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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:24:22 PM | | Ok maybe that was worded wrong. A person who is just entering into recovery after detox, is not encouraged to date or become emotionally involved. Sorry to not have made myself clearer. A person is always in recovery and is for the rest of their lives. Doesn't mean they cannot ever get into another relationship, but they should have a reasonable amount of time in which they have actively been fighting their addiction. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:30:55 PM | | this is my thought on the idea and i know NOT every man/woman who is comming out of a bad drug addiction will change but there are SOME who will change and i think they just need a little help from a person, they love/care about instead of that person up N leaving them just because of a previous drug addiction. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/27/2006 9:31:57 PM | | sorry for doing this again...lol... but, the book that is the text for aa states "we are men and women who have recovered"... this indicates past tense.... what you stated about being in recovery "forever" is a slippery slope ... many unsincere recovered people use this as an exuse for a wide variety of behaviors rather than being responsible for their actions | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/30/2006 6:48:52 PM | | Lola Shy you are correct. A person entering Detox and rehab is suggested to stay completely out of a relationship with a man for 1 full year. The first year is for just staying clean and focusing on recovery for themselves. During that time is where we learn to have a relationship by working through the steps. This goes for any recovery program, NA, AA, CA, GA, whatever. We do recover and given half a chance our past has what has made us a better person today, as long as we just stay clean one day at a time. Then after that year we can start dating, a year is a looooooooooooong time. lol. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/30/2006 6:51:08 PM | | Hey Pick em. That statement in the Big Book states we are men and women who have recovered. Yes, but we are in recovery forever, we work this program one day at a time for the rest of our lives. I am still an addict, will always be an addict. If I attend meetings regularly then I am still recovering. No cure, always an addict. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/30/2006 6:57:28 PM | Yeah...your delivery was a bit harsh but I had to give you my take on this one!!! I have dated 3 different men all with different degrees of addiction issues. Every one of them returned to using and abusing drugs; therefore I was gone like the wind. Personally, it is not worth investing your time and love into relationships with addicts......... unless that is that they have undergone a lot of therapy. And I mean ALOT!!  | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/30/2006 7:11:42 PM | | First of all, chronic use of heavy drugs causes brain damage, so it depends on how long the person has been using the drug. Second of all, if someone just quit, they are much more likely to go back to it than if they have been clean for years and have good supports in place. Third of all, someone who does heavy drugs is much more likely to carry STD's. If someone choses to f*** up their life, it is their choice, but I won't let them f*** up mine as well. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 7/30/2006 7:38:38 PM | | Sometimes people go through something in their lives that doesn't condone a habit, but does explain it. When you say 'previous Drug Addiction', it might very well be that: previous. There seems to be too much judgement placed on a person's past. All that really matter is their present and their future. Someone who has gotten clean and stayed clean should be judged on the person they are and habits they have NOW. Granted, former addicts are more likely to rebound to their old habits, but there are some who come out of their experiences and have greater strength and insight because of it. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/26/2008 6:10:15 PM | What we say we will do and we actually do once emotion is involved are two different things.
Addictions are so complex.....so many deeply intelligent people become addicts.....so is it crazy to see the correlation that other intelligent, caring people may be attracted to them, despite what logic says?
My advice, if you have strong ideas and values about the subject then you know what to look for and you will AVIOD it early on before you are sucked in by emotion.
Otherwise, bring on a world of hurt baby and the only exit door is through hell.
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/26/2008 6:40:25 PM |
Once a cracker always a cracker...
I would love to delve deep into your past, and then continue to persecute you for the rest of your life for mistakes you made. I really would. Then this BS comment from you...
just wanted to say to all you Previous Crackers that you need to Keep it REAL and stay straight
I mean, what is that all about? First you say a tiger never changes it's stripes, then you tell former addicts to stay straight.. which you just said can never happen. Man, YOU need some serious psychological help. Really. I'm glad you kicked her to the curb. You were nothing but bad news for her. She can and will do far better than you. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/26/2008 9:04:24 PM | Hey phule,
Buddy who started this thread is long gone, but he's got alot of negative attitude towards recovering addicts eh? Not surprised that alot of ignorance is out on it... One thing I don't get is someone else said, "Wouldn't it be better to have this info before dating the ex addict"
Does everyone put all their past recoverys on profile?? I think that'd keep alot of people single, no? Anyone who's been thru real recovery won't get involved in a new relationship til they are clean a certain amount of time anyway, at least the ones who are serious about their sobriety, etc...
