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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 5/22/2007 2:55:50 PM | i was just about to start a new thread about this exact issue, but then i came across this thread, so i'll post my response here.
i'm SINGLE, and yes i am looking to date. but how many dates do i go on a year? ZERO.
in fact i have never been on a date in my life. i've never had a relationship in my life.
but i am looking to date and to meet a girl who would want to date me.
but there are problems that exist that have caused me to never date, or to even date.
1. i am very passive and quite shy when it comes to chatting up girls. im not one to walk up to a random stranger and start a conversation with her. many many times i see lots of girls i would love to get to know and pursue a relationship with her, but i just don't have the courage to walk up to her and star a conversation. i just can't pull myself to do it.
2. girls generally do not approach me, and since i don't approach them, i do not get to meet any new girls. i only meet them though friends, and even my friends have limited amounts of people to introduce me to. so i'm meeting new girls a few times a year only. not very often. and none of those girls are ever attracted to me or interested in me.
3. i've been setup by friends with a couple different girls, who i was seeing for an amount of time, but things just didn't work out and it never turned not a relationship. it was mainly just a fling, or we were seeing each other for a couple weeks.
those are all my interactions with girls i have had. flings and seeing each other for a couple weeks. that is the extent of my experience when it comes to relationships.
naturally, i just don't feel like i have anything to offer to a girl. i'm always comparing myself to other guys and i don't think i have any redeeming qualities that a girl would want fro a guy.
i know it sounds crazy. i'm almost 25 years old an dive never been on a date before and ive never had a girlfriend/relationship before.
everyday i hope when i go out somewhere i will meet a girl and maybe it will go somewhere.
but it always ends up me staring at some girl and wishing in my head that i could date her or have a chance with her. but i never do approach her. i just let it go. and of course she never approaches me. and that's how it's always been for me. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 5/22/2007 5:02:16 PM | I'm dating one guy right now. Nothing serious yet. But, as for the rest of the times, here's my readers digest list.
Tired of games
Tired of guys wanting JUST sex and how they just cant admit that.
Tired after I get off work and if I do anything i'd rather spend my nights with my girlfriends.
I have my son every day in the week and everyother wknd, So I only have 2 full days a month to even have the option of a date, b/c his dad doesnt get him till about 9pm on friday nights. And by the time I finally get the balls to get up and say yes to someone, they are long gone and i'm too late. :(
No guy i'm attracted to that I meet wants to settle down.
So....ya! | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:52:11 PM | Tired of it.
I meet someone and it goes something like this.
I'm interested, they aren't....end of story.
They are interested, I'm not.....end of story.
I'm interested, they are interested....I find out things I don't like and/or won't deal with..usually drugs, cheating or something to that effect.....end of story.
I'm interested, they are interested.....They later decide I am not what they are looking for, usually it seems to be that they painted up some weird ideas of how I would be, and were wrong....end of story.
I'm interested, they are interested....planets in a distant universe align and undetectable gamma rays from Dimension Z bombard the planet, causing strange happenings and things don't work out....end of story.
So I have had enough dating, figured it's a good idea to stop before I get completely jaded. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 5/22/2007 11:12:30 PM | I'm interested, they are interested....planets in a distant universe align and undetectable gamma rays from Dimension Z bombard the planet, causing strange happenings and things don't work out....end of story.
Ha Ha Ha
Funny how often the planets do these things!!! WTF | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 5/23/2007 7:52:38 AM | If you've NEVER been on a date or in a relationship, there's either something wrong with your personality (and "shy" isn't a flaw, there must be something else) or something physically wrong, or a combo of both.
Whenever I decided to take a "break" from dating I would end up meeting a great guy! When I wasn't dating, it was because dating itself takes a lot of time and effort and it wears you out! Especially when guy after guy doesn't work out after only a date or two, then you have to start the whole process over again. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:27:36 AM |
If you've NEVER been on a date or in a relationship, there's either something wrong with your personality.
That was a condescending thing to say. Stereotypical statements like that are just rude. For example, say that there was someone that was 20 and was taught to be a good person and treat others with respect. If that person had never been on a date??????????
What is it with women these days?
Whenever I decided to take a "break" from dating I would end up meeting a great guy!
Yeah, you know why? Because Good men to not want serial daters. I see women that I would have maybe been interested in, and I wouldn’t touch them. | |
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shinxy
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 483 | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:13:45 PM | | when having bad luck with dating its good to take a break and psych yourself up for getting back out there, but not too long !!! Dating sometimes seems more like hard work then fun, if I wouldnt of ever taken any breaks from dating I think I might be in the looney bin now. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 5/24/2007 9:43:40 AM | Interesting reading on the forums here. It really has me thinking deeply about all the exchange of ideas, attitudes, emotions, and experiences!
If anything, I think online dating has helped strengthened me and helped me deal with emotional ups and downs, rejections, and fears. I'm on another well known dating site (match) and have sent the multitudes of winks and emails, changed profile several times to "fine tune" and see what may work or not, and may not have found a "right" formula for success (I guess I haven't found that formula yet, since I'm still on these sites looking LOL)
As others have mentioned, I've had the on-going communications that have ended abruptly on their part, and a couple dates where the chemistry just was not there, but pleasant dates anyway, and then one lady who we both hit it off right away, went to dinner and movies, hugged and held hands and called each other every day. One day, she didn't return my calls after I'd called a couple days in a row, then the third day, I just left a message telling her she obviously was no longer interested in me, and to please not waste her time calling me anymore as I'd be moving on. Left me guessing and a little heartbroken thinking I'd found the one, and there was not pressure at all on my part. Just a disappearing act!
