| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 12:52:07 PM | Ha works for me
How hard is this to understand..."she" is asking for a time out before the argument escalates and "she" says something "She" might regret
hidden message embedded there somewhere and grrr! | |
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| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 12:52:56 PM | | He's just exercizing his need to control- thats what it is really about. | |
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vivid
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 78 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 12:56:38 PM | I personally will stand for no one yelling at me
I will plain and simple turn around and walk away
I third that; I didn't sign up to be scolded like a child. If you raise your voice
with me I'm leaving or you are. And what is with YELLING at people....sounds
like a whiney child's way of handling adult issues.
He's just exercizing his need to control- thats what it is really about.
Yeah, exactly, who is he to decide when the fighting is over....he should be a man
and just take it...when she's done and then it's over!
Cripes! I'd prefer to be single than be involved with that life-style. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 12:57:47 PM | ..."she" is asking for a time out before the argument escalates and "she" says something "She" might regret
I have a bigger GRRRRRR!! than You do..................so neener neener...
All he is asking for is a time out......
I personally will stand for no one yelling at me
I will plain and simple turn around and walk away
and I'll triple stamp that no earsies
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Posted: 7/20/2006 1:00:42 PM | wow that's some truth there...
Yeah, exactly, who is he to decide when the fighting is over....he should be a man
and just take it...when she's done and then it's over!
mind if I steal it? | |
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vivid
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 81 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 1:05:36 PM | | Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 82 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 1:26:31 PM |
I beg to differ Dru. She is saying the word ARGUING. This is not TALKING. Obviously bad feelings are present at this time. How do you deal with sensitive issues while in a BAD place emotionaly? I stop, think and ask for a time out. I then return calmly to discuss IMPORTANT issues.
READ PEOPLE! Granted it wasn't in the original post, but she clarified later on that it wasn't a heated argument or yelling or anything. I thought the same as you until I saw that post there spacespiffythingy | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 1:36:10 PM | newguyinventura said ::: notice she didnt say what the argument was about? thats a huge red flag,
lets see. maybe they argued over the pizza toppings.. so now knowing this are you saying it makes a difference to the point of him telling her to leave?? does it make him telling her that any less wrong when hes suppose to be in love with her. you noticed she did'nt say she told him to F*** off i'm outta here. she is the one who is trying to work it out not him. his excuse is not to talk. rather shift it to something easier to deal with like, you need to leave".
and you remind me of my ex.. not any common sense
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Posted: 7/20/2006 1:43:12 PM | i get it now, your trying to discuss something he doesnt wanna hear, youve talked to him about it in the past and you know he didnt wanna talk about it then, yet you keep bringing it up. are you gonna clue us in on what it is? its pretty obvious he doesnt wanna discuss whatever topic your bringing up, so why do you keep bringing it up? sounds like your provoking the situation
i would say if you have'nt got it by now you never will. how is it the rest of the people understand her question and her posted question and yet you don't. do you also need to know what he was wearing and where he was sitting or how she stood, one hand on her hip and the other holding a coke cup? or do you also need to know how full the cup was and did it have the right amount of ice in it.
so i see your questions and i don't see an opinion. so give one or shut up.
and as always my opinion and for you its advice. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 1:44:05 PM | Now now Dru. I thank you for your clarification. Better. :)
I do agree. IF this guy is never willing to discuss things and is just rude in his comments like the OP states....................I stand corrected. If however he is hounded..............I stand by my comments. | |
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Dru
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Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 86 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 1:45:25 PM | notice she didnt say what the argument was about? thats a huge red flag
As far as we are concerned, what the argument was about is inconsequential, it is how he is reacting to her needs that is the red flag.
spacethingy
i only put the "thingy" in because I couldn't remember your whole name. Nothing was meant to be catty.
I used to work with a greek girl who had like 20 consonants and 1 vowel in her last name. I could never remember the whole think so every email I sent her was Ms. Markadosomething | |
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vivid
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 87 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 1:48:10 PM | How one reacts to arguements is relative to what the arguement is about.
Nobody shuts down like that because they got the wrong pizza toppings, but I can
think of tonnes of stuff that would make me shut down and walk away.
If I posted this thread and withheld the fact that my gf shut down because
I wanted a 3-some, you'd change your tune when i reveal that 'little' fact, but
unfortunately the OP is afraid to share but, hey....I don't
need people filling in the blanks for me all the time. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 1:50:06 PM |
Nobody shuts down like that because they got the wrong pizza toppings,
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Posted: 7/20/2006 2:35:12 PM | If I posted this thread and withheld the fact that my gf shut down because
I wanted a 3-some, you'd change your tune when i reveal that 'little' fact, but
unfortunately the OP is afraid to share but, hey....I don't
need people filling in the blanks for me all the time
i'm gonna play with you a sec..lol..
if she had asked to have a 3some and it pissed him off . would'nt that make him alittle shallow? | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 2:44:03 PM | Nothing wrong with giving each other some space for awhile. That's what helps make a lasting relationship....knowing when to go. | |
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Phyn
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Joined: 6/5/2006
Msg: 91 | |
| YOU CAN GO NOW
Posted: 7/20/2006 3:00:40 PM | Still not enough information to draw a conclusion here. The topic and nature of the conversation/argument *does* matter, quite a lot.