It's funny to me how many "Weed smokers" think they are above all other drug or alcohol abusers, come on.. it's illegal 1st and foremost, and while not, supossedly, physically addicting. It is addicting on some level, I'm NOT bashing smokers either I've known alot of very good friends, good people that smoke alot, some are heavy drinkers, some don't touch alcohol at all.
To answer the posted question.... I'd say it depends on how long they have been clean, how long they were using, and what the abuse did to their personal lives.
I may regret this... but I'm 3 years this November, off pills. To some it was no big deal, others threw it in my face only to try & hurt me...lol! I took pain killers to work and then to just get by everyday... they are very addicting and it was the worst feeling I ever felt once I realized I couldn't function without them. I honestly loved the high I got and the way they helped me work thru the day...I sometimes miss the feeling BUT I'll never forget how awful the withdraws were and how close to overdose I came.. I've a beautiful child to raise and can't risk my life again.
I never even think to tell this to someone I've just met, it'something I feel can wait til if and when we become closer and want to share past issues. I'm very proud of myself for getting clean, not one person pushed me too either, I decided one day I'd had enough and sought the proper treatment. So I never feel I can judge someone on past weaknesses or poor decisions.
We're humans we make mistakes.. what matters is how we deal with and take care of them.
I also know 2 people who long before I knew either of them, were crackheads. A good girlfriend of mine, she smokes weed still, does the odd line on occasion, but she's never went back to crack. Another one is a close friend of an ex.. he apparently had to hit rock bottom, but he pulled himself up and has a amazing career, nice home, active healthy social life and is an upstanding member of his community.
So I've seen some great success stories come out of recovered "Crackers" 
And for the record... I do not smoke weed, never in my life have I snorted, or injected anything.... But I'd never look down on someone else who has in the past.  | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/26/2008 10:51:56 PM | Without generalizing, it's been my experience that people involved in heavy drug use never seem to fully recover. It's killed quite a few I know of, but none I can think of in my personal experience have gone straight and stayed clean in the long haul.
How do you dependably find out that someone had a previous drug addiction, exactly? | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 12:09:50 AM |
Was i wrong in doing so?! I dont think so...
I don't think you were wrong, you just made a choice based off your preferences. Some would be fast to say you judged unfairly, and they can change and blah blah blah...good for them. You just made a choice and exercised it. Nothing more.
A few of my people are recovering addicts, and I applaud them for trying to straigten out their lives, for them or for their families. It doesn't mean that I'd suddenly want one of my very own to deal with.
I have a drug free life, and I like those in my life to be drug free as well...especially if I plan to have a relationship with them. Something drove them to that lifestyle choice earlier on, and because they were already there, who's to say that something won't trigger that desire when they're with me later on? Just because they are now ex-addicts, doesn't give me inclination to suddenly abandon my common sense and reasoning. To me, too much of a risk for me to be in that situation. Just thinking of what the addiction would do to me, and to us, and possibly our family and friends along the way. Ain't worth it.
I applaud those that are trying to stay clean, but you made a poor choice and this may or may not have long lasting consequences later on in life such as a dimished selection of potential mates who will want nothing to do with you.
Life is all about balance and choice. You make a poor choice, it will have consequences. Simple as that.
Cheers.  | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:00:56 AM |
I applaud those that are trying to stay clean, but you made a poor choice and this may or may not have long lasting consequences later on in life such as a dimished selection of potential mates who will want nothing to do with you.
Okay, alot of people will agree with this. But what you don't know is there are alot of people who have been addicted to presriptions, that are the equivelent of heroin.
A large percentage of users ARE otherwise very respectable, clean, healthy individuals.
Post op, many are prescribed as pain meds, I've read stories and met a few women that were given those, thought they were feeling better and wham, suddenly become very ill, and have to get treatment to withdraw their system of the dependancy to pain pills. I used them to work with out pain, but the better I felt, the harder I worked.
I never commited a crime to obtain more, but I did over exaggerate to my Dr. to get more.. So I've been called a drug addict by some, I suppose I was/am.
I know I'd never take them again, because they were so difficult to stop taking. If someone was to decide this makes me an undesireable person to associate with, so be it. I know I'm a good person, with a good heart, forgiving and able to seek the good in others. Someone that does a 180 on me over my past, isn't a loss to me. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 7:32:39 PM |
Okay, alot of people will agree with this. But what you don't know is there are alot of people who have been addicted to presriptions, that are the equivelent of heroin.
