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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:28:03 AM | Lack of effort on my part really....All of my friends are married and have their own lives and they are not as flexible with their time. I can't call them up on a Friday night and say hey you wanna go out for a drink? I know I could go out on my own but where's the fun in that?
Due to my past I have grown a tad bit selective, I think we all are to some extent. We each know what type of person excites us and right now I haven't found her. Or the ones I am interested in live many miles away. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 1:34:50 PM |
If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
For me its mostly because of financial reasons. I dont make a whole lot of money right now and absolutely refuse to let anyone pay my way for anything. Once i finish school, i hope to be better off financially and THEN ill be soooooo ready. lolol | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 1:42:57 PM | | I think I haven't jumped in feet first since my break-up May 2007 because most of the men that message me here want to meet immediately without getting to know me first. I guess I am afraid of being used. I just feel like men who want to meet you the same day they message you are just looking for sex. I am not interested in being used by players or player wannabes. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:15:54 PM | If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Because there really are other things in life besides dating?  No, seriously!
Folks who date heavily, just for the sake of doing a lot of dating, have something else missing IMO.. A gap. A hole that needs to be filled. Perhaps even a co-dependency. Or, they aren't happy with themselves, and life as it is. Seeking out a partner to do it with, while often very desirable, should be secondary to leadng a quality, fulfilling life.
Besides, we seldom have much control over how Mother Nature works her magic. But she usually ends up doing a pretty commendable job of it.  If we try too hard to influence her work, she may get pretty mad, and sometimes she'll get even! 
-Suth'nBoy 
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:32:23 PM | Ummm, well, ahhhhh.....who the hell knows? I think I'm wonderful! But, apparently, I'm just not dateable... I guess :)
Ohhh....plus, in order to date....don't you have to first meet someone, or something like that? Huh.... I'll have to give that a shot :) | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:51:02 PM | I'm a widower of about three years out now...
I actually haven't been asked on a "date" yet. It'll happen sooner or later I'm guessing.
I'm just taking things slow these days because my experiences in life have taught me that the best things in life take time to develop. That's my answer. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:04:23 PM | | People may choose not to date for many valid reasons. The first year of my separation ( now divorce) I chose not to date because I wanted to know that I was ready to do so. I knew it wouldn't be fair to the other person if I wasn't fully open to a relationship. I used my time to get back in good shape, ride the motorbike I just bought, work my side business a little more, etc. Best move I made. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:18:07 PM |
People may choose not to date for many valid reasons. The first year of my separation ( now divorce) I chose not to date because I wanted to know that I was ready to do so. I knew it wouldn't be fair to the other person if I wasn't fully open to a relationship. I used my time to get back in good shape, ride the motorbike I just bought, work my side business a little more, etc. Best move I made.
Excellent. Same here, except for the motorcycle and business. But even though I still haven't actually dated, I didn't even try and wouldn't have accepted any offers the first couple of years. After 22 years of marriage and multiple traumas (not all marriage/divorce related), I need time to grieve. I needed to make sure my children felt secure and loved. I needed to figure out how I was going to support myself. I needed to go back to school. I needed a couple years of therapy. 
Seriously... and it was all so well worth it, and there is no doubt in my mind that had I tried to have a relationship before all that work, I would've blown it. I was just too sad, too angry, too tired.
And now... I haven't felt this good in.... I've never felt this good. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:24:24 PM |
I'm not lonely and and don't feel I'm missing out on much in the dating world. Focussing on other things in my life right now that are more important to me
And now... I haven't felt this good in.... I've never felt this good.
i'm with you both!!
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:43:50 PM |
No trust left, none whatsoever, that's why I don't date.
Have to work 3 jobs not just to get by. Don't have the energy or desire to date.
I can relate about the trust; I'm still working on that one, though I definitely find some people easier to trust than others. I think the biggest trick here is learning to listen to our gut- the first time -and making sure we aren't attracting or attracted to that which we need least, because old habits/traits die hard, etc., especially if we haven't done the hard work of figuring out how we got where we are in the first place.
I can relate about the work and lack of energy as well. For the first couple of years I worked two jobs and was in school (and still had my teen at home, as well as the house/yard to take care of)- I only quit the part-time job when gas prices rose to over $3 per gallon because it defeated the purpose. I'm still at the full-time job, still in school, still have the house/yard.
Things will get better. You have to believe it - *really* believe it. Because when you believe it, you make it so.
I wish you the best. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:28:25 PM | If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Short answer: I'm in the wrong educational, socioeconomic, ethnic, and religious mix.
Well, when I moved here, I expected to have fun and go out on dates. I also expected to find urban things to do here, since Youngstown has 80,000 people. I came debt free, with nice cars, nice furniture, money to buy a house, two college degrees, muscles, trim figure, and a wardrobe of great city dress-up clothes. What did I find here? Nothing but a dull town of married, leased-vehicle, double-mortgated, one-paycheck-from bankrupt suffocating family life, and a bunch of misfit single men with no education, no money, weird counterculture values, and a marked tendency to at least always talk down to women, if not be downright abusive.
Disappointed? You bet! I peruse the POF and other online personals listings for cities over 50,000, and I see attractive, well-groomed men that I might want to correspond with or meet. I look locally, and it's drugstore cowboys and grizzled mill workers who are shot by age 50.
