but no matter how much you want to believe that's what happened....IT DIDN"T. Thanks for all your posts. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:16:32 AM | | i get it now, your trying to discuss something he doesnt wanna hear, youve talked to him about it in the past and you know he didnt wanna talk about it then, yet you keep bringing it up. are you gonna clue us in on what it is? its pretty obvious he doesnt wanna discuss whatever topic your bringing up, so why do you keep bringing it up? sounds like your provoking the situation. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:17:06 AM | Might be good to avoid doing damage. At some point arguments degenerate into grade school point scoring contests rather than real resolution. When you reach a point where things will only get worse, well ...
Oh, not heated, just read that. No clue then. Good luck. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:17:23 AM | #1 I would be very hurt, but I would go...I am not one who likes to argue about things, talk them out...yes, but to all out argue, no...and I don't hold grudges either, takes too much of your spirit away...If this has happened a few times already, I would have a calm discussion as to why it keeps happening, and what is really bothering him...maybe he just thinks something and afraid to tell you what it is for some reason...when he cools down, see if he will discuss it with you, if it's something that he just doesn't want to get into, then it's time to totally drop it...some things just need to be let go of, and not for discussion anymore...if either one of the person's feels this way, the other should respect the wishes of the one who doesn't want to talk about it...if you are engaged, it means soon you are to be married, and a marriage means you can talk about anything with the one you love...but if you can't talk openly with each other, what chance will your marriage have? I hope it works out for the best for the both of you!!!
~Micheline~ | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 40 | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:19:57 AM | Sometimes, in very extreme cases, just getting away from each other for a while is needed to calm down and think straight. So that itself is not a concern to me, However, if this has happened several times I would think he might need to learn some new skills in how to deal with conflict and disagreement. Possibly he needs to grow up and act a little more maturely as well.
But absoulely NO WAY would I MARRY a guy who acts like that. Hell no.....THIS is your wake up call and warning flag girl. It's hitting you over the head...you better pay attention!!!! | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:21:24 AM | | id never slap him ...ever...thats just wrong ....id say ok fine...and walk out ...and let him come back to me with an explanation and good reasoning why he tends to be that way...and try to find a way to work through an argument instead of just shutting down....sometimes walking away is the best till u both cool off....then talk it over. | |
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#1
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Joined: 9/29/2005
Msg: 42 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:22:44 AM | NEWGUYINVENTURA....
No provoking here...actually it was the first time talking about it so... why are you asking me why I kept bringing it up? | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:23:15 AM | Put things back on an even playing ground so to speak. If he asks you to leave, then respect his need to cool down and leave... but don't bother going back there again for a while. In the future have him come to your place where he doesn't have the option of asking you to leave again. If he asks why you aren't comfortable going to his place tell him you don't feel welcome there if this is an issue for you.
As long as you are on his territory you are the "visitor" - obviously he isn't inviting you into his world but allowing you to visit it (which just doesn't ring true for someone you are engaged to) - keep things on your own terf where he is the one doing the visiting until you find out "why" he is keeping you at arms length in his life.
One other note - if you two are arguing all the time then odds are the fights may not be about what you think - try to find out the roots of those arguments - does he feel unvalidated? do you feel hurt, sad, angry, frustrated, are you being heard? Without knowing your situation I can't even begin to fathem what is triggering the arguments - but it is hurting him enough where he feels the need to pull away for a few days. A few hours to calm down is normal, a few days signifies some serious damage is being done on some level.
I wish you all the best,
Lady Kay | |
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| Thank God you saw his true colours!
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:24:51 AM | Walk away and don't look back -
Emotional blackmail - only gets worse after you are married.
It slowly breaks you down - till you don't even trust yourself any more.
Find some one stable and loving to love - not an insecure control freak! | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:24:58 AM | yes resolving differences is major part of a relationship so before you run down the aisle,
make sure you are on the same page with this. Both of you need to tell each other what
is and isn't acceptable when in the throes of a disagreement. As you can see, it seems that
most of the women felt it was unacceptable to be told to leave and most of the men felt
it was a good idea. The point is, if thats how he resolves things then you need to know
and decide if you can handle it when he says it to you again..because he sure as heck
will say it again. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:25:10 AM |
my point was I tried to discuss something with him...he was defensive and I left for a bit and came back and tried to talk some more...he ignored me and finally told me he wanted me to go.
so you didnt bring it up even after you knew it made him defensive? interesting | |
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vivid
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 47 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:25:34 AM | Ask yourself this: is there a solution to the problem? If not, why are you
being such a hag? Are you trying to get out of the engagement and maybe
this is your way out? Why hound somebody to death to a point he freaks
and says something demeaning like "you're done." The dude couldn't
have put it to you more plainly than that....and if you do come back
to revisit this URGENT problem, then you are indeed DONE. He obivously
loves you so stop torchering him.
And this was asked before: what was the problem?? Did you ask him
to buy you a bigger ring? A BMW?? ....our imagination
runs wild! If my gf was hounding for stuff like that...she is soooooo done!
Respect peoples boundaries. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:28:49 AM | Couldn't have put it better myself Kay... bravo!
Bluez | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 11:30:27 AM | I don't mind a good arguement at times, as long as it doesn't turn into either;
A screaming match or a
You HAVE to think like me deal. If it isn't logical (to me) and they keep reiterating their position it can get my dander up. As I have a very Irish\Scottish temper I can lose it in a flash. At that point I walk away and come back when the blood is cooled. No sense saying something out of anger that would inflame it more.
I think the OP's guy could have handled it a little more gracefully, but then we don't have his side do we? Maybe she's a crazy person when she gets mad or she's one of those types of people who just wont let go. I knew one of those once, they can be frustrating as all get out. | |
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#1
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Joined: 9/29/2005
Msg: 50 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 11:31:10 AM | VIVID...
I was trying to solve the problem by talking. I'm not a hag and if I wanted out of the engagement...I would tell him. I sure wouldn't be trying to talk to him if I wanted out. I did not hound someone to death and he didn't freak out. It isn't obvious that he loves me when he is acting like this and I never torchered him. Thanks. | |
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