Now a lot of guys would give up, but please remember a motivational statement Vince Lombardi, head coach of the past super bowl winning Green Bay packers football team said one time "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog!". I figure if I'm going to meet the sincere, lovable, lifetime female friend and companion I'm looking for on these dating sites, I'm going to have to keep up the fight! If I have to pull all the noxious weeds out of a 160 acre farm to find the sweet rose I'm looking for, I'd better keep working!
In closing, I'd just like to offer these words of encouragement: Please be persistent, and no matter how much you get rejected, don't give up having a positive attitude and a "never say die" attitude. Remember, life goes on until they throw that first shovel of dirt on the box the lowered your body into the ground with!
Best wishes to all the sincere men and women on this site and others!
Mike | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 6/9/2007 8:22:40 PM | | I'm not dating because I'm damn near married to my job, working 12 hours a day. The perspective dates that I've encountered are not that interesting for me to actually invest the time and energy it takes to go out. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:16:36 PM | Concentrating on something way more important...namely....me. Plus I'm tired of it, the whacko's and every other flavor of crazy etc. Not to mention I'm at the wrong age plus my geographical location isn't good.
So it's much better not to be dating. Better to analyze it, accept it is a correct logical argument and channel the energy into something positive instead of having the energy wasted on negative endeavors.
Cheers! | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:22:26 AM | | Let's see from my dating experience this past year, I've gotten everything from I'm ugly, to I'm too old. So............I'm just enjoying life with my family and making myself happy right now. :) | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 6/10/2007 12:01:44 PM | Yeah really, wish she lived closer.
Anyway, time and meeting someone that actually has the same interest as I is why I am not dating. Distance has played a role in some of this, as well. Heh, and when you message someone on here they rarely respond, so I quit that as well. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 6/10/2007 12:11:16 PM | Hi...
Well here goes....Having been newly single at the end of last year I decided to try and do something about it!Remembering how difficult I found it talking to women when I was younger I joined PoF expecting more success....and guess what Its no easier!This year I have had 1 date and it wasn't good but thats irrelevant.I think you will find that many people just don't have what it takes to "chat up" women either in peron or online and sadly that is the situation I find myself in.This despite having no difficulty communicating with women in other areas of my life!
Not sure what the answer is! | |
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Keljo
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Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 498 | |
| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 6/10/2007 12:21:56 PM | I am not dating because I men my age want what I can't give them.
I work full time and spend a good deal of time taking care of my house, yard, pool, etc.
I have NF and tumors on my legs and arms and guys think that's gross so they reject me.
I protect myself from the rejection by no longer putting myself out there. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 6/10/2007 11:19:37 PM | Bad luck because of incorrect use of the channels through which to connect with women. You see, there are only five, FIVE traditional channels through which to connect to women which are considered socially acceptable.
1. School (College, Highschool, Classes)
2. Workplace
3. Bars/Clubs
4. Social get togethers
5. Third party introductions by family and friends
These are the CONVENTIONAL CHANNELS for meeting women and deliver the greatest results. Then there are the UNCONVENTIONAL CHANNELS for meeting women which are like:
1. In public
2. At Stores
3. At Restaurants
4. At malls
5. etc. etc like these general ones
These really DON'T work, as there is less of a way for a woman to develope a "comfort" level with the guy who is hitting on her. He is too much of a "stranger" still. These "unconventional" methods, while possibly producing results for some, will produce LESS results when compared to the "Conventional" methods.
These methods allow face to face interaction with all sensory perception active, but aren't society's "correct" ways to meet respectable women.
Then there is the INTERNET. This medium, although considered socially acceptable in modern times, is quite lacking in full sensory perception:
quote >> Millennia of evolution have left humans with a set of perceptual and interpretive processes that allow us efficiently to identify desirable potential partners -- what happens when we go online and forfeit most of the sensory channels that drive this well-refined offline process? How can we improve the design of online dating systems to help users make better-informed decisions about whom they wish to contact and follow those decisions with effective communication? Moreover, might what we learn about searching and matching in a romantic context generalize to non-romantic situations, like matching potential employees with employers? To answer these questions, we have undertaken a research agenda with an integrative, multi-method approach grounded in social psychological theory and powered by data mining, statistical analysis, and interactive visualization. <
I don't have access to College, as I am not in it.
I don't have access to the workplace, as I am self-employed and own my business.
It's a sevice business. I have no co-workers
I don;t have access to social gatherings, as I have no social life to speak of.
I don't have access to third party setups, because I have no friends who know anyone.
I do have access to bars/clus, but don't like the scene, as I am NOT a party person. So there you have it I've ruled out all the conventional methods, so I stick to unconventional methods, and the internet which are both flawed, and so therefore haven't had a date for 3 years now. Do I want to have a partner???? YES!!!! But life has shut me out, partly because of my own decisions.... maybe too late to reverse, as I am almost 33 YEARS OLD NOW. Oh well. Make your bed, you sleep in it..... sometimes nobody to blame but you. That's why I can't date.... can't find anyone to go out with, PERIOD end of story. That's the why and wherefore.
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