My ex-girlfriend used to rant at me irrationally, often after showing up unannounced at my place at odd hours. She rarely never listen to anything I had to say about the subject, and would become quite nasty during these periodic meltdowns. She would accuse me of vile things I had not done, based on very little. I would listen contritely until she ran out of steam, which could take hours. I wish I'd had the guts to ask her to go.
Only later did I tell several friends about all this, and they pointed out to me that her behaviour was abusive. Telling an abuser to go away for a while is not rude or controlling; it is self-defense.
In this case, we have no idea whether he was avoiding legitimate discussion (lots of us do it, unfortunately) or just repelling verbal abuse. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 3:07:09 PM | If it is his house, if he pays for it by himself, if you don't live together there and you aren't married - if he wants you to leave, then you have to leave.
It's your choice to stay in the relationship or not, it's his choice to decide who gets to set foot in his own house. The two things are not the same thing. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 3:11:02 PM | #1 -
This smacks a wee bit of control and abuse. I think at the very least it shows that you both have different ways of dealing with conflict. Before you live together or get married, I would suggest some counselling to help you both come to an agreement as to how to deal with conflicts (which there will be in a relationship). If he is asking you to leave now, he will in the future. Ask yourself....do you plan on leaving your home everytime there is an argument and he is telling you to leave? Where would you go? What about if and when there are children involved? Not cool for them to hear their dad asking their mom to leave. Or do you plan on staying thus iritating him more? Perhaps with counselling you can meet somewhere in the middle and understand a bit more each other's point of view. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 3:18:41 PM | #1
I followed your thread: "What to think?"
I followed your thread: "YOU CAN GO NOW"
Based on both of them, in my opinion only, it appears that there are many issues that need to be resolved before you even THINK about getting married.
Good luck! | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 4:16:08 PM | | Why not just GO? Call his bluff, and be done with it. He says you can "GO", I would tell him "Thanks!" and take it as a gift, the kindest thing he can do. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 4:21:26 PM | I would go and not let the door hit my A$$ on the way out either.
it looks needy to stay and talk it out right away.
But for me , I would have probably left before he gave me permission to do so. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 4:25:49 PM | How is it control and abuse?
If it's his house and he wants her out and asks her to leave, she has to leave.
Yeah she might not like it, but those are the breaks.
Sorry, but your home is the one thing is that is truly yours. It's the one place where you should feel secure and safe about living your own life the way you want to live it.
If she wants to break up with the guy, she can do that. But she can't feel entitled to the place if she isn't married to him and doesn't live there.
Plus we are only hearing one side of this story.
She's saying the guy has no respect for their relationship. Which may or may not be true. She, however, has no respect for his home, which kind of looks apparent here. If she does not respect his home, she does not respect him. If she doesn't respect him, I wouldn't blame him for not wanting her there in the first place. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 4:57:17 PM | | It smacks of control and abuse because he is using the fact that it is his house and that he can ask her to leave to control the outcome of the argument...or to avoid it. If they are engaged and intend to have a life together, then he should be willing to discuss things with her, even if it doesn't slant the way he would like it to. Sure, there are 2 sides to every story and we are only hearing one....but there are clear indicators here that there are major issues that need to be dealt with before they move in together or get married. What will this guy do once they move in together and/or are married to get his way? He legally won't be able to ask her to leave anymore.... I see trouble ahead if these issues are not dealt with. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2006 5:01:42 PM |
It smacks of control and abuse because he is using the fact that it is his house and that he can ask her to leave to control the outcome of the argument...or to avoid it. If they are engaged and intend to have a life together, then he should be willing to discuss things with her, even if it doesn't slant the way he would like it to. Sure, there are 2 sides to every story and we are only hearing one....but there are clear indicators here that there are major issues that need to be dealt with before they move in together or get married. What will this guy do once they move in together and/or are married to get his way? He legally won't be able to ask her to leave anymore.... I see trouble ahead if these issues are not dealt with.
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Posted: 7/20/2006 5:10:57 PM | | I try never to let things get that out of control. I have always believed that communication is key and most problems can be resolved calmly as they arise instead of letting them get to full blown matches. I also have always have a policy that you should never go to bed angry. I can honestly say that I would be hurt by someone asking me to leave but furthermore I think that that would be a sign that I was with the wrong person. I think when two people are right for each other then they can/should talk about everything openly. Ahk who knows, maybe its just me but I prefer the direct route, hash it out, scream if you must but get it over with, compromise and carry on. If you can't play by those rules then really...I don't want you on my team. | |
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