A large percentage of users ARE otherwise very respectable, clean, healthy individuals.
Post op, many are prescribed as pain meds, I've read stories and met a few women that were given those, thought they were feeling better and wham, suddenly become very ill, and have to get treatment to withdraw their system of the dependancy to pain pills. I used them to work with out pain, but the better I felt, the harder I worked.
I never commited a crime to obtain more, but I did over exaggerate to my Dr. to get more.. So I've been called a drug addict by some, I suppose I was/am.
I know I'd never take them again, because they were so difficult to stop taking. If someone was to decide this makes me an undesireable person to associate with, so be it. I know I'm a good person, with a good heart, forgiving and able to seek the good in others. Someone that does a 180 on me over my past, isn't a loss to me.
bbb, starting from "If someone was..." and going to the end of your post, it's clear that you have a good head on your shoulders. If someone decided that you were too big a risk to take, then no loss to you. Commendable indeed. 
There are those out there, like myself, that just consider it too much a risk...regardless of the degree of addiction. Be it slight, moderate, or severe. Be it hard core drugs, or prescription meds. Doesn't matter, it's the addiction we focus on, more than what you were addicted to.
Here's an example. I smoke. I smoke just shy of 20/day, sometimes pack and a half...depends on my social activities that day. Smoking is an addiction like any other. Do people judge me for it? Damn right. However, smoking does not impair my motor skills or functions, doesn't impair my ability to think or rationalize, doesn't affect my ability to operate heavy machinery or drive a vehicle, and last time I checked it was still legal to smoke. Still, people that do smoke get a bad rap and are shunned by some in the public eye. A large number of profiles on here state "Must not smoke".
Yet, I'm not gonna make a fuss about it. I have an addiction and I accept that. My poor choice limits the pool of fish I can swim with. It's a consequence of my own choice/actions. If I quit tomorrow, would that change my swimming area for fish? Nope, because now I'm an ex-smoker. I'm still damaged goods to many.
It's the ones that cry and whine about being all reformed and "please gimme a chance" or "we all deserve a second chance"...those types just ruin it for the rest of us that realize we have to live with the choices we make. I'm sure there's statistical evidence in abundance that would reveal that 2/3 of addicts will relapse. My opinion is that those that would chose to 180 as you called it, are the same ones that would take those statistics to heart. I can't say I blame them either.
It's a risk. Some risks just aren't worth taking.
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 8:06:09 PM | | I dated an addict (crack) for 4 years..... I stayed with him through rehabs..... Many, many relapses..... Trust me, it was hell for the most part..... Once they have sold everything they own to get crack, they begin to steal..... On and on it goes till they finally hit bottom..... We broke up once he was clean a year..... He would have been clean 4 years this past July, but 3 weeks before his 4th year clean he relapsed and went on a few runs...... What makes someone who rebuilt their lives go back??? No idea.... Would I ever do this again??? Not in this lifetime.... | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 9:48:36 PM | I know some good friends who had an drug problem and they arent like the people you see on tv who are all physco, these friends acturally came from an good home and good parents.
We shouldn't judge an book by its cover before we get to reading the book and knowing what TRUTHFULY goes on in the story, i aint taking up for drug addicts but i can ONLY talk about MY friends who acturally made their life turn around. | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:38:18 PM | i personally have dated a couple people who have run ins with drug and im not just talking a little pot here to get stoned to destress i mean like coke, meth , herion they had been doing it for several years before i met these men but the way i looked at it was that if they want to go and it on there own time tht fine but i sure hope they have enough respect for me as a non-drug user that they wouldnt bring it in my house and id really hope to think that would run through their head and that's what would really count. Everyone has flaws no matter if ur a drugs , alcoholicism , an abusive person streak it all the same i think it a flaw but that doesnt mean that they cant have the chance of someone's love there is a major reason behind that drug that there using but nobody ever see's past that they only think of the stuff there using and pin the label oh hes a drug addict or shes a drug addict whatever the case may be so really stop and think does this person have enough respect for me not to bring it into my house and if you can answer that question with the honest truth then their worth dating but before that nobody should say anything about them  | |
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| Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?!
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:56:56 PM | | Yes, I think you were wrong in doing so, but I can't be sure I'm right. It would have to be on a case by case basis. People change. From here, it seems a cruel and heartless thing to do, to end the relationship because she was honest with you. Your coldness may well have pushed her back into that chemical hell. Sad, if nothing else. | |
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