| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:15:13 PM | | If you have any feelings for her, and you do, it is your problem. She trusted you with the information, she wants your help. You need to convince her to go to crisis intervention. Every city must have a sexual assault crisis centre, even a public health office can direct you to the proper services. You need to get her there for counselling. Forget the idiots, it isn't about justice anymore, she has to heal or she will drag this around the rest of her life. And she needs you for friendship and support and encouragement to do this. When you have been entrusted with this you have a responsibility. You decide what kind of man you are and do the right thing here, don't leave her alone with it. | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:30:34 PM | I didn't read all the answers here, but the worst thing you could do is to take the law in your hands. That would mean you could end up in jail and still not get the justice. The best course of action is to talk her into reporting it and let the police take care of it. If it was phony they'll figure it out, if it was real they'll figure it out. You can offer support, however, you are too far away from the epicenter to be of any value. Give her help and support as you would any other human being.
That's my opinion. It is also not up to you to question is it was truth or not. Let the cops worry about that one. | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:31:16 PM | Honestly -p- I hope you find a solution that works for your own moral standards and beliefs. I just want you to know that there may be more sides to this story than the one you are seeing.
If it did happen the way she is talking, then I feel for her. I have known a person who have been raped and helped them through these things. On the other hand, I have also seen the other side of the issue where things were not so clear (if you get my hint). The key is to get as close to the truth as you can and go from there.
All I can say is that I hope that you remember to keep your head on right and try not to let your anger get the best of you.
It seems like people are mentioning "take her to the cops" which is what I suggest as well . Or you can kill, beat up whoever and end up in prision. Your call guy.
Perfectly_Imperfect, you just showed everyone what a nice classy woman you are by insulting someone on a public forum. You are welcome to your opinion, but everyone else has a right to theirs as well. Good day to you! | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:33:54 PM | It never ceases to amaze me, how any post full of drama, will become an instant hot topic. I can see trying to get educated via the forums, or try and figure out little issues.
But I am highly suspicious of anyone that would seek advice, on such a delicate subject, on such a public forum. It almost smells of " I know of something really bad (I mean really, really bad, in a SEXUAL way) that happened to someone"
I am also just simply curious, as to what was the exact nature of the relationship between this unfortunate woman and the OP. Was it an ongoing relationship, with an unusual level of deep understanding and communication? Then why post on a public forum? My immediate response was probably average, but after reading Mr. Bonds line of questioning, I had to re-think some of my impressions. Good work Mr. Bond!
There are too many unknowns, in the original story, to even comment.
And even if the post was a well intentioned request for help, one would undoubtedly get every opinion under the sun, so what's the point?
Now, I'm certain, some will see me as cold and unfeeling, because I didn't buy into the DRAMA! | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:36:31 PM | I will say one more thing and not comment here again. I don't know anything about you, but the machismo you are showing with all the " gonna kick their ass" talk could really backfire. Here in the states people carry guns, and they use them. Regularly. You ready to die for someone else's girlfriend's honor? How about if you go on your vigilante run and they kill you with a couple of pistols?
Let the law handle this.
Part two, I don't know about how this girl feels but had it been me as the victim, I would be FURIOUS that you put it out in public to a bunch of strangers. | |
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-P-
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Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:40:47 PM | Looking through all my responses, I realize I've neglected to thank everyone for their input.
I understand some people may think she's lying - I've known her for almost decade, and I'm confident that she isn't. She's not the type of girl to give off the wrong signals, has always had her head on straight. I don't know the circumstances under which she was led into that room, but I am confident she is telling the truth. But thank you for the input anyway. If anything, by trying to shake it up, you've strengthened and solidified the fact that I believe her.
For all the advice, a great big thank you - I'm sure it will allow me to be an even better friend to her as I help her deal.
A great big thanks, once again, to everyone. Yes, even tanbury for the comic relief.
Keep them coming - you can never have too much info on this kind of thing.
P | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:43:44 PM | First, everyone is anonymous here, no names and phone numbers, right?
You know what these forum are? Group therapy. I didn't come to POF for that, I came to find someone a little special to spend time with, have some laughs, and see what happens. Maybe I have accomplished that, time will tell. The point is, I'm not here to find dates anymore, I am benefitting from what we share on the various topic discussions, sometimes we need help, sometimes we give it. So yeah, it is just fine that he put it out here. | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:48:12 PM | hey metaphysicalman...guess what? you know what they say? Life IS stranger than fiction.
Unfortunately drama is based on real life and these things do happen. You can sit in your little computer room and believe its all for the sake of entertainment but unfortunately that is not the case. | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:04:18 PM | I'm sorry she went through this and I'm sorry about what you're both going through. You've gotten more than enough advice and opinion venting here, so I'll just say that I'll be thinking about both of you and hoping things work out well.
~~Dolly | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:12:52 PM | I can't disagree about life being stranger then fiction.
But look at the hit count for this post that includes the word "RAPE".
Not Entertainment? You would have a hard time convincing me.
I suspect you, like most people, make many assumptions that you base your model of reality upon. My computer room happens to be rather large actually!
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:28:40 PM | Drew, somewhat off-topic, but I couldn't resist.