Couples here have weird relationships. They don't spend any real time together. Men run around with their men friends, riding motorcycles, going to the races, or doing outdoorsman activities. What do women do? Well, it looks to me like they just do church and family stuff. Know what? I don't do outdoorsman stuff, church stuff, or family life.
It all makes me want to spit. I have NO interest whatsoever in any small town family life. After 20-some years in the corporate work world, working with leading world experts in technology, I really couldn't give a @%$ about small town baby-breedin' family @%$. Many of the people I meet here are mousey and stodgy, and far too mired in drudgery or wrapped up in trivia that just doesn't matter, except to small town people who have no clue what else is out there. I know many married family people where I lived last, and they had a different perspective from being in marriages of intellectual and financial equals. They enjoyed each other's company. When both were in town, they spent time together. If Mommy had to go on a business trip to China, Siberia, or Saudi Arabia, Daddy knew how to run the household while she was gone. Conversely, if Daddy was gone, Mommy knew how to cut grass, get a car fixed, or install the ceramic tile in the bathroom and biuld a few kitched cabinets out in the workshop. I really miss those people. They always had someting interesting to talk about.
Another thing that gripes me is that men here think if a woman walks into a bar alone, she's looking to get picked up. Excuse me, but just how stupid is that. I've been in bars throughout the country, and corporate functions, and trade shows, and car shows, and horse shows, civic organizations, and whatever. NEVER before have I met such drunken weirdazz rude vulgar self-centered men as I have in this town. They are even in the country clubs. Do you Shenango Valley women just sit there and take their crap, or what? Give 'em a slap, pitch your drink in their rude faces, give 'em a knee, anything. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:42:59 PM | . No one out there catches my attention enough
. Focusing on myself and personal growth
. Not enough time due to other obligations
. Don't like the pressures of dating
.Looking for that love/lust combination
.Hard to find a truly romantic gentleman
.Not wanting too many complications at this time
.Need someone who is compatable on all levels
.Wanting the prince but been disappointed by frogs
.My cat misses me when I go out too much
. Besides I "date" myself all the time- always have a good time : ) | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/12/2008 8:36:32 PM | | Well NotNative,.... What are you still doing there? If you hate it so bad, don't just badmouth the locals, do something about it. If you packed up your life and went back to where you were and liked it so well, I don't think anyone would beg you to stay. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 7/16/2008 6:30:18 AM | At the moment I'm still a little upset over the break up and I have already found out that nothing has changed in the dating world after 3 years..... some men still base everything on looks...... (not taking into consideration that all folks are not photogenic) | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 9/21/2008 9:30:25 PM | Well I see the problem as to why you may be getting so much BS.
Look at your reasons
*cant find someone who DESERVES me
*wont settle
These responses show a lot of ego and self glorification. Give me a break, don't deserve you!
Beleive me, all the nice guys here are overlooked. You can say your nice all day until your blue in the face, but if a guy doesn't have a motorcycle, boat or fast car, he's not going anywhere. And the guys who have money,power and looks, the Sh** on all you who fall for them because they can! Have none of you figured it out yet? You all get what you deserve. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 9/21/2008 10:45:44 PM | I have gone out on two dates in the last year. Yes, I am positive, the number is TWO. The first guy was someone I dated a year prior, but my work schedule got in the way (I worked 60+ hours a week, guaranteed on the weekends and he complained about my working on the weekends, even though he was not available then either). The other guy is also a workaholic, very nice, well educated, etc. but I have not heard back from him (now, granted, we went out at the last minute and I had been looking at rental property with a potential roommate who made me smell like a bar before we went out so that probably killed all future chances, even though I apologized and explained the situation).
I have fibromyalgia and it requires a bit of down time to recover from adventures. What I do outside of work and home requires a great deal of consideration in advance (is it worth the down time that is required?). I also broke my ankle in January, which has added a bit of weight to my already high amount to lose (I am currently sitting at about the 200 pound mark, with the goal of being 120 - yes, I am watching what I eat and am going to the gym). I am very self conscious about my weight, as people look at that first instead of the MENSA Qualified intelligence that I have. I am tired of being judged on something that I am working on and is not entirely my fault (my doctor told me that the average weight gain with a broken ankle is between 40 and 60 pounds).
Furthermore, I am now looking for a new job post ankle injury and am in the process of moving out of my home into another part of the city (hopefully that will happen in a month or two). I will have to have roommates and many people are not thrilled with that concept. Not being a Judeo-Christian, I don't meet people at church and I darned sure am not going to a bar - I am Cherokee and do not wish to be around anyone who has an alcohol problem as it is so prevalent in the tribes.
I have not had people who meet my qualifications contact me. They are not that tough: educated, intelligent, articulate, well read, employed in a white collar position, nature lover, animal lover, caucasian, Jewish or Native American. All that I seem to have respond to me are unemployed, inarticulate, uneducated, have bibliophobia or are of the wrong race. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 9/21/2008 10:47:22 PM | | Oh, did I mention, also that I am not looking for easy sex? It seems that most men who are out there who contact me want sex and no relationship. I am a lady and I have no interest in just a sheet tumbler. | |
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| If you're single and not dating, what's your reason?
Posted: 9/21/2008 11:06:49 PM | | Some times it's just not fair to give others false hope when you are far from ready to open your heart to anyone, so why date. Although I do adore the friends I have made on here. | |
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