"Here is something for you to stew over while you are in all this pain
"When you are in pain, God is letting you know you are doing something wrong!"
If you value the Bible and were referring to the God revealed in it, try reading the book of Job...you will see your logic doesn't hold true. If not, then why set yourself up as an authority to speak for God? Perhaps your version of "God" involves some pain-inducing fiend, but that's not what I mean when I write it.
On topic, try having some compassion for the girl, and the gentleman who cares for her. Sounds like cynicism may have reduced the size of your heart; seek help for that before it disappears altogether. It is a terrible thing when one human is so inured to the sufferings of others that simple compassion is absent. I can only hope I've misread you.
Peace,
Ruthannah | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:30:26 PM | meta..
hits schmits....this thread has a very average hit count of 690 ...you are blowing it up way more than it is and this whole thing about knowing MANY woman who you know who have been raped and murdered due to their own poor choices comes across as way more drama than this thread ever had. | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:47:28 PM |
When an ex-girl friend gets raped
You should report it to the authorities.
what would you do?
what would I do???..you don't wanna know because assault causing bodily harm with a four foot led pipe is against the law. | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 6:04:27 PM | Hey Squirrly 1;
You noticed I edited my post, because you may have had a point. However, your reply totally changed the meaning and context of what I had said! Your further assumption that killed suggests murder couldn't be further from the truth, and added yet more drama!
Please, let's not continue this. But I wanted to set the record somewhat straight. I wish you, well, and apologise to all for this off topic exchange. | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 6:37:29 PM | Wow - yeah, I was in this predicament fairly recently and all I could do was sympathise. I advised her to go to the cops but she refused. Two things didn't sit right with me when she told me though a). the girl I knew would've beat the living tar out of her assailant and b). she would've gone to the cops. I'm not convinced it happened and wondered if it was a ploy to get me back after the countless other means she's used to convince me - from begging, to pregnancy, to miscarriage, to suicide notes and then assault/rape. Much as I felt for her situation - you can only cry wolf so many times before people stop listening.
Now I'm not saying this is the case here, and quite probably it's not - but did it cross your mind that it could be? | |
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allh2h
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Joined: 3/23/2006
Msg: 69 | |
| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 6:40:09 PM | P........ just be her friend, and be there for her. That is all you can do. Hopefully she will go to the cops but do not count on it. And whatever you do, do not let her see this thread. I know why you posted it and I understand but in a way you did betray her trust (if someone has already posted this and you addressed it I do apologize, I have not read it all as I am tired and my neck hurts) Good luck to you both and just continue to be there for her  | |
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canali
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Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 70 | |
| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 6:44:07 PM | whao, that is heavy, heavy, heavy!!!
My first response in your situation would be to phone a rape crisis centre/women's hostel
and speak with a counsellor as no doubt they've been through this very tragic situation
before and can provide you with some strategies.
My heart goes out to you and your friend...pls keep us informed of what happens.
Canali | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/21/2006 6:59:41 PM | IT is never too late to report a rape. When she reports this crime of rape she will be required to go to the hospital where they will give her an overview of what she might expect. She will be given what is called here in BC a 'Rape Kit' under the direction of the nurse and doctor on call. This kit gives an over view of stds, aids and other resources she may need including ways to begin talking about the crime to significant others. The kit also includes blood tests and pills she needs to take while there. IF she has a boyfriend, it is so important that shes checked by her doctor so nothing is passed on such as HIV. There is also a possibility that she could become pregnant.
No man needs to overpower a woman who is under the influence of alcohol to have sex, IT IS WRONG! Your support to her is saying "it is not her fault". | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/22/2006 12:38:33 PM | rape crisis centre!
she's traumatized and needs to talk to people who know and understand exactly what she's going through.
listen to loverly me (msg 23) another rape victim :
"please, please encourage her to seek counselling."
she's talking from personal experience.
-p-, it's really great that there was someone in this world that she was able to go to and that will continue to be there for her... | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/22/2006 2:06:00 PM | Can I ask all of you who are suggesting that he beat their asses why you assume they won't kill him in the process? Who is the OP, Chuck Norris? Bruce Lee? Even if he is Billy Bad Ass, he isn't going to beat a gun. This is why there are law enforcement agencies. Put the macho away and deal with this with some intelligence.
Just FYI, IF I was the guy that did it, and KNEW I did something like this that might be a catalyst for someone to come after me, from that moment forward I would never take my gun off. And I can blow the balls off a butterfly at 50 yards. A target as big as someone's head I can hit blindfolded.
Now, that being said, this isn't going to come up in my life as I am a rather meek, fairly timid person. That is a HUGE 'if", as I would never do anything this low rent to a woman. I do carry a registered weapon, and have a permit to do so, for reasons I will not get into, but I hope you get my point. Don't be posting assuming he CAN kick two guys asses. He could end up hurt or dead with bad advice like that. | |
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| When an ex-girl friend gets raped... what would you do?
Posted: 7/22/2006 2:08:43 PM | "There are no victims,only volunteers!" Thank God you arent my friend,ex,brother just anything.Let me get this right do you think women love to be raped?Anyway it all depends with.....some people use their brains,some heart,some stomach,some ass.I wonder where you fall here. | |
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